Week 6.

Okay so last week's episode began with the battle of Corinne vs. Taylor. This week is also beginning that way. CAN TAYLOR LEAVE ALREADY? 

PART -I (Also known as last week's pre-rose ceremony): 

• Oh RIGHT I forgot that crazy ass Taylor let those swamp people rub oil on her and now we have to find out why. 

• Man she's walkin' with a purpose, huh? Looks like me when someone says, "Pizza!" 

• Taylor interrupts Corinne and Nick's meal and, like the weasel he is, Nick leaves his current date to go hang out with another girl.

• ...I don't think he's really concerned with whether you're taking this anymore, Taylor. Thankfully, the option for you to take or not to take this has  been removed from the table! 

• ...wait, that's it?? We STILL DON'T KNOW WHY SHE GOT RUBBED DOWN? She didn't even put a hex on him or anything?! 
• RIP Taylor. You were really annoying and now you're trying to make yourself a martyr to get rid of Corinne. 

PART I: Rose ceremony. 

• Harrison comes in and drops the bomb: NO COCKTAIL PARTY FOR YOU. 

• Dolphinshark knows she's headed home. 
• So: Josephine, Jasmine, and Jamie are gone, maybe? 

• VANESSA. WHO WEARS A BRA WITH A SPAGHETTI STRAP DRESS. 
• Good grief, someone please call the fashion police. 
• I'm so distracted by that flagrant bra that I'm not even paying attention. Okay who went home? 
• Josephine, Dolphinshark (NOOOOO!), and Jaime? 
• Wow Jasmine is STILL HERE. They have had exactly 0 meaningful conversations that we've gotten to see. WTF.
• At least Josephine can get back to her cats.
• It was beautiful while it lasted, Dolphinshark. We loved you the most. CUE THE SARAH MCLACHLAN. 

Masterfully done by Darren Kusmirek.

PART II - One-on-one. 

• Did these girls not get the memo from that last haunted house date?? DON'T WEAR JEANS AND WHITE TOPS. Everyone does that. 

• You fools look like you're in a girl band. 
• But Rachel, my queen, looks perfect. 
• Okay. Kristina gets the date. Interesting, interesting. 

• I think that Kristina interests Nick not because she's multifaceted, but actually he enjoys congratulating himself that he'd be interested in a multifaceted girl. I mean LOOK at how smug he is. 
• "She has a sister in Russia. Does that make me look cool or WHAT??" 

• WAIT. 
• STOP. 
• Is he wearing a Livestrong bracelet?!?! 

Meanwhile, back at the Marriott: 

• ABC, this is low, even for you. You plant a "nanny" to give Corinne even more storyline?? 

• Oh no she's really doing things for her. Oh no oh no. 
• WHY WOULD ABC THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE AN OLDER BLACK WOMAN SERVE A YOUNG SPOILED WHITE GIRL?! Have you no idea how this looks, you idiots?? 

• My husband literally took one look at this and said, "Oh, GOD. No WAY." 
• Dear ABC,
  This was very bad. You are stupid and, as usual, at least vaguely racist. This time it wasn't even vague.
  Sincerely, Everyone. 

Back on the date...

• Kristina tells Nick, no exaggeration, one of the most gut-wrenching stories I've ever heard. 
• Okay this Kristina stuff is absolutely the heaviest and most inspiring thing I've ever heard on this show. Holy HELL. 

• I was kind of crying through this whole thing. 

• Yes, would be. But you won't be, because you'll cut her loose in 2 weeks because she's too complicated for you. 
• RUN, KRISTINA. 

PART III - Group date. 

• Man they are really covering a lot of ground tonight! I'm here for it. 
• Okay y'all I have a hot take. 

• I don't like Vanessa. 

• I don't know!! I just don't care for her. She's a little too much. I think she'll reveal more of her hand and you'll agree with me eventually.
• This group date is just them all getting hammered. 

• ...while you creepily stand in the bushes and watch?? 

• Sometimes I like to remember what these folks do in the real world: 

• HahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah ya were. And now? You're playin' drunk volleyball for a weasel.
• Also why is everyone's bathing suit so weird and complicated? Danielle's was woven by a spider and Corinne's has 85 extra straps. 

• Then, the most amazing thing happens.
• All the women start to melt down because they're drunk enough to objectively realize how stupid this. 

• I totally totally totally totally totally agree with you, Rachel. Why the hell are these grown women playing volleyball "for" him?? This was so indecent and antifeminist. 
• This was so ridiculous. Everyone's wasted, you forced them to play volleyball while you watched like the creepy next door neighbor, and now they're all realizing how dumb that was. 
• I love this so much. This was stupid and it just blew up in his face. 

Later, at the afterparty...

• First of all, let's just assume everyone had a nice long nap. Because #probably. You can't daydrink like that without consequences, people. 
• Rachel has fabulous clothes. I want to switch wardrobes with her. 
• She tells Nick that it was almost curtains for him today, and he's all, "But please don't go home, that would make me sad."

• "Which is why I'm having...gas pains." Is probably how that sentence ended. 
• Anyway, the real drama is that Jasmine has officially come unhinged and she is DONE WITH THIS. 
• Everybody wave goodbye as she spirals into her doom!

• Nick and Jasmine finally get some alone time together and she is primed. Ready. Jasmine did NOT have a nap earlier. 

• Uh oh. Here come the tears. 

• Oh, no.
• Oh, NO. We went from tears to her miming choking him not once but THRICE.
• Oh that was extremely hard to watch. 
• Gah is this whole episode supposed to make me feel so damn uncomfortable? Where is the frippery?? Where are the fun, stupid dates?! 
• Anyway, as I said earlier, bye Jasmine!

PART IV: Two-on-one. 

• One thing I'll say about Nick is that he is not kidding around. We've already lost four girls in one episode and it looks like we're at least due to lose one more. 
• Okay. Tits vs. Whits. 

• What is gonna happen??? I think Tits is definitely headed to Sex Island (AKA Fantasy Suites). 
• Tits is adorable and we don't know a single damn thing about Whitney. 
• That is some VERY intense contouring for a day at the beach. 

• He keeps rubbing her leg in this upsetting way:

• Here's how this conversation goes: 
  Him: How are you feeling? 
  Her: Fine I guess but this whole thing is super weird but I'm gonna pretend it isn't. 
  Him: *Pretends to listen while groping her leg*
  Her: So...yeah. 
  Him: Totally. 
  AND SCENE! 
• Then he goes to visit Tits' part of the island.

• She's talking, but he's thinking: 

• So after 5 minutes with Tits he's like, "Okay yeah bye Whitney." 

• ...but still Tits doesn't have a rose?? Weird. 
• Then Nick 'n' Tits have some din din. 

• ...what?? So you're love adjacent adjacent? 
• What's the matter with him? Does he feel like he wants to send her home? Because he's acting constipated.

• I mean it might as well have been as simple as that. 
• Him: What flavors of ice cream do you like? 
  Her: Vanilla. Butter pecan. 
  Him: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. 
  Her: What about you?
  Him: Superman with sprinkles BYE.

• He is absolutely a stone cold psycho for letting her get through this whole conversation and still OBVIOUSLY about to send her home. 
• This is terrible. 

• AT LEAST PUT THE ROSE DOWN WHILE YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH HER.
• ASSHAT
• Then he goes back looking for some comfort. 

• "I just really want to be honest with you guys and tell you that I'm basically fearful for every single relationship. I'm worried that it's going to work out with none of you. I don't know if I can keep doing this. Anyway, good talk." 
• Sorry your life is so tough, Nicholas. Maybe stop throwing away quality girls and act less like a sewer rat. 
• Although obviously #teamRachel forever, though I can't decide if that means I'd rather her win or I'd rather her escape with her life. 
• He knocked out a whole MESS of girls tonight: 

At least we have this to look forward to next week:

• In the meantime, please bow your heads for a moment of silence.
• 🎶 I will remember youuuuuuuu 🎶 

GAGA.

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-super-bowl/0ap3000000783499/Super-Bowl-LI-Halftime-Show

I have always been a super Gaga fan (aka Little Monster), but last night the world got to see why. BECAUSE SHE IS VERY TALENTED.

Bye!

#calltheshots

So I had this crazy idea. 

Yesterday, I posted a video to Instagram of me calling my senator, Richard Burr, to talk about my concern for Betsy Devos' appointment as Secretary of Education. I did it while wearing a charcoal face mask, because why not? It's just THAT easy. 

This video got viewed about 500 times in 5 hours, and a few people told me that it inspired them to call their representatives. Which is great, because I was inspired to make this video because of Sara Bareilles' video yesterday (although I'll be honest and say I didn't watch the whole thing. It was 4 minutes long and I'm a millennial, okay? I have no attention span). 

Which brings me to my idea. 

What if we all called our representatives to discuss issues we care about, then posted the evidence of it to Instagram as a means of encouraging our friends to do the same? 

Some questions: 

Q: How am I supposed to record a video with my phone while I'm using my phone? 
A: Good question. Don't! Use your computer, an iPad, someone else's phone - then just text the video to yourself and upload that bad boy. I recorded mine using Photo Booth, then e-mailed it to myself and BAM. Done. 

Q: Who do I call and what the heck do I say?
A: Another good question! I used the site fivecalls.org. All you have to do is enter your zip code and the site will pull up your representatives, along with a script for whatever issue you're calling about. It seriously couldn't be easier. 

Q: How can we make this a "thing?" 
A: Include the hashtag #calltheshots (which my husband came up with last night - thanks, Jordy!) and tag your friends who you'd like to challenge to do the same thing. 

If you, like me, are concerned about Betsy DeVos' appointment and want to oppose it, now is the time to call. The vote is on Monday! 

So call! Hashtag! Maybe do your own kooky and weird thing while you call just to show that calling Congress is no big deal to do, but has a big impact. Democracy, folks. It's what's for dinner! 

Week 5.

• I'm gonna go on record as saying that I hope that Taylor gets her ass handed to her. Corinne is an 8-car pileup but Taylor is annoying as hell. 

PART -I: Rose Ceremony AKA Taylor and Corinne Showdown: 

• THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M F-CKING TALKING ABOUT, YOU DUMB BITCH. 
• Oh my gosh Corinne is the hero of this season. 
• The other girls discuss the massacre that's taking place:

• Or, written phonetically: "Azzhee end uhda day? We're owall heah for the same reason." 
• How is Dolphinshark one of the most entertaining girls on this show and we've barely gotten to know her?? 
• Corinne has turned this entire argument on its ear by coming out from behind and punching Taylor in the head with DARK HORSE DEBATE SKILLS. 

• What an amazing display of manipulation. 
• And then she drops THE BIG ONE: 

• If Corinne can pull this off and get Taylor eliminated, I am going to bow at the feet of the most successful Bachelor villain of all time. Because she will have convinced Nick to kick someone of the show by basically using her boobies.  
• Okay, rose ceremony.
• I bet Sweet Sarah is going home. I'm going to be so sad! I love her! 
• WHO IS WHITNEY???? 

• Why did Chris Harrison insist that they have this rose ceremony in the arctic?? Every time someone speaks their breath looks like they're in the water at the end of Titanic. 

• Spoiler alert: she does let go. 
• If they cut to Taylor one more freakin' time and she has that stupid look on her face. Will someone just punch her in the head and get it over with?? 

• Dophinshark keeps advancing! Man what a curveball! 
• KEEP SARAH YOU IDIOT.
• UGH I KNEW IT. 

• She's precious and that was a mistake, but whatever. He's a dumb dumb so it's not a surprise. 
• And they're headed to New Orleans. Or, as Nick pronounces it, "Norr-land."

PART I: One-on-one. 

• Part of me thinks this season is so good because Chris Harrison knew he had a lot of making up to do from last season. I mean Joje was fine or whatever but that season was boring and full of guys who were probably gay. This season has Corinne, haunted houses, and Dolphinshark. I really feel spoiled. 
• Date card:

• ...is it terrible that I'm shocked Hoxie knew how to pronounce "beignet" correctly?? 
• Rachel's self-perception is about as warped as Kanye's, except in the reverse direction. She doesn't think she's nearly as good as she is. Why are you still here, Rachel? You are SO too good for this. 
• Okay yeah seriously though this is a great date. 
• Okay wow this is a REALLY good date. 
• THIS IS VERY CUTE. 

• But REALLY. This is the best date I've ever seen on The Bachelor. And it's not just because of the activities. It's because Rachel is the highest quality person to have EVER BEEN ON THIS STUPID SHOW. 
• I'm having a hard time with it because I hate him so much.
• Rachel has it bagged. The end. The show is over. 
• The Dinner No One Eats date takes place in a warehouse where Mardi Gras floats are stored, AKA my actual nightmare. 

• They're already talking about meeting each other's families. 
• He is smiling like an idiot. Y'all. She's gotta win. 
• The drunker he gets the spittier his "s" gets.

• Like they genuinely look like they've fallen in love. 

• I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I'll marry her, Nick!!! 

• Aaaaaaaaand THAT'S THE SHOW! Tune in next season for Vanessa as The Bachelorette!! 
• Just kidding. Kinda.

PART II: Group date. 

• Tits McGee looks very different without makeup. 
• Wait wait wait there are three girls wearing white shirts and jeans/jean shorts? 

• They're all trying not to stand next to each other hahahahahaha.

• That's our Hoxie! 
• We meet "Boo," the caretaker of this old and creepy house, who was apparently hired from the local theater company 'cause his acting is about as good as Taylor's: 

• Second time I've gotten to use this GIF this season: 

• We are also introduced to Tall Danielle's bralette which I find to be very poorly styled: 

Meanwhile, back at the hotel: 

• Oh my gosh I COULD NOT LOVE HER MORE.
• Can we just name all the things she ordered from room service??

1. Caesar salad.
2. Wings.
3. "Cheese pasta" AKA mac and cheese.
4. A giant steak.
5. Mashed potatoes. 
6. Creme brulee. 
7. A giant slice of some kind of chocolate cake with raspberry sauce. 
8. Bread pudding? Maybe? Something else, though, for sure. 

• And Taylor prepares for the date by doing...this? 

• "I'm just going to meditate here in front of the mirror." Normal. 

Back at the "haunted' "mansion:

• You guys I'm gonna be really honest, this date bored me to tears. The only significant part was that Hoxie told him she loved him and he acted like a toenail. 

• By some miracle, Tall and Boring Danielle gets the rose. THE END GET ME OUTTA THIS CHEESY ASS TOURIST TRAP. 

PART III: Two-on-one. 

• So....um, this whole date feels vaguely racist? 

• Yeah this is about as authentic as that time Angela dressed up as Voodoo Mama Juju.

• Corinne gets a little alone time with Nick and tells him that Taylor called her stupid. 
• Taylor get alone time with Nick and defends herself by insisting that Corinne IS stupid. 

• But it's cool. 

• Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. If you're gonna call someone crazy, you better know that you've got the guy in your pocket first. Otherwise...

• So wait...he dumped her, hugged her, she walked off, then he left with Corinne on a boat?? 
• YEESSSSSSS, THIS SEASON - YES!!!
• Wait...what is happening? 
• A mental health counselor is letting a hired ABC cast of "voodoo tribe members" rub her down with baby oil? 
• Girl if you weren't awful before, now we know you have bad enough judgment to let the producers convince you to do this shit. Off with your head. 

'Til next week, my little cheese pastas. 

Facts and Feelings about the Immigration Ban.

When I am still and quiet, I am afraid. 

It's not something I want to admit, but it's true. 

The list of fears is long and deep. It has run like an electric current with no outlet that starts deep in my gut and bounces to my closed lips and back again, ping-ponging around like the very worst game of pinball. 

I have worked hard, and I'm sure not always perfectly, to ensure that my writing on this platform is very careful on sensitive issues like race, politics, and religion. I don't like inflammatory or baseless claims, and I don't want to be yet another sensationalist Internet presence who is screaming into the void.

I want to be staid. I want to be grounded. I want to be reliable, dependable, fair, and kind. 

It's for those reasons that I've been so scared to write anything at all on the subject of the new administration. We are all supercharged with emotions and opinions. We are planting our flags and glaring at those in the other camp. We have drawn lines in the sand. It's broken my heart to see statuses and tweets raging against the other side: the "You voted for him, I hope you're happy with what you've done," kind. The "Fellow liberals: If your preacher doesn't denounce Trump, you should leave church," kind. The, "If you want to complain about immigrants, why don't you house and clothe some? No one's stopping you. No? That's what I thought," kind. (Real excerpts from my Facebook feed.) We are tearing each other apart.

I love you. Whoever you are, reading this. Can we just start there? I really mean it. I do. 

So through the fear of how this will land, and with a hope that my more conservative readership will assume the best in me, I have to say out loud: what's happening in our country right now is not okay.

PAUSE: This post is not about blaming Trump voters. I find that kind of finger-pointing to be problematic and unproductive. This post is about bringing to light unbiased information that is helpful to understanding our current political climate.  

There are a million ways we could go here in terms of the things that twisted my insides into a knot last week, but the tipping point was President Trump's executive order on immigration. 

Last night, I sat down and did three hours' worth of research into this executive order and its consequences. I wanted to be as informed as possible before I wrote a single word on this subject, and I'm including links as I go so that you can do you own research. 

Highlights of Trump's executive order: 

1. For 90 days, this executive order bans anyone (originally including green-card holders, but it's been amended since then to welcome them) from the following countries from entering the United States: Iraq, Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia and Yemen.
2. For 120 days, it freezes the US Refugee Admissions Program until certain immigrants, who have been vetted and deemed acceptable, are allowed to enter the US. 
3. Christian immigrants are being prioritized over Muslim immigrants, both because Mr. Trump has explicitly stated that that is his goal and because the countries that are affected by the ban are predominantly Muslim. (Below is a quote from a few days ago.) 

c/o cnn.com. 

There are two pieces of this that I find unsettling and worthy of attention: 

1. The fact that Trump bypassed normal regulatory procedures in order to set this plan into motion, and
2. The widespread stigmatization of people who are Muslim in America and around the world. 

1. The fact that Trump bypassed normal regulatory procedures in order to set this plan into motion.

More about the first one. Instead of consulting with teams of experts, namely the members of the federal agencies who would themselves be implementing the effects of the order, he signed it into being first and consulted people later. There was little if any vetting of this order to determine whether it was constitutional, nevermind logistically feasible. The result of this decision was clear: people returning to the United States, including permanent residents and green-card holders, were detained in airports. Even setting aside the obvious moral objections, it was poorly executed and chaotic. 

For those who are comparing Obama's executive order in 2011 to Trump's, this is a great piece analyzing the differences; the most important ones being:

• Obama's executive order was in direct response to a threat (two Iraqi refugees had been discovered targeted American troops with homemade bombs), and Trump's was unprompted; 
• Obama didn't ban visa applications, and
• Green-card holders were still allowed entrance into the country.

Already, the White House has started walking the plan back by including green-card holders in the group that is allowed into the country.

Opinion: While that was definitely the right move, it's troubling that because of the speedy execution of this order, damage control is already necessary. This, "Ready, fire, aim," form of leadership is dangerous and is something all American citizens should have their ears pricked about. I'm not arguing that Trump is the anti-Christ; I'm arguing that Trump is impulsive. And impulsive is not what you want in the White House. 

Also, the quote below is a mis-representation of how things have gone down. America deserves transparency.

c/o cnn.com.

2. The widespread stigmatization of people who are Muslim in America and around the world. 

The idea that terrorism in the United States in the last few decades has been propagated exclusively or even mostly by Muslims or propagated by immigrants is patently false. And y'all know I wouldn't use language that strong if I wasn't 100% sure. Here are some quick facts, again, with sources cited: 

• Though the executive order cites 9/11 as a reason for its existence, the terrorists on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Lebanon, and the UAE. None of those countries are included in the ban. 
• Since September 11th, more Americans have been killed by American citizens (anti-government, racist, or single-issue homegrown terrorists) than by Islamic jihadists - nearly twice as many, in fact. 
• Over 784,000 refugees have settled in The United States since 9/11. Of those 784,000+, zero have carried out terrorist attacks. Only three have been arrested on charges of domestic terrorism. 

To behave as though all immigrants or followers of Islam are dangerous, violent criminals whose goal is to take American lives is not only xenophobic - it's factually inaccurate. It's just not true. And it's so easy to be misguided by cable news. I feel like searching for a fair depiction of anything these days is challenging. But that's why doing your own research is so important. 

Okay - this next part is exclusively opinion.

There are lots of people who'd love it if America was knocked down a few pegs (lookin' at you, Russia). But to cast out an entire religious group based on the actions of a few is as misguided as assuming that all white people are dangerous because of the existence of the KKK. It's un-American, and, if you are a Christian, particularly problematic.

As a person of faith myself, I know that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are all derivative of the same patriarch, Abraham, and his sons, Ishmael (the father of Islam) and Isaac (the father of the Judeo-Christian movement) (Genesis, chapters 12-20). We are all bound up together. Frankly, it doesn't matter if you subscribe to a faith tradition at all - we are still all bound up together by virtue of us being on this planet. But welcoming and loving those who are broken, living in poverty, and vulnerable is at the CORE of the Christian faith. That has to be said. 

Here's my bottom line - and if you've stuck with me to this point, God bless you: 

We can't let things that run counter to our constitution happen and go unaddressed. I loved a tweet I saw the day before the inauguration: 

And it's so true. So many folks I know: Republicans, Democrats, Independents, moderates - people across the spectrum of sexual orientation, of yearly earnings, of housing security, of race, of age; Christians, Muslims, Jews, even John McCain, a Republican leader - these people are unhappy with how immigrants are being treated right now in a country built. by. immigrants. 

Democracy, at its core, is an idea we've all agreed on. And though it's a powerful idea, it's still a flame that needs fanning. Democracy isn't a given. It's a privilege, and we must treat it as such. Acting, or not acting, because of fear is just not an option at this point. This isn't Hitler's Germany, and comparing it to that is too much. This is a country fighting its way through an identity crisis, and it needs help discovering who it's turning into.

Moving forward, we're going to have to parse through a lot of garbage-y fake news. It's a sad reality, but it's true. Because we know that, though, we can't allow ourselves to be fooled or misled. And for the record, the pronoun "we" is being used to refer to the American people. Not Clinton voters, Democrats, or progressive people. ALL of us. Because change takes everyone.

So:

What do you care about? When you're still and quiet, are you afraid? 

Go to your computer. Research. Talk to your friends. Talk to your parents. Ask questions. And then act. 

Mr. Trump said he'll be a president of the people. So, people? Let's tell him what we want in a president. 

Softly and Tenderly.

I have been feeling so many feelings during the last week and have been having a hard time trying to figure out how to express them. Last night, I went upstairs and started singing some old school church music and I instantly felt relieved of the pressure in my chest. 

So here's some Jesus for your weekend. It's not perfect, but it's my offering for all of us. Love you all.