Vegetable Garden

We got ants in our pants. 

You're supposed to wait until the first week of May, after the chance of frost has passed, but we just couldn't stand it! The forecast doesn't call for any freezing temperatures between now and May 1, so we're just keeping our fingers crossed. 

Because if it does frost, that will kill all my beautiful little sprouts. 

We started our GARDEN this weekend!! 

One of the great things about moving far away from anyone you know is that you get to explore what you like and don't like without anyone nearby having any expectations of you. I've learned things about myself since moving to Asheville that I don't think I would have discovered had we stayed in Birmingham - one of those things is that I really love to garden. There's something so rewarding about being outside, getting your hands a little dirty, and actually watching something you plant grow up into a vegetable! 

The idea that at some point in the next few months, I'll have a vegetable garden that I can pick and COOK FROM?? Crazy. 'Til this year, my veggies have come from the produce section at the grocery store. 

I feel like growing a garden is a slippery slope to me buying a cow and some chickens and just living off the land. 

...who am I?? 

So here are some pictures of our sweet little garden. We decided to plant squash, zucchini, snap peas, okra, bell peppers, watermelon, and we have a little plot on the edge of the bed for herbs (basil, oregano, parsley, and mint). Strangely enough, we noticed that mint was growing wild before we planted anything else -- leftover seeds from the last tenant of this house. We also found spinach doing the same thing! We tried to transplant it, but we'll see whether or not that worked.

We took full advantage of the mint, though, and have been drinking mint juleps with homemade mint-infused simple syrup all weekend! 

Here are some shots of how we spent our Saturday: 

As Ina would say, "How easy is that?" Seriously though, there is something really gratifying about picking your own little tiny crop. It's so fun! 

Hooray! Can't wait to update the blog with pictures as these little seeds become sprouts. I feel like I have a bunch of vegetable babies growing in the garden. I want to go whisper them bedtime stories and tuck them in at night.

What are you planting? What advice do you have for a first-time gardener? 

Happy Monday! 

5 (Well...4) Things: Essential Dog Accessories

I haven't had actual human babies yet, so for now, Tom Hanks is my fur-child. With any child, human or otherwise, comes a lot of toys and accessories. Here are our favorites: 

1. Collapsible dog bowls

Available online here, this dog bowl has been with us for two years every time we've gone hiking. It's lined, so it holds both water and food, and has a clip attachment so you can snap it right back onto a backpack after a water break. It makes taking your dog with you wherever - hiking, outdoor concert, dog park, etc. - really easy and convenient. 

2. Kong

I'm sure every dog owner out there has one of these bad boys, but just in case, let me sing its praises to you. The Kong is a rubber toy with a hollowed-out inside. It's used as a mental and physical stimulant - usually for when you leave the house - so that your dog isn't bored to death with nothing to do.

You can stuff it with anything you want (that's dog-friendly, of course) - our particular cocktail is two large scoops of peanut butter and three ice cube (the ice puts one more barrier between TH and the peanut butter, making this toy last even longer). Somebody recently told me they actually freeze their peanut butter and then load it in - genius! Anytime I leave the house, I don't feel as guilty when I know that he's in his crate DEVOURING his Kong, and will probably wear himself out and just pass out. I taught him well. #eatingandsleeping

3. Tiny balls

Not to be a Kong spokesperson here, BUT...there is no toy that brings my dog as much spastic joy as this one. We found one of these abandoned in the park one day, so we brought it home thinking it would maybe account for a couple of hours' worth of play. 

Y'all. 

When we threw Tom Hanks this ball, he lost his freakin' mind. I thought we were going to have to admit him to a doggie psych ward. 

He chased this around the house, somehow turning part-cat, pawing it, chasing it insanely, sliding across the floors, and when it inevitably rolled underneath our furniture, he would just come over to one of us and stare at us passive-aggressively until we retrieved it. 

They bounce, they squeak a little bit, and they come in a lot of different sizes. I'm telling you - if you haven't already, do it. You will be dying laughing watching your dog turn from a relatively normal creature into a super-spaz. "Go get your tiny ball!" elicits such energy and happiness in our house. 

4. The Aerobie

Jordan received this incredible ring as a gift from Emily Yearout, my brother's girlfriend, who is unparalleled at awesome gift-giving. Jordan and I have loved playing with it ourselves, and then one day, we realized Tom Hanks was chasing it. It was like Monkey In The Middle.

If you're like me, and you don't have a very strong throwing arm, it takes about 50 tosses of the tennis ball to actually tire your dog. Throw this disc? Easily 3x the distance that you can throw a ball - TH gets the opportunity to run full-speed and he is totally wiped when we come home. 

Be careful that they don't chew it, because that can change the shape - otherwise, this is a dynamite toy for bigger dogs with high energy. 

Hope everyone's weekend is filled with lots of playtime, running around outside, eating until you can't move, and flopping to the floor in total exhaustion. I know one dog whose weekend will be loaded all of those things...

DNR - JTI: Traffic Edition.

Dear Pedestrians Crossing the Street,
Listen, I get it. I don't always cross at a crosswalk, either. Usually I just run like a terrified rodent across the road at whatever place I see the opportunity. Notice how I said "run?" This is my problem with you people: unless you are elderly or otherwise impaired, if you're crossing the road NOT at a crosswalk, I better see some hustle. I want to see that brisk jog that says, "I'm not jogging for speed, I'm jogging out of appreciation." No leisurely strolls across the road. No. Hop along or get outta here. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Truck Parked in Front of Me,
You have a "Make America Great Again: JAIL HILLARY!" bumper sticker on your 1965 Ford pickup. And yet, when I got out of my car, you were kind to me and complimented me on my parallel parking. I don't like complicated. Be one thing. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Drivers Who Wait Until the Last Second to Merge When a Lane Closes,
We see you. We ALL see you. We know you saw that "RIGHT LANE CLOSED" sign just like we did, miles back. And yet, here you are, trying to shove your car through my life -- trying to break in line, really -- right at the front of the pack. Well, NOT TODAY. I mean, I might let you in, but I'm going to hate you the whole time. I have no grace to give you on this subject. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Guy Who Drove Up Beside Me Yesterday,
I don't really even know what to say, here. You caught me sending a text while driving, and you held up a sign that you'd obviously pre-written. In big, black letters I read, "PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN!" I wonder how many times you've gotten the chance to use that sign today. I feel convicted, violated, embarrassed, and angry at you. But you were right. Maybe get a hobby, though. DNR - JTI. 

Dear Interstate Drivers,
The left lane is not for setting your cruise control. The left lane is for fast driving and passing. Not for cruising. For passing. Don't cruise in it. Just pass in it. Please. I'm begging you. DNR - JTI.

Dear State Trooper,
A friend of yours, also a Trooper, told me once that we can all safely go 10 mph over the speed limit without being pulled over. This rule has worked for me so far. Thanks for the tip. You're the best! DNR - JTI. 

Dear Dad,
Remember when I was 15 and you paid me $20 to help you with a case you were working on? You said you were representing a client who had some traffic violations, and that you needed to know what the fine and punishments were for reckless driving in each county in Alabama. Remember that? Well it took me another decade, but I finally figured out that there was no client. You just wanted me to know that if I go 20 mph over the speed limit, I'm going to owe the government $2,500 and may get my license taken away. That was crafty. I still haven't forgotten. One day, I will also trick my own children, assuming cars will still be driven by humans when my kids are 15. We could all be robots by then. DNR - JTI. 

 

Dog Attack Story

Let me start by saying this: I don't have a problem with pit bulls, and I think condemning them outright isn't fair to anyone. As an animal lover, I know that pit mixes make up the majority of dogs in kill shelters, which breaks my heart. I personally know several pit bulls who are precious, so I can't get behind people hating on the entire breed. Dogs are a reflection of their owners, and if a dog is badly behaved, that's on the person, not the animal. Some dogs are naturally more aggressive, some dogs take to water, some dogs are great for hunting - all dogs have their strengths and weaknesses, and all have to be properly trained accordingly. The dogs in this story could've been any dogs, any breed.

Now, then. 

I've found myself telling this story a lot lately for one reason or another, so I thought I'd tell it here, too. 

In Asheville, there is a gorgeous riverside park with a trail that extends for miles along the French Broad River and terminates in a dog park. Tom Hanks and I would take long walks there every morning, doing the few miles from Carrier Park (where the trail starts) and ending at the dog park in French Broad Park. Both these parks have leash laws in place, except for in the dog park, obviously, because dog parks are the best and most fun.

In October, before it got too chilly, we were walking through Carrier Park. It was about halfway through our walk, and I was totally absorbed in a sermon I was listening to in my headphones. We passed a pretty surly motorcyclist who'd pulled up onto the grass. Just as I was thinking that I should probably speed up to avoid this guy, Tom Hanks and I were suddenly both knocked to the ground. 

When I sat up, I realized that two pit bulls were the culprits. They had been lying on the ground - had leashes on, but they weren't being held onto. Their owners (a college-aged couple) weren't watching them as we passed by, so they'd come at us full force. I'd gotten the wind knocked out of me and my sunglasses had been knocked off my head (never to be recovered, RIP favorite sunglasses!) - but most disturbingly, my dog had been pinned underneath two roughly 80 pound dogs. 

The pits' owners and I snapped into action and ran over. The girl in the couple snagged one of the dogs, and Tom Hanks was able to outrun the other one in enough time for the guy in the couple to tackle him. 

I was, of course, completely hysterical at this point - couldn't catch my breath and was just crying out of pure terror. I said to the couple, "I'm not usually a confrontational person, but this is why there are leash laws. You have to keep your dogs on a leash. They can't be allowed to do that." 

And the couple responded with a half-hearted, "Sorry?" and went back to their conversation. 

Tom Hanks was down the trail at this point, being cared for by none other than the big scary biker guy that before, I'd tried to avoid. He held TH's leash while I caught my breath and talked to both of us in sweet, dulcet tones about how everything was going to be fine. He even offered to look for my sunglasses. Precious. Once we were both a little steadier, we walked back to the car. It was only at that point that my adrenaline wore off enough for me to realize that my ankle had been badly sprained in the tussle. I ended up in a boot, nursing a high ankle sprain for about four months, and although it's MUCH better these days, the ankle still bugs me.

TH is a really friendly, more submissive fellow when it comes to interacting with other dogs, and this scared him pretty good. Though he emerged from the scrap with only some deep scratches on his belly, he was pretty freaked. 

Even though we were not at fault in this particular scenario, it inspired me to read a lot about how I can best make sure I'm facilitating a positive interaction between Tom Hanks and any other dog he may come into contact with. Tom Hanks is the first dog I've ever had, and because of that, I have had to learn a lot about proper association techniques. Here are some helpful things I've learned from the World Wide Web that can help all our pups get along: 

Follow leash laws. They're there for a reason - not for some people to follow and others to ignore. When one dog is on a leash and meets another dog who isn't, the leashed dog automatically feels like he's at a disadvantage and becomes fearful and/or aggressive. That's why in most dog parks, there's a little gated area between the entrance and the park itself for you to remove your dog's leash - it's so that when your dog is meeting other dogs, he's off-leash, just like they are, and everyone feels like they're on an equal playing field. 

Always ask. This is a biggie. Proper protocol when one dog meets another (assuming they're both on leash) is to ask its owner, "Is it okay if my dog says hello?" People know what their dogs can handle, and many people will simply say, "No, we're working on friendliness right now, but she's not quite there yet," or something similar. Asking first ensures that everyone - people and dogs alike - are aware, ready, and watching the interaction. No one is caught off guard, and everybody stays safe, especially the pups! 

Pay attention. In a situation when dogs are off-leash, like in a dog park, it falls to us as the humans to make sure everything's going swimmingly. A few times at our dog park, there will be folks who let their dogs off leash and then crack open a book, totally oblivious that their dog is wreaking all kinds of havoc and scaring everybody. I like to think of dogs as the equivalent of a bunch of 4th graders - they're usually harmless, but they're just smart enough to get into loads of trouble left unattended. 

Watch the tail and the ears. In all the dog books I've read (NERD ALERT), the authors talk about how tails and ears are emotional giveaways. For example, if your dog is in a new situation with lots of other dogs, and you notice that his ears are lying flat against his head and his tail is tucked, he is officially freaked out and needs a little soothing. Conversely, if his ears are pricked and his tail is lifted high, he's ready to play! Since dogs can't verbally communicate with us, this is the easiest way for us to read their emotions and help make every interaction a positive one. By watching the tail and ears, we're not abandoning our dogs in situations where they're uncomfortable, and that could potentially turn aggressive if left unchecked. 

It really is so easy to make sure that all dogs are happy and healthy - it just takes some extra attention and knowing what to look for. May we all be responsible dog owners and have dogs who are as happy as these derps right here: 

 

 

Meatless Monday: World's Easiest Black Bean Burgers

As I've gotten further and further into eating less meat, one of the go-to dinners in our house has been lettuce-wrapped black bean burgers with all the fixings. I've realized I much prefer a black bean burger over a veggie burger - I don't need corn in my burger. No, thanks.

I always think the measure of a good meal is how much Jordan likes it/asks for it, and he gobbles this up every single time it's placed in front of him. #winning

Of course, you could just as easily serve this with a bun, but if you choose to go the lettuce route, you'll end up with a sugar-free, dairy-free, and nearly grain-free meal that is still filling (because black beans are so high in protein) and super delicious. 

Yields: 2 burgers, but can easily doubled for 4. 

Ingredients: 

Olive oil
1 15 oz can of seasoned black beans
1/4 cup of Panko bread crumbs (or homemade bread crumbs)
1/2 T salt
3/4 T pepper
3/4 t chili powder
1 T your favorite hot sauce
1 egg (optional)
Your cheese of choice (optional)

Tools:
Strainer
Pastry cutter (or fork if you don't have one) 
Cast iron skillet (or any other pan) 

1. Pour black beans into a strainer to drain but NOT to rinse. Move your strainer around in a quick, circular motion to get rid of as much liquid as possible. Once they're drained, return them to a medium-sized bowl.

2. With your pastry cutter or fork, mash the beans until they are between halfway and three quarters of the way mashed. You still want to see some whole beans when you're finished. 

Not the most appetizing, I know - stay with me. 

Not the most appetizing, I know - stay with me. 

3. Add your Panko bread crumbs and seasonings and combine using a silicone spatula. This is a recipe that you can edit to your particular taste, since black beans serve as such a blank canvas. So if you're a hot sauce person, add extra hot sauce! Totally customizable. 

Note: If you'd like to add an egg, this is the time to do it. Eggs serve as a binder in this recipe and keep the burgers moist. I've found that the egg usually makes things a little too moist, but it's a personal preference! 

4. Form a patty using 1/2 the burger mixture in the bowl. In your cast iron skillet, add enough olive oil to lightly coat the bottom of the pan. Cook your burger over medium heat until it starts to really sizzle, or for about 4 minutes.

5. Using tongs, turn your burger over in the pan. You may have to re-shape the patty just a bit after the turning process. If you'd like to add cheese, do it! I like to melt the cheese by placing another skillet on top of the one I'm already working with, because melted cheese = the best cheese. 

And that, my friends, is IT! Now it's time to serve it up however you choose. We usually eat it wrapped in lettuce with condiments on the side. Usually, we have baked French fries sprinkled with sea salt, but those didn't make this post. 

What do you think? Healthy and husband-approved. Give it a shot! 

5 Ways I Know I'm Not 20 Anymore

Getting old is tough, kiddies. There are definitely some perks to being 27 rather than 22, but there are also some downsides.

Let's explore.

1. I wait excitedly for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy to come on. 

As I've previously mentioned, Jordan and I don't have cable - we use Apple TV/Hulu/Netflix. But we did buy some rabbit ears to get basic cable, so now we can watch all the old people game shows that come on right after the 5 o'clock news. This has now become part of my evening ritual. 

You guys, Alex Trebek is SO MEAN to these people. Seriously, if you haven't watched Jeopardy in a while, I implore you to do so if only to watch Trebek passive aggressively ROAST these folks. It really is something special. Here's an excerpt from a recent episode when he really wouldn't give this poor soul Irene a break: 

After the Jeopardy! round:

Alex: And Irene trailing both of you…by a hefty margin.

Before Double Jeopardy!:

Alex: Despite those scores, it’s not out of reach for Irene.

Before Final Jeopardy!

Alex: Irene – this wasn’t your day, but we’ll start with you.

Damn, Trebek. 

2. When plans get canceled, I am elated. 

Now, don't get me wrong - sometimes I really want to see people and do things. And nobody likes being flaked on - that's not what I'm talking about. I am referring to those times when plans have been tentatively made for a particular day, and on that day, you wake up unsure of what's going to happen. Then you get THE TEXT: "Hey! ________ came up for me - can we do it another night?" 

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my sweatpants and the couch. 

Because that's what's happening when plans get broken. And I love every second of it. When I was 20, I would've been super disappointed and/or angry that I was probably going to miss out on some hilarious great time. These days? Pass the Cape Cod Kettle Chips. Thanks.

3. The sun hates me. 

Oh, ancestors. Couldn't you have been ANYTHING but super, super white?? 

I vividly remember the moment when I saw the first lines on my face. I was doing Teach For America at the time. One of the things you have to perfect as a teacher is a non-verbal warning to a misbehaving student while not missing a step in the lesson you're teaching. Something like this: 

TFA pays for Botox, right? 

TFA pays for Botox, right? 

Anyway, I'd just gotten back into my car at the end of the day, and I pulled down my visor to check my lipstick in the mirror (I was going somewhere right after to meet some folks for a drink). My car was flooded with natural light, which, as you ladies know, leaves NO flaw unturned. 

It was like three tiny rivers had been running across my forehead for years and left the fossils on my face. TERRIBLE.

When I was 20, I fell asleep with my makeup on. Now, I exfoliate, use a retinoid, a moisturizer, a spot corrector (if necessary), Burt's Bees, and do a mask once a week. I will have no more lines than is absolutely necessary.

I used to be able to galavant all over the place and not worry about the sun giving me additional lines/wrinkles. In high school, I went to the TANNING BED. That's right. Tanning bed. Can't even believe that's still legal. 

Now, I am the person who will be tucked away in the shade at the beach, under an umbrella, with SPF 125. Why? Because my ancestors came from ScotIreEngland, Home of the Vampires. We don't do sun. I've accepted it. 

4. Tons of junk food ruins my life.

There were multiple occasions in college - no one really needs to know how many - that I got out of bed at 11 and went to Waffle House with my buddies. My standard order was: a double order of hashbrowns, double covered; egg and cheese sandwich on white; side of grits and a chocolate chip waffle. 

And I ate every bite.

Recently, Jordan and I went to Huntsville for a wedding. We ate McDonald's for breakfast on the way out of town, had Mexican food at Rosie's for lunch, then, after the reception, swung through McDonald's FOR A SECOND TIME to grab some late night. 

I felt like I had eaten bricks. And I felt like that for a week. 

The first night I met Jordan was at Birmingham-Southern's homecoming event. We met, talked for about 5 hours, and then I convinced him to go with me to grab everyone some late night food. We drove through Wendy's, where I ordered a sack of 7 or 8 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. When we got back to the fraternity house, only 6 were eaten. That left two. 

I ate both.

All this to say, I've prided myself for many years on having something of an iron stomach. My brother is blessed with the same condition. But now? Now, I'm old. I'm washed up. I can't anymore. It's hard, but for the most part, I've had to break up with eating constant junk. 

For anyone who is still 20 and can do this without consequence or weight gain:  

5. Relationship games are a thing of the past.

Oh, relationship games. How much I loved you. How fun you were. 

You guys know what I'm talking about. The, "Will he text me back?" "Do you think he'll ask me out?" "I'm not going to respond for another thirty minutes so he doesn't think I'm too available." "Will you ask his friend to ask him if he's seeing anyone?" 

Yeah. 

I like to think Jordan and I are still keeping the mystery alive. There are definitely certain things that are still private - for example, we are not the couple that continues a conversation while one of us is using the bathroom by leaving the door open - BUT. There are lots of comforting things about being married that don't have anything to do with leaving the bathroom door open.

Here is a random sample of the riveting text exchanges that have happened in the last few weeks, which I think are as far away from "games" or even "interesting" as two people can get:

Riveting, right? 

Or this: 

Or, how about this? 

Or how about this charming information? 

Actually can't believe I posted this one, but there ya go. 

Actually can't believe I posted this one, but there ya go. 

Listen - marriage is the best. It is really, really nice to be done with the early 20's portion of my life, when I spent a lot of time wondering who I'd end up with, and instead, actually spend time BEING with that person. Jord is my teammate and I love every second of it (except the occasional day where we want to kill each other). This high-five-from-a-distance gets done a lot in our relationship: 

And it's just what 20-year-old MC dreamed about. 

Have such a happy weekend, friends!