Fetch or Wretch: CMA Red Carpet.

The biggest night in country music, people! If you haven't already seen it, the best thing to come out of that awards show is this Beyonce/Dixie Chicks performance. If you grew up in the 90's, this will make you get up and dance. Trust. 

I shouldn't have led with that - the rest of this post will be a let-down. 

But, we press on. 

You guys know the drill, so let's just get down to it. BRING ON THE WHITE PEOPLE! 

Fetch. 

 

Nicole Kidman

Okay yes, this is a little too "on-the-nose" literal, but I think she's making it work. The color is beautiful on her, the fit is great, and poor Nicole has had a history of making bad head choices. Her head looks great here! Nicole found her some country music gays to floof up that hair. I'm proud of her. 

Kacey Musgraves

A few things. First of all, I'm probably being blinded by my love for Kacey Musgraves (who is super talented and you should listen to her stuff if you haven't already). Her whole schtick is to wear very "frou-frou" clothes and then sing songs about trailer parks. Traditionally, I loathe pickup skirts or tiered skirts like this, but I think I love it here because it's so exaggerated. She really does look like one of those Barbies shoved in the top of a birthday cake. She also has the best people in town doing her makeup, because she is actually poreless.

My only real complaint is that the bust is too full. It looks like she's trying to smuggle something into the venue in her bodice. Whatcha got in there, girl? Booze? Puppies? A few McDonald's cheeseburgers ('cause I sure would). 

Carrie Underwood, I GUESS. 

Country Music Barbie. My eyes are rolled all the way back in my head. Everything she wears is princess-y and neutral. Don't believe me? 

...right. So. As I was saying. 

Okay, okay, she looks pretty and the dress fits and her head styling looks great. But would some color KILL HER? I think not. 

Gymnasts! 

Laurie Hernandez, Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, Madison Kocian, and Gabby Douglas. 

Of course there are some basic things that could be fixed (don't love the length of Gabby's dress + a train; Laurie Hernandez is underdressed a bit), but overall, I think these ladies look great. They're having fun, they're stepping out - and you know what? They're athletes. They're not red carpet celebrities. So they get a more lenient hand in the judging process. Fetch! Fetch for all! 

Reba

Wouldja just look at 'er? She's so cute! Great job choosing something age-appropriate, flattering, and formal. Her hair and makeup look great - I would cosign on this look any day. Go, Reba!! And she's 61, so, you know. #werk 

...that pretty much does it for the good ones. The bad ones, I'm afraid, are much more worse. 

Wretch. 

Sharon Stone

Number one: Whatcha doin' at the CMA's, Sharon Stone??

Number two: Sharon here, only 3 years younger than Reba, opted for a very different route. Look, girl, we all know your brand is SEXY, but you have to know when to pump the brakes. It looks a little like you were pledging a sorority, got drugged, had half your head shaved in the car, then got shoved out of a limo in this dress. Sharon, do you need help? Blink twice if you're being held here against your will. 

Faith Hill

Ohhhhhhhhhh, Faith. 

It's been a long, slow descent ever since this moment: 

I really don't know what to say about this look because I can't figure out where to start. This is a perfect example of a Franken-dress (copyright Tom and Lorenzo) - it can't figure out what it wants to be. Sparkly! Sleek! Peplum! Shiny! Matte! And speaking of people who look like they're being held against their will...yikes. Faith, go home. Put on a mask. Sink into a bubble bath. Have Tim McGraw give you a shoulder rub. You need a day off. 

Miss America, Savvy Shields

... 

... 

...

Can't wear a pageant dress on the red carpet, Sav. Also, don't look behind you, but your dress is being slowly eaten by another dress. Run away, girl!!! 

Elle King

I AM I, DON QUIXOTE, THE LORD OF LA MANCHA!! 

But seriously. 

I have no idea who this person is, but she obviously slept in her Halloween costume from a few days ago. Part of me wants to give her credit for having the stones to wear this on the red carpet, but the other part of me is too busy recovering from the series of eye-twitches I collapsed into after seeing this combination of fringe and corset. I mean...you do you, sister. But for me, this one's a miss. 

Gretchen Wilson

I seem to remember this woman telling us in no uncertain terms that she "ain't no high class broad," and yet, somehow that still doesn't excuse wearing a t-shirt and leggings (maybe even tights, actually) to a black-tie event. 

Listen, Gretch: if you're invited somewhere thousands of people would kill to be, show a little respect. At the very least, put on some pants. You are officially the wretchest of them all.

That does it, people. May we all go forth and make good style choices. Amen.  

How to Meal Plan in 5 Steps.

Until about three years ago, I had never even heard of meal planning. It wasn't until I did The Whole 30 in 2014 that I became a disciple of this technique, which is absolutely guaranteed to save you time, money, and brain cells. 

The idea behind meal planning is that you carve out 15 minutes at the beginning of your week to (you guessed it!) plan your meals. I used to do one of two things: make multiple trips to the store (time consuming) OR make one trip, but just kind of grab whatever I thought I'd need (expensive and inefficient). By planning meals at the beginning of the week, I save myself hundreds of dollars a year, make my trip short and succinct, and, to my surprise, enjoyable. 

Walk with me.

I start by deciding what I want to make for dinner. This particular week, we're eating in all 5 nights. Other weeks, depending on what we have going on, I may only plan for 3 or 4 nights - it varies. Make it work for you! 

A note: I don't formally plan breakfasts and dinners, but I do include ingredients for what I know we eat every morning (eggs, granola, yogurt, berries) and what Jordan will need for lunch (bread, cheese, apples, etc.) on my list for the week. 

I have a little spiral-bound notebook that I do this in each week. In the top margin, write your name in the upper right-hand corner. 

...that was a reflex from teaching. Sorry. 

1. In the top margin, I write what we'll be eating: 

2. I create my categories. Here are the codes I use:

"P" for produce;
"D" for dairy;
"M" for meat;
"C&B" for canned and boxed;
"H" for household;
"F" for frozen. 

I learned this from a meal-planning service years ago - make your grocery list according to sections of the store *mind = blown*. That way, you aren't running back and forth between aisles because you listed "broccoli" right after "chips" and "eggs." Listing by category allows you to get everything on your list the first time you're in that part of the store - then you can move on! It's a game-changer. 

3. I take a look back at Monday night's dinner. What do I already have in the pantry? I've got several of the ingredients already covered. So - what do I need from the grocery? 

Ignore the "berries" and "grapes" in the "P" section. I got a little carried away. I will not, in fact, put either of those things in my chili. 

4. I'm now ready to move on to Tuesday's dinner. I list what I'll need to get. 

5. Then I complete the process for the week's dinners, also adding in anything "extra" that doesn't have to do with dinner (La Croix, dog food, eggs, etc.). PS - I know eggs are not dairy, but they're in the dairy section. 

That's it! 

Of course, we have some things in the house that will be used for our meals/snacks that aren't on this list since they're already in the pantry/fridge. But that's the beauty of meal planning: you don't buy anything you already have, because you check as you go to see what you need.

Going to the grocery used to be a slog for me. Ever since meal planning came into my life, I take my neat little list, pop in my headphones, listen to a podcast, and enjoy. Everything is laid out for me! It makes the process so. much. more. enjoyable. 

And if we can make the mundane not just tolerable, but enjoyable, then haven't we won? 

So. Do you meal plan? What's your method?? I love learning tricks from people who also do this. 

Happy eating! 

The Top 5 Halloween-Themed Episodes of TV

I don't know why, but I have come to love Halloween. It probably has something to do with my husband, who loves to dress up and think of smart ways to execute a costume. This morning, for example, his dental practice is dressing up with a barnyard theme in mind. He decided to go as Old McDonald, so, naturally, he made himself a new nametag: 

Cute, right? 

I have had such fun plans the last two Halloweens - two great parties - and this year, we don't have anything going on. So tonight, we'll be turning on the spooky sound effects, entertaining trick-or-treaters, getting chocolate wasted, and marathoning these shows. 

There's nothing better than a few fun episodes of TV to get you in the mood. 

Let's start with 5 and work our way up. 

5. Slutty Pumpkin - How I Met Your Mother

Look, it's not groundbreaking television, but it features one of the more well-known jokes that runs throughout HIMYM. If you're a fan of the show, you'll be treated to some classic Barney tricks, an over-the-top gooey Ted pep-talk, and some Lily and Marshall cuteness. Blessedly, this episode is in Season 1 of the show, so although HIMYM hasn't quite hit its stride, it also hasn't become completely over-the-top unbearable. Yet. Available to stream on Netflix.

4. Halloween - Modern Family

Back in Modern Family's early days, I was still watching each episode as it aired, and I remember this one specifically from that era. First of all, Gloria's sub-plot is that she is frustrated with her accent ("baby cheeses" becomes "baby Jesus") and that alone is worth the watch. But Claire and Phil's love for all things spooky and corny is to die for. I think Jordan and I might accidentally become them at some point. It's not available to stream, I discovered, unless you click this link. Then it is. (You're welcome.) 

3. Community - Epidemiology

Another Season 2 triumph. Community is not a show with which you're familiar, let me solve that problem right now. This show is pretty hilarious, and this episode is a great one to start with. At a big Halloween party, guest after guest starts exhibiting zombie-like symptoms. I won't spoil it for you, of course, but it's a hilarious and sometimes even a little spooky episode of television. Available on Hulu. 

2. Halloween - The Office

If you know me well, you know that The Office is my "cult-level-following" TV show. This show actually boasts a handful of great Halloween episodes, but this is my favorite. There are about a million great costumes here -- Michael's two heads, Dwight's Sith Lord, Three-Hole Punch Jim, etc. In YET ANOTHER Season 2 Halloween episode, Michael's been saddled with laying off an employee, but doesn't want to because he fears it will make him unpopular. There are a lot of gems here - Jim and Pam cuteness, some FANTASTIC Dwight Schrute moments - you'll have to watch for yourself. Available on Netflix. 

1. Parks and Rec - Greg Pikitis

And yet, as much as I love The Office (and I do, an unhealthy amount), this episode takes the cake. If you can only watch one Halloween-themed episode of TV, this is your winner. In what I'm another of beginning to feel are a totally suspicious amount of Season 2 Halloween-themed episodes, this one from P&R wins. Local teenage punk Greg Pikitis loads this episode with a special kind of awesome. Inside, you'll find: the birth of Andy Dwyer's alter-ego Agent Bert Macklin, a guest appearance by Louis CK, some of Aziz Ansari's finest work, and an irrational, vengeance-seeking Leslie Knope with whom all of us can identify. It is laugh-out-loud funny the entire way through. We watched it last night and will watch again this evening. Two words: peach pit. Available on Netflix. 

Hope everyone saw/wore some great costumes this weekend. Happy Halloween! 

...and please, make sure to give trick-or-treaters some teeth-rotting goodies tonight. Do your partto keep your local dentists in business. 

5 Things: Costumes to Stay Away From.

Halloween is fast approaching. First of all, I'd like to lament that Jordan and I have no plans this year. Very depressing. Last year was such a great time (see photo at the bottom of this post) and we loved our costume - we'll have to cook up something great for next year. Halloween is the best.

Halloween also seems like a time when people get pretty sloppy with their costume choices and accidentally (or sometimes intentionally) end up being racist, classist, or sexist. 

Last year in my hometown of Decatur, Alabama, a big Halloween costume scandal exploded because a teacher, dressed up as Kanye West, painted his face with dark makeup. This got a lot of conversations started about where to draw the line. 

So here are a few that may/will rub people the wrong way. 

1. Geisha.  

This one is kind of two-fold offensive. First, it perpetuates a stereotype of Japanese women that many modern women find outdated and difficult to overcome. Geisha are associated with high-end prostitution in many circles. Secondly, there are actually still women who are geisha, and the training process is brutal and intense. Either way, just a good one to avoid. 

2. Anything in blackface. 

I know this one seems obvious, but every year, it crops back up. As anyone who has ever been to school knows, blackface is one of the many ways that the Black community has been persecuted by White folks. For the Black community and its allies, this costume harkens back to a time when white people used similar makeup to mock, denigrate, and dehumanize. Looking at that costume, for so many, represents years of oppression and hurt. 

3. Terrorist. 

I know. I know. Can't believe this exists. Me either. But it does, because people love to get a laugh/to be sensational/outlandish. The truth is, this is a time in American culture when Muslims are being widely discriminated against as either members of ISIS or dangerous refugees. Imagine being a Muslim American (or a Muslim anywhere else, frankly) and seeing your culture, a culture with rich history apart from those two tropes, represented this way. Yikes. 

4. White trash. 

Not cool to make fun of teenage pregnancies; not cool to make fun of people living below the poverty line; not cool. 

5. Native American/"Indian."

This costume is problematic for the same reason that calling a team the "Redskins" is: because it paints a cartoonish and "savage" picture of Native culture. To add insult to injury, the people who usually wear this costume are White, which is terribly ironic when you consider that White people drove Native people out of their homes and off their land. Woof. 

Listen - here's the thing. 

If you've worn one of these costumes before, it doesn't make you a bad person. I was a geisha when I was in middle school. I didn't know better, and you probably didn't either. 

The bottom line is that using someone's race or culture as a costume is inherently offensive. By dressing up as a "gypsy" or a "ninja," we're using elements of someone's actual heritage and turning those few details into a character we get to play for a few drunken hours. Worse, it's not even a character - it's a caricature. 

It's easy to say that people need to grow a thicker skin, take a joke, and see these costumes for what they are: silly, inoffensive, and playful. But if I, a White person, tell a person of color to just "get over" the fact that I've used their culture as a costume, that's crossing a line that just isn't mine to cross. 

One of the biggest lessons I learned while I was a corps member for Teach for America is the concept of intent vs. impact. For example: 

I don't intend to roll over in my sleep and elbow my husband in the face 4 out of 7 nights a week. But it still happens. And it probably still hurts. 

Even if I don't intend to offend anyone with my costume, it doesn't mean it's not offensive. 

For me at least, it's helpful to consider: "If I was wearing this costume out tonight and ran into (insert person of a particular race/ethnicity/gender/sexual orientation/etc.), would I feel uncomfortable or awkward?"

There are plenty of benign costumes out there, peeps. There are also plenty of ways you can dress up as someone of another race and not be offensive. Observe! 

The Powerpuff Girls! 

Marty McFly and Doc Brown! 

Beyonce's backup dancers! 

Of course, Chris Pratt and his velociraptor are always a safe bet. 

My husband and I last year. Yes, that head is homemade.

Happy Halloween, y'all! Make it fun, keep it clean, and be mindful! 

50 Thoughts About the Gilmore Girls Trailer

I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. 

I said that out loud in a very emphatic voice when someone tagged me in this glorious new trailer yesterday.

Also, can we talk about how the marketing people at Netflix are really knocking it out of the park? Between the first trailer, the pop-up Luke's at coffee shops nationwide, and this gem of a teaser, we are all more or less salivating at this point. 

This trailer certainly offered more than the previous one did - we got to see all the characters, learn a little about everyone's lives, flash through various sets in Stars Hollow that we all know and love. It was a doozie. Let's get to gettin'. 

I will narrate my thoughts as they occurred: 

1. I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
2. Oh they're talking about food. This pleases me. They ate so much they don't remember what they watched. #beenthere 

3. ...did this actually happen? *Googles* It did. HOW did I not know that Tori Spelling made herself a human wonton?? 
4. Rory has officially graduated from talking in that kind of semi-baby voice that she used when she was a fetus. And she learned to stand up straight.
5. WHY aren't those coffee cups from Luke's?! 

6. Lorelai's pink coat. *hearts appear in eyes* It's not exactly the same coat as before (that one had gold buttons), but I have to believe they want it to be a deliberate call-back to the pink coat she wore in the photo above (and many other times throughout the show) because fans LOVED that coat. So this new version is a bit more polished and grown up, but it's still Lorelai's pink coat. 
7. Why does her kitchen look so different?? 
8. Oh, it's been renovated! Even since the big renovation in later seasons, she's done more to it. Interesting. The cabinets are now painted mint instead of white, the refrigerator has been updated, etc. (Sorry for the grainy "before" photo.) 

9. One thing that hasn't changed at all: LUKE. And I'm here for that. 
10. I'm already gonna have a hard time with Edward Herrmann/Richard Gilmore's death. I don't like it and you can't make me. 
11. This. Of course Emily did this. 

12. Okay NOW we're getting some details. So Rory is job-less? Hmm.
13. So we know that she went on the campaign trail with then-Senator Obama (hey, that worked out pretty nicely for her) - are we to believe she hasn't nailed down a job since then??
14. Or is this some kind of interim period between a couple of jobs? 
15. OR is she secretly moonlighting as a cosplayer and doesn't want her family to know about her secret dreams?? (Probably not that one.) 

16. Why the hell is KIRK at Friday Night Dinner?? 

17. Kelly Bishop (Emily) looks EXACTLY THE SAME. Either she doesn't age, or she's had some pretty incredible work done. Have your people call my people, girl. 
18. GILMORE GUYS SIGHTING. 

19. Are Lorelai and Luke in couple's counseling?? 

20. Oh. It's just her.
21. ...is she in therapy about her relationship??
22. Have we waited all this time just to figure out they're going to break up?!?! 
23. I really don't know what I'm going to do about this. 
24. Is it irrational to have actual anxiety over a TV show that hasn't even aired? 
25. YOU SHUT UP, I KNOW IT'S IRRATIONAL. 
26. EMILY GILMORE IN A T-SHIRT AND JEANS, EMILY GILMORE IN A T-SHIRT AND JEANS. 

27. Even better: Emily Gilmore in a t-shirt and jeans Marie Kondo-ing her house. I'm dying. This is so brilliant. 
28. Leave it to Amy Sherman-Palladino to find current pop culture references to integrate into the show. 
29. I honestly feel scandalized looking at Emily's upper arms. I feel like I should look away - like it's indecent somehow. 
30. That being said, once again, go Kelly Freakin' Bishop. Lookin' like a million $$! She's 72, y'all!!
31. Oh my gosh. My heart.  

32. Just take me now, Jesus. I can't handle Richard's funeral. 
33. But Richard, you PROMISED.  

34. I don't know why I just did that to us because of course I'm crying. Okay but back to this photo: 

35. Some genius at Buzzfeed caught this and I'll just link it here instead of trying to re-explain it. All of this to say, the level of detail being included in this re-boot is what makes Gilmore Girls the show that it is. 
36. RORY AND JESS. 

37. Where are they?
38. Does one of them work in a newspaper or publishing house? 
39. Is he interviewing her for a job? 
40. Is she interviewing him? 
41. Why do they have so much chemistry? Why does Jess have Dean's old haircut? Why are they drinking scotch at work?
42. Are they just commiserating about life? 
42. WHERE'S LOGAN??
43. Taylor!  

44. PARIS!!!! (Who is...a teacher/HEADMASTER at Chilton????? AMAZING.) 

45. ...Dean. More like BEAN. Prob'ly still works at Doose's, where all the CHEATERS work. 

46. LOGAN. 

47. MICHEL!!

48. A tiny teacup pig!!! 

49. Babette and (skinny!!) Miss Patty! 

50. ALL OF THIS (including Melissa McCarthy who better be in this show for longer than a scene, or so help me...):

51. Okay this is going to be freaking incredible. I CANNOT WAIT. I have so many feelings. 

Exactly. 

Charleston and Kiawah Travel Guide, Pt. 2

Okay. So we left off on Wednesday night. 

Thursday. 

• Said goodbye to the beautiful Zero George and hopped in the car to go to Kiawah (only about an hour away)! 

• Stopped halfway to grab some lunch at a local dive called J.B.'s Smoke Shack. We were not disappointed. Though I didn't actually have any, I heard that the brisket was ridiculously good. 

• Why yes, that is a plate of just starches. 
• Arrived at The Sanctuary smelling like BBQ. I had never been to this stunning resort, nor had I looked up any pictures beforehand (I like to be surprised by these things), so the giant, light-filled lobby really knocked me out. Not to mention our beautiful rooms, which featured my new favorite thing: a bathtub that is situated so that if you open the shutters, you can watch TV. IN THE TUB. Yes, please. 

• And as lovely as the rooms were, I really wasn't ready for the immaculately kept grounds. This was the view from our window: 

• WOW. 
• The girls took a little jaunt around the property while everyone was getting settled into their rooms and discovered the pool(s) where we immediately migrated after everyone suited up. One of my favorite features of The Sanctuary is that they had two separate pools - one for families with children, and one "adults only" pool. It made the experience so nice to have all the littles in one place and all the grown ups in another! Although we definitely visited the "kid pool" and played pool games. STAR, anyone? 

• Since we arrived on a Thursday, we were some of the only people at the resort for almost 24 hours. It was totally delightful to have the place mostly to ourselves. We took full advantage of it and lounged by the pool for the rest of the afternoon! 

• After the pool, we got dressed for dinner at the Jasmine Porch, a restaurant in the hotel. Again, failed to take pictures, but it was delicious! 
• Went back to the rooms for yet another round of Telephone Pictionary. It never gets old. 

Friday. 

• Arguably the most fun morning. We all got our own breakfast - little coffee and pastry at a shop in the hotel - and then met outside for bike riding on the beach. SO fun!! 

• We rode to the end of what we could access without wading through the ocean and stumbled upon a little forest of dead trees and brambles. it was so neat to see deer tracks coming in and out of the forest from the night before - everything about this little cove was kind of magical. By this point, we'd worked up an appetite, so we headed back to the hotel for lunch. I'm not normally a huge meat-eater, but man oh man was it ever time for a CHEESEBURGER. 

• We once again suited up and spent the afternoon by the pool. Once everyone had gotten their fill, we rented a bocce ball set and played on the lawn. This was a highlight of the trip! 

• For dinner, we went off campus to a precious local pizza place that I can't remember the name of. Fantastic, though. At one point, I had pasta, pizza, and a bread basket sitting in front of me. Can you say MY DREAM?? 
• After dinner, we stopped by the local market and everyone got a pint of ice cream to enjoy in the car on the way home/while we watched a little TV before bed. Ice cream after dinner (with a paper towel wrapped around it so your hands don't get cold) is very much a "thing" in my family, so it was the perfect cap to our trip that we all ended up ice cream wasted by the end of the night. 

Absolutely hated to leave, but good GRIEF it was one hell of a vacation. I am so grateful that we all got to enjoy and luxuriate together, sure - but more than anything, I'm grateful to have grown up in a family that enjoys spending time together! We were glued to each other for over a week (Mom and Dad came back to Asheville for a couple of days after Kiawah) and we all truly enjoyed each other, laughed, and could've spent even longer together. Family is such an unquantifiable blessing. SO deeply thankful and, though I'm totally wishing I was back by the pool, already looking forward to the next time I get to see all those crazies. 

'Til next time, South Carolina!