Dog Attack Story

Let me start by saying this: I don't have a problem with pit bulls, and I think condemning them outright isn't fair to anyone. As an animal lover, I know that pit mixes make up the majority of dogs in kill shelters, which breaks my heart. I personally know several pit bulls who are precious, so I can't get behind people hating on the entire breed. Dogs are a reflection of their owners, and if a dog is badly behaved, that's on the person, not the animal. Some dogs are naturally more aggressive, some dogs take to water, some dogs are great for hunting - all dogs have their strengths and weaknesses, and all have to be properly trained accordingly. The dogs in this story could've been any dogs, any breed.

Now, then. 

I've found myself telling this story a lot lately for one reason or another, so I thought I'd tell it here, too. 

In Asheville, there is a gorgeous riverside park with a trail that extends for miles along the French Broad River and terminates in a dog park. Tom Hanks and I would take long walks there every morning, doing the few miles from Carrier Park (where the trail starts) and ending at the dog park in French Broad Park. Both these parks have leash laws in place, except for in the dog park, obviously, because dog parks are the best and most fun.

In October, before it got too chilly, we were walking through Carrier Park. It was about halfway through our walk, and I was totally absorbed in a sermon I was listening to in my headphones. We passed a pretty surly motorcyclist who'd pulled up onto the grass. Just as I was thinking that I should probably speed up to avoid this guy, Tom Hanks and I were suddenly both knocked to the ground. 

When I sat up, I realized that two pit bulls were the culprits. They had been lying on the ground - had leashes on, but they weren't being held onto. Their owners (a college-aged couple) weren't watching them as we passed by, so they'd come at us full force. I'd gotten the wind knocked out of me and my sunglasses had been knocked off my head (never to be recovered, RIP favorite sunglasses!) - but most disturbingly, my dog had been pinned underneath two roughly 80 pound dogs. 

The pits' owners and I snapped into action and ran over. The girl in the couple snagged one of the dogs, and Tom Hanks was able to outrun the other one in enough time for the guy in the couple to tackle him. 

I was, of course, completely hysterical at this point - couldn't catch my breath and was just crying out of pure terror. I said to the couple, "I'm not usually a confrontational person, but this is why there are leash laws. You have to keep your dogs on a leash. They can't be allowed to do that." 

And the couple responded with a half-hearted, "Sorry?" and went back to their conversation. 

Tom Hanks was down the trail at this point, being cared for by none other than the big scary biker guy that before, I'd tried to avoid. He held TH's leash while I caught my breath and talked to both of us in sweet, dulcet tones about how everything was going to be fine. He even offered to look for my sunglasses. Precious. Once we were both a little steadier, we walked back to the car. It was only at that point that my adrenaline wore off enough for me to realize that my ankle had been badly sprained in the tussle. I ended up in a boot, nursing a high ankle sprain for about four months, and although it's MUCH better these days, the ankle still bugs me.

TH is a really friendly, more submissive fellow when it comes to interacting with other dogs, and this scared him pretty good. Though he emerged from the scrap with only some deep scratches on his belly, he was pretty freaked. 

Even though we were not at fault in this particular scenario, it inspired me to read a lot about how I can best make sure I'm facilitating a positive interaction between Tom Hanks and any other dog he may come into contact with. Tom Hanks is the first dog I've ever had, and because of that, I have had to learn a lot about proper association techniques. Here are some helpful things I've learned from the World Wide Web that can help all our pups get along: 

Follow leash laws. They're there for a reason - not for some people to follow and others to ignore. When one dog is on a leash and meets another dog who isn't, the leashed dog automatically feels like he's at a disadvantage and becomes fearful and/or aggressive. That's why in most dog parks, there's a little gated area between the entrance and the park itself for you to remove your dog's leash - it's so that when your dog is meeting other dogs, he's off-leash, just like they are, and everyone feels like they're on an equal playing field. 

Always ask. This is a biggie. Proper protocol when one dog meets another (assuming they're both on leash) is to ask its owner, "Is it okay if my dog says hello?" People know what their dogs can handle, and many people will simply say, "No, we're working on friendliness right now, but she's not quite there yet," or something similar. Asking first ensures that everyone - people and dogs alike - are aware, ready, and watching the interaction. No one is caught off guard, and everybody stays safe, especially the pups! 

Pay attention. In a situation when dogs are off-leash, like in a dog park, it falls to us as the humans to make sure everything's going swimmingly. A few times at our dog park, there will be folks who let their dogs off leash and then crack open a book, totally oblivious that their dog is wreaking all kinds of havoc and scaring everybody. I like to think of dogs as the equivalent of a bunch of 4th graders - they're usually harmless, but they're just smart enough to get into loads of trouble left unattended. 

Watch the tail and the ears. In all the dog books I've read (NERD ALERT), the authors talk about how tails and ears are emotional giveaways. For example, if your dog is in a new situation with lots of other dogs, and you notice that his ears are lying flat against his head and his tail is tucked, he is officially freaked out and needs a little soothing. Conversely, if his ears are pricked and his tail is lifted high, he's ready to play! Since dogs can't verbally communicate with us, this is the easiest way for us to read their emotions and help make every interaction a positive one. By watching the tail and ears, we're not abandoning our dogs in situations where they're uncomfortable, and that could potentially turn aggressive if left unchecked. 

It really is so easy to make sure that all dogs are happy and healthy - it just takes some extra attention and knowing what to look for. May we all be responsible dog owners and have dogs who are as happy as these derps right here: 

 

 

Meatless Monday: World's Easiest Black Bean Burgers

As I've gotten further and further into eating less meat, one of the go-to dinners in our house has been lettuce-wrapped black bean burgers with all the fixings. I've realized I much prefer a black bean burger over a veggie burger - I don't need corn in my burger. No, thanks.

I always think the measure of a good meal is how much Jordan likes it/asks for it, and he gobbles this up every single time it's placed in front of him. #winning

Of course, you could just as easily serve this with a bun, but if you choose to go the lettuce route, you'll end up with a sugar-free, dairy-free, and nearly grain-free meal that is still filling (because black beans are so high in protein) and super delicious. 

Yields: 2 burgers, but can easily doubled for 4. 

Ingredients: 

Olive oil
1 15 oz can of seasoned black beans
1/4 cup of Panko bread crumbs (or homemade bread crumbs)
1/2 T salt
3/4 T pepper
3/4 t chili powder
1 T your favorite hot sauce
1 egg (optional)
Your cheese of choice (optional)

Tools:
Strainer
Pastry cutter (or fork if you don't have one) 
Cast iron skillet (or any other pan) 

1. Pour black beans into a strainer to drain but NOT to rinse. Move your strainer around in a quick, circular motion to get rid of as much liquid as possible. Once they're drained, return them to a medium-sized bowl.

2. With your pastry cutter or fork, mash the beans until they are between halfway and three quarters of the way mashed. You still want to see some whole beans when you're finished. 

Not the most appetizing, I know - stay with me. 

Not the most appetizing, I know - stay with me. 

3. Add your Panko bread crumbs and seasonings and combine using a silicone spatula. This is a recipe that you can edit to your particular taste, since black beans serve as such a blank canvas. So if you're a hot sauce person, add extra hot sauce! Totally customizable. 

Note: If you'd like to add an egg, this is the time to do it. Eggs serve as a binder in this recipe and keep the burgers moist. I've found that the egg usually makes things a little too moist, but it's a personal preference! 

4. Form a patty using 1/2 the burger mixture in the bowl. In your cast iron skillet, add enough olive oil to lightly coat the bottom of the pan. Cook your burger over medium heat until it starts to really sizzle, or for about 4 minutes.

5. Using tongs, turn your burger over in the pan. You may have to re-shape the patty just a bit after the turning process. If you'd like to add cheese, do it! I like to melt the cheese by placing another skillet on top of the one I'm already working with, because melted cheese = the best cheese. 

And that, my friends, is IT! Now it's time to serve it up however you choose. We usually eat it wrapped in lettuce with condiments on the side. Usually, we have baked French fries sprinkled with sea salt, but those didn't make this post. 

What do you think? Healthy and husband-approved. Give it a shot! 

5 Ways I Know I'm Not 20 Anymore

Getting old is tough, kiddies. There are definitely some perks to being 27 rather than 22, but there are also some downsides.

Let's explore.

1. I wait excitedly for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy to come on. 

As I've previously mentioned, Jordan and I don't have cable - we use Apple TV/Hulu/Netflix. But we did buy some rabbit ears to get basic cable, so now we can watch all the old people game shows that come on right after the 5 o'clock news. This has now become part of my evening ritual. 

You guys, Alex Trebek is SO MEAN to these people. Seriously, if you haven't watched Jeopardy in a while, I implore you to do so if only to watch Trebek passive aggressively ROAST these folks. It really is something special. Here's an excerpt from a recent episode when he really wouldn't give this poor soul Irene a break: 

After the Jeopardy! round:

Alex: And Irene trailing both of you…by a hefty margin.

Before Double Jeopardy!:

Alex: Despite those scores, it’s not out of reach for Irene.

Before Final Jeopardy!

Alex: Irene – this wasn’t your day, but we’ll start with you.

Damn, Trebek. 

2. When plans get canceled, I am elated. 

Now, don't get me wrong - sometimes I really want to see people and do things. And nobody likes being flaked on - that's not what I'm talking about. I am referring to those times when plans have been tentatively made for a particular day, and on that day, you wake up unsure of what's going to happen. Then you get THE TEXT: "Hey! ________ came up for me - can we do it another night?" 

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my sweatpants and the couch. 

Because that's what's happening when plans get broken. And I love every second of it. When I was 20, I would've been super disappointed and/or angry that I was probably going to miss out on some hilarious great time. These days? Pass the Cape Cod Kettle Chips. Thanks.

3. The sun hates me. 

Oh, ancestors. Couldn't you have been ANYTHING but super, super white?? 

I vividly remember the moment when I saw the first lines on my face. I was doing Teach For America at the time. One of the things you have to perfect as a teacher is a non-verbal warning to a misbehaving student while not missing a step in the lesson you're teaching. Something like this: 

TFA pays for Botox, right? 

TFA pays for Botox, right? 

Anyway, I'd just gotten back into my car at the end of the day, and I pulled down my visor to check my lipstick in the mirror (I was going somewhere right after to meet some folks for a drink). My car was flooded with natural light, which, as you ladies know, leaves NO flaw unturned. 

It was like three tiny rivers had been running across my forehead for years and left the fossils on my face. TERRIBLE.

When I was 20, I fell asleep with my makeup on. Now, I exfoliate, use a retinoid, a moisturizer, a spot corrector (if necessary), Burt's Bees, and do a mask once a week. I will have no more lines than is absolutely necessary.

I used to be able to galavant all over the place and not worry about the sun giving me additional lines/wrinkles. In high school, I went to the TANNING BED. That's right. Tanning bed. Can't even believe that's still legal. 

Now, I am the person who will be tucked away in the shade at the beach, under an umbrella, with SPF 125. Why? Because my ancestors came from ScotIreEngland, Home of the Vampires. We don't do sun. I've accepted it. 

4. Tons of junk food ruins my life.

There were multiple occasions in college - no one really needs to know how many - that I got out of bed at 11 and went to Waffle House with my buddies. My standard order was: a double order of hashbrowns, double covered; egg and cheese sandwich on white; side of grits and a chocolate chip waffle. 

And I ate every bite.

Recently, Jordan and I went to Huntsville for a wedding. We ate McDonald's for breakfast on the way out of town, had Mexican food at Rosie's for lunch, then, after the reception, swung through McDonald's FOR A SECOND TIME to grab some late night. 

I felt like I had eaten bricks. And I felt like that for a week. 

The first night I met Jordan was at Birmingham-Southern's homecoming event. We met, talked for about 5 hours, and then I convinced him to go with me to grab everyone some late night food. We drove through Wendy's, where I ordered a sack of 7 or 8 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. When we got back to the fraternity house, only 6 were eaten. That left two. 

I ate both.

All this to say, I've prided myself for many years on having something of an iron stomach. My brother is blessed with the same condition. But now? Now, I'm old. I'm washed up. I can't anymore. It's hard, but for the most part, I've had to break up with eating constant junk. 

For anyone who is still 20 and can do this without consequence or weight gain:  

5. Relationship games are a thing of the past.

Oh, relationship games. How much I loved you. How fun you were. 

You guys know what I'm talking about. The, "Will he text me back?" "Do you think he'll ask me out?" "I'm not going to respond for another thirty minutes so he doesn't think I'm too available." "Will you ask his friend to ask him if he's seeing anyone?" 

Yeah. 

I like to think Jordan and I are still keeping the mystery alive. There are definitely certain things that are still private - for example, we are not the couple that continues a conversation while one of us is using the bathroom by leaving the door open - BUT. There are lots of comforting things about being married that don't have anything to do with leaving the bathroom door open.

Here is a random sample of the riveting text exchanges that have happened in the last few weeks, which I think are as far away from "games" or even "interesting" as two people can get:

Riveting, right? 

Or this: 

Or, how about this? 

Or how about this charming information? 

Actually can't believe I posted this one, but there ya go. 

Actually can't believe I posted this one, but there ya go. 

Listen - marriage is the best. It is really, really nice to be done with the early 20's portion of my life, when I spent a lot of time wondering who I'd end up with, and instead, actually spend time BEING with that person. Jord is my teammate and I love every second of it (except the occasional day where we want to kill each other). This high-five-from-a-distance gets done a lot in our relationship: 

And it's just what 20-year-old MC dreamed about. 

Have such a happy weekend, friends! 

DNR - JTI: Facebook Edition

As always, credit where it's due to Mollie Erickson who invented DNR - JTI on her much funnier blog, found here

Dear People Who Use Facebook In Place of Going to the Doctor,
I recently saw a status - a status that inspired this entire post, actually - that read, "Doubled over in pain. Uncontrollable stomach cramping for 5 hours. Any ideas??" I do have an idea: go to the emergency room. There, you will find scores of trained professionals who have attended years of schooling to be able to answer just such a question. Conversely, on Facebook, you will find a lot of people who have the same access to WebMD that you do, in addition to a lot of people who believe themselves to be doctors, but are not. If it's attention you're looking for, just go ahead and post a picture of a puppy or baby orangutan or something like that. People LOVE that stuff. I know I'd certainly enjoy it more. DNR - JTI. And go to the doctor. 

Dear People Who Are Outraged and/or Disgusted About Something,
It seems to me that in most problems can be solved with a couple of deep breaths and some more information. In many cases, if I'm outraged, I find that it's because I don't have all the facts. Whenever I've done more research, or talked to someone more informed than I am, I usually get a lot cooler-headed and am so thankful I didn't do anything rash, like post something on the Internet, about whatever it was. I know, I know, getting more information and just breathing deeply won't work for everyone. But try it. See how it feels. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon,
Every single video you post is a delight. Melissa McCarthy doing "Colors of the Wind" was a highlight of my week. It even made my husband laugh out loud. Keep doing you. DNR - JTI. 

Dear People Who Start Their Posts With, "I usually don't post stuff like this...",

DNR - JTI. 
 

Dear Some of My Former Students Who Post Things That Would Make R. Kelly Blush,
Don't you remember the whole lesson I did on how the Internet is forever?? I am about to private message you with the fire of a thousand suns. You're better than that. DNR - JTI. And then quit it.

Dear Social Media,
Thank you, sincerely, for not being around when I myself was a youth. Livejournal contains plenty of emotionally overwrought entries from 14-year-old me, but the idea that I could have (and would have) posted 1,000 selfies of my awkwardly parted hair and general middle school-ness gives me goosies. Bless the hearts of the children who are coming of age in front of a screen. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Every 20 Year Old Girl Posting Pictures of College,
You have no idea how much fun the time you're living in is. Adulthood has its own awesome things, like never having take another final again, getting married, and making money. But after you graduate? You don't get to go to formals once a quarter. No swaps. No fraternity parties in the basement. No getting covered in beer. It's only wedding receptions from here on out, and while those are really fun, it's the only big occasion to dress up anymore. LIVE IT UP, KIDS. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Everyone,
Please forgive me for the thousands of Facebook etiquette laws I have inevitably breached. I'm sure lots of you are so glad that there's an "Unfollow" button, though those people probably won't even be reading this post, because, you know...they unfollowed. I am a lot. It's true. I bet you could do a whole DNR - JTI just for me. You guys are great. DNR - JTI. 

Puppy Palooza

I'm just gonna tell you now, this post comes with a medical warning: 

If you have a heart condition, proceed with caution. 'CAUSE YOUR HEART MIGHT EXPLODE. 

Yesterday, Tom Hanks and I went to visit Meredith and Ollie, the brand new baby 4 month old King Charles Cavalier. Meredith and Ollie live in Charlotte, so we try to get together as often as we can! 

Tom Hanks took Ollie his favorite toys, Kong's (what we call) "Tiny Balls," and hilarity ensued.

These puppies had a big day. 

First, they met:

Then, they went to lunch:  

They shared a water bowl: 

After lunch, it was play time back at Meredith's. 

Tom Hanks watched me play with Ollie in despair (this is taken over the top of TH's head): 

And after we left, it was naptime. Because they just got worn slap out, you guys! 

All around, a delightful visit in every single way. Tom Hanks has never been around a dog as teeny as Ollie, so that took a second of getting used to, but toward the end of the day, Tom Hanks was laying down and letting Ollie climb on his back. 

Next time, I would like to train Ollie to ride Tom Hanks around like a horse. Because that is seriously what their proportions are like right now - a doggie and a horsie. 

...apparently I talk like a baby when I'm looking at puppy pictures. I CAN'T HELP IT!! 

It is one of the great gifts of life to have incredible friends, and to have one so close in a state where neither of us has any family or friends is so huge. I am so grateful for Meredith, and if I had to speak for him, I think TH is also very grateful for Ollie. ...once he gets over his heartache that I was petting another dog. 

Happy Tuesday! 

Last Saturday Night

It's Monday, everybody! Hooray! 

Tom Hanks and I have a very exciting day planned - we're heading to Charlotte to see one of my very dearest friends, Meredith, and her new puppy, Ollie. Neither of us has met Ollie yet, and I'm REALLY excited to get to see them/a little terrified TH is going to crush baby Ollie with his excitement. Remember the gentle giant Lennie in "Of Mice and Men?" Right. 

This past weekend, Jordan and I took a day-trip to Huntsville for my other favorite Meredith's wedding. Meredith Ervin, my big sister in Chi O and one of my all-time role models, married her sweetheart Cline on Saturday night, and we were so thrilled to get to be there. 

I thought I'd share some pictures from being reunited with a crazy bunch of friends/crazy people from college who I love, love, love. 

Note: Katie is not actually drunk in that video of her eating pasta, but the caption is too good to resist. That may be my favorite thing that happened all night, except, you know, Meredith getting married. 

Hope you guys had as much fun as we did this weekend! Every so often, it's good to just cut the hell loose. 

Wish Tom Hanks luck and good manners as we travel today - tomorrow's post will be full of puppy pictures. What could be better than that??