5 Things: Life Lessons I've Learned from Gardening.

I am new to gardening. Ask my neighbors. 

Growing up, my grandmother Nonnie always kept a beautiful flower garden. Once we moved into their house and they moved up the road, the garden, unfortunately, became a little bit of a disaster area. 

In Jordan's and my house now, we have three tiers to our backyard; all three feature lovely landscaping, and two have raised beds. I decided that this was something I was going to take on. 

In the last three days or so, Jordan and I have had lots of "real life" things hit us between the eyes. Family members dealing with cancer diagnoses or surgeries, friends passing away from long-suffered illnesses - the kinds of things that always make us take a step back and look at life in a new way. At a certain point yesterday, amidst lots of this news pouring in, I felt the need to be outside for a while. So I started working in the garden, and because the "Big Questions" of life were weighing on my heart, I started realizing just how many parallels there are between gardening and life. 

1. For everything, there is a season. 

"This, too, shall pass." I remember hearing that quote for the first time and thinking, "...what??" But man, how true it is. Standing in this same spot in front of our house only a few months ago, everything around me was blanketed with over two feet of snow. And now, there isn't a trace of cold weather left - only beautiful blooms and signs of spring. The natural rhythm of the world - the growing, dying away, growing, dying away - is such a beautiful reminder that nothing physical is everlasting.

And it's hard to remember, while we're living in a specific season, that another one could ever happen. It was hard to believe, when I had snow up to my knees, that I would ever feel overheated again in the summer sunshine. But seasons change. It's an inevitability. 

Good times should be cherished and savored, bad times can be endured, and every opportunity should be seized, because we don't have forever to decide. It's just that simple.

2. In order for some things to grow, other things must be cut away. 

Pictured above is the peach tree we inherited when we moved into our house last July. I love peaches, and I was real happy to get to have fresh peaches as often as I wanted - peaches on top of my vanilla ice cream? Hello. Yes, please. Once the peaches came in, I remember walking out to the tree with a little basket to gather them, only to discover they were hard. As. Rocks. 

Seasoned gardeners will already know why this happened - it's because the former residents of our little cabin didn't prune the tree before spring. In order to grow full, juicy peaches, you have to crawl up in the tree and cut away most of the buds that are sprouting. Otherwise, the nutrients in the tree will be so split among all of the peach buds that none of the peaches will get enough, and none will grow to their potential. 

Good grief - that's an easy lesson, right? We can be anything we want, but we can't be everything we want. Things in life must be pruned away in order for other things to get the attention the deserve, so that we can grow to our full potential. Whether it's people, activities, habits, hobbies - there are some things that must be cut away so that other, more important things, get all they need to thrive. 

3. Good things are worth hard work. 

With the exception of the grace of God and the unconditional love of our families, there is no good thing in life that comes without hard work. When we moved into this house, the garden was overwhelming. The previous tenants didn't care for it at all, and so it had become wildly overgrown. Weeds were ruling the roost. 

As much as I feel like I've weeded, sprayed, rearranged, weeded, etc., weeds continue to persist every so often, and I find myself back on my hands and knees shoveling out the roots and piling the weeds to be thrown out. 

This is such a major lesson for me. If I'm being really honest and vulnerable, the truth is that there are a couple of things that have always come naturally to me. Because of that, early in my life, I was able to rest on the laurels of my natural abilities and didn't throw myself into working as hard as I could have. What a mistake that was. Not only did I cheat myself out of learning the value of work hard, but I also will never know what I could've achieved had I actually applied myself.  

Disciplining myself in order to achieve a goal is something I had to really learn, and it's a skill that I don't take for granted. Now, there is little in life that feels better to me than being disciplined - setting a goal and chipping away at it - and that is exactly what this garden project is to me. In order to keep a beautiful garden, I have to be constantly disciplined and attentive. And that's okay, because for me, this is something worth working hard on. 

I used to think: If at first you don't succeed, it wasn't meant to be.
But now I know: If at first you don't succeed, it's because you haven't earned it yet. Keep working hard. 

4. Don't jump to conclusions.

Two days ago, I was weeding around a little rock bed we have, and as I reached for the next clump of weeds, I saw a tiny bit of movement. That movement turned out to be the teeniest tiniest garter snake that I've ever seen. 

Having not encountered many snakes in the wild, and certainly not less than an inch away from my hand, I was very heebie-jeebied by this little fella. In my mind, this 5 inch (or less, really) snake was about to somehow Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger into an anaconda and eat me, my dog, and my entire house. 

So I used my snake safety (meaning I immediately fled). But first, I took pictures. After researching it from a safe distance, I discovered that garter snakes are non-venomous, and are actually helpful in a garden, because their diet consists of tiny bugs that can eat away at your plants! 

I'll give myself a little credit here, since snakes can definitely be scary, but the lesson still rings true: there are SO many examples of when jumping to conclusions is a bad idea. Sometimes things that to be appear scary aren't scary at all. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction is a bad one. Sometimes first impressions are flat-out wrong. 

Oh, to have the wisdom to remember that in the future. :) 

5. We are small, but we are special. 

I've heard people say that being out in nature makes them feel insignificant, and reminds them just how small they are compared to the big, wide world. 

And I get it. I know what they mean - when presented with the vastness and the scope of ALL OF NATURE, all of the universes and galaxies that surround our little tiny planet, it's very easy to feel like our lives are just vapors. Because we are small. Here today and gone tomorrow. That part is true. 

But I also think that each one of us is so special. Such a singular creation. In the same way that every flower in my garden is new, and fresh, and will never quite bloom the same way again, so are we, and so do we. 

Get ready for me to sound like one of those motivational posters in your 4th grade classroom. 

Every one of us is unique, like a fingerprint of our Creator, a perfect creation that has never been and will never be again. All living things have this in common. The gift of life is so precious - so fragile - and it demands that we plant our feet firmly and, with every breath, that we make good use of every daily jog, of every belly laugh, of every bolt of inspiration. 

Every flutter of our eyelashes. Each night as we finally crawl into bed. Every mundane lunch. All of it. It's all part of what's wrapped up in a life that can only be ours. Life is happening right now, every day, in every little action and every moment, for as long as we're on this planet. 

So we have to answer the question, "Who are you? What do you have to offer?" Some days, we might answer in whispers. Others, we might answer in a roar. But being alive means that every day, we are living into that answer We're only one person, and we're only here for a short while, but we're the only "us" there will ever be. 

So we have to bloom.

Myers Briggs Personality Test.

You. Guys. 

I need to confess something to you: I am obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality test. If you've taken it, you probably have dabbled in obsession, too! If you haven't, get ready to have your mind blown. 

I love so many things about the Myers-Briggs test. The fact that it was invented by a mother-daughter team (shout out to my laaaaaadies), the fact that it exists to help organize "seemingly random behavior" into codes that allow the way individuals interact with the world to shine through. 

"But Mary Catherine, isn't this just some weird voodoo astrology where people just see a description and are like, 'THAT'S TOTALLY ME, OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY NAILED IT!'" 

No.

This test is extremely effective and used in businesses all over the world to help people better understand each other. The questions are designed to learn about you, not to pull some whack stuff together about how you were born in January so you must be stubborn and career-driven. 

Once you know what type you are, you can also research what celebrities match your type, what careers you would be best in, and some typical behaviors of yours in friendships, romantic relationships, and as a parent.

FASCINATING, right?! 

I love this test in particular because I lo-o-o-o-o-ve to deep-dive into people's personalities. I am obsessed with figuring out what makes people tick. It's the latent writer in me. I want to know your deepest, darkest, grizzliest, most interesting layers; I want to know why you said what you just said; what motivates you to get up every morning, etc. Love it. Can't get enough of it. (Freak.) 

In MB, there are four categories of personality, each with two options: 

1. Introvert v. Extrovert. This is probably the simplest one to diagnose. The easiest way to determine what you are is to ask yourself, "Where do I get my energy - from alone time or from groups? Do I like to focus on the world around me, or the world inside my head?" 

2. Intuitive v. Sensing. This category is a bit more nuanced. Here, you decide whether you're a person who likes to focus on and remember the bare-bones details around you, or if you're someone who likes to zoom out and add meaning and inference to the situations you encounter. 

3. Thinking v. Feeling. Important to understand that if you're a "T," that doesn't mean you don't have feelings, and if you're an "F," it doesn't mean you're a dummy. T v. F simply means: are you someone who is more logical and consistent, or are you someone who takes people and circumstances into account? Are you more ruled by your feelings, or more detached from them? 

4. Judging v. Perceiving. The best way I ever heard this one described was, "If you were to go on a European vacation, would you sit down ahead of time and have every detail, monument, and hotel stay planned? Or are you a person who would arrive and ask the locals where the best places to eat/drink/stay are?" 

To actually take the MB test, you have to shell out some cash, but there's an off-brand site that has created a test that's almost identical, located here. 

I myself am an "ENFJ." My personality description on the Myers-Briggs website looks like this: 

 

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

 

Now here's where it gets interesting. Jordan, who is very similar to me in many ways, but VERY different in others, is an INTJ. That means our biggest differences are that he gets his energy from being alone, while I get mine from being in groups; he is "Thinking," more detached from being ruled by his emotions, while I am, OF COURSE, "Feeling" every single feeling all the damn time. Here's his type description: 

 

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

 

The way this manifests in our marriage is fascinating to me. One of the biggest ways is that when it comes to things that are trivial, like dressing up for an event, Jordan's mind works like an efficiency robot - only the things that will be beneficial and effective in a long-term way are truly, deeply important. Otherwise, it doesn't matter too much and he doesn't get that worked up about it. 

A sample conversation between us: 

Me: Honey, you have to put on a collared shirt to go to this restaurant.
Jordan: Why? 
Me: Because there's a dress code! People would stare at you. 
Jordan: Mary Catherine, when are we ever going to see these people again? Why do you care what they think? 
Me: Because EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT SO YOU HAVE TO.
Jordan: So you're telling me that just because somebody somewhere came up with the idea that collars = formality, that's what is expected of me? I wear pajamas to work. Collars hurt my neck. I really don't want to. Do I have to? 
Me: I know that this doesn't make sense to you, and I understand that this is ultimately not that big a deal in the scheme of life. But the reality is that we're late, and I do not have the brain space to get into a conversation with you about the history of formalwear in the United States. Yes. You have to. I love you. 
Jordan: Ugh. 

....aaaaaand scene. 

Another great example is that Jordan is SO helpful at pulling me out of an emotional tailspin because he won't let me take him down with me. Observe: 

Me: UGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE. 
Jordan: Baby, you have so many things you love to do. Let's talk about them all. What do you think you would love? 
Me: I LOVE TOO MANY THINGS I CAN'T EVEN START DOWN A ROAD OR I'LL BOX MYSELF IN OR MAYBE I'LL JUST BE PARALYZED BY FEAR FOREVER AND NEVER EVER MAKE ANYTHING OF MYSELF AND THEN JUST DIE. 
Jordan: Well that's probably not going to happen. I'm going to go run a bath for you and we can talk about what to do next. You're writing a blog! I'm so proud of you for that. And you have time to figure out the big stuff.  
Me: NO I DON'T I'M BASICALLY 30 WHICH MEANS I'M BASICALLY 60 MY LIFE IS OVER.
Jordan: You know how sometimes when it thunders outside, dogs get freaked out, so their owners put them in compression shirts? Come here. I am going to hug-thundershirt you. It's all going to be okay. Your life is good. You are sweet and smart. You're going to be fine. 

I include these little snippets for this reason: for me, knowing that Jordan operates in a totally different way from the way I operate in some situations is super helpful for me. It allows me to take a step back and understand that for him, some things are just trivial and they always will be. It's the quality that enables him to be so great at his job - he is hyper-efficient, detail-oriented, and does not allow anxiety or fear to overwhelm him. You wouldn't really want someone like that performing surgery on your mouth. Which is why there are a lot of doctors who are INTJ's. 

In the same way, knowing that I am wired the way I am allows him to be able to shepherd me through my most vulnerable moments with care and grace, because he's aware that it'll pass, and that I probably just need to emotionally vomit all over him and then everything will be fine. 

ANYWAY. All of this to say, Myers-Briggs is FASCINATING to me for so many different reasons. I am on a mission to diagnose everyone in my world, so I've made a whole bunch of people take it. 

Have you taken it? 

What are you? 

I'm dying to know. 

DNR - JTI.

As always, credit where it's due to Mollie Erickson who invented DNR - JTI on her much funnier blog, found here

Dear female celebrities on the red carpet, 
I understand the whole #askhermore thing. I don't think you should be relegated to answering questions about how you juggle raising your children while having a career, when the male celebs who are also parents get to talk about how they got into character or who they think will be President. 

BUT. 

You have been given scores of outfits from which to choose by the most elite designers in the world. You are wearing thousands and thousands of dollars' worth: gown, jewels, shoes, hair and makeup styling. The question, "Who are you wearing?" is not offensive unless it's the only thing you're asked. So answer it, and stop being a brat. You are a walking advertisement for a design house and you're living every girl's dream. DNR - JTI. 

 

Dear author of Suri's Burn Book, 
Please post more often. It's so amazing when you do. I want like a daily, maybe even hourly, post. Just think about it. DNR - JTI. 

 

Dear Apple TV remote,
YOU ARE SO SMALL AND EASY TO LOSE. PLEASE GET BIGGER. I CAN'T EVER FIND YOU AND I WANT TO. ("But Mary Catherine, you can download an app on your phone to control it!" NO I CAN'T BECAUSE MY PHONE'S SOFTWARE IS TOO OLD AND I WON'T LET APPLE EAT MY STORAGE WITH A NEW OPERATING SYSTEM IN ORDER MAKE ME BUY A BETTER IPHONE. 

Sorry I yelled. I got carried away. DNR - JTI.

 

Dear Adam Scott,
I don't know why I don't like you. It's hard for me to watch you on shows like Parks and Rec, because I find your brand of comedy to be "constantly exasperated condescension" and it wears me out. You are kind of a human marsupial and I just don't know what to do with you. I think your character in Step Brothers is probably who you actually are in real life. Sorry. DNR - JTI.

 

Dear Cast of "House of Cards," 
Not every Southern person has the same accent. I don't understand why every Southern character on your show (and you have a lot) sounds like someone from Savannah in the 1940's. So tell all the colleagues of "Frank and Clayuh Undahwood" to give it a rest or watch a YouTube tutorial. DNR - JTI. Also, War Eagle.

 

Dear Kate McKinnon,
My husband has an enormous crush on you. Every time you come on the screen, he's mesmerized. Thank you for being a lesbian so I don't have to worry that he's going to leave me for you, because otherwise that would be a concern. You are hysterical and one of the best cast members of all time. DNR - JTI. 

 

Dear Ben Higgins, 
You know the right girl to pick. You know that BroJo is not going to be a good long-term choice. You know you don't love her. You know it's The Bee. If you don't pick The Bee, we're all gonna be disappointed in you. My bracket is already ruined, so at least do us this one solid. Don't forget to shave your face before the big proposal scene, ya big ol' nerd. DNR - JTI.

 

Dear daylight savings time,
You suck. DNR - JTI. 

The Scientist

Good morning, friends! 

One of Jordan's really dear friends from dental school, Landon Heckman, reached out to me recently, and we've been covering some music together. I linked our cover of "Love Yourself" a few weeks ago. We threw that together pretty quickly. 

This cover, though, we've spent a couple of weeks working on. I'm really proud of it. So impressed by Landon's instrumental work (all I contributed were the vocals) and really pleased with how it came out. I hope you enjoy. 

Beautiful Max Patch

If you follow me on Instagram, you're probably like, "UGH, enough with the Max Patch stuff already!" 

But if you've been to Max Patch, you're not like that at all. 

Max Patch is what those in the know call a "bald," which is a naturally occurring patch of tree-less hilltop in the middle of an otherwise wooded area. What makes it even more special is that at its summit, you get a 360* view of the Blue Ridge Mountains from 4,600 ft. 

Max Patch is part of the Appalachian Trail, so hikers that are going north-to-south, who have been hiking on heavily wooded trails, suddenly climb up the side of a mountain and BAM. The world opens up like you've never seen it before.

Being on top of this mountain is indescribable - as anyone who has had a breathtaking experience in nature knows, it's probably the closest you come to feeling like God has materialized and is standing right next to you. It's also the closest you'll get to being Julie Andrews in the beginning of The Sound of Music twirling on that mountaintop. (Did it, and I'm not sorry.) 

Jordan, Tom Hanks and I have now been to Max Patch in almost every season, so I have pictures of it in summer, fall, and winter - just waiting on spring! 

I thought I'd share, because it's just a bunch of beauty, and because it's Wednesday, so ya might need a little beauty bump to get you through your week.  

SUMMER.

FALL: 

WINTER:
Little note: Jordan's family came into town for New Year's, so we spent January 1 on top of Max Patch. Pretty unreal way to kick off the new year. It was also 12* when we went up, but with wind, felt like 0*, so we were snapping pictures as fast as we could before our hands froze. 

My very favorite part of all of these photos is that Jordan had the idea months ago to take a picture of TH and me in every season. Once we have all four, we're going to frame them in our house. So far we've got these three - can't wait for spring!