Wedding Gifts the Bride Will Love.

...because, let's be honest, when is it ever about the groom? 

Wedding season is in full swing, and though it's always safer to choose a gift from a couple's registry, sometimes you want to do something a little extra special for a couple that's dear to you. In those cases, there are a few presents that are always welcome in any home. 

1. A cast iron skillet. 

Cast iron is one of the tried and true staples of Southern cooking. In everything from frying eggs to making biscuits and cornbread, this is a gift that will sit on the stovetop for decades to come. Really, you're giving a legacy - a lot of cast iron cookware is passed down for generations. I loved that I inherited some from my great-grandmother. Find some great options at lots of price points here

2. Custom gifts from a local artist. 

No, oven mitts you knit yourself do not count as "custom gifts from a local artist." I know, disappointing. 

Jordan and I live down the street from these fantastic glassblowers Lexington Glassworks. The two guys who run the shop have created some of the most stunning glassware, pitchers, lighting - you name it. We've given several of our close friends these pitchers and cocktail glasses (in the above photo) to rave reviews.

It's extra special if you shop at a local business, because that gift will be both beautiful and unique. And you never have to worry about the couple receiving more than one! Just be sure you're certain of your friend's taste, and this will be a slam dunk every time. 

3. A sweet chemise.

Every bachelorette party I've been on has had a lingerie shower included in the itinerary. It's sometimes tricky to decide on the right thing - something classic, yet sexy, but also something that won't get duplicated 50 times by all the other girls. 

Enter the chemise. 

While super-sexy lingerie certainly has its place, a chemise can be more multi-purpose. This sweet little number functions as sleepwear, lingerie, and (best of all) something the bride can throw on straight out of the shower and wear to put on her makeup. 

I received one of these for my own lingerie shower and wear it constantly while I'm getting ready. The trick is to choose something beautiful and feminine, but not too sheer or revealing - trust me, your bride friend will absolutely love it. Find the one featured above here. 

You can always go in with someone on a pair of thigh-highs, too. 

4. Gift cards to local shops. 

I know, I know, gift cards can seem really impersonal. But hear me out. 

After the wedding is over, most brides will have received a couple of registry items more than once, or will be kicking themselves because they meant to register for something and didn't. This is where gift cards can be really handy. 

Things like window treatments, throw rugs, and some kitchen appliances can be VERY expensive, and returning a duplicate gift often doesn't quite add up to fund a replacement. So while gift cards may not be a physical gift, I loved having them because we were able to pool them together and purchase curtains, throw pillows, and other household items I never thought to register for. 

If you feel funny about getting a gift card, you can always make it for a little more than you might have spent on a gift (to cover what would have been the shipping gift wrapping costs), and then enclose a card recommending that the bride use it for "whatever extras come up." She'll appreciate it - promise! 

5. High quality picture frames from Framebridge. 

I have recently become a disciple of a company called Framebridge. If you haven't heard of them, let me introduce you! 

Framebridge has taken the middle-man out of framing your photos. Instead of you lugging pictures around to expensive framers, you can use Framebridge one of two ways: 1) They'll send you a waterproof kit, you roll your photo up, send it off, and they frame it for you, or 2) You upload a photo from your computer, and they'll do the rest! 

"The rest" means mounting, finishing, and sealing the back of your frame. Their frames are gorgeous and SO reasonably priced. They send your pictures back to you framed and ready to hang - the package even includes the hardware you'll need to hang your picture! Learn more about how it works. 

After a wedding, there are always incredible photos that the couple wants to have framed. A frame kit, or a gift card to a framing service, will allow them the freedom of choosing their own frame, but on someone else's dime. This is one of the gifts I loved getting the most because it allows us to relive our wedding day every time we walk into our den! 

Happy hunting! 

 

Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet: Fetch or Wretch?

This event isn't really major - in fact, I had to stop and ask "Who is that?!" like 45 times during the show, but we did stumble upon it on TV last night. So I'm posting about it, because it's Monday and what better to ease us into our week than clothes? 

Fetch. 

Britney Spears. 

I'm changing the rules for our girl because her red carpet look was very bad, but THIS is what she looked like during her performance. 

BOW. DOWN. 

Zendaya.

I legit have no idea who this girl is or why she's famous. I *think* that she was a Disney Channel star of some sort? Regardless, I see her on the red carpet every time it's is rolled out, and she almost always knocks it out of the park. Some will say this look is too monochromatic, but I think she nailed it - she knows what works for her. She looks statuesque and fabulous. 

Ke$ha. 

...it physically pained me to type that stupid dollar sign. It also pained me to put her in the "best dressed" category - but I would wear every piece of this outfit, down to the shoes. There has certainly been a lot of controversy around this lady lately, and while there's no way I'm going to opine on that, I will say she's definitely succeeded in toning down her look to be taken more seriously. Jordan looked at me last night during her performance and said, "Why is this so solemn? Is she re-branding herself?" After I got over the fact that my husband knows what "re-branding" is, I had to agree - her publicist is doing a great job adjusting Ke$ha's image to reflect that she's got more to offer than glitter vomit and sweaty club remixes.  

As an aside, I had no idea she could actually sing. 

Laverne Cox.

A little grand for the Vegas red carpet at the Billboard Awards, but when someone is slaying in this manner, it doesn't matter. I don't mean to be politically incorrect, but this used to be a man, people. SHE IS SO FIERCE.

...and those four outfits are the only ones I liked. Now, on to the not-so-successful. 

Wretch.

Rihanna.

Girl, the 90's called and wants every single bit of this look back, right down to the mom hair. But you CRUSHED your performance and you normally get it right, so we'll give you a pass. 

Ariana Grande.

WAY too much going on with the cutouts, leather, and pattern. Ages her a decade. Too small a person to carry off that much dress. Hate the shoes. 

Nick Jonas. 

Looks like he grabbed four pieces off his bedroom floor and threw them on in the car on the way. Also, in every picture, those pants are doing something weird in the crotchal region. Also, it's too casual. 

Jessica Alba.

...why are you wearing black suede boots in the middle of May?? 

Idina Menzel.

It's almost right, but that dress gives her three boobs. 

Some Person I've Never Heard Of.

Who does she think she is? What the hell is she wearing? How did she move around? Does the skirt detach? Do you think she made the photographers wait until she got her face and hands arranged in that, "Leeeeewk at me I'm a bewwwwwwtifwel fissssh!" pose? Is the top sheer? Was the wig heavy? Does she know there's already a Lady Gaga?  

There were a lot more looks that I really didn't care for, but I genuinely didn't know who they were. Like, had never heard of them or their music.

Is that it's like to get old? 

See you tomorrow for the first episode of Bach-capping. 

5 Things: Reasons I Love Traveling with Jordan

This week, Jordan and I are at a beautiful resort hotel in Myrtle Beach, SC. He's doing some continuing education work, but we're still getting to spend lots of time together! Yesterday while the weather was cloudy, I stayed inside and watched Downton Abbey for about 4 hours. And I'm not even sorry. 

Most of the time when we travel, we're with people and/or only gone for the weekend. This is the first trip since our honeymoon where we've had several days in a row getting to relax and spend lots of time together, and I am gobbling it up. 

So, in honor of that, here are five things I love about traveling with my husband. 

1. He will eat anything. 

I don't mean he has low standards, I mean he'll try anything. Weird, cultural foods are his jam. He loves to try something new if the occasion calls for it, and that's one of my favorite things about him. Last night at dinner, he had the waiter choose for him (because he likes almost everything). The guy brought him salmon Rockefeller and he gobbled up every bite. I think the reason I like this quality in him so much is that it speaks to his low maintenance personality - he's just here to have a good time. 

2. He doesn't sweat the small stuff.

I am the planner in our marriage. I know what's happening, when, how long it will take to get there, what the attire is, who'll be there - I RSVP, send the gifts, and book the plane tickets. That is my role. But since this is his trip, I took a backseat and decided to just show up and go with it. True story: we drove here (a little over 5 hours), and about 30 minutes before we arrived, at 11:15 PM, I confirmed the hotel with Jordan. "Yeah, that's right," he said, "But text someone to make sure." (His entire dental office is also down here, so that's who he was getting confirmation from.) Turns out, we had the wrong hotel. I, of course, was basically bleeding into my brain stem that it was almost midnight and we didn't know where we were staying. But he was fine and we got it figured out within minutes. In the scheme of life, having every plan perfectly nailed down isn't that important. Jordan reminds me that we all have to loosen the hell up sometimes. 

(To be perfectly clear, I will still want to know what hotel we're staying in well before we arrive in the future. Just in case you're reading this, Jord.) 

3. He'll take pictures with me. 

I know that many men are pretty irritated the minute their wives pull out their cell phone and try to snap pictures. Rightfully so - I don't blame them. We take too many pictures. We can't help it. Though Jordan definitely has his limit (example: selfie, take a picture of me by myself, now take a picture with me again, oh wait my hair was doing something weird, etc.), he is almost always such a good sport about posing for as many pictures as I want to take. He says, "It may not be my favorite thing, but I'll want to remember this at some point." 

4. He is happy first thing in the morning. 

I don't know about you, but I am a groggy, nasty wreck first thing in the morning. I'm not one of those, "Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee," people, but it definitely takes me a second to get up and moving. Jordan, on the other hand, is happy right when he opens his eyes. For example, this morning he woke up, snuggled up to me, and started laughing at me because I'd put my pajama pants on backwards last night. #classic Even in the middle of the night if I have to get up for some reason, he's so pleasant and unbothered. This makes traveling a breeze - no grumpiness to fight through, just happiness. 

5. He is a big, curious nerd. 

Any of you who know Jordan personally know that he is a giant nerd. If we go to a park or zoo, he loves to read every SINGLE placard in the joint - all the details about the specific types of trees and/or animals. If we're stargazing, he loves to talk about star death. And if we're beach walking, like we were yesterday, he loves to search for shark teeth (for his dad) and identify every living creature we see along the way. It's a precious habit and always reminds me that stopping to be curious about the natural world pays off in fascinating little bits of information. 

SO let me go ahead and use all the cliches about him: "I love doing life with you!" "THIS guy." "So happy to be in a beautiful place with my favorite person." 

...but really, he is my favorite person. And I'm really glad we got married. 

5 Things: Financial Lessons to Learn Before 30

If you're Southern, money isn't something that's proper dinner conversation. It's impolite. It's tacky to talk about money. Know what's tackier? Ending up thousands of dollars in credit card debt because you didn't save in your 20's and spent recklessly.

MONEY IS SO HARD. Seriously though, it can be so challenging to deal with and think about - no matter what stage of the financial game you're in, there are questions and doubts and freak-outs about money. 

Some of my past freakouts have included the "WHAT?? I thought I had so much more money than this!!!" checking account realization; the "Of COURSE I'll pay for everyone. Another round on me!" unnecessarily generous and semi-drunken gesture; the "Oh, J. Crew Factory has a clearance section? I'll just buy a couple of things..." rabbit hole; and, of course, the "We owe HOW MUCH in student loans?!?!" sinking feeling. 

After college, I was teaching school for a couple of years, had my first experience being financially independent, and learned a LOT of lessons. Now, I manage our finances and pay our bills, create and adhere to (mostly! eek!) our budget, and talk to our financial planner monthly. I have come a long way from my more irresponsible financial days. Though I haven't got it licked, here are some things I've learned. 

1. Save. 

This seems like a no-brainer, but it isn't. When I graduated from college and got a job, my first impulse was to think, "I'm making my own money and I'll SPEND IT HOWEVER I WANT!" Even if I was saving, I would freely dip into my savings account whenever I needed a little extra. 

DON'T! 

Everyone is in a different place when it comes to saving - some have room to save a lot, some, a little. Saving between 10% and 15% of your monthly income is always a safe bet. And once it's there, don't dip into into to pay credit card bills or to cover a splurge purchase. That's your nest egg, and you should protect it.

I remember vividly a weekend in Memphis where my car (without me in it) was sideswiped by a tow truck. Though having to get my car repaired was REALLY inconvenient, that occasion marked the first time in my life that I was able to pay for the damages with my own money without having to worry that I wouldn't have enough to live on. That was such a good feeling. Having money saved gives you financial freedom in the best way. 

2. Credit cards can be your worst enemy.

As of 2015, the United States was in $733 BILLION of credit card debt. Did that blow your mind or what?? Which means the average person in this country is in $17,000 of credit card debt (that's not including mortgages, student loans, or any other type of debt). 

Here's a hard and fast rule: if you can't pay your credit card bill off every month IN FULL, you're spending too much.

Lest I sound preachy, let me clarify that this rule took me about 5 years to actually take to heart. 

Credit card companies make billions of dollars a year from the interest they collect when we don't pay our bills off each month. By owing money, we set ourselves up to ultimately pay through the nose on fees and interest that compound on the money we owe. It stinks. And credit card companies are sneaky, enticing us to sign up for a card and get a discount at our favorite retailer, or to get x, y, and z benefits. 

Building credit is important, so having a credit card is great! But having a credit card is like having a parent who wants to be your friend rather than your disciplinarian. It whispers, "Hey man, just go ahead and swipe me! This is basically Monopoly money anyway - don't you want that pair of shoes? Come on - you can just pay it off later. You only live once!"  Don't listen.

It can be really tempting to spend outside of your means at this stage of life to try to keep up with peers who you feel are living a more affluent lifestyle. I totally know that feeling. It's hard to fight against, but the reality is, many of our peers at this stage who we look to as having luxurious lifestyles are also spending more than they make in order to appear that way. It's a slippery slope, and ultimately, it's a very expensive one that can follow you for years. 

3. Credit cards can be your best friend. 

On the flip side, having a great card can be fantastic if you use it wisely. For example, Jordan and I did some research into which cards give the best rewards (and there are lots!). We ultimately decided to get an Amazon card, because we knew how often we'd be buying products on that site since we have a Prime account. The Amazon card gives you rewards points that turn into Amazon cash, which allows you to make purchases entirely with points. 

Quick story: 

Tom Hanks, God bless his little heart, sheds like a maniac. I know he's a labradoodle, but he's 3/4 lab, which means he sheds for two dogs. So we were really hurting having to clean up his hair every. single. day. 

We started pooling our Amazon points to save for a Roomba. Right after Black Friday, there was an Amazon event on Cyber Monday where lots of products were crazy discounted. I searched to find that our Roomba, the Pet Series, was on the list of discounted merchandise - $100 OFF. So this normally $375 product was slashed to $275. I looked to see how many Amazon points we had: 272. So I got what is normally close to a $400 product...

...FOR THREE DOLLARS. 

Three dollars, people. If that doesn't sell you on a rewards card, I quit. 

4. Make a budget.

This is the more boring piece of advice ever - so boring, in fact, that I just started following this advice THIS YEAR. Oops. 

I don't like budgets. I don't like math. I don't like Excel spreadsheets. I don't like talking about any of the previously mentioned things. But (ugh) they're necessary (ugh) I guess. 

If you're like me and very averse to dealing with numbers, Mint.com offers an incredible, interactive budget that allows you to see what you've spent on each category of your budget in real time. They'll even send you friendly reminders if you're close to spending more than you budgeted on movies, clothes, or food (not that I do that or have ever done that, cough). 

Budgeting has really changed the way I think about money. I no longer want to overspend because I'm very competitive against myself to see how much I can save. I've learned through experience that there will ALWAYS be an unexpected expense (a car breaks down, a computer crashes, the dog gets sick, you need a plane ticket, etc.), and paying for those extra things really makes you wish you had all that money on clothes and food back. 

5. Read your bank statements. 

You, like me, may have signed up for paper statements in the mail, only to toss them in the recycling bin whenever they arrive. We're in the digital age now, which means it's incredibly easy for us to check our statements online; it's also easier than ever for people to steal from us. 

Another quick story: 

When I lived in Memphis, I had a curiously low bank statement one month. I sat at the kitchen table and pored over every transaction from my debit card in the last few months, only to discover that someone had been siphoning money from my account without my knowledge. 

How did they do it without me noticing, you might ask? 

Because they realized I wasn't paying attention. 

At first, they'd take money out in small increments: $5 here, $7 there. Eventually, they figured out that the cardholder (me) wasn't paying close enough attention to notice these small, strange purchases. So they started getting a little braver. They bought $30 items, $40 items - still didn't notice. It wasn't until they bought a $250 dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Utah that I actually woke up. 

So I called the bank and explained what happened, and they promptly explained to me that they already knew this was going on and had sent me a letter three months ago. Apparently, I was one of the people whose credit card information had been stolen in the big Target hack that year, and because I wasn't opening my freakin' mail, I didn't know. 

Thankfully, all that money was recovered. But since then, I've caught four separate occasions where I've either been dramatically overcharged or actually stolen from because I now take the time to comb through my bank statement every few days. 

 

Ultimately, money is a tool. It can provide you with opportunities you'd never otherwise have; it can fund things you care about; it can offer you solace and comfort. It doesn't have to be a dirty word. There is no better feeling than knowing that you are on top of your finances and have no dark clouds looming overhead. But the only way to do that is to be proactive. 

Shout out to my ladies here - these lessons are especially important for us to learn. Because:

MC: out. 

Pure Barre Update

Well, it's been two months since I started at Barre. And I am a bona fide convert. 

Some disclaimers: 

1. I do not work out in full hair and makeup; these were taken after church. 
2. My house is messy. I just decided to #letitgo. 
3. Aside from color-correction, none of these photos have been edited (not that you'd think that because I'm not in any sort of crazy shape...okay I'm going to just stop disclaiming now.) 

Here are some things I love about Pure Barre: 

  • They tell you "all your stress will melt away," and it does. The music pumping through the class is so loud and inspiring, it barely feels like it's 55 minutes. 
  • The instructors are really positive and encouraging. They will come correct your form (which I love!) and they shout you out on the mic when you're doing well! 
  • I said this last time, but PB is so gentle on your joints. If you read this blog regularly, you'll know I had a bit of an ankle trauma last fall, and running is challenging for me these days. Barre gives me the same great, high-intensity workout, just without the stress to my joints. 
  • It is REALLY HARD. "Barre" sounds like it would be a workout for ninnies, but y'all - I am pouring sweat every time I leave. Though every workout covers arms, thighs, seat, and abs, each class includes different exercises, making it damn near impossible to ever plateau. 
  • I go between 3 and 4 times a week, and that has been enough. 
  • I have not been dieting at all - this is all the result of exercise. I believe that diet shapes 3/4 of what you look like, and exercise 1/4; I've been actively working against PB because of what I've been eating. And even still, I see clear differences in my body. 

Where I've noticed physical changes: 

  • My arms are definitely more sculpted. I have noticeable definition in my triceps, shoulders, and biceps that I didn't have before I started taking classes. But they aren't bulky, which is important to me.
  • My "seat" has started lifting off the backs of my thighs and becoming more toned. They call the area between your booty and your thighs your "Pure Barre ledge;" I call it your "thass" --  po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Either way, I've never seen my rear end be this high off my legs. 
  • My thighs - quads and hamstrings - are becoming stronger. Interesting note: since I had a background in (very, very slow) running and have more muscular thighs naturally, I thought the "thigh" portion of the program would be the easiest. WRONG. So, so wrong. Thighs are my most challenging section every single time. I'm definitely a little self conscious about my convex thigh muscles (very, very round and protruding and always have been), and PB is helping them slim down a bit, both from a side and front view.
  • Definition in my abs - this is the first time I've ever felt like I've even gotten close to a "flat" stomach. 

There are certainly things I still struggle with about the class: it is a bit expensive, and I can understand how it's a little intimidating to walk into the studio for the first time. Heck, I did that - I get it! 

Though the money part of it is not going to change, I have really been thrilled to see how welcoming the women in my class are. From the first time I walked through the door to now, the women in my 8:30 class are absolutely ALWAYS smiling and glad to see me. I've tried to extend that same courtesy to newcomers to the class. Between the poses you've never done, the lingo, the gear, and the fast-pace of the class, it's easy to get discouraged if you don't have some women around you saying things like, "Girl, trust me. It gets easier!!" And the Asheville studio is absolutely slam-packed with teachers and clients alike who are so encouraging, positive, and uplifting whether you've been coming for 2 days or 2 years. 

All told, Barre has definitely changed my body in a major way. The only thing I'm interested in now is whether or not I'm getting enough of a cardio workout (I'll have to borrow someone's Fit Bit!) for it to count as heart-healthy.

But my overall review? GLOWING. I love my class and I feel proud of my body right now. Obviously I don't think I look perfect -- I'm under no illusions that I'm Giselle - but knowing what my best body looks like makes me feel strong and proud of my progress. I'm interested to see how things will shape up after a couple of weeks of me not actively undoing everything I work so hard to do in class by eating half a bag of pretzels every night. 

More updates to come! 

 

Met Ball: Best and Worst

Last night was one of my favorite nights in fashion. It's the annual Met Gala, also known as the Met Ball, which serves as the major annual fundraiser for the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Since the Institute itself is named for Anna Wintour, she always hosts the event (there are even rumors that she screens and pre-approves all the attendees' outfits), and chooses a co-host. This year, it was Taylor Swift - but more on that later.

Because textiles can't be constantly exposed to light and air while still being preserved, the Costume Institute has a theme each year that dictates what they put on display in the museum, and the Met Ball revolves around that theme. This year's was "Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology." 

I am SO ready to get this party started. Let's hit it: 

BEST, in no particular order.

Katy Perry in Prada

SLAYING. I can't decide whether or not this is my favorite look of the night, but it's certainly in my top three. The Met Ball is all about drama - it's not a moment to play it safe. The most memorable looks from years past have been worn by people who really went for it (remember this?), so I'm all about a look that not only shoots for the stars, but lands there. This is both theme appropriate and DEEPLY fabulous - she looks like some kind of robot overlord. 

Lupita Nyong'o in Calvin Klein Collection

I love how, in both Katy Perry and Lupita's pictures, there are onlookers in their photos. That's how striking they were - they paps couldn't even get a picture without accidentally snagging some people gawking and talking about their gowns! 

Listen - is this my favorite look of all time? No. But this evening was not about practicality, nor should it be - as you'll see in my "worst" section, the people I liked least are the people who didn't take a chance. Although that color is not my favorite on her, the dress fits her flawlessly. And that hair? Come on. Miss Lupita is serving up alien princess realness and I am HERE FOR IT. 

Zoe Saldana in Dolce & Gabbana

Once again, bringing the drama and the FIERCE. Although I'm not 100% sure how this aligns with the theme of technology influencing fashion, I really don't care because I'm being overwhelmed by fabulousness. She is to die for. 

Edit: I now see exactly how this aligns because of how the skirt was made. It's about featuring technology IN fashion, not necessarily about looking like a robot.

Beyoncé in Givenchy

Does she know what she's doing, or what? 

Mere days after the release of her world-stopping album Lemonade, and after all the drama that took place after the Met Ball two years ago, she knew all eyes would be on her. And she brought it. But she went a very different route this year than last year's naked dress - she's got full coverage, but still pulled of the body-con in what looks like a latex space suit. This is honestly a dress that I have both loved and hated in the last 12 hours, but that usually means it's right on the nose for the Met Ball. 

Bella Hadid in Givenchy

It's hard to see in this photo, but that entire skirt is detailed ruffles. 

Call me basic, but I thought she was stunning last night. 

Lady Gaga in Atelier Versace

VINTAGE GAGA! VINTAGE GAGA! 

Oh my goodness, the degree to which this outfit thrills me is probably a little bit embarrassing. I love love LOVE that she went back to a leotard and sky-high platform boots. It's hard not to figure that this is an homage not only to the theme, but to her icon David Bowie. 

Living for that jacket. 

Claire Danes in Zac Posen

I don't even feel the need to comment on this obvious knockout, but I will. 

I don't normally love Zac Posen, but he really knocked it out of the park here. This is Cinderella-bot beauty, and only Claire Danes and her elegance could pull this off. Just look at her - that is the face of a woman who knows she nailed it. 

Jared Leto and Florence Welch in Gucci

Two style icons doing what they do best: shutting it down. 

Others I'm obsessed with: 

WORST. 

Taylor Swift in custom Louis Vuitton

GIRL, BYE. 

This is DEFINITELY biased because I really can't abide Taylor Swift at all and I am REALLY. SICK. OF HER. these days. 

It's just...so thirsty. Like, Taylor Swift: you've built an empire on "cherry lips and crystal skies." Go home and wipe off that black lipstick. You are not goth. You are not Kylie Jenner. You are not fooling anyone. 

My chief complaint about this look is that Taylor was co-hosting this event with Anna Wintour, and she chose to wear...a cocktail dress?? This is a WHITE TIE event. Cocktail isn't up to code. And on top of all of that, this looks like a dress she would've worn in her tour this past year - it doesn't strike me as unique at ALL. This wasn't daring or chance-taking; this was SAFE. She wears some version of this every single awards show. Am I supposed to be impressed because she found the platinum bleach?

Taylor Swift = metallic, cutouts, crop top and high-rise bottoms, sleeveless. Always. Basic basic basic basic BASIC. You need some "me time," Taylor. Glad you're taking a year off. Go work on yourself. 

Amy Schumer in Alexander Wang

Sad boobs and lack of pedicure. Also, not on theme. 

Her dress looks like a dragon who needs Prozac. HATE it. 

Mindy Kaling in Tory Burch

Mindy, I love you, but I just fell asleep. This is the most boring dress on planet Earth. And at the MET BALL?! Rihanna basically wore a giant omelette last year! Come on, girl!

What makes me the saddest about this is that she usually uses her personal costume designer, Salvador Perez, to create stunning and colorful looks that fit her beautifully. This was just a swing and a miss. 

Blake Lively in Burberry

Poor Blake got confused and thought she was attending last year's Gala, whose theme was China: Through the Looking Glass. 

This doesn't make any sense and is also VERY Blake Lively with that wrapped super-tight corset style. We've seen it. We're bored. 

Also another celeb for whom I believe #thethirstisreal. She and Taylor Swift can go hang out somewhere. 

Katie Holmes in I Don't Care Enough to Look It Up

She looks like someone's crazy aunt they're trying to avoid at a wedding reception. This is the definition of #tragique. 

Madonna

...no. No. THIS is the definition of #tragique. Honey. Let's get you home and in bed. It makes me sad that someone this iconic is aging this poorly - and I don't mean that she looks bad. I mean that she is begging for proverbial table scraps. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS, MADONNA. 

 

Dishonorable mention: The ENTIRE Kardashian/West clan (Kanye actually wore JEANS TO THIS EVENT AND I CANNOT), Ivanka Trump, Kristen Stewart.