...FriPo on HuffPo?
Yeah, too much. I agree.
Click and read!
The Myth of Perfection.
This has been ping-ponging around in my head and heart lately.
Jordan and I are working on redecorating our house. This has meant countless hours on Pinterest, looking at lifestyle blogs, shopping discounts and scrolling through West Elm, Ikea, Pottery Barn, etc.
Getting sucked in is so easy.
When our parents were growing up, they had to go buy a magazine if they wanted to get decorating tips from professionals. All we have to do is open Instagram. And, while there's a certain convenience and accessibility to that, it also means we're constantly bombarded with perfection. Everyone's perfect smiles, perfect dog, perfectly decorated houses, perfectly sleeping babies in perfectly styled nurseries. You've probably heard it put this way many times before, but social media tricks us into believing that everyone's highlight reel is also actually their life.
Let me just get real here for a minute.
My Instagram is a carefully curated collection of moments I'd like to share. It's a highlight reel, as they say. It's my favorite moments, my most aesthetically pleasing moments, Tom Hanks' cutest moments, Jordan's funniest moments. That's not to say it's not real - it is, but it leaves out 3/4 of the story of our lives. And, even though these moments are actually happening, how many times have I taken more than one picture to get that "perfect," Instagram-worthy shot? LOTS OF TIMES.
The rest of the story is the cereal for dinner, the little arguments, the perpetually clogged shower drain, the dog peeing in the house because we left him alone too long. It's me forgetting appointments, saying the wrong thing, completing tasks last-minute, eating half a bag of Goldfish, watching too much Netflix. And I'm not saying this in a Jennifer Lawrence-y, relatable, adorable, Brad Paisley song, inscribed-on-an-ironic-tank-top-at-Target kind of way. I'm talkin' about the not cute moments, people. My real, real life.
The Internet is a tricky, mean girl. She'll show you what you should look like, how your house should be decorated, and then give you one, long up-and-down stare before flashing you a tight-lipped, condescending smile and turning away. She's a fake friend.
So as I'm thinking about our home, decorating it, and "keeping up," I'm remembering a few things: I am not perfect. I love the people in my life regardless of their "perfection," and that must mean that the people in my life love me whether or not my house/hair/clothes look like they've been professionally handled. It's hard to believe, but it must be true. That whole "unconditional" thing is real! The reason why it's exhausting to achieve the Social Media Standard of Perfection is that it's not actually a real thing. It's like running after a hologram. And it's way more fun to use social media as a fun highlight catalog, but also live with the knowledge that it's exactly that: best moments. It's not everyday moments. Otherwise we'd have already come up with some hellacious 24-hour live video stream. (Whenever that happens, count me out.)
By the way - if you feel overwhelmed by comparison and falling short, take a break from social media/blogs for a few days. It's amazing how great your life starts to feel once you stop stacking it up against other people's. Comparison is the thief of joy.
In that spirit, here is a photo that is about 1,000% less than perfect. Because I have to believe you love me anyway.
I was eating an ice cream sandwich the other night and Jordan said, "Don't move. Stay right there." Then he took this picture. Here it is, totally unedited, chins and all.
Happy Friday!
DNR - JTI: On Behalf of Women Traveling Alone.
I traveled to and from Alabama last week and spent about 14 hours in the car. Because of that, I encountered lots of less-than-savory male behavior as a solo female traveler, all of which I would like to address right now. This kind of stuff happens to women all the time, PS - not just me. So hear me roar!
As usual, all credit for "DNR - JTI" goes to the fabulous and hilarious Mollie Erickson. Though she is too kind to ever write a nasty post like this one.
Dear Sketchy Looking Ford Pickup Driver,
Why are you flashing your brights at me? Maybe it was an accident. Nope, you just did it again. And now you've pulled up next to me on the interstate. Ugh, I made the mistake of glancing over at you. Stupid. Why are you tailgating me now? Here come the brights again. And...now you're exiting and waving your arm out the window.
I'm sorry WERE YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO EXIT WITH YOU?? Did you think we were going to have some sort of romantic tryst in a gas station bathroom?? Dude, I barely use gas station bathrooms for their intended purpose. Also, you are a disgusting creep. DNR - JTI.
Dear Man Leering at Me While I Fill Up My Car,
I think you think I can't tell that you're staring at me from the other side of the pump. Every time I turn around or lean into my car to grab something to throw away, your little pin-head has appeared from the other side of the gas pump wall. "How ya doin'?" I ask, making unwavering eye contact (and a New Jersey accent, for a reason that is still a mystery to me). I see you. You are not subtle. Get outta here. DNR - JTI.
Dear Teenage Boy at Sonic,
This has nothing to do with behaving inappropriately and everything to do with the fact that you gave me an M&M Blast with STYROFOAM IN IT. Come on, man!! I mean, yes, I picked the first piece out and gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I was a 1/3 of the way into devouring that bad boy and I had to pull a piece of non-biodegradable, half-chewed styrofoam out of my mouth. I know you can do better than this, my friend. DNR - JTI.
Dear Man Driving a Budweiser 18-Wheeler,
I'm in this lane. I'm in this lane. HEY I'M IN THIS LANE. I'M IN THIS LANE. STOP GETTING OVER. I'M IN THIS FREAKIN' LANE. I AM HONKING MANIACALLY. I am mad at you. I am FUMING at you. I get off onto the shoulder of the road to avoid being killed. After it's safe, the car around me know that I'm on a mission and allow me to get back up to you on the interstate so I'm driving parallel to the cab of your truck. I roll down my window and honk like an insane person. "You almost killed me!" I shout at you. You look down at me, shrug, and mime sending a text on your air phone. I'M SORRY DID YOU THINK I WAS TEXTING?? It's an audiobook, my friend. I'm tying to listen to Carrie Fisher tell me about her affair with Harrison Ford on the set of Star Wars. Also are you trying to communicate that you were teaching me a lesson by running me off the road because you thought I was texting?! WOW. WOWWW. Yeah, you better exit. I have half a mind to follow you, you paternalistic piece of -- DNR - JTI.
Dear Men in General,
Listen. Traveling alone as a woman shouldn't be scary but it is. Do you know why? Because of you guys. Not all of you, of course. But the ones of you that go out of their way to make us uncomfortable. The ones of you who think it's fun to antagonize and frighten women, like some sort of weird game -- in the same way you see little kids torture ants with magnifying glasses. It is mean, it is sexist, and more than anything, it's unkind and disrespectful. Does it make you feel strong? Does it make you feel cool? Let me assure you - if you're doing these things, you are neither. I hope it also makes you feel unemployed, because, while we may not be bigger than you, we sure as hell can take a picture of your license plate and call it in to Budweiser. Ants move in colonies and can lift three times their body weight. So, respectfully, suck it.
Do Not Respond. Just Freakin' Take It.
Small Enough
The Lenten season is usually a period of the liturgical calendar that I enjoy. I love spiritual disciplines - I think, if I'm being honest, because it allows me a box to check. "Did I complete my Lenten fast today? Yes? CHECK!" In the world of faith, which can often feel so amorphous, Lent, to me, feels tangible.
(PS - Lent is a period of time in which many Christians fast from something for 40 days to emulate Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness. It begins with Fat Tuesday [the end of Mardi Gras] and continues for the 40 days leading up to Easter, excepting Sundays.)
This year, for a myriad of reasons, Lent has been different. I have been taught in new ways that, though Lent is usually a time when I feel most in control of my faith, I'm not in control at all. For this control freak, that's certainly been a tough pill to swallow. Sure, I knew that already, in a far-off sort of way, but to be presented with that reality more concretely has been startling. For one of the (embarrassingly) very first times, I've been forced to trust only God (rather than myself) in a way that has made me feel vulnerable and often lonely.
I don't believe in the whole "everything happens for a reason" theology, mostly because, if you walk that back to its origin, it means that God causes suffering. I do believe that we can find God in every stage, every phase of life, and that God goes before us on our paths.
This song, "Small Enough," is all about crying out to a God who feels so big. We read about God's mighty acts; the sweeping, epic faiths of the folks who've gone before us. And yet (especially true for me this Lenten season), that same "Great God" shrinks down for each of us to fit into our smallest, most private moments; to sit with us in our grief, our fear, our sadness.
When I sang this at our church here in Asheville, my grandfather was very ill. His prognosis was not good. (He, miraculously, is doing much better.) Singing these words out loud in the midst of that sadness was one of the most powerful experiences I've had - it felt so personal and vulnerable, like much of this season of life has been. So, in case you need the Small God to speak to you in little ways today, I wanted to share it with you. Because, it turns out, God shows up every time.
5 Reasons to go see Beauty and the Beast
If you're anything like me, Beauty and the Beast holds a huge and special place in your heart. I remember seeing this movie in theaters at two years old and have been obsessed ever since. Belle is by far my favorite Disney princess. I could sing you every word of every song - just absolutely love this movie.
I was passing through Alabama this week and had the great luck of going to see one of my all-time favorite movies with two of my very best friends. Here are five (of many) reasons you should go see it ASAP:
1. It is perfectly cast.
Emma Watson is a knockout as Belle, of course, but the rest of the case is equally fabulous. Josh Gad as Le Fou will have you LOLing (along with all the children in the theater! And by the way - the big scandal over the "gay" moment?? Still have no idea what that's about even after having seen it. Way to go, #alabama). Ewan McGregor as Lumiere is so charming and truly fabulous. Emma Thompson as Mrs. Potts - I mean, obviously. Audra McDonald and Stanley Tucci are divine. And when the Beast turns into Dan Stevens (hey, Downtown Abbey!) at the end - I don't think my heart has been that warm in weeks.
2. The music.
When I heard the opening bars of the score, my stomach flipped. Music really is such a powerful thing - it can take you back in time. The music in the movie all so great, but the highlights for me were the ensemble numbers. "Gaston," sung mainly by Josh Gad and Chris Evans (who plays a devastatingly evil and also hilarious Gaston) was a show-stopper. and "Be Our Guest" was as much of a treat for the eyes as it was for the ears. People actually clapped in the theater at the end of both these numbers!
3. It remains true to the original movie where it counts.
Yes, they added a little bit of plot. Yes, they added a little bit of music. But the big stuff - the important piece, and, in particular, the important songs, they (wisely) left completely alone. When the first strains of "Beauty and the Beast" started playing and Belle descended the stairs, it took my breath away. The live action scene was every bit as magical as the animated one all those years ago, and so was every other "moment" you remember so well.
4. It kicks everything up a notch.
This movie does a great job of heightening the intensity of a lot of plot elements without taking them to a place of ridiculousness. For example: Belle is revealed to be the only woman who can read in her town, which is why the Beast's library is such an amazing gift for her. Conversely, the Beast has read everything in the library, so literature becomes a huge point of connection for them. Gaston wields a gun, not a knife. We find out what happened to Belle's mom, and why Maurice has kept Belle so close all these years. We get a little more of the Beast's backstory. While some of these things probably could've been done without, it's definitely cool to see others of them and feel a little bit of a fresh take on something that's such a classic.
5. The message still shines through, years later.
I mean OBVIOUSLY I was in tears at the end of the movie. It's just so precious and powerful! The idea that it's possible to see the best in people, even through their worst behavior, is really just the idea of grace dressed up in a Disney movie. The last 15 minutes of this movie are so gut and heart-wrenching that it'll choke you up, with a triumphant, and beautiful ending that, even though you know is coming, still overwhelms you with joy and love.
Obviously, my girls and I loved it. Can't wait to hear what you think!
The Bachelor: FINALE.
WHAT IS EVEN GONNA HAPPEN
- Chris Harrison gets a round of applause that really fires him up. He's like READY TO GO, you guys.
- Yeah I BET you do, you smug bastard.
- Yeah, okay, Chris.
- Remember Ben Higgins' preacher "thinking about" whether he was going to "marry Ben and Lauren B." on camera? Yeah, me too. I stayed up late for that, Chris. Come on.
#neverforget
- Chris is so ready for Rachel's season to start. He can smell the ratings from months away.
Let's get cracking:
Meeting the Families
Raven:
- Nick skipping with those Christmas children behind him will be the highlight of this episode.
- Also is Nick's mom ever NOT crying?
- "His family has to be so embarrassed of him." - my husband, pretending not to watch this with me.
- Raven shows up. I am so #teamRaven it hurts my hair.
- Then ABC uses Nick's little sister to get ratings.
- Seriously though using this child as a tool on reality TV is low. But also, expected! Because this is all terrible!
- She talks to both parents and totally charms them.
- Mom Viallis STILL CRYING. Lock it up.
- Raven leaves. Slam dunk.
- HAHAHAHAHA oh yeah. I'll bet he was.
- He had lots of other people beating down his door, so it's understandable that he'd be hesitant.
- Who would hire him, lest he be seen working for them?
- Jordan wouldn't even take this guy as a dental patient.
- Anyway, Raven is predictably charming and adorable and the little sister loves her so much.
Vanessa:
- SHADE.
- Vanessa shows up in...an off-the shoulder top and cargo pants? To meet the parents?? Girl, come ahhhhhhhn. That's not what you wear!
- She's not coming off as super likable.
- Vanessa and Nick's dad share a teary moment that seems genuine on his part and...I don't know. I guess genuine on her pare. She just BUGS, you guys.
- Gross to me that this small child is still here being subjected to reality garbage. This show should be rated R just to keep children out of the room while we watch it.
- I say again: how did he get so tall??
- Sorry, are all these people his siblings? Like, all of them? I feel like I keep seeing a new one every few minutes. How does this happen?
- That sister is really over how much her mom cries. "It was tough," she interjects. Impatiently. I get it.
- Well now we know where Nick gets the weepiness.
- Let's see how he fares on the one-on-ones.
NESSY.
- I've never actually seen horseback riding in the snow. Serious note here, Finland is gorg. I want to go to there.
- Oh, SHIT.
- SANTA IS HIDING IN THE WOODS.
- NOPE.
- NOPE.
- I have NEVER been scared of Santa in my life until this moment.
- Not gonna lie, I just Googled, "Do horses feel cold?"
- They do but they're all set, guys. Don't worry. It's not inhumane for them to be out there.
- You're welcome.
- Stop it right now. Is Santa about to open this door?
- NO WAY
- Santa talks to these two kids about what they want for Christmas.
- Just sayin', they at least could've gotten a guy with a real beard. How low budg can you be, ABC?
- Santa produces them a woodburned carving that represents happiness and fertility. So there's that.
- And then they set it on fire. (just kidding but it really does look like that)
- Nick essentially tells her that she's exactly like everyone he's always dated, which, surprisingly, isn't what she wants to hear! So she starts crying. Or maybe she's just crying because her hands are freezing while Nick's hands are toasty warm in some leather gloves.
Â
- Gosh wouldn't it be great if she was just like, "This show is stupid and I'm out." Right? Amaze.
- Later on the "date" date...
- I am totally distracted by her eyelashes. I almost can't focus on anything they're saying.
- Basically she's asking for affirmation but she's not grasping that this is a dating game show.
- I don't like him but he's dropping some truth bombs.
- At least vanessa fits right into the family in terms of weepiness.
- Raven has cried exactly twice: her dad had cancer, and saying, "I love you" for the first time.
- ...legit reasons.
HOXIE
- She's just so happy and free and upbeat!
- Vanessa is reeeeeeeal serious.
- "My love," he calls her!!
- Chances that I would skate on a frozen lake: probably 0.
- They just have a lot of fun together. How could you not love Raven??
- What is up with his penchant for laying her down in the middle of a watery hell to make out? Like SHE DID HER HAIR, GUY. Have some respect.
- I just really like her so much.
- WHAT HUSKY PUPPIES?!?!?!
- Mine too, Raven. Mine. Too.
- Somebody get Neil Lane out here. This show is over.
- Y'all this is gonna hurt so much if he dumps her.
- Confession: I thought Raven was unintelligent and maybe even a lil' trashy. And I am eating my words. I think she's adorable and precious and kind and great.
- He can actually talk to Raven about feelings. Vanessa basically forced him to pretend they were the only relationship that existed.
How It All Ends:
- What if it really was a Bear Den and he just got attacked by bears and that's how the show ended?
- And the dramatic live event was the bear coming out on After The Final Rose and confessing that he did it?
- Every Neil Lane ring: stone in a halo with diamonds all around it.
- Every single one.
- Okay let's just get to it. I'm not re-capping all of this "thinking whilst I stare into the snow" shots.
- I will say, that's a great looking suit on him. He pulled it off. Nice work.
- WIPE YOUR TEARS, geez Louise. #hegetitfromhismama
- Okay. First limo. Who's it gonna be??
Â
- Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
- Oh this is gonna be terrible.
- Wow. I'm heartbroken for her.
- Nick you asshole, Kaitlyn let you go through your whole speech and you DRAGGED HER for it. Don't do the same thing to Raven. This is cruel.
- You bastard. You are horrible for letting her get this far down the rabbit hole with you.
- CORRECT. You have been. You awful awful person.
- Wipe your tears and stop acting like such a damn martyr. Clean your face up you piece of shit.
- Raven, honey, you won by not having to marry Nick Viall.
- Damn, she's classy. I'm so impressed.
- I'm so uninvested in this proposal I could turn it off.
- But I won't. Obviously.
- Get those lashes OUT OF HERE. This speech sounds so scripted and gross.
- Blah blah blah they get engaged, it's really phony and weird-feeling.
- "Let's go do it, literally." Classy, Vanessa, as ever.
- They deserve each other. Equally gross, equal media-whores, equally disingenuous.
AFTER THE FINAL ROSE.
- How dare you assume that I'm wearing Spanx, fool? I am saddled up in my yoga pants eating cookeis with NO SHAME, friend. I don't need your BODY NORMATIVE ASSUMPTIONS, CHRIS.
- TBH, pictures say 1,000 words. So let me just include some:
Â
- He looks genuinely terrible. Like, rumpled, hungover, and unhappy.
- GAH she is classy as hell. Representing the South with 100% awesomeness and swag.
- And she's going to Paradise. God bless her.
- Here are some more pictures that tell a very compelling, if not quite as happy, story:
- ...oh.
- This was the most awkward conversation. Chris deserves a raise for trying to get blood from this rock, because Nick looks like a prisoner being held against his will and Vanessa seems like an insane person and also kind of a bitch on wheels. It's a trainwreck. It's painful to watch. And Harrison knows it.
- So to try and salvage what happened this season, he decides to just start a new season in hopes that we won't remember how horrifying this was!
- Here are the guys we met tonight:
- Mr. Started Strong and Got Weird:
- Mr. Started Weird and Ended Weird:
- Mr. White Person Who Made a Joke About Race:
- And Mr. The Best Ever:
And with that, we draw this season to a close.
Listen, folks, let's have some real talk for a moment (with some Corinne GIFs for illustration).
Every season when I finish recapping the finale, I think to myself, "I'm not doing this again. This is a terrible show."
And this season may have been the worst yet. The network didn't even work hard at hiding the manipulation this year. The Rachel storyline, the forced relationship between Nick and Vanessa, the obvious reason that they announced Rachel so early (because Nick and Vanessa clearly are gonna break up in 3 weeks and they needed something else for us to focus on) - it all felt pretty infantilizing and gross.
Even as I type this, I know I'll probably be right alongside you recapping Rachel's season (because she's clearly the best ever). But let's all enter into this with our eyes open, shall we? This is a SHOW. This is editing. In some cases (like tonight between Nick and Vanessa), this is acting. So let's laugh and hang together, but not be ABC's puppets. We're better than that, people.
Okay, Bachelor Nation. That's all I got for The Most Awkward After The Final Rose EVER.
Until the spring, my little cheese pastas.
