5 Reasons Logan Huntzberger Is the Best.

Everybody has an opinion about which guy Rory should've ended up with. But as the new series (!!!!!!) gets closer to its premiere date, it's time to set the record straight: Logan was, and always will be, the best. 

Here's why. 

1. Without Logan, Rory wouldn't have become Rory. 

Hear me out on this one, because I already hear the Team Jess/Team No Guy people coming after me with pitchforks. Sure, every boyfriend had an impact, but this was different. 

Without Logan, Rory never would've taken the internship with Mitcham. Without Mitcham, Rory never would've had anyone nay-say her. Without the nay-saying, Rory never would've dropped out of Yale and spent a year with the DAR, only to return to Yale with the fire of a thousand suns, more sure than ever of her career path. 

Logan's dad was a grade A ass, but that interaction and hiccup is what pushed small-town, goody-two-shoes Rory Gilmore to be the ball-busting world-beater she turned into. Without that hardship, she wouldn't have learned what she's made of. (She would have, just maybe not as soon.) Because of it, she knew she could overcome anything. 

2. He's cocky, but has good reason to be. 

Mmkay, yes. I'll admit it. He's kind of an ass sometimes. 

BUT. 

He is crazy smart! Like, sure, his daddy is rich and he has access to everything on this planet with a snap of his fingers, but he also actually learned things at school. He's quick-witted, well-read, and can totally hang with Rory conversationally. And YES, he takes it a bit too far sometimes (see above photo), but if you think about the privilege he grew up in, he's really not that bad. And he does always realize when he's been a "buttfaced miscreant," as our girl would say. 

(Clearly I'm getting into this as though this are real people. Just go with it.) 

3. He does man things. 

When Logan is wrong, he apologizes. He goes to his girlfriend's mother (not an easy thing to do) multiple times to prove his love for her daughter. He buys Rory gifts for no reason (#birkinbag). He whisks her off on fun dates and surprises her by unexpectedly coming into town from another country. He gives Luke his second Valentine's day present, originally intended for Rory, so that Luke doesn't look like the goober he is and has something to give to Lorelai. He shows up at the hospital after Richard has a heart attack and stays to help as long as he's needed. He made VERY SURE that Rory was ready before they slept together. 

The list goes on and freakin' on, people. 

4. He works hard and plays hard. 

This scene in particular is so awesome to me. I loved this goofy little display, even though Rory was kind of mortified by it. 

Though he certainly doesn't work at all during his first stretch on the show, when Logan finally hits his stride, he works really hard. His plans for he and Rory in California are evidence of how seriously he took his job and his relationship. But even in the midst of work, chaos, and sometimes disaster, Logan knows how to lighten the mood and just laugh. The party he threw Rory after she was bailed out of jail was a classic. Sure, it was a touchy -- dark, even -- time in Rory's life, but Logan managed to take something dismal and help her see that it wasn't the end of the world. 

5. OKAY YES, HE'S RICH AS HELL. 

Somebody had to say it. 

This is a factor. Not because money is everything, but because money buys you oppurtunities. Rory could easily spend her entire life jetting around the world, covering story after story for whatever publication she wanted. She could CREATE a publication. She could give millions of dollars to charities that put books in low-income schools, or start programs that foster more women in STEM, or build an entire city out of junk food. 

And, you know, there's also the whole "Go on a European vacation once a year and have a killer closet" thing. Not that she'd care about the second part so much. 

My point is, she'd have the world on a string. And I know she'd use it wisely. 

COME BACK, LOGAN. Hope we get to see more of you in the reboot. But, for now, let's just all agree: Logan is the best. 

#teamlogan

My First Camping Trip, Part II

Catch up on Part I here

SO. 

  • We boarded a bus that took us upriver. Before we'd gotten on the bus, our rafting guides were announced, and we were placed with the only female guide on the river, Emily (henceforth known as Guide Emily for clarity). 
  • When we got to the river, we realized why Guide Emily was the best one: most passionate and strong as a freakin' ox. Seriously, her arms were like tree trunks. 
  • James and Brittany, our fifth and sixth riders, were placed at at the back of the raft. Emily and I were in the middle, Parker and Jordan were up front. 
  • Right when we put our raft in the water, Emily started giggling uncontrollably from pure joy. 
  • Within about 3 minutes, we hit our first major rapid and got sucked into some kind of terrifying whirlpool vortex death machine. 
  • Brittany, back right, started choking a little on the water that was cascading in and over our raft. 
  • "LEAN LEFT! LEAN LEFT!" 
  • We followed Guide Emily's instructions and finally managed to free our raft from the pocket of suction, but not without everyone having been SOAKED to the bone and a little frightened of just how powerful water can be. 
  • We learned that white water rafting was a niche sport until the movie Deliverance came out, which started a booming tourism industry. 
  • I will NEVER UNDERSTAND why anyone would ever ever ever ever want to white water raft after seeing Deliverance. 
  • That's like saying, "Space travel?? SURE!" after seeing Gravity or The Martian. 
  • That's like saying, "Dinosaurs?? YES, PLEASE!" after seeing Jurassic Park. 
  • That's like saying, "Abandoned hotel through the winter?? WHY NOT!" after seeing The Shining. 
  • What part of that movie makes you say, "Hey, YEAH! I'd like to do that!" 
  • Is it the part where that little inbred boy follows them down the river? 
  • Is it the part where the only nice and conscionable man on that trip gets his arm snapped in half while rafting? 
  • Or was it this charming fellow that people wanted to see more of? 
  • Or MAYBE people were hoping to see these dance moves instead. 
Just adorable. 

Just adorable. 

  • Or maybe it was Burt Reynolds' open scuba vest that, to my 2016 eyes, looks like something that a gay man would wear to a nightclub on Bear Night. 
  • Either way, I don't get it. 
  • We got about halfway down the river when Guide Emily asked if anyone wanted to "ride the bull." 
  • This entailed someone passing their paddle back to her, climbing to the very tip of the raft, grabbing onto a little piece of fabric, and going through a Class 4 set of rapids with nothing else to anchor them to the boat. 
  • Obviously, I was game. 
  • I will now provide you with a series of pictures taken by the Ocoee Rafting Photographer - please note the change in everyone's faces as we start, then actually see the rapids, then get hit by them. Jordan is a particularly good one to watch. You can actually see him realize that his wife is probably going to fall in (I didn't) and start death-gripping my vest - meanwhile, I'm smiling like an idiot. 
  • So it was really, really fun. By the end of the trip both Emily and I had ridden the bull, though sadly her time didn't get photographed (which is a real shame because she had it way worse than I did). 
  • After rafting, we tried to go get lunch at the Tanning Salon/Pizzeria (no, I am not making that up), but it was closed. 
  • So we went to the only other restaurant in Ducktown: Hardee's. 
  • There, a very surly teenage girl took our orders. And when I say "took our orders," what I really mean is that she took one order and then walked away mid-sentence of the next one. 
  • #ducktown 
  • After we ate (and got milkshakes), we stopped by the gas station for some cold beer and headed back to our little home in the woods. 
  • Parker immediately resumed his work of trying to start a fire. 
  • Emily and I were more interested in lounging. 
  • Jordan went fishing and actually caught a fish on his first cast. But we still picked on him a little bit because he was dressed like a mix between Prison Mike and Survivor Man Michael Scott from The Office. 
  • Finally, after about three hours, the fire starter Parker bought, that had come pre-loaded with 1,000 strikes, broke in half. No more strikes. Struck out. So stricken. 
  • So Jordan came over to offer his support, and within minutes, the two of them had a fire started. 
  • We FOR SURE were singing "Parker started the fiyAH!" over and over. 
  • Just look at that thing! 
Such pride. 

Such pride. 

  • For the rest of the afternoon, we sat around, drank, made s'mores, talked, ate hot dogs, talked some more, drank some more. 
  • As night fell, we started to hear this long, high-pitched scream that sounded very human. 
  • Every 30 seconds or so, we'd hear it. That was scary enough until we heard the second scream from behind us, far off in the distance. 
  • Whatever these things were were talking to each other. 
  • WERE THEY HONING IN ON US?! We (Emily and I) were very unsettled by this. 
  • Jordan theorized that they were coyotes. But they sounded like women. Or like maybe this guy. 
  • We didn't hear anything for about ten minutes, then, suddenly, the howl was RIGHT BEHIND OUR TENT. 
  • ...
  • ...
  • ...
  • ...
  • ...it was Emily. Trying to play a prank so she wouldn't be so scared. But then she scared herself by imitating the coyotes, which was funny, but when the laughter died down we were all scared again.  
  • We all carefully crept into our tents and prayed for no coyote attacks. 
  • They spared us. 
  • The next morning, Jordan made "cowboy coffee" (pouring the ground straight into the boiling water) and, surprisingly, it was some of the best coffee I've ever had. Very impressed. 
  • We packed up the campsite and thanked it for providing such a great weekend. All I could think about on the way home was how thankful I am to have such an awesome husband, and sibling, and for Parker to have chosen a significant other so well. The four of us always have a great time together. 
  • 'Til next time, Ducktown! 

Emmy 2016: Fetch or Wretch?

It's that time of the week. Let's recap a night full of, as Amy Poehler once put it, the rat-faced people of television! 

Can I just say something before we start? I saw this headline today: "Amy Schumer Shut Down the Sexist Question, 'Who are you wearing?' Once and For All!" 

Mmkay. 

First of all, what Amy actually said was who she was wearing, she just happened to make a joke about how she was also wearing an OB tampon. #classicamy 

It really bothers me that the question, "Who are you wearing?" is being deemed as sexist. Y'all, these celebrities don't own any of these clothes. These gowns were loaned or were custom-made for them by design houses as a means of promotion. When Kerry Washington steps on the red carpet looking FIERCE AS HELL (we'll get to that in a minute), she's a walking advertisement for Brandon Maxwell. It's not sexist to ask women what designer has created the look they're wearing - it IS sexist to ONLY ask them about that. 

Whew. I feel better. Okay. Let's get to judgin'. 

FETCH. 

1. Felicity Huffman

Girl, I don't know whatcha man is wearing, but you look great. This is simple, understated, well-fitted - hair and makeup are on point. I also love her, which never hurts. 

2. Padma Lakshmi

I mean, it's Padma in a skin-tight, slinky, silver, sequined gown. Do I really need to say more? Fit is fabulous and she looks super striking. 

3. Priyanka Chopra

The actual definition of "feeling myself." Priyanka is such a knockout 100% of the time, but everything about this look makes me want to applaud. That color on her is to die for, and she clearly  l o v e s  how she looks in it, which makes it that much better. She was twirling all night, including when she came out on stage to present an award. You go, Priyanka. 

4. Kristen Bell

Beautiful. My only quibble here is that the makeup could've been a touch more punchy, just so everything wasn't quite so beige, but that dress is SUPER fabulous and really unusual. I love that all four dresses featured so far are totally different, which just goes to show - it's not about fitting into a mold, it's about finding what works for you. 

5. Emilia Clarke

That fit. WOW. She looks like she was poured into that dress, and I mean that in the best way. Totally beautiful. Again, could've punched up the makeup, but I love that she kept her hair back so that all you see is dressdressdress. 

6. Kate McKinnon

Jordan's girlfriend Kate doesn't always get it right, but she really nailed it last night. Sure, there are some minor fit issues around her waist, but overall, that dress reads as lovely. She is glowing, which, once again, makes a huge difference. And she won! Love her so. 

7. Tina Fey

So really I have a couple of bones to pick here, but I loooooove this color and love that Tina knows what works: her tiny, not-a-real-human waist is showcased. It does read as a little "bathing suit cover-up" if you're not careful...man, I don't know anymore. I may have just talked myself out of this being Fetch. Let's move on. 

8. Sarah Paulson

I waffled a little on this, but ultimately, this dress is pretty spectacular. The craftsmanship of the dress alone is pretty incredible, but when you pair it with Sarah Paulson, who I find to be particularly fabulous, it really sings. Perfect color on her. Not completely in love with the plunging neckline, but whatever. More than anything, this was a great night for her because DAMN did she ever deserve that win. If you haven't seen American Crime Story: The People vs. OJ Simpson, you need to RUN, not walk, to your computer and start. It's worth every second, and its cast (rightly) cleaned house last night. Watching Marcia Clark get absolved on stage by Sarah Paulson was tear-jerking. 

Now, for a declaration.

The winner of the night: 

Kerry "Slay All Day" Washington!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the Fetchest of them all? KERRY KERRY KERRY. 

I mean, come ON, right?? Every angle, every photo, everyTHING about this look is so fierce it's almost hard to look at directly. I can't even form a full sentence so here are some fragments: pregnant. Glowing. Natural hair. Goddess. Perfect skin. Cutouts. Fit. 

She is not of this world and we are lucky to behold her. 

Le sigh. Soak up Kerry, because now it's time to rot your corneas with these MESSES. 

WRETCH. 

1. Sarah Hyland. 

Sarah's dress got caught in the limo door on the way here, so she borrowed a friend's workout leggings to make do. Really, though, it's pretty terrible. I understand the idea, but everything about it is aging and unflattering, from where the bodice hits her midsection to the two giant, floppy dog ears she's wearing as a skirt. It's not good, girl. Reconsider. 

2. Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana looks like a small mammal who got caught in a wind tunnel outside a bridal salon. She is tangled up in that tulle and she can't get out. SOMEBODY HELP. 

3. Sofia Vergara

I know I know, I said that thing about knowing what works, but y'all - it's just tired. She wears the same tight, bustier, corset-backed, ass-featuring dress to every event. Come on, Sofia. You're gorg. Find something else. 

5. Gabby Hoffman

This isn't really fair, but I can't get Gabby's character on Girls (has long underarm hair, takes baths in front of her brother) out of my head when looking at her. Know your audience, Gabby. This men's shirt is just not cutting it. 

6. Alia Shawkat

Oh - sorry! The barbeque is down the street. No, you're totally fine - happens all the time! You can leave your heels here and grab some flip flops from the basket at the back door. Thanks! 

7Michelle Dockery

Hot take, I know. Listen, the overall look is gorgeous. The level of formality is exactly right, she's perfectly accessorized, her head styling is on point. This is a personal preference. I reeeeeeeeeeally don't love tiered (or pick-up, for that matter) skirts. But what's bugging even more about this dress is the two little boob ruffles. Each breast looks like a hooded head. Not my thing. Sorry, Michelle. Love you though. 

8. Aziz Ansari

This is what you should look like at the end of the night, not the beginning. Not here for the tie-less look. Also, those pants are too tight. ...I feel bad, because I love Aziz so much, but it's true. 

And the Wretchest goes to...

Anna Chlumsky! 

*needle scratch*

Um...what?? 

My Girl has been playing dress up in her grandmother's trunk. Tonight, she's wearing a brocade quilt she found. The little ring of elastic around the hem of the skirt was her favorite touch, because she did that herself with her own sewing machine. It says, "I'm here to look classy, but if I need to drop at low at the after-party, this skirt gives me the freedom to do so." 

Wince. 

You know JLD personally, right?? Take some style tips from her. And ask her what her skincare regimen is because THA BITCH DOESN'T AGE. 

5 Reasons Camping Terrifies Me.

First, some context. 

This weekend, Jordan and I are headed to the east Tennessee to camp for two nights and white water raft on the Ocoee. We're meeting my brother Parker and his girlfriend, Emily, and I am jumping out of my skin with excitement to see them. 

But I'm a little scared, people. I have been camping exactly once. I was about 11 years old, and it rained so hard and so long that night that our tents collapsed in on themselves. 

So, as you can imagine, it was a real pleasure of a trip. 

I am definitely not the kind of person who imagines the worst-case scenarios (HAHAHA yes I am), so don't worry, I haven't thought of everything that could go wrong. 

Ladies and gentlemen, in no particular order, my camping fears. 

1. I (or others) get eaten by a wild animal. 

Just like this scene from The Parent Trap in which Meredith gets eaten by this lizard. 

Guess what? We live in the woods. And bears are particularly active this year. And we're gonna have a bunch of food. Out. On the ground. Guess where we're sleeping? Also on the ground. I'm going to get mauled by a bear. Don't we need some kind of whistle? Horn? Spaceship? Something? 

2. Creatures bite me all night long. 

Now listen, I take pride in not being scream-y and girl-y about bugs (except ticks and roaches). I don't lose it when I see a spider - I just help it back outside where it belongs.

But y'all, mosquitoes LOVE ME. As in, once I went out in workout leggings that were mesh in the back. I put bug spray all over my body except on the backs of my legs, because, what mosquito is going to bite THROUGH mesh? None, right?? Wrong. I got 13 bites in a the half hour I was outside. 

I'm basically going to be The Mummy at the end of the movie. #mynightmare. 

3. No sleep. 

Let me confess something to you that I'm ashamed to admit: I have become a pretty finicky sleeper. 

I wish this wasn't true, but it is. Also, I think I just officially realized that I am O L D.

I like the house to be 70 degrees, I need exactly the right pillows, and a sound machine needs to be on. I know. I hate myself a little bit. 

But in the woods, you don't have a sound machine. You hear every snapping twig and hooting owl and scooting bug and grumbling bear and slithering 35-foot snake. And, you know, you're sleeping on the ground. Although Jordan did get some sleeping pads. Maybe I'll take some Tylenol PM? But then what happens if I'm too asleep and don't hear the werewolves approaching me? And then I'm too groggy to wake up and run away? 

Thanks a lot, Tylenol PM. 

4. Murderers. 

I mean, you had to be waiting for this one, right? I'm pretty much 1,000% positive that we will get murdered. I think that's a totally reasonable fear. 

Jordan does carry a large knife on camping trips, though, so maybe that'll help. Maybe he can Mick Dundee the scary meth-head who lives in the woods and is going to come kill us and eat our bones. 

5. We run out of s'mores. 

The most grave and terrifying fear of all. Unlike Toby, who is widely regarded as THE WORST, I will never say, "No more s'mores." Never. 

Jordan made a grocery run earlier this week, which was super kind and awesome, but also means that he got normal amounts of food. For s'mores, he got 4 Hershey's bars, a bag of marshmallows, and a box of graham crackers. That's right right amount of food, except you need about 7 more Hershey's bars. I'll go get them. 

I know I know I KNOW everything is actually going to be fine and it's going to be really fun. I'm just being stupid. I don't want to end up like those Naked and Afraid contestants shivering alone in the woods and fighting off mountain lions while night-vision cameras watch impartially. 

OH MY GOSH DO NOT GOOGLE NAKED AND AFRAID GIFS. Don't. Do not. Do not do it. There is porn in there. WHY?!? I MEANT THE TV SHOW!!! People are disgusting! 

Okay. Anyway, I'm going to wrap up this blog post in which I basically word vomited all over you and say that I'll report back first thing Monday with a full report of how our weekend went. 

Who knows? I might have turned a real Outdoor Girl. But probably not. 

Hope Jordan remembers to bring my faux fur and my air conditioned tent. #beverlyhillswhatathrill

Fetch or Wretch: VMA Red Carpet

My dear friend Andy Garden and I used to play this game when we lived in the same city. We'd all congregate at someone's house to watch an awards show red carpet, and Andy I would deem (and by "deem," I mean "scream at the TV") the looks "fetch" (h/t Mean Girls) or "wretch." "Fetch," obviously, was the a look we loved, "wretch" was...well, you get it. 

This list was never about the body in the dress, but about whether the dress was an absolute trainwreck of a choice. And it's the VMA's, so there are bound to be some. 

I recognized some obvious characters, but lots of this this red carpet was one long, sad question: "Who ARE these kids?!" 

...is 27 the new 87? 'Cause I'm feelin' old, friends. 

Let's take a walk. 

Fetch. 

1. Beyoncé

...obviously. It almost didn't matter what she wore last night because the level of slayage was so high. Although I am sick to DEATH of this sheer dress "check out my underwear" trend and want it to die in a fire, if we have to look at it, this is a pretty fabulous execution. I love the feathery collar (stacked sky high and reminiscent of Victorian couture), I love the color, I love it all. Beyoncé is not about practicality in this dress. She's telling you to bow down. Which you should. 

2. Justine Skye

"Who?" I know. Exactly. I seriously feel like Jack Skellington when he goes to Christmastown. "What's this?? What's this??" ...anyone? No? 

Well anyway, I really love this freakin' jacket. LOOK at it! It has a life of its own. Great shoe choice. She's clearly having fun with it, and that's the point of the VMA's red carpet. 

3. Hailee Steinfeld

Hailee is channeling Kylie Jenner, who wore a similar Balmain look to something I'm not going to look up because I'm trying not to #keepupwiththekardashians these days: 

It's well done, I guess, but it's just so basic. Remember when Lady Gaga showed up in a freakin' egg?? Those were the days. Where's all the theater gone? 

Similarly, remember when the Kardashians hadn't taken over the fashion industry and influenced people to wear barely-there, naked dresses and Balmain? I do. I do. 

AND YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN. 

4. Britney Spears

Again - basic. BUT. With Britney, sometimes "basic" is a great thing. Sister knows that all eyes are on her with the release of her newest album, Glory, and she's playing it smart. No weirdo outfits, no risks - simple, body-con, black pumps, killer hair. I know it's boring, okay? I know. But #leavebritneyalone because she looks great, even if it could've been a more exciting look. 

4. Hailey Baldwin

Hailey is also representing the second alternative spelling of "Haley" in this post. Good for you, girls. Plant those flags. 

In what is now becoming a pattern of looks that I can't really fully get behind but have to because the others are so SO bad, this is just polished enough to be on this side of the list. It's tailored, it's beautiful, the head styling is really nice, and I really wish the pants were opaque. 

Is it so much to ask that I don't have to look at the panties of every celebrity who steps outside? Somebody get her a beach towel to wrap around her waist. 

5. Stella Maxwell

I have no idea who this person is, but I have nothing but respect for this outfit choice. Is it crazy? Sure it is. But this is the Video Music Awards, site of such legendary moments as Britney and Madonna making out, Lady Gaga and the meat dress, Kanye beginning the Taylor and Kanye feud, Miley twerking all over Robin Thicke. It's where Beyoncé announced she was pregnant. CAN WE GET A LITTLE DRAMA?

Of COURSE this outfit is insane. And yes, the top makes her boobs look like the eyes of a chameleon. But it's dramatic, bold, and risky - exactly what the VMA red carpet should be. And it's well-styled to boot. Stella may have just won the night in my book. 

6. Nicki Minaj

To be honest, I passed over this look the first time. The amount of cleavage was off-putting at first. But the more I look at it, the more I realize that this is actually a good look for Nicki. Great color, styled well...I mean, I feel like I've already made my point about the sheer/naked dress movement, so I wouldn't be redundant, but I'll give this a solid B. 

...and that does it for "Looks That Didn't Make Me Violently Ill." 

Let's get down and dirty with the not-so-good. 

Wretch. 

1. Naomi Campbell

Would have been a slam dunk, except that I'm way too distracted by whether Naomi Campbell's Naomi Campbell is about to make an appearance. We couldn't have moved that slit over just a BIT?? I mean, I guess I did ask for dramatic looks, but damn.

2. The Guy From The Fault In Our Stars

A case study in what happens when you make an average white guy feel cool. Overkill, my man. Get some sewing scissors, snip those threads off your pants, and go home to think about your choices. 

3. Whoever These People Are

This is a joke, right? Where's Ashton Kutcher? 

This looks like one of those lists featuring the worst Wal Mart family photos of all time. To just say it out loud so we can all bask in the ridiculousness, this woman, arguably in her third trimester of pregnancy, has elected to wear no shirt and boob jewelry to a nationally televised red carpet event. 

Listen, I fully plan to turn into Jabba the Hutt when I'm pregnant and eat literally anything that crosses my path, so let me first say that this girl looks like a million bucks. But like...shirt. Shirt. Just put a shirt on. Somebody gave you some bad advice, girl. 

3. Goth Barbie

I didn't think the sheer dress trend could get any worse, but this is both sheer AND crotch-centric. And doesn't have a lining in the top. So...yep. That really happened. 

4. Baddie Winkle

Had not had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Winkle until this moment, but apparently she's an 88 year old "American Internet Personality." So there's that. 

Ms. Winkle, if I may - it seems that you have been misguided by an evil stylist and/or a mischievous grandchild. Might I suggest you call Dame Helen Mirren and get some tips from her? I feel like she could point you in the right direction. Because we can see your winkle. 

Respectfully,
My Eyeballs. 

5. Dascha Polanco

Daya! No! You're beautiful and you can do better than this. Let's hook you up with Christian Siriano, who has done a beautiful job dressing some of your colleagues from OITNB. Love you!! 

6. ...ugh. 

He looks like he just got finished painting a house and she looks like she just got out of the shower. Can't even with these two. Actually cannot. Let's stop giving them what they want and talk about something else. 

7. Nick Jonas

Nicky Nicky Jo Jo. Ya got rick rack on your jacket, my man. Take it to Hobby Lobby and have them do something about that. 

 

And that concludes our red carpet report! Hope everyone has a great Monday - sorry for the damage these outfits inevitably caused to your brains first thing on a weekday. We should all go wash our eyeballs in one of those sinks they have in science labs for when you get a chemical burn in your retinas. See you tomorrow. 

5 Things: YouTube Videos to Make You LOL.

Because, don't we all need a great belly laugh going into the weekend? 

Here we go: 

1. Insane Man Impersonates Insane Dog

I'd encourage you to watch this one several times because it only gets better. First you'll watch the guy, then you'll watch his wife (who has clearly been through this kind of shit before, as she is very stoic and thinking something like, "Damn it, Ray. Come on." Then you'll watch it five more times, wondering what made this man think, "Yeah, I'm just gonna go for it." 

2. Billy On The Street

If y'all haven't discovered Billy On The Street, allow me to introduce you. You, meet Billy Eichner, hysterical (and very scream-y) comic who appeared on Parks and Rec and now stars in the Hulu original Difficult People (which is HYSTERICAL and you should be watching it). Every single episode of Billy on the Street is solid gold, but this is one of my favorites. I especially like the guy who is like, "No, I'm cool," when offered the opportunity to sing with AMY FREAKING POEHLER. 

3. Jurassic Park Melodica

I won't say anything about this ahead of time except to say that if this doesn't make you laugh, I want you to send me a text message and I'm going to drive to your house afterwards to check your pulse. 

4. Gladys calls Ellen

Nothing will warm your heart like Ellen talking to this old, kind of batty lady. She is really just a really, really funny phone call wherein Ellen basically entertains a 5-minute phone call with a TRULY hilarious woman. This is one of my all-time favorite YouTube videos. "I love Jesus but I drink a little." Come on. 

5. Back Home Ballers

This #girlpower SNL video is just real, real good. Anyone who has ever gone off to school then come home for a holiday break understands this one. You're going to laugh and you're going to be signing it all day. #bowlsbowlsalltypesofbowls