"All of the sudden" and Other Mis-used Phrases

When I planned my blog posts for this week, I had no idea yesterday would be such a big day in the world of Mary Catherine's blog. Thank you guys again for all you did to make my Letter to Middle School Girls see enough traffic that the HuffPo editors featured it on the front page. Still kind of surreal. 

That being said, I thought long and hard about whether I should scrap this post and write a new one, as I might have some new followers who are reading my blog for the first time. 

And I said to myself, "Self? What are we gonna do here?" 

Ultimately, I decided to press on and post it anyway. Although I am definitely aware that there's pretty much nothing less likable than a person who corrects your grammar. Jordan tells me regularly that no one cares about this stuff as much as I do, because, and I quote, "English is just not as important as science." 

...I know. I know. Let's just pretend he didn't say that. 

So this one goes out to all my nerds. Walk with me down this road of things that make me want to pull out my hair: 

1. "All of the sudden."

This is actually one that probably every second person in this country uses. The phrase is "all of A sudden," as there is no such thing as "the sudden." That'd be referring to one specific, singular "sudden," which doesn't make much sense if you think about it. (I can already see my husband rolling his eyes.) 

2. "For all intensive purposes." 

So if I'm being totally honest, I said this until about my junior year in college, at which point my friend Wes said, "Um...say that again?" It was horrible and embarrassing, but I haven't mis-pronounced it since. "For all intents and purposes," is the correct one here, which, once again, just makes sense. 

3. "Case and point." 

Listen up all you lawyers. It's actually "Case in point," and is usually used when someone is telling a story that also serves to prove whatever point it is they're making. Take the following story, for example: 

"...and THEN - you guys won't believe it. And THEN he says to me, he says, 'Why are you talking about the rules of the English language all of the sudden? Nobody cares about that. Science is way more important.' I mean, CASE IN POINT, am I right??" 

(I'm right.) 

4. "Nip it in the butt."

Please don't nip anyone's butt. "Nip it in the bud," is what people mean to say - the idea being that if you catch something early on (AKA, "the bud," an early stage), it's easier to handle. Only nip butts if you have written consent. 

5. "I could care less."

Could you?? Could you? I bet that's not what you mean. The correct phrase is, "I COULDN'T care less." If you "could care less," that means you still care a little. Example: 

"English is stupid and science rules." 
"Well, you're a giant goober and I couldn't care less about your opinion on this subject." 

6. "Irregardless." 

This one isn't a phrase, but it does bug. "Regardless" is what people mean to say, but they accidentally double-negative themselves into submission by adding the "ir" at the beginning. I think "irregardless," if it were a word, would translate to "without without regard." And now I'm officially confused. 

7. "Getting off scotch free." 

Gonna be honest, had to look this one up. I know it was "scot(t) free," but I thought it might be spelled like my last name, and I also had no idea where this came from. Turns out. the correct spelling is "scot free" - "scot" is derived from an old Swedish word for "taxes" (skatt), and was popularized by Ralph Waldo Emerson. WHO KNEW?! 

8. "Should of." 

Should have. I feel this one needs no further explanation. Example: 

"Jordan should have been nicer to me because grammar and idioms are important parts of life and now I'm just going to stop correcting him and let him flail around and look foolish."

9. "Less than" vs. "fewer." 

This one is particularly nerdy, but it will make you feel super smart. "Less" is used to refer to something amorphous or unfixed, whereas "fewer" is used when talking about a specific number of things. Example: 

"Jordan, I got fewer than ten likes on this blog post because people think I'm a prissy pain in the ass." 
"That's ten more than I thought you'd get. People probably like you a lot less now." 

10. "Runner-ups" or "sister-in-laws." 

Last one, I promise. So the correct usage here would be "runners-up" and "sisters-in-law." The way to make that work is always to pluralize the noun instead of pluralizing the entire phrase - you're talking about your sisters, not your laws. 

Remember that Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai finds out that the plural of "cul-de-sac" is "culs-de-sac?" Mmhmm, I do. Because "cul" means "bottom." Right?! It's SO good! Fascinating! Anyone? Anyone?? 

Welp, I wanna go watch Gilmore Girls now and try to pretend like I still have friends after writing this post. 

XO. 

5 Things You Would Never Expect about Me

Here at 5 Things Friday, we strive to bring you collections of interesting information, facts, lists, and recommendations. Despite the fact that this blog I run this blog, I don't do a lot of talking about just me. It's usually Jordan and me, or The Bachelor and me, or the kitchen and me. Today, though, 5 Things are going be facts about yours truly. 

1. When I was 8, I went to New York and auditioned for a Broadway agent. 

I have always loved to sing, and on a big trip to NYC in 3rd grade, part of the gig was that I got to meet with talent agency. I had no idea what I was doing, so I sang her Gavroche's excerpt from Little People in Les Miserables. 

For you non-theater weirdos, Gavroche is a boy, and that little ditty is about 5 lines long. So...there's that. She was probably like, "Who the hell is this person??" I'm sure most people sang gender-appropriate, full songs. 

She told me my accent was way too strong and that I would probably not do very well unless I hired a dialect coach to get rid of it. So here I am, Broadway contract-less, but Southern accent strong. #rolltide 

2. I am pretty unathletic, except when it comes to disc golf. 

It's very possible that this was an anomaly, but I'm choosing to believe I have a gift. 

This most recent trip to Tulsa (where my parents now live), Jordan convinced everyone to play disc golf. I was REALLY not looking forward to it. I threw my first disc, and...it went the direction I wanted it to go. And it just kept happening. It was freakish, but I wasn't challenging whatever disc golf gods were on my side that day. 

So if you play disc golf with me, watch out. I'm profoundly not terrible and I might just beat you. 

3. Loose hair is #1 on my list of things that gross me out.  

This has actually always been the case. My mom tells me stories of having to make sure there weren't loose strings on any of my clothing or shoes when I was younger because it bothered me so much. 

My freshman year in college, every time I would take a shower, there'd be a fresh clump of someone's hair in the shower drain (this is making me gag to even type). Or, better yet, someone would clean out the shower drain and then slap the hairball ON THE WALL OF THE SHOWER WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT. 

If I or anyone else finds a hair in their food, that's pretty much game over. Hairballs in movies, that scene in The Ring where Naomi Watts chokes on a long string of hair...I actually can't keep typing this because I'm going to throw up. You get the point. 

And the good Lord saw fit to give me a dog that sheds as much as two dogs put together - maybe this is a boot camp for my inevitable long, dark haired future children. I just can't. I don't wanna. Please don't make me. 

4. I once got the worst spray tan anyone has ever gotten. 

I should've known when I walked into the studio and the walls and windows were sticky and dripping wet with old spray tan solution. She had me put duct tape on the bottoms of my feet to avoid getting slimed. It was like a Saw movie. I was half-expecting that weird masked figure to pop up and be like, "YOUR VANITY HAS RUINED YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU MUST DRINK TANNING SOLUTION IN ORDER TO LIVE." 

Anyway, here's what ended up happening. 

Yep. Real. I sat in a bathtub full of baking soda for two hours, to no avail. I ended up having to go to the event like this, and at one point I was standing under a black light by accident. My WHOLE BODY glowed. It was...special. And awful. 

5. I am a little bit claustrophobic because Parker used to sit on my head. 

Here is a picture of my brother and me. See how much taller and bigger he is? 

Mmmkay. Well, when we were little (he was normal-sized then, but I'm using the photo above to make my story sound more dramatic), he used to throw a blanket on my head and sit on me. My arms, legs, everything was trapped, and I couldn't get out. For four to five harrowing seconds, I thought I would die. Then he would move and everything would return to completely fine. 

To this day, I can't sleep with both arms and both legs under the covers. I had to have at least one limb free to move. If I'm under a blanket on the couch, for example, and Jordan comes to sit down sweetly next to me, if he sits on my blanket by mistake and traps my limbs underneath, I am panicked until I can free myself. Only then can I actually enjoy his company. Otherwise, I basically feel like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. In the coffin. MY NIGHTMARE. 

Well, this took a really neurotic turn, didn't it? But I'm committing to it. Hope you enjoy this stroll down Mary Catherine Belongs In The Loony Bin Road. Have a great weekend, friends! 

Do Not Respond - Just Take It.

First of all, thanks to the blogging community for being patient over the last couple of days with my deatbeat-ness. Sometimes, you run up against a week that just owns you, and this was one of them. However, I haven't run out of opinions, of course. 

Let's talk about some things. (As usual, credit for this concept goes to the hilarious Mollie Erickson).

Dear Instagram,
Hi. I see that you have upgraded your situation to now feature "stories." I feel like there was already a social media service doing that. Instagram, you are stressing me out. Do you know how much pressure we all already feel to keep up with everyone's Snap stories, Instagram photos, Facebook feeds, and Tweets? Have you ANY IDEA how much of my day is spent speed-scrolling through these various mediums, barely even enjoying it, but doing it to make sure I've seen every single picture? You're making this REALLY complicated, Instagram. I haven't used your new feature yet. I'm mad at you for adding it. But I'm also scared I'm gonna like it and I can't deal with another "thing" to pay attention to. Tell your other social media platform friends to CHILL OUT because this is TOO FREAKIN' MUCH. Sincerely, An Addict. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Presidential Election Cycle,
Are you over yet? I am so, so tired of you. If I'm using my "feeling words," you make me sad and mad. Please hurry up. Goodbye. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Retail Customers,
I know you think you are being helpful by putting your own selections back on the racks after you've tried them on, and I appreciate the sentiment. What you're actually doing is creating a game of "needle in a haystack," in which retail employees must dig through the piles to find and correctly re-hang the item you've replaced. It's a lot. Just put those thangs on the "rejects" table and don't feel a darn bit bad about it. DNR - JTI. 

Dear President Obama, 
This morning I scrolled through an article about how much you love kids. It made me really happy. This isn't the first time I've gotten nostalgic about you lately - in the midst of all this turmoil and insanity, I am reeeeeeeeeeeeeally going to miss having a President who is such a dynamic public speaker and a charming personality. However people feel about your time in office, one thing that's hard to deny is how charismatic and awesome you are. One of my friends referred to you as "Season 8 Obama," implying that you have turned on an extra special level of frankness and swagger in this final chapter of your administration. I agree. I love you. I'm going to miss you so much. DNR - JTI. (But respond if you want, sir - I'm not trying to tell you what to do.) 

Dear Produce,
Please stay fresh for longer than a week. I know, I am  a complete lame-o and should've already cooked with you. But sometimes I'm tired and I just want to eat cereal for dinner. Is there a spell I can cast to make you stay fresh forever? Let me know. Especially you, brussels sprouts. You're stinkin' up my fridge. DNR - JTI.

Dear Chad from The Bachelorette,
Go ahead and be The Bachelor already. I feel it coming. I know it's gonna happen. I just KNOW IT. Don't get me wrong, I don't want it to happen. I want Luke to be The Bachelor (although I also simultaneously don't, because I want him to run far away from this franchise because he's #toogooforthisshow). But I feel like that rat Chris Harrison is going to do it. You are ratings gold, though I'm growing weary of the "is he or isn't he" game. Let's cut to the chase, Harrison. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Self Tanner, 
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY BACK???? How. How. Somebody explain this to me. Because right now, I have two big stripes on my shouler blades because MY HANDS CAN'T REACH THAT FAR. I guess I could just not use it, but then I'd also not be able to go outside because my lily white skin would scorch people's retinas and I'd be responsible for hospital bills. We can give people face transplants - we should have the technology to evenly apply tanning foam to a person's back. DNR - JTI. (Actually, please respond because this is so annoying.) 

Dear Weekend, 
Hello. I love you. Let's hold hands. Never leave me. DNR - JTI. 

Gilmore Gab: We Have a Trailer.

Oh my goodness. 

Like many Gilmore Girls fans out there, I have been freaking out and watching all of the things in anticipation for this new series to be released. 

"What are 'the things?'" you might ask. 

Well, I watched this hour and 45 minute long panel with the entire cast at the ATX festival, and this great interview on the Today Show a few months back. It's just really good goodness. 

So, suffice it to say that I have been amped for many moons. Word to the wise, that ATX festival interview basically serves as a podcast if you put headphones in and clean your house while listening. Just sayin'. 

So yesterday, when it was announced that the series returns on NOVEMBER 25, meaning I'm basically going to spend my Thanksgiving holiday unapologetically huddled in front of the computer, I was real pumped.

AND THEN THE TRAILER CAME OUT. 

Oh my gosh. 

Can we just analyze? 

First of all, I don't know about y'all, but with those first few guitar strums in the intro, I was COVERED in goosebumps. 

We get to see so many places! 

Luke's! It's still there!

The Dragonfly! (Where Melissa McCarthy better damn well be or so help me God...)

Precious lil' Stars Hollow in the fall! 

Then, the money shot: 

I mean, get out of here. It's so perfect. It hasn't changed a bit. Now all I want to do is go put twinkle lights outside my house. 

AND THEN WE GET TO SEE OUR GIRLS. 

Let's just run through a quick list of observations, shall we? 

• Coffee. Still. Always. 

• They're eating Pop Tarts. Still. Always. 

• The house looks pretty much the same! Rory's Yale pennant can even be seen hanging on her bedroom mirror. 

• Neither actress appears to have had any major work done to their faces. You laugh, but nothing spoils a reunion like bad plastic surgery. 

• Lorelai is wearing a Rachel Antonoff "I'm with Human" sweatshirt, but it's conveniently also nearly the same slogan as our Democratic presidential nominee. Including the arrow underneath the words, which mimics the arrow in Hillary's logo. Just sayin'. 

• They're reading papers - actual newspapers - but have an iPhone on the table. This suggests to me that Stars Hollow is exactly where we left it, but Rory, who most likely doesn't live at home, has a foot in the tech-savvy world (as she always has).

• NEITHER WOMAN IS WEARING A RING. This is a big one. No engagement or wedding bands on any hands. Does this mean that we get to see Luke and Lorelai get married?!?! Or does this mean they aren't together. What. Oh man. 

• They're talking about current celebrities who they would, of course, love - Amy Schumer and John Oliver. Hearing Lauren Graham say the names of modern-day celebs really made me so excited. So the reboot is set in real time, not in some other period in the last ten years.

• And everything else is pretty much a mystery. 

So here are the fun questions we still get to have answered: 

• What does Rory do for a living? 

• Is either woman in a relationship? And, if so, who's the guy? 

• How is Emily faring without Richard? 

• What are Lane and Zack (and the twins) up to? 

• Where does Rory live? Surely not too far away from SH. 

• Kirk? Taylor? Miss Patty? Babette? I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL NOVEMBER HOLY WOW. 

I am a huge TV girl - I feel like these people are my friends. It's been so hard to watch beloved series come to an end: Breaking Bad, Mad Men, LOST, The Office, etc.; to have something as tender and precious as Gilmore Girls resurrected is pretty close to unbeatable. And to have it in the hands of the creator, Amy Sherman-Palladino (who was famously not part of the final season of the show) makes it that much better. We're back to our roots. 

In other words, 

Let's get ready to GILMORE.