Fetch or Wretch: Met Gala 2017

It's that time again, people. Running down the celebrity styles, because you KNOW they care what we think. 

The theme for this year's Met Ball is Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons. Rei Kawakubo is one of (I think) only two designers ever to have been honored in their lifetimes at the Met Gala. As I'm writing this, it's Monday evening and I'm watching the outfits roll in. We should expect, per the theme, to see a lot of architectural and abstract looks. If there's ever a time to get crazy, now is the moment. 

A note: We at DHDG do not feature Kardashians or their spouses anymore. We're sick of them and they never wear anything worth noting. 

LINE 'EM UP! 

Fetch:

Gisele Bundchen

People, this one BARELY made the cut. Not because Gisele isn't a perfect human specimen (she is) or because the dress doesn't knock me out with fit and taste (it does), but because Gisele is one of the hosts of the party this year. And THIS is what she chose to wear on an evening celebrating avant garde designs?? I'm snoring. Next. 

Lily Collins

Now THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. You werq that freaky goth Barbie ballerina of your nightmares baby doll wig, Lily! Perfect fit, perfect execution, perfect girl to wear it. 5 stars. 

Katie Holmes

Don't worry, I was surprised as you were that THIS name is on the Fetch list. I have had a longstanding, irksome feeling toward Katie Holmes and her stoke mouth-speech, probably precipitated by this bastardization of one of my all-time favorite Broadway tunes. Ugh I just made the mistake of re-watching that and somehow it's even worse than I remember. Anyway this dress is good I can't say any more about her, good job escaping from Scientology, see ya. 

Elizabeth Banks

I will never know if I actually like this or if I've just been hypnotized into believing I do. But for now, I'm so all over this checkerboard nonsense. Pretty hair, pretty makeup, pretty dress. 

Lena Dunham

Another one that I can't believe I'm including in this category, but it is so rare that Lena gets it even in the BALLPARK of right that we need to celebrate her choices. Even if she does look like a Scottish marm. 

Riley Keough

Feel like this would've been better suited for last year's theme, Manus x. Machina, but still. Cool, high-impact, well-fitted, and worn by a freaky girl. Do I know this person? What has she been in? 

Emmy Rossum

That bust line could be just a teeeeeny tiny bit higher to balance everything out proportionally, but that big ridiculous bow is the stuff of Southern girls' dreams. Keeping the styling understated was wise. 

Katy Perry

Okay this is very stylized, insane, almost difficult to look at, but I have decided that I like it. Katy Perry is also hosting the evening, and as I said, if there's ever a time to get weird, it's now. And Katy Perry is weird all the time. And her third eye is looking at you, so don't say anything mean. 

Zendaya

SHUTTING IT DOWN. 

J Lo

Yeah, it's boring, but she's still J Lo and she still looks amazing. 

Tracee Ellis Ross

YES. WEIRD. FASHION, BABY. Could've gone with a different shoe in my opinion, but I also just think Tracee is SERVING. She's had a great red carpet streak lately and it makes me happy. Although if you look at it just right, it looks like she put her coat on backwards. Or maybe even sideways. But no matter. 

Sean Combs

I couldn't care less about that dress over there, so please re-direct your gaze to Diddy, who is literally lounging on the steps in a CAPE.

Rihanna

Don't think about it too hard. Just love it. 

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

Shhhhhhhh. No sudden movements. What we have here is a rare sighting of two New York specimens, old women at a young age, scary and fascinating all at once. They are THE ILLUSIVE OLSEN TWINS and they believe the camera steals their soul. (Just the one soul.) 

Blake Lively

This is crazy and I love it. Glad she chose something that wasn't too tight. I think this works really well on her and the blue feathers are everything. 

Cara Delevingne

Unlike fake British person Dorit Kemsley (you're either laughing at this reference or totally confused), real British person Cara Delevingne's metallic hair is FABULOUS.

Ruby Rose

Am I crazy for loving this?? Dead on the theme and I love that her tattoos are visible. I think it's cool. She looks great. 

WRETCH. 

Claire Danes

Let's play word association: sexy pirate hooker shirt from Seinfeld missing eyebrows barmaid. ...none of those words go together, girl. Whatcha got on your body?? 

Priyanka Chopra

I feel like I'm going to be in the minority of people who pan this, but I just...can't. She gets points for drama and impact, but that footwear is just plan wrong and the dress feels like weird cross between flasher and prom dress made by the weird girl at school. And it's a shame because Miss Priyanka usually turns it out. 

Rose Byrne

So close, and yet...not. I LOVE me some Rose Byrne, but this is just unflattering and bad in many ways. Although I am really here for that hair. Seriously. 

Sophie Turner

Off the rack at David's Bridal. 

Hailee Steinfeld

Do you think she looked in the mirror and thought, "YES. Nailed it. Overtly sexy, mildly culturally offensive baby. Exactly what I was going for." 'Cause, you know. that's what she got. 

Kerry Washington

That girl in the background is basically mimicking my exact facial expression. Girl, WUT?  

Celine Dion

Celine is self conscious so she's wearing a t-shirt over her bathing suit. Or, rather, under. 

Solange

Okay I wanted to like this so much. I sat here staring at it, trying to make it work. But I hate it. I just do. The puffer coat train is what did it for me. 

Nicki Minaj

NO.

Thandie Newton

CHIQUITA BANANA I LOVE YOUR WORK! 

There's Honey in the Rock.

I actually started this blog post two days ago, wrote a paragraph, and closed the browser. Sometimes it's tough to get through something when I have the seed of an idea, but not the flower. 

Five minutes ago, I watched this Heineken ad and the rest of the post came flowing out of my fingers. 

Am I the only one who got choked up? 

There is no question that the last few months in America have been really hard. Frankly, I've been nervous to share the opinions that I have because I don't want to alienate anyone. I have such a deep love for my people (who come from all walks and political leanings) that it's scary to type out a few lines here or there that could convey offense, lack of loyalty, or, even worse, judgment. 

But here's what I think: 

In these last months, the darkness has been thick. It's felt suffocating, frightening, anxiety-inducing. People have sworn off cable news as a means to protect their sanity; they've stopped checking social media because of the divisiveness and the blindness that we've all shown, at one point or another, toward the other side. The Bad has risen up like twists of smoke, curling around our heads, seeping into our mouths and minds, stealing our empathy, our kindness, and our willingness to listen to one another.

In Christian and Hebrew scripture, honey is often symbolic of abundance and of grace. In Psalm 81, David writes from God's perspective: "...with honey from the rock, I would satisfy you." 

Honey from the rock? 

Goodness, abundance, grace, from an impossible place. 

As it is foolish to try and convey someone else's experience here, let me only speak for some specific experiences I've had - my own goodness in an unlikely time: 

- First, I've noticed a lot of embarrassment and anxiety in my heart. A lot of it comes from the fact that I disagree with and am broken hearted by many of President Trump's choices of words, of actions, and, often, of inaction. (I'd like to say here for clarity that I view myself a moderate voter who has considered voting for a Republican presidential candidate in the past, and that my feelings about President Trump do not reflect my feelings about the Republican party or conservatives in general.) In listening to my friends of color, I now understand that that fear and anxiety is something that people of color, gay people, immigrants, and other marginalized communities have been experiencing for a really, really long time. I'm living a tiny, tiny fraction of it as a straight, White, upper-middle class woman. This has been an education for me, one I'm sorry it took me so long to experience, and, sadly, one that only was realized when things affected me directly. 

- I've watched a very, very close friend of mine, a woman who voted for Trump, fix her "I Voted" sticker to her bathroom mirror. When I asked her about it, she said, "It's to remind me to pray for our country, for our President, but specifically to remind me to be an active citizen because I am on the hook." Her civic activism in showing up and voting in any election - municipal and national - and her fierce commitment to what it means to love America - is something that I can learn from. 

- Friends and family members of mine have risen to action in ways I am awed by: organizing marches, becoming lobbyists, writing articles, and educating themselves on the issues that matter to them - many for the first time. It is not a coincidence that their activism has been motivated by a feeling of necessity. Out of an unstable time, a crop of latent leaders has risen. 

- People are talking to each other. Real conversations. I've had several with people I openly disagree with that didn't end in resolution. No one said, "You're right." But we did say, "I understand." We still disagreed. And we hugged afterward. 

Listen, I find the idea that we needed a low point of national morale and misunderstanding in order to come to a place of reckoning to be as trite and off-base as when someone looks at the mother of a dying child and says, "Everything happens for a reason."

The alternative approach is to study our situation and wonder, "What can be good here?" Sometimes the answer is, "Nothing." 

But these days, the answer is not, "Nothing." 

If a transgendered woman can sit across from a man who has just insulted her very way of life, and if that man can look across the table and acknowledge the woman sitting in front of him, then we damn well better be able to stop hiding people on our Facebook feeds who disagree with us. To do so is the very thin-skinned behavior that got us to this point, where each of us lives in an echo chamber of reinforcement; where dissenting opinions are met with outright rejection instead of curiosity. 

What sweetness there is in disagreement. In learning. In feeling ashamed of what you've just said. In teaching a lesson with kindness. In learning a lesson with humility. We all have something to give and we all have something to figure out. 

And we're sure not going to do it by talking into a mirror. 

Sit with me. Teach me something about what it's like to be you. Help me understand your position. Give me the gift of your explanation, of your time, of your patience. 

I am ready to draw the honey from this rock. Or, if you want, beer. 

Why "The O.C." is The Greatest.

This weekend has been a stormy one in Asheville, so Jordan and I were forced to resort to frozen pizza and marathoning TV shows. 

...okay, well, the truth is that Jordan spent a lot of time in his woodshop and only watched two or three episodes with me. But that is because he's a productive, non-vegetable. 

So we watched a few episodes of season 2 of Fargo (which, by the way, is one of the greatest TV shows that has been in on modern history) before he retreated to table-making, leaving me in the rainy weather having just watched a bunch of people shoot each other. At which point I needed something a little lighter. 

I surfed around on Hulu a little bit before making a fabulous discovery: all four seasons of The O.C. are there. 

By the way, didn't it seem like there were more than four seasons?? I thought so, too. But it's true. Only four. 

So I went for it. And you guys. It's as good as I remember. 

Sure, it's no Fargo or Breaking Bad or Mad Men. But I'd argue that it's some of the best of what it is: a melodrama geared at teenagers that doesn't totally suck. 

Let's run it down. 

1. Seth Cohen.

As characters go, it doesn't get much better than Seth. Razor-sharp wit, sarcastic, self-deprecating, and adorable, Adam Brody's portrayal of this complete and unlikely teen heart-throb is pitch perfect. Who didn't have a crush on him?? He was the perfect antidote to all the melodrama on this show - and there was plenty of it - and really served as the audience's voice cutting through the nonsense. Also the perfect pair to Ryan, who was almost always brooding and brow-furrowed. Laugh out loud funny and generally the best. And the fact that Seth Cohen grew up to eventually marry Blair Waldorf? Well, that's just too good. 

2. The music. 

Music on this show was crucial. In fact, the creator was quoted at some point or another as saying that he wanted music to feature so prominently that it was a character in the series. Mission: accomplished. How many of us heard Death Cab for the first time on The O.C.? (Oh, everyone else knew about them? I was just behind? Cool.) You can't think about Trey getting shot without playing Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek over and over in your head. You can't think about Seth sailing away in the S1 finale without hearing Hallelujah. I remember getting on iTunes (okay, Kazaa, because I was a little 15-year-old thief) and searching every song on the soundtrack at the end of each season. It was beautifully crafted and made such an impact that the show and its soundtrack are almost inextricable. 

3. Sandy and Kirsten

Come. ONNNNNNNNN. It doesn't get any better than these two. It just doesn't. As with most great shows, it's the B-couples that are way better than the A-couples. Give me Jack and Karen any day over Will and Grace. Give me Chandler and Monica over Ross and Rachel. Give me Seth and Summer over Ryan and Marissa. But maybe, over anyone, give me SANDY AND KIRSTEN. An honest picture of the ups and downs of marriage, complete with romance, struggle, addiction, forgiveness, and triumph. Get outta here with that. Heart melting. I don't even mind that Peter Gallagher is so much shorter than I thought he was. 

4. The fabulous early-oughts fashion. 

Please don't miss the fact that on-trend Summer has bejeweled her belly button in that bikini photo. Priceless. 

Watching the costume on this show takes me immediately back to throwing watch parties at my house every week in high school. It really encapsulates the horrible choices we were all making: layering necklaces, unfortunate hats, wearing polo shirts on top of other polo shirts, tube dresses, etc. And let's not forget that poor Mischa Barton was doomed to thousands of pairs of flats since she already towers over Ben McKenzie (one of my biggest pet peeves of that show. I can barely take him carrying her out of the car fire seriously because she's SO MUCH TALLER THAN HE IS). It's like stepping in a time machine to watch this show, and I love every minute of it. 

There are about a hundred more reasons why this show is fantastic - its self-awareness, its refusal to treat its viewers like stupid teenagers - but I know I have some fellow fans out there. What do you love about it? 

Step Away From The Cellular Device

Last week, I was in Birmingham for a project that I'm working on with some of my former students. Ginny Tyler, one of my best friends and my host for the week, and I went to a cute restaurant downtown called Feast and Forest. We got our coffees and beautifully plated meals, and settled into our table. 

And then I watched a crazy thing happen. 

A group of four young girls, probably around 22, strolled in. They were dressed to hipster perfection: dark lipstick, topknots, denim cutoffs, mirrored sunglasses, ironic band t-shirts, tattoos of birds prominently displayed on the back of one of their thighs. To be fair, they were dressed more appropriately for the restaurant - Ginny and I looked like the lame young moms had arrived in our Lululemon. 

It was what happened next that blew my mind. 

Before they even ordered, one of the girls (we'll call her Sunglasses, since she wore them indoors the whole meal) made her way to a vacant table and started posing behind it. Another of the girls, Topknot, started snapping Sunglasses' picture. And not just one. Several. Maybe a dozen. Different poses, different angles. None of them included the girl looking at the camera -they were all candid. 

Ginny's back was to this scene, but my brow furrowed and I watched in disappointment as this experience became more about what they were going to post on Instagram than enjoying each other's company. It was far from over. 

The four girls sat at the table together, on their phones, waiting for their food to arrive. Not a one of them looked up or spoke to each other. One of them took a call and I realized that they were actually on vacation. This was how they were spending it: without interacting.

When the food arrived, like robots, all four girls took out their phones and started photographing their food. Once they were satisfied with those pictures, Sunglasses looked at Topknot, who wordlessly picked her phone back up. Sunglasses posed with her coffee: coffee cup on the table, coffee cup to her lips, coffee cup mid-way between table and lips while looking wistfully into the distance. 

Topknot easily took 30 pictures of Sunglasses before either of them actually took a sip of their drinks or a bite of their food. I was rendered completely speechless as these girls, totally ignorant of the fact that everyone in the restaurant was watching in horror, had photo shoot after photo shoot for their social media accounts. 

So here's where I confess that my hands are not clean: I love Instagram. I love taking pictures. I have certainly asked the waitress to take a photo of my friends and I after a special meal. I've taken pictures of my food. It took me a while to figure out what about this bothered me so much. 

Part of it was the lack of self-awareness; the open vanity and shamelessness of it all. But I think the bigger part was that it made me genuinely sad. These friends who'd traveled to be in a place together were so addicted to social media - to the idea of presenting the fun they were having instead of actually having fun - that they weren't even speaking to each other. They weren't having an experience, they were just crafting what they wanted others to think they were experiencing. 

How many of their friends, I wonder, saw those photos and were so jealous of the fabulous breakfast these girls ate together? How many wished they could be around that table, talking and laughing? Would they have been as envious if they'd known that there wasn't any talking or laughing at all? 

I listen to a great podcast called Hidden Brain, and one of the most recent episode was called SchadenFacebook, playing on the term "schadenfreude," or, "taking pleasure in other people's pain." In it, the host, Shanker Vedantem, discusses how social media actually makes us sadder. Until recently, we weren't sure whether the fact that people who use lots of social media were sad was correlation or causation; rather - are they sad because they use it, or are they already sad, and happen to use it?

A recent study done by Tel Aviv University revealed that it's Option A: we're sad because we use it.  Here's why:

FOMO. It's all about Fear of Missing Out. When our friends used to go on a trip, or hang out without us, we didn't really know because they weren't posting pictures of it left and right. Now, even if you've had the best day of your life - an incredible vacation doing adventurous things - when you look at Facebook or Instagram and see your friends back home at dinner without you, you automatically feel bad. Your day starts to pale in comparison to that one dinner, simply from a fear that a joke will be made that you won't be in on. 

ISN'T. THAT. INSANE?! 

I am certainly not a model citizen in this movement: I check my phone WAY too much, post an Instagram a week (or so). And I don't mean to judge Topknot and Sunglasses and their two other friends, because Lord knows I've been just as obnoxious in my life. But it made me sit and wonder what we can do to free this upcoming generation from finding their validation in a screen instead of in the mirror, or in the faces of the people they love who are sitting RIGHT NEXT TO THEM.

To figure it out, I'm afraid, we have to actually put the phones down and speak to each other. It's suddenly a novel concept. But it made me look at my own social media usage a bit more critically. I can stand to do better. What about you? 

Have You Seen Hot Ones?

Okay, so. 

When Jordan and I were in Santa Barbara in January, it was rainy one day so we needed to stay in for the afternoon. Like magic, a friend of ours texted us recommending a YouTube series called "Hot Ones." Initially, we were like, "Hmm, okay, maybe." We decided to give it a try. 

The first video he said to watch was the Hot Ones episode featuring Kevin Hart. So we started there, ended up both laughing hysterically, and watching about ten more. 

The premise of Hot Ones: host, relative nobody Sean Evans, interviews various celebrities while each of them eats ten hot wings covered in increasingly hot and spicy sauces. So they'll both eat the wing, then Sean asks a question, and the guest has to answer the question as best they can while also trying to stay alive from the searing sauce dripping down their throats. 

The first few are always okay, but once they get to wing #6, things get dicey. Each hot sauce's ranking on the Scoville Scale is listed on the screen so you have an idea of exactly how hot these sauces are. 

It is extremely entertaining and you should watch it right now. I've linked my favorite episodes below. They're full of profanity, of course, so just be warned. 

Ladies and gents, I give you: Hot Ones. 

Caring for Cast Iron

One of the greatest pieces in a Southern cook's arsenal is a good cast iron skillet. I have several that were handed down to me from my great-grandmother, and one that Jordan bought me for my birthday this year. 

The trick, though, is cleaning these suckers properly. Left unattended and uncared for, they get rusted and persnickety. A good cast iron pan should release the food once it's done cooking, but a poorly cared for cast iron will burn everything you try to make, leaving a sticky, charred warzone behind. It can be frustrating and eventually make you choose to abandon cast iron altogether. 

But don't! Once you get the hang of it, you and your cast iron will be best friends for the rest of your life. Because they'll last you that long if you treat 'em right.  

I let a couple of my pans get too dirty recently, so I hunted for the best method to rejuvenate them. I found a few videos online and thought I'd share for all my Southern girls out there who need to fry a piece of chicken the best way: in a cast iron skillet. I've been seasoning and caring for my pans in this method (thanks, Crisco!) ever since I saw this and they work like a dream. 

Hope it helps! 

On cleaning and seasoning: 

On restoring cast iron that's too far gone to season or clean:
Note: this video uses oil instead of Crisco, but I'd use Crisco. It's a wonder-product.