If you are a Milennial like me, you probably already have a mess of podcasts that you're listening to. But if you aren't (or if you're 21 and have never listened to a podcast), let me throw out some suggestions.
Read more27 Lessons.
Right before I got married, my Father's Day present to my dad was a list: "25 Things I've Learned in 25 Years of Being a McAnnally." It was my last Father's Day as "MCM" rather than "MCMS," and I thought it would be neat to try and list that chapter of life in the form of lessons I'd learned from my dad.
Here at 27, fresh off an absolutely delightful birthday, I thought I might catalog some new lessons from a year living in a different house.
Also, here's a picture of a little rat trying to sneak some of my Veuve while I was attempting to get a pretty picture of all my birthday trappings:
This same little rat also jumped on my head to wake me up this morning. He basically runs our household.
So here are the lessons I've learned up to this point. The "you" here is directed at me, not...YOU...you know what I mean. So "Call your grandparents" is "call MY grandparents." I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do with your grandparents.
(But you should call them if you can.)
- Take the blame, share the credit. This is, admittedly, a "Sid" (my dad) lesson. The best leaders I know are those who fall on their sword when something goes wrong, and laud their team when something goes right.
- Make a list of clothing items you need, buy them, tailor them, and wear them for years. This also applies to pajamas. Get great, cute pajamas. They help you feel adorable when you accidentally sleep in your eyeliner and look like a troll from under the bridge when you wake up.
- When you're 75% sure about a decision, go ahead and pull the trigger. The other 35% will work itself out. Also, math is not as important as reading.
- Don't do that "typical girl thing" and deflect compliments. Be gracious and say how much you appreciate the compliment and how kind it was of that person to offer it. That's what adults do.
- Meal plan. It saves money, causes me to shop more intentionally, eat healthier foods, and incorporate variety.
- Eat ALL the things. On a totally different note from number 6, when it's time to go for it, GO FOR IT. Don't hold back on eating and loving food. Which is why I spent a considerable portion of my birthday (AKA "cheat day") eating exclusively truffles and drinking champagne.
- Call your friends. I have been dealt an incredibly rich hand of smart, kind, steadfast people. It's not hard to stay in touch, but it is so easy to lose touch.
- Close the computer and put down your phone.
- Don't stare at people who are doing something illegal. Jordan actually made me put this one in here, because I have a habit of staring people down who are
- In a fist fight
- Men yelling at women in a parking lot
- ...pretty much anything of which I disapprove. He jokingly calls me "Justice Mary," because I think I can solve the world's problems by shaming people into doing a better job. Doesn't work like that, apparently. But I can't help it. Sorry, Jord.
- Marry someone who is awesome, because marriage is forever, and marriage is work. Life is so, so good when you're married to your best friend. #cheesy #canthelpit
- Stop talking about your weight. It doesn't matter unless you feel truly unhealthy. Also, it encourages everyone else to think about their own weight, which no one wants to do. No one cares to hear about it. Harsh, but true.
- Continue to journal your dreams because they are weird and occasionally prophetic. And when they're not prophetic, they are SO. FREAKING. WEIRD. I once dreamed I was going to visit a friend on an island using a meat tenderizer as a jet pack.
- Read as much as you can. I used to be a voracious reader and have fallen off the wagon a bit here in Generation Netflix. I'm back on the wagon now, because all the smartest people I know always have their nose in a book.
- The quality TV you watch should outweigh the garbage TV 4:1. I'm guilty of indulging in the Real Housewives franchise and The Bachelor, but it has to be balanced with Mad Men and 30 Rock and Breaking Bad.
- Stop being surprised by people's habits or by circumstances that regularly occur. Being surprised by something that's regular means you're a dummy. Find a way to love those things instead.
- Wear hats, wear sunglasses, wear sunscreen, wear a damn handkerchief over your face if you have to. That skin won't be young forever and this body wasn't built for a tan, bless its heart.
- Empathy, always, forever. There is no limit to what an open, willing heart can understand, and how much of someone else's burden we can shoulder if we practice (because it is hard and it takes practice) the magical power of EMPATHY.
- Remember birthdays, send thank you notes, and return phone calls.
- Make sure you've gotten all the groceries out of the car before going inside. This would've helped me avoid the great Rotten Pizza Debacle of 2015.
- Play board games. It's a screen-free way to create memories with the people you love. Jordan and I play at least a game of cards almost every night.
- Be unrelentingly positive as often as you can. Embracing sadness is really important, but dwelling on a problem gets dangerous. I read a quote once - "If the words you spoke showed up on your skin, how pretty would you be?" This goes for complaining, antagonizing, or putting others down.
- Call your grandparents. Blessings upon blessings that ALL of my grandparents are living and healthy. Calling them is the best. I need to do it even more.
- You can't be rational with people who are being irrational. So either wait it out or move on.
- You either get to be a control freak about chores, or you can have help with chores. You do not get both. Otherwise known as the "Stop Being such a Pain in the Ass" rule.
- Carve out some time every day for prayer or meditation. Even if it's just a walk around the block. Do it.
- Don't break promises or flake. If you commit to something, do it. And it's probably best not to even talk about things that are on the horizon until you're positively sure about them.
- Be humble and open enough to learn something from everyone around you. Because these are only 27 lessons. And there are about a million more to learn.
5 Things: Best Picture Edition.
Lots of my favorite bloggers do a variation on "5 Things Friday," or "Friday's 5." I think it's such a fun little capsule into whatever they're talking about, so I thought I'd give it a try. I know you're simply dying to hear my opinions about film, so all I can say is, you're welcome.
This Friday's topic: Best Picture nominated films - See It or Skip It?
1. The Big Short
Trailer: Here.
Who's in it? The cast alone is kind of unbeatable: Steve Carell, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale. Wanna see it yet? Thought so.
What's it about? This movie is based on Michael Lewis' book of the same name. It takes a detailed look into the housing crisis of 2007, and follows a few guys in the financial field who actually predicted and profited from the ultimate demise of the American economy.
See it or skip it? See it. Absolutely. This is such a smart, sometimes hilarious movie that doesn't assume you know anything about the housing crash. Every detail that's necessary for your understanding is explained in layman's terms (sometimes by actual celebrities who have cameos, like Selena Gomez and Margot Robbie). It is extremely entertaining and will probably melt your brain. You'll walk out of the movie feeling overwhelmed by how bad things were allowed to get, but you'll also feel very in-the-know.
2. Bridge of Spies
Trailer: Here.
Who's in it? Tom Hanks, Mark Rylance, Alan Alda, and a whole bunch of folks you've never heard of.
What's it about? WHOA. Okay. So. Tom Hanks plays a real guy, James Donovan, who was an insurance lawyer in New York. In the heart of the Cold War, Donovan is tapped to negotiate the prisoner exchange between a KGB intelligence officer, Rudolf Abel (Rylance) and a young American pilot who was captured in Soviet territory overseas. The CIA wants Donovan to do a sub-par job defending Abel, but Donovan is loyal to the Constitution and has a moral compass that points due north. The movie follows his attempts to do right by his client as he's hated by the American public for doing so and follows his journey to the belly of the beast - East Berlin - in hopes of a successful negotiation.
See it or skip it? See it. This is an extremely compelling movie that will have you on the edge of your seat, then make you want to get up on your seat, fist pump, and scream, "AMERICA!!!" by the end. The scenes in East Berlin are especially gripping.
3. Steve Jobs
Trailer: Here.
Who's in it? Michael Fassbender, Kate Winslet, Seth Rogen, Jeff Daniels.
What's it about? Anyone with a brain stem has heard of Steve Jobs, and probably has also heard of his reputation for being a relatively terrible person. The film is divided into thirds, and the action in each third takes places in the hours before Steve Jobs takes the stage to reveal the newest Apple toy. You get a glimpse into his professional life and relationships, and into his personal life and relationship with his estranged daughter and ex-wife.
See it or skip it? Skip it. I was so excited to see this movie, and left feeling really disappointed. Kate Winslet and Jeff Daniels are both masterful in their portrayals, and Michael Fassbender is solid as well, but the story is not terribly compelling, and the end of the movie really serves to absolve Steve Jobs of all his personal failures. The man was a genius, but I don't think he also needs to be deified for being a good person when he wasn't one. And I know I'm in the minority here, but I can't deal with Aaron Sorkin dialogue. It gives me a headache. Save your popcorn money, but keep your fingers crossed that Kate Winslet gets that Oscar. Girlfriend deserves it.
4. Spotlight
Trailer: Here.
Who's in it? Mark Ruffalo, Michael Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Liev Schreiber, Stanley Tucci, John Slattery, Brian d'Arcy James.
What's it about? The Boston Globe has a special section, Spotlight, for long-term investigative reporting. When the paper comes under new leadership in 2001, the Spotlight team is charged with investigating a story about a priest who was more or less let off the hook for molesting a child. In Boston, where the readership is largely Catholic, this team starts quietly digging around and uncovers a scandal that rocked the worldwide Catholic Church in a major way.
See it or skip it? See it. This movie deals with subject matter that, if they'd handled it in a different way, could have been lewd and extremely unsavory. Though there are definitely some cringe-worthy stories told by victims of molestation, they're all told for the sake of good reporting, and that's what the movie is about: good reporting. Fine acting by all involved, but particularly by Michael Keaton, Stanley Tucci, and Rachel McAdams, who totally holds her own among a pack of older, seasoned actors.
5. The Martian
Trailer: Here.
Who's in it? Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Jeff Daniels, Kristen Wiig,
What's it about? Matt Damon plays Mark Watney, an astronaut who is accidentally left behind on Mars - his crew thinks he's dead. He has supplies to survive about a month, and has to survive for four years on a barren planet. The movie follows his attempts to feed and take care of himself, but also his attempts to make contact with Earth and design a rescue mission.
See it or skip it? See it, and see it with your whole family. This movie is fun, smart, brave, and exciting, down to the very last seconds. In the kind of holy Trinity of space movies in the last few years (Gravity, Interstellar, and The Martian), The Martian is the only one that I would see again. I loved Interstellar deeply, but watching it took years off my life. The Martian added them back. It's delightful, it's gripping, it's science-y (Jordan LOVED. IT.), it's a great story of the power of the human spirit. And I've heard the book is even better. Killer cinematography and special effects. It shouldn't win Best Picture, but it is a fantastic watch. And another triumph this year for Jeff Daniels, noted badass.
Academy award nominated movies I haven't seen but intend to: Room, The Revenant, Brooklyn, The Danish Girl, Carol, Trumbo.
AAN Movies I have seen, didn't review, and recommend: Joy, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Cinderella, Ex Machina, Inside Out.
Dying to know your thoughts. Have you seen these? Do you agree? Have you seen any of the ones I haven't seen? Any I should skip? Tell me tell me tell me.
Have a wonderful weekend, people! Hope you do lots of movie-watching, especially if you're due to have weather like we are.
Why it's okay to cry about Alan Rickman.
Before I'd opened my eyes this morning, there was a text waiting in my phone that Alan Rickman had died. I, like most people, had no idea he was sick.
So I spent some time Googling him, reading about his life, his wife who he'd been with since 1965, his roles on stage and on film. And then came the tributes from actors and actresses who'd worked with him, from J.K. Rowling, from BBC News and other media outlets.
And then came the tributes from the fans - it seemed like every post on my Facebook newsfeed this morning was about Alan Rickman's work.
And then I started crying a little bit, because the posts were so sweet and so tender; because it's always sad when someone dies. And I couldn't help but feel a little silly that I was crying over someone I'd never met, who I'd never known personally, but only as characters in movies.
Obviously this is not about me, gosh, no. But I wonder what the kind of tiny grieving we all do in moments like this says about the way our lives get touched by others. It's a special kind of sadness when people we don't know, but feel like we know, are gone.
As I thought more about it, I don't think it's silly to cry. No, not one bit.
We didn't know him, but we know the kind of work he produced. In the same way fans of David Bowie's work are mourning their memories this week, I have memories of watching Sense and Sensibility (over and over) with my mom, of Galaxy Quest being projected on a giant screen at my friend's farm, of Harry Potter midnight premieres, of Die Hard this last Christmas Eve in Tulsa.
And all those memories were brought to me in part by this person who found his gift early, and used it to play rich parts, to give joy and belly laughs and heart-panging sincerity to millions of people.
So I didn't know him, of course. But I know what he gave. And it's the loss of that kind of gift that I think we all mourn, somehow. And I think that's okay.
Because without acknowledging the sad parts of life - the parts that stick us right between the ribs, the parts that make us tear up before we even realize we felt something - how do the joyful parts of life have any meaning at all? I think, if you're brave enough to carve out the place in your heart where deep feelings live, then you're vulnerable to these waves of sadness and mind-boggling thrill. It's scary to be subject to your feelings, but oh man...
What a beautiful way to live.
Wouldn't you imagine that these artists - Bowie, Rickman, and their contemporaries - wouldn't you imagine they probably cried a little sometimes, too? Without that open heart, how can you really experience your life? How can you create work that's meaningful? That rings true across generations of people and lifestyles? I don't think you can.
I think to live that way means you've connected with something transcendent - something that whispers that life isn't really about you. A freedom to let go of all your insecurities and anxiety and concern, and instead to give your gifts as freely as you can.
So for all the torch bearers like these two wonderful men, who poured out their lives largely for public consumption, who helped to create some of our most precious and special memories about which they'll never know, we shed a few tears this week.
And then we go back to our lives, and hope that trying to live with an open heart can help to create even more moments of purity for us and for those around us.
May we not dam up our hearts and protect ourselves from our feelings. May we follow suit with the people who inspire us most - the transcendent ones - and seek to live outside that constant worry or regret. There is no limit to the amount of good we can do, maybe in just a few lives, if we decide to embrace a life like that.
Even when it's scary. Even when it doesn't feel great. For as long as we can.
After all this time.
Always.
Tom Hanks
"Where did his name come from?"
Oh no. We must start at the beginning.
Any of you who know my family well know that we didn't grow up with dogs. Sure, we tried it a couple of times, only to have our fears confirmed that everyone in the house was too allergic. The pet that I grew up with for the longest amount of time was a Betta fish named Tyler Perry (RIP) who lived a spectacular 2 1/2 years and died while I was at summer camp.
It wasn't that I didn't like animals, necessarily - more that I was indifferent toward them. All dogs were to me as a child were slobbery beasts that shed all over me and made my eyeballs puff up like golf balls. Or, worse, yappy tiny animals that just wouldn't be quiet. I never felt deprived without a family dog to grow up with.
Then I met Jordan.
The very first time I went to visit his family in Lillian, Alabama, I got to meet Abby. Abby, a precious Labradoodle with big giant (very human) eyes, totally stole my heart and converted me into a dog person. I was hooked. I had to have one. And, thanks to the miracle of Flonase, I was now out of the allergy woods for the first time in my life.
This is us upon our first meeting. Love at first sight.
From that point on, it was just a question of when and what kind of dog rather than if I would get one.
On the phone one afternoon, while Jordan was still in dental school at UAB and I was teaching in Huntsville, we were ping-ponging names for my future dog.
Editor's note - Jordan will tell you a different version of this story.
Jordan: How about Brinkley?
MC: I feel like that is familiar to me already...whose dog is named Brinkley? OH! I know! It's Tom Hanks' dog's name in "You've Got Mail."
Jordan: ...oh. Well, can't use that. Actually, why don't you just name him Tom Hanks?
He then proceeded to send me a picture of a Goldendoodle (my dog of choice at the time) mashed up with Tom Hanks. It's terrifying, so scroll with caution:
Told you. The stuff of nightmares.
That picture made me laugh so hard that the name just stuck.
In the spring of 2014, Abby and a black labrador...um...fell deeply in love....and she got pregnant with nine puppies. After weeks of impatiently waiting, they arrived. We got a text that the second one out, and the first male, was "chubby and had big paws," so we had a feeling that might be TH. Jordan and I happened to be at the beach 2 weeks after they were born, and it sounds cheesy, but the minute I held him, I knew. I also cried. Because as Kristen Bell says, "if I'm not between a 3 and a 7 on the emotional scale, I'm crying."
Since that first day of snuggling this sweet puppy, I feel like my heart has broken wide open and I have an even deeper capacity to love. This dog is as much a part of our family as Jordan or me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I loved his puppy breath. I loved how his puppy belly nearly dragged the ground after he finished eating because he's such a glutton (just like me). I love how, in a hilarious turn of events, Tom Hanks has allergies (just like me). I love his big deep sigh when he lays down for a nap (okay, again, just like me). I love how friendly he is toward new people and other dogs. I love his obedient, patient stillness even as drops of drool are falling from his mouth when he's told to wait before he attacks his food or a treat. I love that we can balance a strip of bacon on his nose and he waits until he's told to eat it.
I love how I'm at my happiest when we take a nap together on the couch. I love his curiosity about Christmas lights and how he's a little scared of inflatable Christmas decorations in people's yards. I love how he's also, inexplicably, scared of pretzels.
I love his just-out-of-the-bath run around the house. I love how he consistently burps on Jordan, but never on me. I love confusing passers-by as we yell, "Tom Hanks! Get back over here!" through a crowded park.
I love the steady sound of his sleeping breathing. I love how his paws twitch as they run through the open fields of his dreams when he's deep in a puppy sleep. I love how he always ends up with the last bite of food from our plates by gently resting his head on our laps at the table and gazing at us. I love how my parents have his sister, and two of our close friends have his siblings, too. I love how he doesn't care about squirrels or other moving targets, and will retrieve a ball, but then run it straight past you. I love how he knows when I'm sad and sits on my feet. I love his beard. I love the peanut butter that always ends up in his beard.
I could go on for about ten more paragraphs. You dog people will know what I mean. Loving this precious pup has softened and changed my world in so many ways: snuggling him has made me more gentle; training him has made me more patient; just getting to sit back and watch him has made me more joyful. He's made me consider vegetarianism because I now deeply love animals and care about how they're treated. He's made me incapable of casually scrolling through Facebook, lest I find an article about a lost or abused dog.
None of my friends from Decatur can believe that I've gone from totally ambivalent about dogs to "crazy-lady-who-treats-her-dog-like-a-human-child." I can't either, really. But it was meant to be. This dog and I were always meant for each other. In a weird way, he's taught me more about what unconditional love is like - the "grow a brand new heart to accommodate all the new love you have to give" thing. I can't even imagine what having a baby will be like. I'll probably explode.
So here's to the dog who changed everything. TH, the canine love of my life.
"Be the person your dog thinks you are."
Netflix Rex
Jordan and I are traveling back today from Clearwater, so I'm truncating the post a bit.
BUT.
What I'd love to be doing today, and what I'll probably do tomorrow, is snuggling up on the couch with Tom Hanks and binge-watching some Netflix. I thought I'd give you my favorite shows on Netflix right now - a comedy series, a drama series, and a documentary, and a movie.
Comedy - The Office.
If you haven't already watched this show, drop everything and get after it. The Office is just one of those shows that is timeless, hysterical every time, and family-friendly. This is a show I can watch with my parents, grandparents, husband, and (one day) with my kids. Jordan and I have a kind of unhealthy obsession with this show, and all seasons of it are streaming on Netflix. GO. Run to your couches. Tell Dwight I say, "False."
Drama - Jessica Jones.
Netflix adapted this comic book heroine into a series brilliantly carried by Krysten Ritter. If you liked her as Rory's kooky friend in Gilmore Girls, you'll love watching her be a total badass in this series. The show itself can get pretty dark, but the plot is strong, the writing is compelling, and the acting is really great. Action packed and bursting with girl-power. Worth it.
Doc - SOMM.
I seriously can't say enough about how much we love this doc. We've watched it at least twice. Even if you know absolutely nothing about wine (like me), watching people who are training to become Master Sommeliers is the most riveting thing on Netflix. These guys can identify the region, year, and type of wine by SMELLING IT. Let that sink in. They're amazing at their jobs, and watching people be excellent is always entertaining.
Movie - Chef.
Jon Favreau's 2014 comedy about a formerly-great-currently-washed-up chef is so heartwarming, so funny and so smart. On top of all of that, it includes the most delicious food porn and has a killer soundtrack to boot. John Leguizamo, Sofia Vergara, Scarlett Johansson, Dustin Hoffman, and Robert Downy, Jr. all help make this movie fabulous. Trust me - this is a movie that will leave you feeling inspired, warm and fuzzy, and, above all, hungry. Watch it with a big giant pizza at the ready. It's just a really delightful watch.
Happy binging! See you Monday.