Stuck Inside? What to Watch!

She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes (when she comes)!

“She,” of course, being COVID-19.

…I realize it’s not something to make light of, I just had to get into this blog post somehow.

Many of us, I know, will be spending lots of time inside - some with children to entertain (God bless), and some with themselves to keep occupied (lucky bastards). There are so, SO (many too??) many options for us to peruse when it comes to finding ways to spend our time inside, so I crowd-sourced some favorites from my Instagram followers and included a few of my own!

First of all, some quick tips. I only have one child and he’s just over 2 - so take this with a grain of salt, but I’m a stay-at-home parent, and I know if you’re not used to all this togetherness (and frankly, even if you are), things can get DICEY. Like, hide in the bathroom while kids scream in the other room and you pray for the cover of night so you can eat a full sleeve of Oreos kind of dicey. Also, I’m aware that there are lots of parents who will be working full-time hours while still trying to parent at home since schools are closed - YOU ARE THE REAL HEROES. I salute you!

Here’s what works for our family, largely plagiarized from things I’ve learned from other SAHP’s:

  • Subscribe to Disney+ and PBS. Just do it.

  • Get up and get ready before your kids wake up. I know, it’s a pain in the ass and you’d rather sleep in. But the days I do this, I’m so much better off than the days I don’t.

  • Add structure to your days, even if you’re just inside. I’m not suggesting you’re regimented in everything, of course. But for my money, kids appreciate boundaries, structure, and dependability. Waking up every day without any idea what’s on the docket for the next tWeLvE hOuRs is extremely overwhelming and leads to decision fatigue before you even get to lunch. My little rule for myself is that by 10 AM, we need to be in the car going somewhere or doing an activity. Obviously, things look different right now, but you can still get out of the house - run around in the backyard, drive around, have a car dance party, I saw one mom suggest the car wash - get creative! Maybe at 10 and 3 every day, screens get put away and you do something together as a family.

  • Make mealtimes a “thing.” Have your kids help get them ready, pump them up, eat as a family at the table, have them clear their own plates. Kids are really good helpers when we empower them to be!

  • If you need activities, visit the Holy Grail of sources: the busy toddler.com This woman will save your bacon and keep you from sneaking into your bathroom to have a shower beer at by 9 in the morning. Rainbow Rice (and I know everyone has an excess of rice right now) is a gift from the baby Jesus.

  • Control the TV and when it goes off. For Mac, the things that works best is giving him a warning that it’s coming and a promise of the next activity. Suddenly turning off a show or a video leads to a meltdown - “The TV is going off in 10 minutes, and then we’re going to have lunch!” There’s nothing wrong with screen time in moderation, but unmitigated TV all day every day is going to create problems for you. Just trust me. Been there (way too many times).

  • Have kids help with random household tasks. Are they going to be done perfectly? No. Will they probably have to be done again? Sure will. But “folding” laundry, sweeping up a mess, etc., can be a good way to occupy your time.

  • SORT. Anything. Everything. By color, size, shape, texture, function - put things into piles with your kids. Make forts. Rearrange the bookshelf. Take your clothes off and run around outside. Have a “naked day.” Eat popsicles in the bathtub. Paint pictures for grandparents. Write letters to friends. Whatever you do - your energy and attitude are going to reflect in how your child perceives the activity they’re doing. Keep it light, positive, and sunshine-y. Just like with a spouse, constant togetherness can breed contempt - try to take deep breaths, be patient, and remember that your kids are likely doing their best (even when they’re jumping off the couch onto the dog). BTW, this is really hard to do and really easy to say.

  • Disconnect when you need to. If Mac is playing independently outside, I almost always have one AirPod in listening to podcasts - that way, I can hear him and interact with him, but I’m also doing something that I enjoy. It keeps me going!

  • Follow the golden rule of SAHP-ing: “Don’t do anything while your kids are asleep that you could do while they’re awake.” Obviously if you’re including them in helping with a household chore, that’s one thing. But if they’re sleeping and you’re folding laundry? No, friend. Watch a show. Take a nap. Have your shower beer. Re-charging and taking some kid-free time to yourself is THE ONLY WAY to be energized by the time they’re awake again.

Okay - back to entertainment!

Click the photo of each show to see a short description/review of it so you can make your decisions (apart from the last section, which is full of shows that were suggested to me but that I haven’t seen). Of course, this is in no way comprehensive…I’m already realizing I left The West Wing and Sex and the City and Fargo off the list - face: palm. Start your engines!

The good:

The feel-good:

The garbage:

The shows I haven’t seen, but that everyone loves!

Miss America 2.0? 2.No. A Review.

Ohhhhhh the re-branding, y'all. It was EVERYWHERE. 

Each year, my mom and I hunker down to watch the pageant. This year, with all the buzz surrounding Miss America 2019, it was a particularly juicy and interesting watch - full of mis-steps and moments that made me say, "Huh." As my mother put it, "Every year I hold out hope that it'll be a little better." I'm afraid there were lots of disappointments, with a few great moments still shining through. 

But I'm also 154 years old and hate change. 

We began with an intro that featured all the contestants in casual wear making it crystal clear to viewers that this was not your grandmother's Miss America. They stood in groups and said words like, "Smart." and "Empowered." and "Commanding." It was eye roll-inducing and set the tone for what was a really self-congratulatory evening. During the parade of states, we got treated to one young lady who bragged about having a "certificate in leadership." 

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Instead of the traditional swimsuit competition, the Top 15 were asked questions by their fellow competitors. As is always the case, some questions were harder-hitting than others, but this portion did give the women a chance to really shine. I have to say, it's been a while since I remember seeing a group of super articulate, whip-smart gals up there representing. Almost without exception, they answered their questions thoroughly and within the allotted time. A glaring outlier was the ultimate winner, Miss New York Nia Franklin, whose answer was fumble-y and not great. 

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We then moved on to what USED TO BE EVENING GOWN and is now some wretched excuse for evening gown called "Red Carpet," in which the formerly elegant and gorgeous beauty walk was turned into a weird boppy strut down a fake red carpet and then harangued by an E! News commentator in a thinly veiled "tell us about your platform" moment. This part of the competition didn't need a re-think, but apparently Gretchen Carlson and her minions didn't want to leave a single element of the pag untouched. It was so silly and teenager-y, turning what was once a show-stopper into a glorified pep rally. This part may have been the most disappointing to me. 

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Talent did receive an upgraded feature: instead of putting all the remaining competitors on stage to await their fate in front of the crowd, the new pageant wisely held all the girls backstage and announced them one by one, the way it ought to be. In the old format, there would always be more girls on stage than there were spaces in the talent competition, so a few poor souls would end up left alone, not selected, on stage in their talent costumes, ultimately dismissed and embarrassed. I love that we've gone back to the original talent format. 

And y'all, there were some DOOZIES. Talent is most people's favorite part of competition because it really gives you a glimpse into the girl's personalities in a way no other element of competition does. WOW. Wowowowowowow. Apart from the obviously excellent (Callie Walker and Bridget Oei), and the just-okay-but-passable (Nia Franklin), we were treated to talents that ranged from disastrous to cringe-worthy and back again.

Massachusetts' Gabriela Taveras' vocal "Rise Up" was one of the most difficult things I've listened to in a while, so much so that I initially wondered if the on-stage monitors had failed because she was so wildly under pitch throughout the song. Alas, Nia Franklin's vocal later in the show shattered that theory and we were all left with ringing in our ears. My phone exploded during Taveras' talent with fellow watchers complaining about the performance. She couldn't "Rise Up" to the right note, I'm afraid. (I mean that joke was just right there, y'all, come on. Cut me a break.) Somehow, she advanced to Top 5 anyway.

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Two of the contestants performed original spoken word pieces and I...can't. Listen, slam poetry is one thing. It's tricky, crafty, it rhymes, it's punchy and powerful - these were...not. Ellery Jones' monologue of an original poem was nice, but more suited for a talent show in grade school. And Jessica Shultis' dramatic monologue detailing her experience as a pediatric cancer survivor could have been tasteful and powerful, but was instead angst-ridden, over-wrought, and over-performed. Screaming at the audience about their mortality and fake-crying your way through a talent don't often make for the best result. I think she scared those poor judges. She scared me from thousands of miles away. 

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On-stage question was predictable, as the format here doesn't often change. The answers were, again, pretty solid (with the exception once again of Nia Franklin, the ultimate winner, who used "overcoming pricey rent" as a response to, "How has being the candidate from New York prepared you for the job of being Miss America?"). The worst question had to do with men who father children biologically but aren't around to raise them, and was suspiciously asked to a contestant who was raised by a single mother (even though the questions were supposed to have been "randomly chosen"). 

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And poor Cara Mund, whose name and presence were conspicuously absent throughout the pageant until the very end, was awkwardly trotted out for a final walk that couldn't have been any longer than 90 seconds. The crowd was roaring for her, but it felt like watching a prisoner step out for their mandatory "outdoors time." With the year she's had and how public she's been about her terrible experience, this cap to her year felt disingenuous and super weird. 

When Nia was crowned, there was no "There She Is, Miss America." She walked back and forth to some generic pop song, then was interviewed Superbowl-style on stage. It was weird. And Carrie Ann...well:

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Overall, it was such a disappointment. The pageant is what it is. Women who compete in it know that they're going to be in swimsuits. They expect to have the full glory of a slower, more elegant walk in the gown they've chosen. If we really wanted to empower all women and make the pageant relevant, why wouldn't we keep swimsuit and offer it to all body types and shapes? Wouldn't that be more empowering? And by making evening gown into a chipper little skip down a faux red carpet, aren't we sending the message that you can't be both elegant and also relatable?

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I don't know, you guys. Maybe I'm a curmudgeon. But I want swimsuit back, dammit, and I want Miss America to be what it used to be: beauty (both inner and outer), class, grace, and poise. Because none of those things preclude intelligence, feminism, or cultural relevance.  

Did you watch?? What did you think? 

PS - Callie Walker was a living dream and made me proud to be from Alabama. And also should've easily made it into Top 5 over that ear-bleeding song from MA. Okay I'm really done now. 

You Need To Be Watching Great British Baking Show.

Listen, people, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, allow me to introduce you to your new favorite thing: 

English people, in a beautiful tent on an estate, baking. But not like, "American competition baking." No, no - good, clean, honest, kind, excellent baking. 

"But I hate competition shows!" 

No you don't. Walk with me. 

No one is mean. 

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Ever. Never ever. It's not like mean American television in which producers pit contestants against each other and create characters - the antagonist, the bitch, the underdog, etc. These are just a bunch of really nice folks who want to do a good job. They encourage each other, they help each other, they mourn for each other's disastrous bakes, they celebrate each other's wins. They cry when people. IT'S SO NICE AND PLEASANT. 

It features the jauntiest score of all time. 

You'll become invested in the storyline while watching this clip, but go back and watch it again just to appreciate the music. Whoever is writing the score for this show is a damn genius. It's so twinkly and British while also being suspenseful and hilarious and just the general best. 

Mel and Sue; Mary and Paul.

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Mel and Sue are the hosts, Paul and Mary are the judges. Mel and Sue are basically the best friends you never had but always wanted. They were part of an English comedy troupe and, for four delicious seasons (RIP Mel and Sue and boo to the new hosts who I refuse to watch), hosted GBBS. They're pun-ny, they're witty, they're goofy, they're smart, they're multi-lingual, they're the best. 

Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry are bakers extraordinaire, using their fame across the pond to help the contestants along throughout the show. Mary is about 1,000 years old and a real stickler for the classics, while Paul is more of the Tom Colicchio (Top Chef, anyone?) of the show and uses his piercing blue eyes to distract and intimidate bakers into excellence. 

(I don't normally have a thing for the big, burly type, but Alec Baldwin and Paul Hollywood are exceptions to that rule. Get off me, I can't help it. They're totally hot.) 

The G-rated sexual innuendos.

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I mean, it's just like...you could watch these things with your grandmother. It's not that salacious. It's hilarious. And weird. And so British. 

It's basically eye porn. 

It's just incredible thing after incredible thing. And they're ALL FOR EATING. Quick story - we were watching this show and Jordan decided he could bake. Went into the kitchen and whipped up the best shortbread cookies I've ever had. Ever. Just like, who are you and what have you done with my husband?? He was a man possessed. And he crushed it. 

This show inspires you to greatness, people. You can do it! And you can drool over it in the meantime. 

Four seasons of this show are streaming on Netflix right now. Watch it with your families over Thanksgiving. I'm telling you, it will not disappoint.