Week 8: HOMETOWNS.

February 21, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Okay y'all, a few burning questions before we kick off this episode:

When the hell does Rachel go home??
How horrible/amazing is Corinne's family going to be?
Will Nick have to go muddin' with Raven in Hoxie?
...who's the other one? I don't even remember. Oh yeah. Vanessa. Yawn.

Let's get to gettin'.

PART LAST WEEK

Nick shows up with four roses to take the pressure off.
Meaning Rachel still sticks around. What are you doing, ABC??

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.19.19 AM.png

STOP CRYING.

This whole "casual rose ceremony" thing is cute and everything but more cute in a way that your 12 year old little brother takes a flower for every girl in his homeroom for Valentine's. He just looks so damn pleased with himself.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.10.53 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.11.04 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.11.28 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.24.48 AM.png

I wouldn't put it past him to just make up a rule that he also gets to take all these women to the Fantasy Suite.
"And for you four beautiful women, I'd like to just go ahead and extend this rose to Sex Island. You're all getting to come to bed with me!!!"

Okay so my dream scenario is that Rachel and Corinne are going to be the final two, and Rachel goes home (obviously), and Corinne wins. PLEASE GOD let #corn win.

PART I: Home sweet HOXIE.

Oh my gosh. Every bit of this is already solid gold.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.30.51 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.32.08 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.34.16 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.34.31 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.34.01 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.30.47 AM.png

So basically this'll be a really fun date but it's also going to be the date where Nick realizes he does not fit into this girl's life AT ALL.
Like, the whole "country girl" thing has been cute up to now and now it's going to be like,

He wore plaid to the country, you guys. Adorable.
Raven takes him to "climb some grain bins." Whatever that means.
Why are they dirty already??

They look like photos of children in the Dust Bowl.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.41.11 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.41.22 AM.png

"WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOIN'??" - Every Southern cop ever.
So it turns out the cop is Raven's older brother. I like it.
Seriously though why are they so filthy??

This isn't happening.
Wet t-shirt contest in the swamp.
Do you KNOW what lives in there??
Are you even aware of the bacteria???

I would be so so so pissed that he just put my hair in that freakin' gangrene water. No way, no how.

Then they got to meet Raven's fam.

Gotta say, I don't see the resemblance.
They then proceed to have the sweetest moment I've ever seen on this show.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.52.21 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.52.52 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.52.42 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.54.38 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.54.45 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.54.53 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 5.54.59 AM.png

Welp now I'm sobbing.
DAMMIT HOXIE STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU.
Y'all honestly this is the best hometown ever. These folks sound exactly lke the folks I grew up with. The South is the best.
They shouldn't end up together, but I still love it.
Raven fails to say I love you (probably because her mama scared her about it earlier) and that's that. I can't really even see the rest of the date through my tears. Bye, Hoxie! We loved visiting!

PART II: Texas Forever.

Well, let's deliver this stillborn.
I'm gonna hit the highlights because we obviously already know how this turns out.

Nick arrives in Texas wearing his Texas Costume (a collared, starched shirt instead of a plaid one).
Rachel tells him she has a surprise for him and they go...

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.08.03 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.08.22 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.08.43 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.09.05 AM.png

Good question. Let's watch!

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.09.20 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.09.33 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.09.44 AM.png

Hahahahahahahahaha
Later, they visit the house, where Rachel's family proves to be exactly as perfect as we thought they'd be.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.18.56 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.14.14 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.13.33 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.14.30 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.15.16 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.16.06 AM.png

Okay so this begs the question...WHY does Rachel go home?? She has to make it to the final two and get sent home. Has to. Because why else would she go??

PART III: #CORN

Women who run up to their boyfriends and do the leg wrap gross me. Sorry. They do. I know I've done it before but even the memory of it grosses me.
"So today I'm gonna show Nick exactly how expensive it would be be married to me."
Although I guess technically this money is hers?
We are then treated to a montage of Corn shopping that I honestly couldn't be more delighted by:

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.23.37 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.23.49 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.41 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.23.59 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.18 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.25 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.04 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.31 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.24.28 AM.png

Followed by a montage of Nick shopping that made me want to throw up.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.32.13 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.32.24 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.32.35 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.33.22 AM.png

Except for the part where Corinne is the sugar daddy in this scenario. I do love that.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.35.04 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.34.54 AM.png

*needle scratch*
HOW MUCH???

Mmkay let's just cut to Raquel.

This whole "Raquel is our servant" thing is not the cutest.
At least she's eating with them? I guess? ...I don't know. It's odd. I feel weird about it.
"AND NOW, THE OLIVES!!!"

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.40.20 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.40.33 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.41.25 AM.png

Nick exercises horrible table manners by sticking his forefinger in the bowl as he passes it. Nobody wants your finger germs, Nick.
Dad Corn takes Corn for a talk....

...on her bed.
He then shares a 15-year-old single malt scotch with Nick, but adds a couple of ice cubes. You know, to make the scotch worse!

Nick gets Raquel's blessing and all is well.

#corn win.

PART IV: Canada

ABC chose to spend a full half of the episode here, but I will not be. I'm treating Vanessa fairly. Because THAT'S WHO WE DO THINGS IN AMERICA, ya maple leaf.
Nick's Canada costume: white t-shirt and a sweater.

Vanessa takes Nick to meet her students and the interaction starts off as very touching:

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.51.23 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.51.31 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.51.43 AM.png

...and then gets really strange, as she has her adult special needs students make a scrapbook of she and her boyfriend making out in bathing suits.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.51.57 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.52.32 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.52.25 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 6.52.38 AM.png

By the way, the reciprocal of getting a scrapbook is GIVING a scrapbook. Not having them make another scrapbook.
Not loving this. I feel like these sweet folks are getting pimped out for the sake of reality TV.

I'm telling you. Didn't I tell you? Vanessa is not the one.
The only way this date gets interesting to me is if Justin Trudeau shows up

Yes, please, Justin.
Then we go to the houses where things get even weirder.
I will illustrate how I think each conversation went with a closing GIF.

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.00.47 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.01.29 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.01.40 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.10.25 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.10.08 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.10.29 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.10.33 AM.png

The sister:

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.07.10 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.07.16 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.07.35 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.07.18 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.07.48 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.08.03 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.08.31 AM.png

Then, the torture continues with her dad's side of the family which is, if possible, less warm and even weirder.
Although we do get treated to this DELICIOUS moment:

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.22.12 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.22.16 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.22.34 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.23.06 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.22.43 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.23.17 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.23.26 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.23.31 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-21 at 7.23.35 AM.png

Oh, sorry. That last GIF is actually MY reaction. Not how the conversation went.
The conversation went more like this:

PART V: The 4-minute "deliberation" before this episode is over.

...apparently Andi shows up.
She won't be doing anything but giving him advice. Especially since she's boinking Chris Harrison (probably). This smells like a desperate publicity stunt from someone whose book got reviews like this one:

Ouch.

'Til next week, Bachelor Nation. You know what's coming.

SEX ISLAND.

The Anti-Valentine's Day Story.

February 15, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Perfect for the day after Valentine's Day, as this story is not romantic at ALL - grotesque, in fact - but does eventually lead to me getting married.

Read it here, or click the photo below.

Week 7.

February 14, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.10.32 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.10.37 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.10.50 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.10.43 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.12.31 AM.png

Hoxie is might sound unintelligent but she's sharp, and I appreciate the fact that she's representing strong-accented Southern people well.

Nick and Harrison have a conversation on a beach...with about 300 other tourists, hahahahahaha ABC you're stupid. Don't try to convince me this is a nice resort.
Can I just ask right now why any of these girls are sticking around to let Nick decide whether he can scrape himself together to keep dating them?
Nick and his shorts come in to reassure everyone that he will, in fact, fight through the pain and continue to date seven beautiful women.
What a martyr.

PART I: One-on-one.

None of these bitches had ever heard of Bimini before this.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.15.21 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.15.26 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.15.34 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.15.42 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.16.02 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.18.14 AM.png

WOW Danielle is tall. How have I not noticed that?
In a curveball, Vanessa gets a second one-on-one.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.17.24 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.20.13 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.17.35 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.17.46 AM.png

Vanessa throws some expert-level shade by rubbing her second one-on-one in in front of Corinne. And this is why (hot take alert) I am not Team Vanessa.
I am Team Rachel.
(Well really, I'm Team Rachel Please Run Away This Show Will Destroy Your Soul, although it looks like that's DEFINITELY not happening, but you know what I mean.)
Rachel and Corinne are friends, you guys. That says something good about Corinne, right?
I don't even care. I love Corinne.
On their date, Nick starts with a bunch of REALLY confusing stuff:

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.21.59 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.21.42 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.21.47 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.21.52 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.21.55 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.22.09 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.22.20 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.22.32 AM.png

I may not like Nessy, but that body is slammin'. DAYUM.

Few things bother me more than when girls show up in cocktail dresses and guys show up in daggum T-SHIRTS.
Vanessa drops the L bomb.
And he responds by...making a really long, strange speech.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.27.40 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.27.44 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.27.50 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.27.54 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.27.58 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.28.02 AM.png

Vanessa isn't supercharged about the whole interaction.
It's like his goal is to speak in relationship code to her.
I would say that did not go well.

PART II: GROUP DATE.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.29.03 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.28.50 AM.png

Oh, honey. You bringing Nick to Hoxie is the last time you'll see him. He'll roll in wearing a v-neck and pre-ripped jeans, and the people of Hoxie will be all,

ABC treats us to some gratuitous sunscreen slathering.

Then Hoxie treats us to yet another colorful threat of violence.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.31.01 AM.png

Seriously though, this seems pretty dangerous. They're just swimming in open water with sharks while wearing flippers?? Hope no one nicked themselves in the shower this morning...

I need to take a moment during this date to make some predictions.

Jordan and I decided that Kristina might win this show. If not her, then Vanessa.
And, apparently, Rachel will be The Bachelorette, so she'll go home this week.
Corinne and Hoxie are going home this week.

Okay. Back to your regularly scheduled bitchery.

OH MAN that's what his hair looks like wet?!?! Deal breaker.
Later on the date, he sits down with Kristina.

Wait. He's crying AGAIN?? It's getting to be a bit much.
To be clear, Nick is crying about having to choose among six hot, smart women to a person who has literally eaten lipstick because her family had no food in the cabinets.

Meanwhile, back at the tropical cabana...

Danielle goes Exorcist over the date card.
Seriously though, what's the appeal? Have we just not been allowed to see her personality?
Cause I'm asleep, Danielle. I'M ASLEEP.

Back on the date...
WHAAAAAAT????? WOW.

Oh, well, of course. Now that I've stopped to think about it, It all makes sense now. Hoxie is going to be a ridiculous ratings machine because it will be full of hill people. Of course she got the rose.

PART III: One-on-one.

I guess my major complaint about her is that everything out of her mouth is in the voice and language of a cute 8-year old.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.38.19 AM.png

This season, on the most dramatic and racist date yet, we're supposed to be charmed by white people Nick and Danielle playing basketball with non-white children.
Conversation between these two grinds to a halt, unsurprisingly.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.41.02 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.41.14 AM.png

Oh RIGHT I forgot she has a dead fiance.
"The last time I was in love with someone, they died."

Oh don't worry Danielle. He's not gonna die, he's just gonna humiliate you on national television.
Oh please cry again., Nick. Definitely show us how hard this is for YOU.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.42.13 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.42.16 AM.png

Good for her for having the balls to just say what every girl has always thought.
Poor thing.

PART IV: Corinne's Platinum Vagine

I love ya girl, but that was the best you could do with your hair?

This is already my favorite part of the episode.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.44.30 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.44.34 AM.png

Oh. My. Gosh.
Corinne, I love you. #teamcorn

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.45.10 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.45.17 AM.png

I can't believe I'm saying this, but it looks like Nick has actually learned some lessons on this show. So he pumps the brakes until the episode when, you know, they actually are allowed to have sex for millions of viewers.
Corinne leaves, upset, and we discover she absolutely canNOT walk in heels.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.46.57 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.47.01 AM.png

She also bypasses the sliding glass doors in favor of the push door.
She's a fascinating creature.

PART V: One-one-one.

Okay so if Rachel is announcing she's The Bachelorette tonight, she has to leave the show tonight. The variable is HOW she's going to leave. Right? Am I crazy?

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.48.30 AM.png

Oh my gosh she is an angel from heaven and literally always looks perfect.
I really want to have that skirt please.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.48.07 AM.png

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.48.17 AM.png

Oh I'm sure they're just WILD about the television crew.
Blah blah blah, they have a perfect date but I can't get invested because it's already come out that Rachel is the Bachelorette.
Okay so if Hoxie gets a hometown date, that probably means Corinne does too. Because you KNOW Chris Harrison wants us to meet Raquel.

Nick surprises everyone with a tearful goodbye, but not to Rachel...

...to Kristina.
I feel like someone predicted this last episode...

Which is all I have because obviously I was W R O N G about everything else this episode, shit.
Vanessa is conspicuously absent from the "comforting Kristina" party.
Kristina was so sweet. Her lil' cheese cube self. RIP Kristina. You deserve better.

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 5.56.06 AM.png

This episode was a slog, you guys. But hometowns are next week, and if anything has ever been entertaining, it's hometowns.

See you in Hoxie, kids.

Fetch or Wretch: Grammys 2017.

February 13, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

The Grammys, similar to the VMA's, marks the time when famous musicians let their freak flags fly. Boobs, sideboobs, underboobs, bellybuttons, underwear - we get to see it all!

In honor of that, there will be no Fetch or Wretch columns this morning (because almost everyone is Wretch - spoiler alert!). Instead, there will be drive-by commentary on almost everyone.

Let's get to gettin':

Adele:

Looks great and was totally endearing last night. Her acceptance speech where she basically Kanye'd herself into thanking Beyonce was precious and probably kept her from getting dragged in the blogs this morning since everyone with ears knows Beyonce should've won Album of the Year. Anyway, Adele, you nailed it. Would've liked a bolder lip, but that's it.

J Lo

Giving us Angelina Jolie leg and looking like she put an Easter dress through a life-size shredder. J Lo, you're better than this dress. WAY better. But as always, you're also giving us #face.

Katy Perry

Caterpillar! Half-worm! Cousin It! Snake while molting! Partially digested pipe cleaner!

In other words, what the hell, Katy Perry??

Rihanna

She looks like the official spokesperson of Halloween. She's also one lift of her arms away from exposing both her bare breasts, as that top has no underwire and is just laying on her body. Riri, I love you girl, and I'm all for your bold choices, but this is a mess. Send that top back to an NFL cheerleader where it belongs.

Lady Gaga

And speaking of underboob, WOW. She's really carrying that whole "shoulderpads only" thing from the Superbowl into her schtick. And if anyone gets too close, she can just shoot them with one of the poison darts on her forearms.

Solange

Well this is pretty fabulous. Giving me "under the sea" vibes. Next.

Demi Lovato

Somebody please wake me up with the naked dress trend is over. I feel like my eyeballs are rotting. It's been three years of this stuff. I mean, your bod looks great, but I'm distracted by the dark spot in your crotch where your bodysuit ends. And I don't think "I'm distracted by the dark spot in your crotch," was the reaction you were hoping for.

Cee Lo Green

Taraji P. Henson

I think we should just all agree to pretend this never happened. Taraji honestly doesn't even look like she knows where she is. We know you are much too fabulous for this cheap looking, too-tight thing, girl. We'll keep walking and we'll never speak of this again.

Chrissy Teigen

Like I said, wake me up when this is over.

Andra Day

I have no idea who Andra Day is, but this is some serious old lady styling. Starting with the random flowers in her hair, I'm getting Phaedra from Real Housewives of Atlanta at her baby shower (anyone? anyone??), followed by a sherbet colored dress that makes me want some ice cream, and then some slippers everyone's grandmother has. Her head screams Priscilla Presley but her feet scream, "Murder She Wrote!"

Lea Michele

Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Everybody lower your voices. Don't look directly at her. This is a Lea Michele, and it's really a treat that we get to see one today. They're very rare. Normally, Lea Micheles wear lots and lots of makeup and have sex hair, but it seems today we've found one that is going for a natural look. Without her makeup, she's very vulnerable and frightened, so no sudden movement. You can take pictures, but make sure there isn't a flash. She also seems to be unaware that her dress is see-through and her black underwear is pretty prominent. Good, everyone. Now, walk away slowly...

Charli XCX

🎶 You’ll love David’s Bridal! 🎶

Halsey

...P!nk? Is that you?

Erika Jayne

QUEEEEEEEEN. I love her so so so so so much. I'm not even mad that she's yet another person wearing a Balmain dress with a topknot. I don't care. LOVE YOU GIRL CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THE RECORD DROPS!!

Kristen Cavallari's Sternum

That's all.

Giuliana Rancic

Can't decide if she wants to be a saloon girl or Kim Kardashian. And neither is working.

Enya

That's right, ENYA's ass is still around. Why did I think she'd be a lot younger than this? Mother of the bride. Who also wore white and now the bride hates her. Sail away, Enya.

Joy Villa

Let's hope whoever this is is making an ironic political statement? This is hideous.

And to close with some truly crazy:

Girl Crush

No idea who this is but I appreciate the fact that she WENT FOR IT. Even her bag has gumballs on it. Get it, weirdo. You are the reason this is fun.

Also,

Bow.

Down.

Bitches.

5 Things: Valentine's Gifts from the Heart

February 10, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

I don't know about you, but Valentine's Day is a little like New Year's Eve to me - lots and lots of expectation for a reason no one really knows. I love the opportunity to tell people i love them, but I loathe the cheesy card/teddy bear/dozen roses cliché. It's just not my style.

Jordan's and my Valentine's tradition is to write each other a letter, then spend the evening gorging on pizza, champagne, and playing board games. It sounds a little trashy, but it gives us the opportunity to enjoy spending the day with each other without getting wound up in the gift-getting part of things. (It's also because both our birthdays are in January, so the idea of doing a gift per month for three months in a row is a little excessive. Ha!)

So, in that vein, here are some ideas for the sweetheart in your life that won't break the bank and didn't come from the Hallmark section of the grocery store:

1. 52 reasons.

This idea actually comes from something I saw my brother's girlfriend do for him a few years ago. It's THE CUTEST and so thoughtful! You write a reason on the back of each of 52 playing cards, then bind them together by hole-punching each card as you go. Your Valentine is left with a handmade booklet personalized by you. It's so sweet.

2. Cook a meal.

*My mom's kitchen as she cooked our New Year's meal three years ago.*

I mean, this one's a no-brainer, right?? Cooking for anyone is so romantic and such a labor of love - especially cooking something you don't particularly enjoy eating yourself. The other night, I made Jordan a bone-in ribeye because he is a steak person occasionally and I am a steak person absolutely NEVER. I think he appreciated that meal more than most I've cooked because he knew that I'd gone so far out of my way to do something he enjoyed. If cooking isn't in your comfort zone, branch out and give it a shot - more than ever, there are easy, healthy recipes all over the Internet.

3. Plan an experience together.

*One of my favorite "experiences" with Jordan - wine tasting!*

Of course, this experience could be expensive (you could choose a concert or a trip), but it could also be something as simple as planning an entire day of activities for you and your sweetheart. Maybe you wake up, eat a diner breakfast, pack a lunch, go on a hike, have a picnic, sneak a glass of wine, come home, play a board game, and watch movies by the fire. IDEAL. The point is, you've put thought into what the recipient would enjoy doing and taken the "Well, what should we do now?" out of the equation. After all, you remember the memories you make, not what the other person spends.

4. Write a letter.

Confession: I am a letter hoarder. If you've EVER written me a letter (or even a note in middle school, I'm sorry to admit), I probably still have it in a box in my basement. Jordan regularly threatens to put them all in a yard sale because they take up so much space, but I can't part with them! Something about the placement of pen on paper is so romantic to me, even if it's not a love letter. Writing a letter to your Valentine, whether it's platonic or filled with gooey sentiments, is a timeless gift. The act of sitting down and creating mental space in order to put your thoughts on a page is so thoughtful and special, this one is a knockout gift every time.

5. Sweeten the deal.

*Photo c/o my fabulous friend Caroline, the pastry chef who made these.*

Okay, I know I already listed "cook a meal" as one of them, but come on. We have to talk about dessert. Hand-rolled truffles are some of the most fun (and messiest) things to attempt, especially with a friend or partner. It's worth a shot. In the end, even if your truffles look like they were made by a hyena, they'll still taste great and you'll both be covered in chocolate. If that's not a win, I don't know what is.

However you celebrate, I hope you jam-pack your Valentine's Day with extra gratefulness for the loves in your life, whether they're romantic loves, Galentines, buddies, or sweet members of your family. You're certainly one of mine, reader!

XO.

Lyra and Jane's Cauliflower Soup.

February 8, 2017 Mary Catherine Scott

I don't know about where you are, but it's been grey and drizzly here for the last couple of days. Cue the soup!

Jordan and I have been in a little bit of a recipe rut - we make more or less the same meals over and over. Luckily, I have a friend whose blog addresses just such a hiccup!

Enter Norma Boyd Powell!

I know. The cutest.

Norma is a precious friend of mine who I met through Alabama's Junior Miss (it's a scholarship program, not a pageant, okay?). Her beautiful blog, Lyra and Jane, shares lots of fun things, but the recipes are unquestionably a highlight. Because she's a registered dietitian, Norma is always conscious of the ingredients that make it to the plate and is great about creating balanced, nutritious, and insanely tasty meals. Other recipes of hers we've used: Chicken Sausage Broccoli Orecchiette, One Dish Taco Skillet, and the best Cookie Bars you'll ever try. (Spoiler alert: they're made with garbanzo beans. RIGHT?? Who thinks of that? Norma. That's who.)

We made her cauliflower soup last night (accompanied by bacon grilled cheese because we're a little #fatter than the Powells) and Jordan went back for seconds AND thirds. That's right: a grown man couldn't get enough of a totally meat-free soup Hi! That's pretty dang good.

Click the dreamy photo below to find the full recipe on lyraandjane.com. It is an absolute knockout.

Photo and recipe c/o lyraandjane.com. — Photo and recipe c/o *lyraandjane.com.*