5 Times "This Is Us" Made Me Cry.

February 24, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

(Obviously there are spoilers below, so don't read if you don't want to know!)

Okay, people. Are you watching This Is Us on NBC? Because I wasn't until a sweet friend of mine said, "Mary Catherine, you really need to be watching this show." And so I did. And then I was hooked.

And then I was sobbing at every episode. This is a picture of me after watching this week's show:

A photo I sent my friend who asked me if I'd finished the episode yet.

Sobbing is an overstatement - "crying" at every episode is more accurate. Sobbing is what I did this most recent episode.

Here are the Top 5 moments that have absolutely mowed me over.

1. Dr. K's speech to Jack after they lose the third baby:

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In its first episode, this show delivered not only a completely gut-wrenching storyline, but a flashback overlap that we didn't get to understand until the very end. This speech, though, was the first of many times I'd cry watching this show. Such good acting and great writing.

2. Kevin Shares His Painting

TBH, Kevin doesn't really make me weepy that often. But this speech about how we're all always here -- before we're born and after we're gone -- twisted my insides up. So precious and really well-delivered.

3. Jack Pledges to Be There

Um, yeah. Touching for so many reasons - because Jack and Rebecca finally realize that Randall needs the influence of the black community and that they can't provide that; because of Jack's commitment to his kids; because of this mistake Rebecca eventually makes in depriving Randall of William. It's a great illustration into how much our parents love us, and, within that love, all the great decisions and wrong turns they can make.

4. Randall Breaks Down

Sterling K. Brown is one of my new favorite actors. This Is Us and The People vs. OJ Simpson have shown such insane range for what this actor can do in the ways of both drama and comedy. This scene where Randall finally breaks down after weeks of carrying his family, his father, and his business is so powerful. (Kevin's fine and all, but Sterling is the star.)

5. William's Death.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!!? SOBBING. SOBBING. Ugly crying. Scared-my-dog crying. I absolutely loved that the show treated this episode as a capsule episode, meaning we didn't check in with the other characters at all and that you didn't have to have any context to watch/understand it. Som SERIOUSLY fine acting, direction, and writing from the folks at NBC. Was expecting to delicately shed a tear. Instead, I was a complete and total mess. AND THEN THE DUCKS WALKED BY.

Did I leave anything out?? What are your favorites?

Fictional Females I Idolized.

February 22, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Other children were "play outside" people. I was a "watch the same TV shows and movies 100 times until they're seared into my brain" person. And because of that, I had a set of role models that lived in the fictional realm of entertainment, but who also rubbed off on me in very specific ways.

1. Carrie Bradshaw
Sex and the City

I think this one is a bit of a no-brainer if you've met me before. Carrie (and moreso SJP, but since we're talking about fictional people) was a huge cornerstone of high school for me. I wore flower brooches to school, pearls stacked on top of each other, and, in one less fortunate instance, fishnets. (You read that right). I have a horseshoe necklace and a nameplate necklace. I've used photos of her for multiple hair color inspiration pieces. But it wasn't just about the style - it was her general wittiness, willingness to fail, romantic sensibilities, her ability to step outside herself and observe life as a writer. I think maybe more than anything else, it was the importance she placed on her friendships with women, which I did then and continue to do today.

Of course, watching Sex and the City as an adult is a very different experience. Carrie comes off as a little strident, a little immature, and a little promiscuous to my 28-year-old eyes. But her spunk, spirit, and commitment to writing (and her clothes, naturally) have stayed with me.

2. Carol Connelly
As Good As It Gets

Oh my gosh, who doesn't love Helen Hunt as this fabulous woman? I loved Carol for so many reasons, but I think chief among them was how honest she was on all planes of her life. If you haven't seen this movie, you should remedy that ASAP, but to brief you: her son is chronically ill, she lives with her mother, works as a waitress, and is fixated on by a man twenty years her senior who has debilitating OCD. Sounds like a dream life, right?

Something about this woman really got into my bones. I am not a particularly bold person when it comes to saying what I mean right in the moment I mean it, especially if it's unpopular or hard to hear. Carol doesn't care about such things, and that's what makes her so fabulous. She is still an aspirational character for me.

3. Maggie Carpenter
Runaway Bride

The killer combo of "knows how to fix a leaky faucet" and "is Julia Roberts beautiful" is hard to beat. This movie, like many others, taught me a lot about myself. Maggie cares about a fairy-tale ending more than actually being true to her own feelings (something I can identify with strongly as someone who has Kodak Moment Syndrome). Though this is a romantic comedy and isn't necessarily Best Picture-worthy, Maggie's journey to self-discovery in this movie (marked by finally deciding how she likes her eggs cooked) helped me figure out what of my personality was a show, and what was the real deal.

4. Anna Reilly
Keeping the Faith

Maybe a lesser-known character in the canon of fantastic fictional females, this is another movie you should see. Part of my fixation on her springs from the fact that this was a movie I watched on a loop with two of my dearest guy friends in middle school, but a bigger part was that Anna Reilly was a ball-busting career woman who knew exactly what she wanted. In the same way that Carol Connelly is aspirational for me, Anna Reilly pulls no punches and still manages to be beautiful, sexy, smart, and fun. (Go watch this movie if you haven't seen it. It's fantastic.)

Who are yours?? Am I crazy and weird that I love these not real people?? Help me feel better.

Week 8: HOMETOWNS.

February 21, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Okay y'all, a few burning questions before we kick off this episode:

When the hell does Rachel go home??
How horrible/amazing is Corinne's family going to be?
Will Nick have to go muddin' with Raven in Hoxie?
...who's the other one? I don't even remember. Oh yeah. Vanessa. Yawn.

Let's get to gettin'.

PART LAST WEEK

Nick shows up with four roses to take the pressure off.
Meaning Rachel still sticks around. What are you doing, ABC??

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STOP CRYING.

This whole "casual rose ceremony" thing is cute and everything but more cute in a way that your 12 year old little brother takes a flower for every girl in his homeroom for Valentine's. He just looks so damn pleased with himself.

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I wouldn't put it past him to just make up a rule that he also gets to take all these women to the Fantasy Suite.
"And for you four beautiful women, I'd like to just go ahead and extend this rose to Sex Island. You're all getting to come to bed with me!!!"

Okay so my dream scenario is that Rachel and Corinne are going to be the final two, and Rachel goes home (obviously), and Corinne wins. PLEASE GOD let #corn win.

PART I: Home sweet HOXIE.

Oh my gosh. Every bit of this is already solid gold.

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So basically this'll be a really fun date but it's also going to be the date where Nick realizes he does not fit into this girl's life AT ALL.
Like, the whole "country girl" thing has been cute up to now and now it's going to be like,

He wore plaid to the country, you guys. Adorable.
Raven takes him to "climb some grain bins." Whatever that means.
Why are they dirty already??

They look like photos of children in the Dust Bowl.

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"WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOIN'??" - Every Southern cop ever.
So it turns out the cop is Raven's older brother. I like it.
Seriously though why are they so filthy??

This isn't happening.
Wet t-shirt contest in the swamp.
Do you KNOW what lives in there??
Are you even aware of the bacteria???

I would be so so so pissed that he just put my hair in that freakin' gangrene water. No way, no how.

Then they got to meet Raven's fam.

Gotta say, I don't see the resemblance.
They then proceed to have the sweetest moment I've ever seen on this show.

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Welp now I'm sobbing.
DAMMIT HOXIE STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU.
Y'all honestly this is the best hometown ever. These folks sound exactly lke the folks I grew up with. The South is the best.
They shouldn't end up together, but I still love it.
Raven fails to say I love you (probably because her mama scared her about it earlier) and that's that. I can't really even see the rest of the date through my tears. Bye, Hoxie! We loved visiting!

PART II: Texas Forever.

Well, let's deliver this stillborn.
I'm gonna hit the highlights because we obviously already know how this turns out.

Nick arrives in Texas wearing his Texas Costume (a collared, starched shirt instead of a plaid one).
Rachel tells him she has a surprise for him and they go...

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Good question. Let's watch!

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Hahahahahahahahaha
Later, they visit the house, where Rachel's family proves to be exactly as perfect as we thought they'd be.

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Okay so this begs the question...WHY does Rachel go home?? She has to make it to the final two and get sent home. Has to. Because why else would she go??

PART III: #CORN

Women who run up to their boyfriends and do the leg wrap gross me. Sorry. They do. I know I've done it before but even the memory of it grosses me.
"So today I'm gonna show Nick exactly how expensive it would be be married to me."
Although I guess technically this money is hers?
We are then treated to a montage of Corn shopping that I honestly couldn't be more delighted by:

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Followed by a montage of Nick shopping that made me want to throw up.

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Except for the part where Corinne is the sugar daddy in this scenario. I do love that.

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*needle scratch*
HOW MUCH???

Mmkay let's just cut to Raquel.

This whole "Raquel is our servant" thing is not the cutest.
At least she's eating with them? I guess? ...I don't know. It's odd. I feel weird about it.
"AND NOW, THE OLIVES!!!"

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Nick exercises horrible table manners by sticking his forefinger in the bowl as he passes it. Nobody wants your finger germs, Nick.
Dad Corn takes Corn for a talk....

...on her bed.
He then shares a 15-year-old single malt scotch with Nick, but adds a couple of ice cubes. You know, to make the scotch worse!

Nick gets Raquel's blessing and all is well.

#corn win.

PART IV: Canada

ABC chose to spend a full half of the episode here, but I will not be. I'm treating Vanessa fairly. Because THAT'S WHO WE DO THINGS IN AMERICA, ya maple leaf.
Nick's Canada costume: white t-shirt and a sweater.

Vanessa takes Nick to meet her students and the interaction starts off as very touching:

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...and then gets really strange, as she has her adult special needs students make a scrapbook of she and her boyfriend making out in bathing suits.

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By the way, the reciprocal of getting a scrapbook is GIVING a scrapbook. Not having them make another scrapbook.
Not loving this. I feel like these sweet folks are getting pimped out for the sake of reality TV.

I'm telling you. Didn't I tell you? Vanessa is not the one.
The only way this date gets interesting to me is if Justin Trudeau shows up

Yes, please, Justin.
Then we go to the houses where things get even weirder.
I will illustrate how I think each conversation went with a closing GIF.

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The sister:

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Then, the torture continues with her dad's side of the family which is, if possible, less warm and even weirder.
Although we do get treated to this DELICIOUS moment:

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Oh, sorry. That last GIF is actually MY reaction. Not how the conversation went.
The conversation went more like this:

PART V: The 4-minute "deliberation" before this episode is over.

...apparently Andi shows up.
She won't be doing anything but giving him advice. Especially since she's boinking Chris Harrison (probably). This smells like a desperate publicity stunt from someone whose book got reviews like this one:

Ouch.

'Til next week, Bachelor Nation. You know what's coming.

SEX ISLAND.

The Anti-Valentine's Day Story.

February 15, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Perfect for the day after Valentine's Day, as this story is not romantic at ALL - grotesque, in fact - but does eventually lead to me getting married.

Read it here, or click the photo below.

Week 7.

February 14, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

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Hoxie is might sound unintelligent but she's sharp, and I appreciate the fact that she's representing strong-accented Southern people well.

Nick and Harrison have a conversation on a beach...with about 300 other tourists, hahahahahaha ABC you're stupid. Don't try to convince me this is a nice resort.
Can I just ask right now why any of these girls are sticking around to let Nick decide whether he can scrape himself together to keep dating them?
Nick and his shorts come in to reassure everyone that he will, in fact, fight through the pain and continue to date seven beautiful women.
What a martyr.

PART I: One-on-one.

None of these bitches had ever heard of Bimini before this.

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WOW Danielle is tall. How have I not noticed that?
In a curveball, Vanessa gets a second one-on-one.

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Vanessa throws some expert-level shade by rubbing her second one-on-one in in front of Corinne. And this is why (hot take alert) I am not Team Vanessa.
I am Team Rachel.
(Well really, I'm Team Rachel Please Run Away This Show Will Destroy Your Soul, although it looks like that's DEFINITELY not happening, but you know what I mean.)
Rachel and Corinne are friends, you guys. That says something good about Corinne, right?
I don't even care. I love Corinne.
On their date, Nick starts with a bunch of REALLY confusing stuff:

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I may not like Nessy, but that body is slammin'. DAYUM.

Few things bother me more than when girls show up in cocktail dresses and guys show up in daggum T-SHIRTS.
Vanessa drops the L bomb.
And he responds by...making a really long, strange speech.

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Vanessa isn't supercharged about the whole interaction.
It's like his goal is to speak in relationship code to her.
I would say that did not go well.

PART II: GROUP DATE.

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Oh, honey. You bringing Nick to Hoxie is the last time you'll see him. He'll roll in wearing a v-neck and pre-ripped jeans, and the people of Hoxie will be all,

ABC treats us to some gratuitous sunscreen slathering.

Then Hoxie treats us to yet another colorful threat of violence.

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Seriously though, this seems pretty dangerous. They're just swimming in open water with sharks while wearing flippers?? Hope no one nicked themselves in the shower this morning...

I need to take a moment during this date to make some predictions.

Jordan and I decided that Kristina might win this show. If not her, then Vanessa.
And, apparently, Rachel will be The Bachelorette, so she'll go home this week.
Corinne and Hoxie are going home this week.

Okay. Back to your regularly scheduled bitchery.

OH MAN that's what his hair looks like wet?!?! Deal breaker.
Later on the date, he sits down with Kristina.

Wait. He's crying AGAIN?? It's getting to be a bit much.
To be clear, Nick is crying about having to choose among six hot, smart women to a person who has literally eaten lipstick because her family had no food in the cabinets.

Meanwhile, back at the tropical cabana...

Danielle goes Exorcist over the date card.
Seriously though, what's the appeal? Have we just not been allowed to see her personality?
Cause I'm asleep, Danielle. I'M ASLEEP.

Back on the date...
WHAAAAAAT????? WOW.

Oh, well, of course. Now that I've stopped to think about it, It all makes sense now. Hoxie is going to be a ridiculous ratings machine because it will be full of hill people. Of course she got the rose.

PART III: One-on-one.

I guess my major complaint about her is that everything out of her mouth is in the voice and language of a cute 8-year old.

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This season, on the most dramatic and racist date yet, we're supposed to be charmed by white people Nick and Danielle playing basketball with non-white children.
Conversation between these two grinds to a halt, unsurprisingly.

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Oh RIGHT I forgot she has a dead fiance.
"The last time I was in love with someone, they died."

Oh don't worry Danielle. He's not gonna die, he's just gonna humiliate you on national television.
Oh please cry again., Nick. Definitely show us how hard this is for YOU.

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Good for her for having the balls to just say what every girl has always thought.
Poor thing.

PART IV: Corinne's Platinum Vagine

I love ya girl, but that was the best you could do with your hair?

This is already my favorite part of the episode.

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Oh. My. Gosh.
Corinne, I love you. #teamcorn

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I can't believe I'm saying this, but it looks like Nick has actually learned some lessons on this show. So he pumps the brakes until the episode when, you know, they actually are allowed to have sex for millions of viewers.
Corinne leaves, upset, and we discover she absolutely canNOT walk in heels.

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She also bypasses the sliding glass doors in favor of the push door.
She's a fascinating creature.

PART V: One-one-one.

Okay so if Rachel is announcing she's The Bachelorette tonight, she has to leave the show tonight. The variable is HOW she's going to leave. Right? Am I crazy?

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Oh my gosh she is an angel from heaven and literally always looks perfect.
I really want to have that skirt please.

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Oh I'm sure they're just WILD about the television crew.
Blah blah blah, they have a perfect date but I can't get invested because it's already come out that Rachel is the Bachelorette.
Okay so if Hoxie gets a hometown date, that probably means Corinne does too. Because you KNOW Chris Harrison wants us to meet Raquel.

Nick surprises everyone with a tearful goodbye, but not to Rachel...

...to Kristina.
I feel like someone predicted this last episode...

Which is all I have because obviously I was W R O N G about everything else this episode, shit.
Vanessa is conspicuously absent from the "comforting Kristina" party.
Kristina was so sweet. Her lil' cheese cube self. RIP Kristina. You deserve better.

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This episode was a slog, you guys. But hometowns are next week, and if anything has ever been entertaining, it's hometowns.

See you in Hoxie, kids.

Fetch or Wretch: Grammys 2017.

February 13, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

The Grammys, similar to the VMA's, marks the time when famous musicians let their freak flags fly. Boobs, sideboobs, underboobs, bellybuttons, underwear - we get to see it all!

In honor of that, there will be no Fetch or Wretch columns this morning (because almost everyone is Wretch - spoiler alert!). Instead, there will be drive-by commentary on almost everyone.

Let's get to gettin':

Adele:

Looks great and was totally endearing last night. Her acceptance speech where she basically Kanye'd herself into thanking Beyonce was precious and probably kept her from getting dragged in the blogs this morning since everyone with ears knows Beyonce should've won Album of the Year. Anyway, Adele, you nailed it. Would've liked a bolder lip, but that's it.

J Lo

Giving us Angelina Jolie leg and looking like she put an Easter dress through a life-size shredder. J Lo, you're better than this dress. WAY better. But as always, you're also giving us #face.

Katy Perry

Caterpillar! Half-worm! Cousin It! Snake while molting! Partially digested pipe cleaner!

In other words, what the hell, Katy Perry??

Rihanna

She looks like the official spokesperson of Halloween. She's also one lift of her arms away from exposing both her bare breasts, as that top has no underwire and is just laying on her body. Riri, I love you girl, and I'm all for your bold choices, but this is a mess. Send that top back to an NFL cheerleader where it belongs.

Lady Gaga

And speaking of underboob, WOW. She's really carrying that whole "shoulderpads only" thing from the Superbowl into her schtick. And if anyone gets too close, she can just shoot them with one of the poison darts on her forearms.

Solange

Well this is pretty fabulous. Giving me "under the sea" vibes. Next.

Demi Lovato

Somebody please wake me up with the naked dress trend is over. I feel like my eyeballs are rotting. It's been three years of this stuff. I mean, your bod looks great, but I'm distracted by the dark spot in your crotch where your bodysuit ends. And I don't think "I'm distracted by the dark spot in your crotch," was the reaction you were hoping for.

Cee Lo Green

Taraji P. Henson

I think we should just all agree to pretend this never happened. Taraji honestly doesn't even look like she knows where she is. We know you are much too fabulous for this cheap looking, too-tight thing, girl. We'll keep walking and we'll never speak of this again.

Chrissy Teigen

Like I said, wake me up when this is over.

Andra Day

I have no idea who Andra Day is, but this is some serious old lady styling. Starting with the random flowers in her hair, I'm getting Phaedra from Real Housewives of Atlanta at her baby shower (anyone? anyone??), followed by a sherbet colored dress that makes me want some ice cream, and then some slippers everyone's grandmother has. Her head screams Priscilla Presley but her feet scream, "Murder She Wrote!"

Lea Michele

Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Everybody lower your voices. Don't look directly at her. This is a Lea Michele, and it's really a treat that we get to see one today. They're very rare. Normally, Lea Micheles wear lots and lots of makeup and have sex hair, but it seems today we've found one that is going for a natural look. Without her makeup, she's very vulnerable and frightened, so no sudden movement. You can take pictures, but make sure there isn't a flash. She also seems to be unaware that her dress is see-through and her black underwear is pretty prominent. Good, everyone. Now, walk away slowly...

Charli XCX

🎶 You’ll love David’s Bridal! 🎶

Halsey

...P!nk? Is that you?

Erika Jayne

QUEEEEEEEEN. I love her so so so so so much. I'm not even mad that she's yet another person wearing a Balmain dress with a topknot. I don't care. LOVE YOU GIRL CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THE RECORD DROPS!!

Kristen Cavallari's Sternum

That's all.

Giuliana Rancic

Can't decide if she wants to be a saloon girl or Kim Kardashian. And neither is working.

Enya

That's right, ENYA's ass is still around. Why did I think she'd be a lot younger than this? Mother of the bride. Who also wore white and now the bride hates her. Sail away, Enya.

Joy Villa