Good Friday: Mary

Good Friday is such a rough day on the liturgical calendar. 

When I was thinking about what song I wanted to cover next with my friend Landon, Patty Griffin's Mary jumped out in my head for two reasons. 

1. The lyrics to this song are truly gorgeous, and reflect this sense of the woman behind the man. Mary, mother of Jesus, brought him into the world, had to watch him leave it. I think my favorite line in this song is the chorus: 

"Jesus said, 'Mother, I couldn't stay another day longer.'
Flies right by, leaves a kiss upon her face.
While the angels are singin' praises in a blaze of glory,
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place." 

It reminds me of the hundreds of times I've seen my own mother stay behind to clean up after a celebration or a funeral or a holiday - and it's humanizing to think about the people who were left after Jesus was crucified. What were they feeling? What did they have left in those three days before the resurrection? 

2. This won't happen until Easter, but there is a part of the Easter story where Mary Magdalene is walking in a garden after Jesus has been crucified. She begins a conversation with someone she thinks is the gardener trying to find out where they've laid Jesus' body, until about halfway through that conversation when the "gardener" speaks her name. 

"Mary." 

For me, this is always a particularly arresting moment on Easter Sunday. Though I go by Mary Catherine, my immediate family calls me, "Mary." Hearing not only my name, but the name I'm called by those who love me most, said out loud by a risen Jesus, is overwhelming for me and makes me cry every single time. The idea that Jesus speaks our names and in that moment, we come to recognize all the things in our lives in which he's been present all along? The idea that Jesus SPEAKS OUR NAMES at all? It's too much goodness. My eyes have to leak so my heart has room to hold it all.

So with all of that, on this liturgically gloomy day that precedes the very brightest day, I hope you enjoy this offering  - all instrumental credit, as usual, goes to the great Landon Heckman. 

5 Things: Life Lessons I've Learned from Gardening.

I am new to gardening. Ask my neighbors. 

Growing up, my grandmother Nonnie always kept a beautiful flower garden. Once we moved into their house and they moved up the road, the garden, unfortunately, became a little bit of a disaster area. 

In Jordan's and my house now, we have three tiers to our backyard; all three feature lovely landscaping, and two have raised beds. I decided that this was something I was going to take on. 

In the last three days or so, Jordan and I have had lots of "real life" things hit us between the eyes. Family members dealing with cancer diagnoses or surgeries, friends passing away from long-suffered illnesses - the kinds of things that always make us take a step back and look at life in a new way. At a certain point yesterday, amidst lots of this news pouring in, I felt the need to be outside for a while. So I started working in the garden, and because the "Big Questions" of life were weighing on my heart, I started realizing just how many parallels there are between gardening and life. 

1. For everything, there is a season. 

"This, too, shall pass." I remember hearing that quote for the first time and thinking, "...what??" But man, how true it is. Standing in this same spot in front of our house only a few months ago, everything around me was blanketed with over two feet of snow. And now, there isn't a trace of cold weather left - only beautiful blooms and signs of spring. The natural rhythm of the world - the growing, dying away, growing, dying away - is such a beautiful reminder that nothing physical is everlasting.

And it's hard to remember, while we're living in a specific season, that another one could ever happen. It was hard to believe, when I had snow up to my knees, that I would ever feel overheated again in the summer sunshine. But seasons change. It's an inevitability. 

Good times should be cherished and savored, bad times can be endured, and every opportunity should be seized, because we don't have forever to decide. It's just that simple.

2. In order for some things to grow, other things must be cut away. 

Pictured above is the peach tree we inherited when we moved into our house last July. I love peaches, and I was real happy to get to have fresh peaches as often as I wanted - peaches on top of my vanilla ice cream? Hello. Yes, please. Once the peaches came in, I remember walking out to the tree with a little basket to gather them, only to discover they were hard. As. Rocks. 

Seasoned gardeners will already know why this happened - it's because the former residents of our little cabin didn't prune the tree before spring. In order to grow full, juicy peaches, you have to crawl up in the tree and cut away most of the buds that are sprouting. Otherwise, the nutrients in the tree will be so split among all of the peach buds that none of the peaches will get enough, and none will grow to their potential. 

Good grief - that's an easy lesson, right? We can be anything we want, but we can't be everything we want. Things in life must be pruned away in order for other things to get the attention the deserve, so that we can grow to our full potential. Whether it's people, activities, habits, hobbies - there are some things that must be cut away so that other, more important things, get all they need to thrive. 

3. Good things are worth hard work. 

With the exception of the grace of God and the unconditional love of our families, there is no good thing in life that comes without hard work. When we moved into this house, the garden was overwhelming. The previous tenants didn't care for it at all, and so it had become wildly overgrown. Weeds were ruling the roost. 

As much as I feel like I've weeded, sprayed, rearranged, weeded, etc., weeds continue to persist every so often, and I find myself back on my hands and knees shoveling out the roots and piling the weeds to be thrown out. 

This is such a major lesson for me. If I'm being really honest and vulnerable, the truth is that there are a couple of things that have always come naturally to me. Because of that, early in my life, I was able to rest on the laurels of my natural abilities and didn't throw myself into working as hard as I could have. What a mistake that was. Not only did I cheat myself out of learning the value of work hard, but I also will never know what I could've achieved had I actually applied myself.  

Disciplining myself in order to achieve a goal is something I had to really learn, and it's a skill that I don't take for granted. Now, there is little in life that feels better to me than being disciplined - setting a goal and chipping away at it - and that is exactly what this garden project is to me. In order to keep a beautiful garden, I have to be constantly disciplined and attentive. And that's okay, because for me, this is something worth working hard on. 

I used to think: If at first you don't succeed, it wasn't meant to be.
But now I know: If at first you don't succeed, it's because you haven't earned it yet. Keep working hard. 

4. Don't jump to conclusions.

Two days ago, I was weeding around a little rock bed we have, and as I reached for the next clump of weeds, I saw a tiny bit of movement. That movement turned out to be the teeniest tiniest garter snake that I've ever seen. 

Having not encountered many snakes in the wild, and certainly not less than an inch away from my hand, I was very heebie-jeebied by this little fella. In my mind, this 5 inch (or less, really) snake was about to somehow Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger into an anaconda and eat me, my dog, and my entire house. 

So I used my snake safety (meaning I immediately fled). But first, I took pictures. After researching it from a safe distance, I discovered that garter snakes are non-venomous, and are actually helpful in a garden, because their diet consists of tiny bugs that can eat away at your plants! 

I'll give myself a little credit here, since snakes can definitely be scary, but the lesson still rings true: there are SO many examples of when jumping to conclusions is a bad idea. Sometimes things that to be appear scary aren't scary at all. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction is a bad one. Sometimes first impressions are flat-out wrong. 

Oh, to have the wisdom to remember that in the future. :) 

5. We are small, but we are special. 

I've heard people say that being out in nature makes them feel insignificant, and reminds them just how small they are compared to the big, wide world. 

And I get it. I know what they mean - when presented with the vastness and the scope of ALL OF NATURE, all of the universes and galaxies that surround our little tiny planet, it's very easy to feel like our lives are just vapors. Because we are small. Here today and gone tomorrow. That part is true. 

But I also think that each one of us is so special. Such a singular creation. In the same way that every flower in my garden is new, and fresh, and will never quite bloom the same way again, so are we, and so do we. 

Get ready for me to sound like one of those motivational posters in your 4th grade classroom. 

Every one of us is unique, like a fingerprint of our Creator, a perfect creation that has never been and will never be again. All living things have this in common. The gift of life is so precious - so fragile - and it demands that we plant our feet firmly and, with every breath, that we make good use of every daily jog, of every belly laugh, of every bolt of inspiration. 

Every flutter of our eyelashes. Each night as we finally crawl into bed. Every mundane lunch. All of it. It's all part of what's wrapped up in a life that can only be ours. Life is happening right now, every day, in every little action and every moment, for as long as we're on this planet. 

So we have to answer the question, "Who are you? What do you have to offer?" Some days, we might answer in whispers. Others, we might answer in a roar. But being alive means that every day, we are living into that answer We're only one person, and we're only here for a short while, but we're the only "us" there will ever be. 

So we have to bloom.

Myers Briggs Personality Test.

You. Guys. 

I need to confess something to you: I am obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality test. If you've taken it, you probably have dabbled in obsession, too! If you haven't, get ready to have your mind blown. 

I love so many things about the Myers-Briggs test. The fact that it was invented by a mother-daughter team (shout out to my laaaaaadies), the fact that it exists to help organize "seemingly random behavior" into codes that allow the way individuals interact with the world to shine through. 

"But Mary Catherine, isn't this just some weird voodoo astrology where people just see a description and are like, 'THAT'S TOTALLY ME, OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY NAILED IT!'" 

No.

This test is extremely effective and used in businesses all over the world to help people better understand each other. The questions are designed to learn about you, not to pull some whack stuff together about how you were born in January so you must be stubborn and career-driven. 

Once you know what type you are, you can also research what celebrities match your type, what careers you would be best in, and some typical behaviors of yours in friendships, romantic relationships, and as a parent.

FASCINATING, right?! 

I love this test in particular because I lo-o-o-o-o-ve to deep-dive into people's personalities. I am obsessed with figuring out what makes people tick. It's the latent writer in me. I want to know your deepest, darkest, grizzliest, most interesting layers; I want to know why you said what you just said; what motivates you to get up every morning, etc. Love it. Can't get enough of it. (Freak.) 

In MB, there are four categories of personality, each with two options: 

1. Introvert v. Extrovert. This is probably the simplest one to diagnose. The easiest way to determine what you are is to ask yourself, "Where do I get my energy - from alone time or from groups? Do I like to focus on the world around me, or the world inside my head?" 

2. Intuitive v. Sensing. This category is a bit more nuanced. Here, you decide whether you're a person who likes to focus on and remember the bare-bones details around you, or if you're someone who likes to zoom out and add meaning and inference to the situations you encounter. 

3. Thinking v. Feeling. Important to understand that if you're a "T," that doesn't mean you don't have feelings, and if you're an "F," it doesn't mean you're a dummy. T v. F simply means: are you someone who is more logical and consistent, or are you someone who takes people and circumstances into account? Are you more ruled by your feelings, or more detached from them? 

4. Judging v. Perceiving. The best way I ever heard this one described was, "If you were to go on a European vacation, would you sit down ahead of time and have every detail, monument, and hotel stay planned? Or are you a person who would arrive and ask the locals where the best places to eat/drink/stay are?" 

To actually take the MB test, you have to shell out some cash, but there's an off-brand site that has created a test that's almost identical, located here. 

I myself am an "ENFJ." My personality description on the Myers-Briggs website looks like this: 

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

Now here's where it gets interesting. Jordan, who is very similar to me in many ways, but VERY different in others, is an INTJ. That means our biggest differences are that he gets his energy from being alone, while I get mine from being in groups; he is "Thinking," more detached from being ruled by his emotions, while I am, OF COURSE, "Feeling" every single feeling all the damn time. Here's his type description: 

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

The way this manifests in our marriage is fascinating to me. One of the biggest ways is that when it comes to things that are trivial, like dressing up for an event, Jordan's mind works like an efficiency robot - only the things that will be beneficial and effective in a long-term way are truly, deeply important. Otherwise, it doesn't matter too much and he doesn't get that worked up about it. 

A sample conversation between us: 

Me: Honey, you have to put on a collared shirt to go to this restaurant.
Jordan: Why? 
Me: Because there's a dress code! People would stare at you. 
Jordan: Mary Catherine, when are we ever going to see these people again? Why do you care what they think? 
Me: Because EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT SO YOU HAVE TO.
Jordan: So you're telling me that just because somebody somewhere came up with the idea that collars = formality, that's what is expected of me? I wear pajamas to work. Collars hurt my neck. I really don't want to. Do I have to? 
Me: I know that this doesn't make sense to you, and I understand that this is ultimately not that big a deal in the scheme of life. But the reality is that we're late, and I do not have the brain space to get into a conversation with you about the history of formalwear in the United States. Yes. You have to. I love you. 
Jordan: Ugh. 

....aaaaaand scene. 

Another great example is that Jordan is SO helpful at pulling me out of an emotional tailspin because he won't let me take him down with me. Observe: 

Me: UGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE. 
Jordan: Baby, you have so many things you love to do. Let's talk about them all. What do you think you would love? 
Me: I LOVE TOO MANY THINGS I CAN'T EVEN START DOWN A ROAD OR I'LL BOX MYSELF IN OR MAYBE I'LL JUST BE PARALYZED BY FEAR FOREVER AND NEVER EVER MAKE ANYTHING OF MYSELF AND THEN JUST DIE. 
Jordan: Well that's probably not going to happen. I'm going to go run a bath for you and we can talk about what to do next. You're writing a blog! I'm so proud of you for that. And you have time to figure out the big stuff.  
Me: NO I DON'T I'M BASICALLY 30 WHICH MEANS I'M BASICALLY 60 MY LIFE IS OVER.
Jordan: You know how sometimes when it thunders outside, dogs get freaked out, so their owners put them in compression shirts? Come here. I am going to hug-thundershirt you. It's all going to be okay. Your life is good. You are sweet and smart. You're going to be fine. 

I include these little snippets for this reason: for me, knowing that Jordan operates in a totally different way from the way I operate in some situations is super helpful for me. It allows me to take a step back and understand that for him, some things are just trivial and they always will be. It's the quality that enables him to be so great at his job - he is hyper-efficient, detail-oriented, and does not allow anxiety or fear to overwhelm him. You wouldn't really want someone like that performing surgery on your mouth. Which is why there are a lot of doctors who are INTJ's. 

In the same way, knowing that I am wired the way I am allows him to be able to shepherd me through my most vulnerable moments with care and grace, because he's aware that it'll pass, and that I probably just need to emotionally vomit all over him and then everything will be fine. 

ANYWAY. All of this to say, Myers-Briggs is FASCINATING to me for so many different reasons. I am on a mission to diagnose everyone in my world, so I've made a whole bunch of people take it. 

Have you taken it? 

What are you? 

I'm dying to know. 

A Buncha Pictures of My Puppy Dog

It's Monday. It's gorgeous outside. Everything is awesome. 

So here are whole buncha pictures of my dog! 

Why? JUST BECAUSE! Hope they make you happy, because Tom Hanks loves you! 

5 Things: Questions for Donald Trump

Dear Sir, 

Gotta be honest, I thought this whole thing was a joke. I really did. For months, I would giggle at the thought of First Lady Melania Trump (still giggling, actually), and the idea of you and your wig being inaugurated. "Yeah, right," I thought to myself. 

Then you won a whole bunch of delegates and that makes me uncomfortable. 

Not because I think you've got a chance at winning (you don't), but because there are so many people in this country who believe you do. That's unsettling to me. The idea that people think that you're the next face of America, based purely on what they've seen of you this election cycle, is troubling. 

So here on this beautiful Friday morning, I'd like to ask a few things. 

1. What is up with you putting so much stock into this whole "short-fingered vulgarian" thing? 

Granted, it's a hell of an insult. I love when the pen is mightier than the sword, because this 30-year old joke has really gotten under your skin. They're just words, Donald. I feel like you'd be a proponent of the "sticks and stones" model of dealing with criticism, especially given that you don't seem to take other people's sensitivity or feelings to heart when speaking yourself. You got real real defensive about it last night, even going so far as to say that "Nobody has ever hit my hands. I've never heard of this one." 

Uh oh! No. We know you've heard of it! That's why you're upset! 

Are your feelings genuinely hurt? Is that why you thought it appropriate to make a joke about your penis in a presidential debate on national television? 

Though, of course I understand your tactic - really trying to carve out a name for yourself. George Washington, "The Father of our Country;" Abraham Lincoln, "Honest Abe;" Donald Trump, "Doesn't Have a Small Penis." Got it. It really seems like it would stand the test of time. Clever, Donald. And, as always, classy. 

2. How long does it take to do your hair every day? 

I'm really asking. Personally, I love to do my hair. It's one of my favorite morning rituals. I never leave the house (unless I'm working out, of course) without a curling iron having touched my hair. So I'm genuinely curious about your method. 

Is it: brush, swoop, spray? Or maybe: comb, spray, swoop, spray? My last guess would be: tease, comb, smooth, spray, swoop, spray. One of those has got to be right. 

Surely there's a YouTube tutorial somewhere on Donald's hair. Oh, wow. THERE IS.  Amazing. This girl even nailed the way-too-light-undereye-concealer. A real pro, this one. 

3. Melania is an immigrant. Does that make it awkward at the dinner table when you say really xenophobic things? 

Les miserables.

Melania was born in Slovenia and immigrated to the United States. So I have to wonder whether, when the dinner party guests are gone and you guys are behind closed doors, she just lets you have it. It must be pretty frustrating for her to hear you talk about immigrants with such vitriol - whether we're talking about Mexican immigrants or Syrian refugees - same overall level of intolerance. 

Although if I were Melania, I gotta say, I'd be equally upset about pretty much everything you said in this interview, which is, in a word, grotesque and horrifying. ...that was two words, I know. I couldn't help it. 

But neither can you, it seems. 

4. Do you know that the verb "disavow" should almost always be followed with an object? 

...because you keep saying "I disavow" by itself. You have to disavow something or someone for that sentence to work. And you kind of keep doing it. 

To be fair, you did include an object in the debate last night. You said, "I disavow the Klu Klux Klan." 

"Huh," I thought. "He threw an extra 'l' in the word, 'Ku.' Most of the people I've heard do that are school-aged children who are learning about the group for the first time and are having trouble pronouncing it. Admittedly, it's a clunky group name. It was a slip of the tongue. I'll cut him some slack." 

But see, then you did it again. A second time, in a row, almost immediately after the first time. Which leads me to believe that you actually think the name of the group is "Klu" Klux Klan. Which is wrong. It's upsetting to me. 

But not as upsetting as the fact that it took you longer than exactly zero seconds to "disavow" a terrorist organization who killed black people for sport. It's less upsetting than that. 

5. Are you kidding me? 

I mean it. I'm not asking ironically. 

My great hope is that this is all the most elaborate political joke of all time; that somehow that insane conspiracy theory that the Clintons paid you to run in order to give them a leg up is true. 

That we aren't living in a time in America when people believe that a bigoted, bullying, sexist, xenophobe, pretending to tout Christian values, should be President of the United States. Because what was it that Jesus said? Oh yeah. "BUILD ME A WALL!" 

I want to believe in my country more than that, sir. I want to believe that you're just kidding around. That, while this has certainly gone too far, has certainly embarrassed an entire nation of people, you are running the longest and best Jim Halpert-style prank that anyone has ever seen. 

This is my hope. This is my prayer. 

Don't get me wrong, sir. I don't think you'll ever be President. There are too many people on both sides of the aisle who DISAVOW! your antics and barely take the time to acknowledge you as a serious candidate. When you have two former political rivals like our current President and Mitt Romney coming out to condemn you, people have to figure that you don't really have a shot. 

Plus, my dad says you won't win, and he's pretty much always right. 

I alternate between rage and jovial dismissal when it comes to you, Mr. Trump. I go back and forth between being the embodiment of SMH and rolling my eyes. One minute, you're making me reach for a tub of ice cream to stress-eat; the next, I remember you are a clown from the circus. 

Here's the thing, Don. Can I call you Don? I know if you actually were ever to read this note, you'd probably say that I was hysterical or that it must be "that time of the month" for me, or make fun of my nose (get in line, pal), or tell me that I'm only a 5 on a scale of 10. You'd dig up pictures of me as an ugly middle-schooler and talk about my lack of fashion sense. You'd slam my 7th grade perm. That seems to be how you handle crisis or criticism.

Joke's on you, because there's nothing my husband likes better than a woman with a sense of humor whose nose used to be nicknamed "The Antler." So:

The thing is, we can't have someone like you running the country, because when it comes right down to it, you're just mean. It's amazing to me that someone so wealthy can act so cheap.

You seem to not love being presented with facts or having to combat them, so here are some facts in a clip that I know you won't like, but is something that people need to see over and over until the election. 

Here's to you, Mr. Drumpf. Stop talking about your penis, and stop being such a dick.

(Sorry to my grandparents who I know will not love the fact that I just used the word "dick." It was in service of a joke. You guys understand.) 

How to Rock at Weddings.

Wedding season kicked off for me last weekend with the wedding of one of my very best friends. I couldn't love a wedding more - the love, the food, the drinking, the dancing, the crying, the dressing up with my friends - it's basically the adult version of a sorority formal, except, you know, way better. 

I certainly didn't write the rulebook (nor do I always play by it) on how to rock at weddings. But I've been in a few and been to a few, and I've watched my friends who do rock at knowing the right move to make at all times. So I'm sharing their tricks in hopes that one will come in handy for you during Wedding Season 2016.

And any excuse to share my wedding photos again, right? ;) 

DO dress appropriately. 
One of the first things you notice about guests at a wedding is the fabulous attire being sported. I love to lust after dresses or jewelry or shoes (all the time, but particularly) at receptions. Underdressing for a wedding is an easy mistake to make. 

A safe bet? If the wedding is at or after 6 PM, traditionally, the attire is, at a minimum, cocktail (a short or long dress for women, and a dark suit or tuxedo for men). Before 6, the attire can vary tremendously. You can usually take your cue from the invitation: if the invitation is colorful, or less formal, so is the attire. If the invitation is letterpress or engraved on thicker paper, the attire is more formal. And if the wedding is black tie, the invitation will almost always say so. 

Photo by Leslee Mitchell of Leslee Mitchell Photography.

DON'T monopolize the bride. 
Part of being a good guest is knowing when your time is up. A quick hug, a picture, and well-wishes are totally in order! The bride and groom are who literally everyone in the room is there to see, so they have to do a lot of small-talk. Old-school weddings may have a receiving line for the bride and groom, and in that case, keeping it short is more important than usual.

If you're really smooth (as either a bridesmaid or a guest), you'll keep an eye on the happy couple to make sure that they enjoy the party as much or more as they're greeting their guests. They might just need a helpful hand to take over the conversation with Dear Old Sweet Uncle Milton so that they can escape to the dance floor where they belong! 

DO show up on time. 
I have been that person: the church doors are closed, the music has started, and I am trying to creep in on a marble floor in my heels so as not to draw any attention to myself. ...guess what? Didn't work. This is such a simple tip, but if you're a person who is chronically late, a wedding is not the time to chance it. Leave extra early - ridiculously early, if need be - to make sure that you're in your seat before that processional starts! 

Photo by Leslee Mitchell of Leslee Mitchell Photography.

DON'T bring problems to the family's attention. 
I know, no-brainer, right? Wrong. You'd be shocked how many people I've actually seen come up to parents of the bride or groom (or worse, the bride and groom themselves) to report that "there aren't any more shrimp," or that "the parking lot is full." What?! No. A reception is the long-awaited celebration after months of planning - it's the ultimate in blowing off steam. The family should be living it up, not putting out fires.

So, in that light, DO be a proactive problem-solver! 
If you're a member of the wedding party, this is your time to shine. Do the bridesmaids' dresses need to be steamed? Do it. Don't wait to be asked. Did the bride forget something at home? Go get it. Did one of the groomsmen leave some their button studs or cufflinks at their apartment? All you. Is somebody way, way too drunk already? Go get that fella a cheeseburger. Keep a comb, lipstick, and Band Aids in your pocket, because they're always going to be needed. Do this not because you want to be praised for it, but because you want to make this day perfect for your friend (and because if you've gotten married, chances are somebody did this for you).

Photo by Leslee Mitchell of Leslee Mitchell Photography.

DON'T take your own photos.
Obviously, if you're part of the wedding party, this isn't an issue. Take all the photos you want while you're getting ready, during the day of, etc. But if you're a guest, and you feel the impulse to reach for your iPhone during the ceremony, STOP. The couple has already hired a photographer! By pulling out your iPhone, you not only draw attention to yourself in what should be a holy moment of sacrament, but you also risk destroying the photo that the real photographer is trying to take. There is no reason for you to Instagram the bride walking down the aisle. Leave that to the pro's, and don't be the person who ruins the shot because your iPhone is covering up the groom's head. ...did that sound preachy? GOOD. :) 

Photo by Brittany Sturdivan of Love Be Photography.

DO RSVP and send a gift.
This is maybe the easiest thing to forget. It's always a bummer when you get this text from the bride or groom, "Hey...just wondering if you'd gotten our invitation! We're trying to get a headcount!" Woops. This may be the only "tip" I actually have a personal trick for, but here it is: whenever I get an invitation in the mail, I RSVP RIGHT THEN. I know that I am so bad about forgetting stuff like this that if I don't follow the "do it now" rule, it won't get done. I also try to buy a gift right then online, and have it sent to their home. If I can't attend the wedding, I write short letter on the back of the RSVP card expressing my regret (which is always genuine; I hate to miss a party). This keeps those "WTF, are you coming or not??" texts from rolling in. 

Photo by my jankity iPhone, so...sorry about that. 

And to end us, another DO - Get out on the dance floor! 
Every bride is hoping that their reception is a fun-filled dance party with the people they love most in the world. So if you notice that the dance floor is hitting a lull, get your booty out there and do something about it! A dance party is the easiest kind of party to start - people having fun on the dance floor is totally contagious. 

Photo by Leslee Mitchell of Leslee Mitchell Photography.

Woo hoo! Happy wedding season, y'all! May the bands all be fun and the hangovers not be too terrible.