Musical Tuesday: In A Razor Town

When I lived in Memphis, my friend Jackson Sprayberry offered to record a song for me. Little did I know that the finished product would include multiple camera angles, fade-ins/outs, and warm, lovely lighting (somehow extracted from the poorly lit subject he had to work with). 

This is my cover of Jason Isbell's In A Razor Town - a song that really sticks in your bones.Let me "disclaim" here that I'm not a super-talented guitarist.

If you aren't familiar with Jason Isbell, please take me at my word that he is one of the finest artists making music anywhere today. He's originally from Alabama and has written some gut-wrenchingly gorgeous music - some you'll want to cry to, some you'll want to drink to. 

Hope you enjoy - and thanks, Jackson, for reminding me this existed. 

Nick Viall is the Worst and Chris Harrison Knows it.

Curious about my thoughts on the new Bachelor? 

Read on in my Huffington Post piece for the week: 

Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian Have Something In Common: Us.

When I was in college, I was accepted into a fellowship to work in a nonprofit in Washington, DC. Fellows were each given a per diem stipend (all upfront in order to simplify the exchange of money) to live on while we worked for the summer. I remember cashing that $2,000 check like it was yesterday. I laid the money out on my kitchen counter. It was more money than I had ever seen in my life (still true). But it was also finite. And so I began to figure out how I needed to spend it. 

More on that later. 
 

I recently had a conversation with some girlfriends of mine in which one of them asked if she could make a confession. 

"Duh," the others of us replied. 

"I started watching Keeping up with the Kardashians again. I can't stop. It sucked me back in!" 

Man, haven't we all been there? 

But this particular conversation was different. Her admission spurred us on to talk about something a little deeper: the attention we have to give, and where we direct it. 

I started thinking about our current political climate.

Remember back in June of last year when Donald Trump's candidacy was widely viewed as more of a hilarious joke than a serious prospect?

Source: The Associated Press.

Not that he wasn't actually running - he was, of course - but most people, political pundits included, viewed his hat in the ring as a clown wig rather than, oh, I don't know...a more presidential and serious hat. (A bowler? A powdered wig? You get the point.) 

At the time, he was the 12th candidate to announce his candidacy in the Republican party. Most folks seemed really curious about the prospect of getting to watch this guy run for President because his presence in the election cycle would almost guarantee that it became more entertaining. I'd count myself in that group. 

We as a nation were glued to coverage about this man - whether it was because we hated it or because we loved it, we couldn't stop watching. For some people, everything out of his mouth was a breath of fresh air (can't believe this is true? See: The Fact That He Actually Became Republican Candidate For President); for others of us, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. We couldn't look away. 

Remember when Kim Kardashian was just a woman who made a sex tape that one time?

Circa 2003, source unavailable. 

Not that she isn't a good person at heart - she probably is, of course - but that was how she rose to stardom. The first season of Keeping up with the Kardashians aired in 2007 and it has since earned its title as the "longest running reality show on television" with its twelfth season airing this year.  

Sure, there was some fascination with that family before 2007 (for more on that, watch or read any of the dozens of shows or articles that have been created this year about OJ Simpson), but today, it's different. When Robert Kardashian passed away in 2003, he left his family a "rumored 100 million dollar estate in trust." They certainly didn't start out below the poverty line, but Kim has leveraged her fame - from a sex tape - to a net worth of 51 million by some accounts and 149 million by others. 

Either way, the bottom line is that the Kardashians (particularly Kim) have monetized themselves into an empire. Originally "famous for being famous," they now have fragrances, clothing lines, makeup, coffee table books full of hundreds of selfies, and iPhone apps. Sure, they're still famous for being famous originally, but now they have products. And those products are as popular as the last slice of pizza backstage at a pageant (that is to say, very). Kim Kardashian is easily one of the most recognizable women in the world. 

Why? 

Because of us. 

Source: Jamie McCarthy via Getty Images. 

For networks and publications, featuring the Kardashians is a goldmine. Celebrity bloggers Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez said in a podcast recently in response to Kendall Jenner's Vogue cover: "I wish the Kardashian family were not as successful at their jobs as they are, but they are. We are a small, privately owned media company and we can tell you that a Kardashian post will get eyeballs." 

Here comes a confession of my own: I tend to read more about celebrities that I can't stand than I do about celebrities that I love. Why? Morbid curiosity. Fueling the fire of my total and irrational disdain for people I've never met. And also, and maybe most importantly, falling right into the trap these media outlets set for me: it doesn't matter if I love the Kardashians or love to hate them - what matters is that I am clicking. 

And because I am clicking, or following them on Instagram, or Twitter, or hate-watching their show, I am essentially handing that family cash while also sending a strong message to mainstream media outlets: "I want to keep up with the Kardashians. I care about this. In my free time, I want to learn more about this family." Even if that couldn't be further from the truth. 

So I made some changes. 

I unfollowed the Kardashians on all forms of social media. While I originally followed them to see what kind of crazy hijinks those sisters got themselves into, I unfollowed them because it finally occurred to me that I'm another number in a sea of Kardashian-reinforcement. Another follower stoking the fires of things I don't actually believe in. A spectator. Kim Kardashian went from the star of a gritty sex tape to covering the most prestigious and exclusive fashion magazine on Earth because of people like me. 

Source: vogue.com. 

I can already hear the pushback, and listen, I get it. I watch The Bachelor and Real Housewives of New York City like I'm paid (anyone? anyone??) to do so. My conscience is far from clean. But this was my first step. 

Because I realized: attention, just like time or money, is finite. You only have so much that you can give in a day. 

I get that this sounds a little preach-y, but understand that I am the worst culprit of this kind of "attention-spending." There's a reason the pronoun in the title of this post is "us," not "you." We may have really different taste. You may love Donald Trump. You may adore the Kardashians. You may hate both me and the Real Housewives. As my husband says, "All those Housewives do is scream at each other." I get it. I hear ya.

This isn't about passing a value judgment on Trump or Kim K - it is about how many of us are baffled at how they rose to superstardom, especially if we don't care for them so much. But we shouldn't be confused. We did it.

Whatever your tastes, the point still stands: with every click, every DVR, with every "follow" or "like," we are casting our vote and literally paying our attention. We are saying, "We want more of this." 
 

SO. You lay all your attention on the kitchen counter. You see that there is only so much. 

How do you spend it? 

Fetch or Wretch: VMA Red Carpet

My dear friend Andy Garden and I used to play this game when we lived in the same city. We'd all congregate at someone's house to watch an awards show red carpet, and Andy I would deem (and by "deem," I mean "scream at the TV") the looks "fetch" (h/t Mean Girls) or "wretch." "Fetch," obviously, was the a look we loved, "wretch" was...well, you get it. 

This list was never about the body in the dress, but about whether the dress was an absolute trainwreck of a choice. And it's the VMA's, so there are bound to be some. 

I recognized some obvious characters, but lots of this this red carpet was one long, sad question: "Who ARE these kids?!" 

...is 27 the new 87? 'Cause I'm feelin' old, friends. 

Let's take a walk. 

Fetch. 

1. Beyoncé

...obviously. It almost didn't matter what she wore last night because the level of slayage was so high. Although I am sick to DEATH of this sheer dress "check out my underwear" trend and want it to die in a fire, if we have to look at it, this is a pretty fabulous execution. I love the feathery collar (stacked sky high and reminiscent of Victorian couture), I love the color, I love it all. Beyoncé is not about practicality in this dress. She's telling you to bow down. Which you should. 

2. Justine Skye

"Who?" I know. Exactly. I seriously feel like Jack Skellington when he goes to Christmastown. "What's this?? What's this??" ...anyone? No? 

Well anyway, I really love this freakin' jacket. LOOK at it! It has a life of its own. Great shoe choice. She's clearly having fun with it, and that's the point of the VMA's red carpet. 

3. Hailee Steinfeld

Hailee is channeling Kylie Jenner, who wore a similar Balmain look to something I'm not going to look up because I'm trying not to #keepupwiththekardashians these days: 

It's well done, I guess, but it's just so basic. Remember when Lady Gaga showed up in a freakin' egg?? Those were the days. Where's all the theater gone? 

Similarly, remember when the Kardashians hadn't taken over the fashion industry and influenced people to wear barely-there, naked dresses and Balmain? I do. I do. 

AND YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN. 

4. Britney Spears

Again - basic. BUT. With Britney, sometimes "basic" is a great thing. Sister knows that all eyes are on her with the release of her newest album, Glory, and she's playing it smart. No weirdo outfits, no risks - simple, body-con, black pumps, killer hair. I know it's boring, okay? I know. But #leavebritneyalone because she looks great, even if it could've been a more exciting look. 

4. Hailey Baldwin

Hailey is also representing the second alternative spelling of "Haley" in this post. Good for you, girls. Plant those flags. 

In what is now becoming a pattern of looks that I can't really fully get behind but have to because the others are so SO bad, this is just polished enough to be on this side of the list. It's tailored, it's beautiful, the head styling is really nice, and I really wish the pants were opaque. 

Is it so much to ask that I don't have to look at the panties of every celebrity who steps outside? Somebody get her a beach towel to wrap around her waist. 

5. Stella Maxwell

I have no idea who this person is, but I have nothing but respect for this outfit choice. Is it crazy? Sure it is. But this is the Video Music Awards, site of such legendary moments as Britney and Madonna making out, Lady Gaga and the meat dress, Kanye beginning the Taylor and Kanye feud, Miley twerking all over Robin Thicke. It's where Beyoncé announced she was pregnant. CAN WE GET A LITTLE DRAMA?

Of COURSE this outfit is insane. And yes, the top makes her boobs look like the eyes of a chameleon. But it's dramatic, bold, and risky - exactly what the VMA red carpet should be. And it's well-styled to boot. Stella may have just won the night in my book. 

6. Nicki Minaj

To be honest, I passed over this look the first time. The amount of cleavage was off-putting at first. But the more I look at it, the more I realize that this is actually a good look for Nicki. Great color, styled well...I mean, I feel like I've already made my point about the sheer/naked dress movement, so I wouldn't be redundant, but I'll give this a solid B. 

...and that does it for "Looks That Didn't Make Me Violently Ill." 

Let's get down and dirty with the not-so-good. 

Wretch. 

1. Naomi Campbell

Would have been a slam dunk, except that I'm way too distracted by whether Naomi Campbell's Naomi Campbell is about to make an appearance. We couldn't have moved that slit over just a BIT?? I mean, I guess I did ask for dramatic looks, but damn.

2. The Guy From The Fault In Our Stars

A case study in what happens when you make an average white guy feel cool. Overkill, my man. Get some sewing scissors, snip those threads off your pants, and go home to think about your choices. 

3. Whoever These People Are

This is a joke, right? Where's Ashton Kutcher? 

This looks like one of those lists featuring the worst Wal Mart family photos of all time. To just say it out loud so we can all bask in the ridiculousness, this woman, arguably in her third trimester of pregnancy, has elected to wear no shirt and boob jewelry to a nationally televised red carpet event. 

Listen, I fully plan to turn into Jabba the Hutt when I'm pregnant and eat literally anything that crosses my path, so let me first say that this girl looks like a million bucks. But like...shirt. Shirt. Just put a shirt on. Somebody gave you some bad advice, girl. 

3. Goth Barbie

I didn't think the sheer dress trend could get any worse, but this is both sheer AND crotch-centric. And doesn't have a lining in the top. So...yep. That really happened. 

4. Baddie Winkle

Had not had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Winkle until this moment, but apparently she's an 88 year old "American Internet Personality." So there's that. 

Ms. Winkle, if I may - it seems that you have been misguided by an evil stylist and/or a mischievous grandchild. Might I suggest you call Dame Helen Mirren and get some tips from her? I feel like she could point you in the right direction. Because we can see your winkle. 

Respectfully,
My Eyeballs. 

5. Dascha Polanco

Daya! No! You're beautiful and you can do better than this. Let's hook you up with Christian Siriano, who has done a beautiful job dressing some of your colleagues from OITNB. Love you!! 

6. ...ugh. 

He looks like he just got finished painting a house and she looks like she just got out of the shower. Can't even with these two. Actually cannot. Let's stop giving them what they want and talk about something else. 

7. Nick Jonas

Nicky Nicky Jo Jo. Ya got rick rack on your jacket, my man. Take it to Hobby Lobby and have them do something about that. 

And that concludes our red carpet report! Hope everyone has a great Monday - sorry for the damage these outfits inevitably caused to your brains first thing on a weekday. We should all go wash our eyeballs in one of those sinks they have in science labs for when you get a chemical burn in your retinas. See you tomorrow. 

5 Things: YouTube Videos to Make You LOL.

Because, don't we all need a great belly laugh going into the weekend? 

Here we go: 

1. Insane Man Impersonates Insane Dog

I'd encourage you to watch this one several times because it only gets better. First you'll watch the guy, then you'll watch his wife (who has clearly been through this kind of shit before, as she is very stoic and thinking something like, "Damn it, Ray. Come on." Then you'll watch it five more times, wondering what made this man think, "Yeah, I'm just gonna go for it." 

2. Billy On The Street

If y'all haven't discovered Billy On The Street, allow me to introduce you. You, meet Billy Eichner, hysterical (and very scream-y) comic who appeared on Parks and Rec and now stars in the Hulu original Difficult People (which is HYSTERICAL and you should be watching it). Every single episode of Billy on the Street is solid gold, but this is one of my favorites. I especially like the guy who is like, "No, I'm cool," when offered the opportunity to sing with AMY FREAKING POEHLER. 

3. Jurassic Park Melodica

I won't say anything about this ahead of time except to say that if this doesn't make you laugh, I want you to send me a text message and I'm going to drive to your house afterwards to check your pulse. 

4. Gladys calls Ellen

Nothing will warm your heart like Ellen talking to this old, kind of batty lady. She is really just a really, really funny phone call wherein Ellen basically entertains a 5-minute phone call with a TRULY hilarious woman. This is one of my all-time favorite YouTube videos. "I love Jesus but I drink a little." Come on. 

5. Back Home Ballers

This #girlpower SNL video is just real, real good. Anyone who has ever gone off to school then come home for a holiday break understands this one. You're going to laugh and you're going to be signing it all day. #bowlsbowlsalltypesofbowls

"All of the sudden" and Other Mis-used Phrases

When I planned my blog posts for this week, I had no idea yesterday would be such a big day in the world of Mary Catherine's blog. Thank you guys again for all you did to make my Letter to Middle School Girls see enough traffic that the HuffPo editors featured it on the front page. Still kind of surreal. 

That being said, I thought long and hard about whether I should scrap this post and write a new one, as I might have some new followers who are reading my blog for the first time. 

And I said to myself, "Self? What are we gonna do here?" 

Ultimately, I decided to press on and post it anyway. Although I am definitely aware that there's pretty much nothing less likable than a person who corrects your grammar. Jordan tells me regularly that no one cares about this stuff as much as I do, because, and I quote, "English is just not as important as science." 

...I know. I know. Let's just pretend he didn't say that. 

So this one goes out to all my nerds. Walk with me down this road of things that make me want to pull out my hair: 

1. "All of the sudden."

This is actually one that probably every second person in this country uses. The phrase is "all of A sudden," as there is no such thing as "the sudden." That'd be referring to one specific, singular "sudden," which doesn't make much sense if you think about it. (I can already see my husband rolling his eyes.) 

2. "For all intensive purposes." 

So if I'm being totally honest, I said this until about my junior year in college, at which point my friend Wes said, "Um...say that again?" It was horrible and embarrassing, but I haven't mis-pronounced it since. "For all intents and purposes," is the correct one here, which, once again, just makes sense. 

3. "Case and point." 

Listen up all you lawyers. It's actually "Case in point," and is usually used when someone is telling a story that also serves to prove whatever point it is they're making. Take the following story, for example: 

"...and THEN - you guys won't believe it. And THEN he says to me, he says, 'Why are you talking about the rules of the English language all of the sudden? Nobody cares about that. Science is way more important.' I mean, CASE IN POINT, am I right??" 

(I'm right.) 

4. "Nip it in the butt."

Please don't nip anyone's butt. "Nip it in the bud," is what people mean to say - the idea being that if you catch something early on (AKA, "the bud," an early stage), it's easier to handle. Only nip butts if you have written consent. 

5. "I could care less."

Could you?? Could you? I bet that's not what you mean. The correct phrase is, "I COULDN'T care less." If you "could care less," that means you still care a little. Example: 

"English is stupid and science rules." 
"Well, you're a giant goober and I couldn't care less about your opinion on this subject." 

6. "Irregardless." 

This one isn't a phrase, but it does bug. "Regardless" is what people mean to say, but they accidentally double-negative themselves into submission by adding the "ir" at the beginning. I think "irregardless," if it were a word, would translate to "without without regard." And now I'm officially confused. 

7. "Getting off scotch free." 

Gonna be honest, had to look this one up. I know it was "scot(t) free," but I thought it might be spelled like my last name, and I also had no idea where this came from. Turns out. the correct spelling is "scot free" - "scot" is derived from an old Swedish word for "taxes" (skatt), and was popularized by Ralph Waldo Emerson. WHO KNEW?! 

8. "Should of." 

Should have. I feel this one needs no further explanation. Example: 

"Jordan should have been nicer to me because grammar and idioms are important parts of life and now I'm just going to stop correcting him and let him flail around and look foolish."

9. "Less than" vs. "fewer." 

This one is particularly nerdy, but it will make you feel super smart. "Less" is used to refer to something amorphous or unfixed, whereas "fewer" is used when talking about a specific number of things. Example: 

"Jordan, I got fewer than ten likes on this blog post because people think I'm a prissy pain in the ass." 
"That's ten more than I thought you'd get. People probably like you a lot less now." 

10. "Runner-ups" or "sister-in-laws." 

Last one, I promise. So the correct usage here would be "runners-up" and "sisters-in-law." The way to make that work is always to pluralize the noun instead of pluralizing the entire phrase - you're talking about your sisters, not your laws. 

Remember that Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelai finds out that the plural of "cul-de-sac" is "culs-de-sac?" Mmhmm, I do. Because "cul" means "bottom." Right?! It's SO good! Fascinating! Anyone? Anyone?? 

Welp, I wanna go watch Gilmore Girls now and try to pretend like I still have friends after writing this post. 

XO.