Fetch or Wretch? Emmy's 2017!

WOW. 

As a TV nerd and a diversity nerd, I am pretty blown away by last night. When Best Male Actor in a Comedy is a category that includes, among six nominees, two African American actors, one Indian American actor, and a guy playing a post-transition transgender woman, it makes me proud of where we've come in the entertainment industry. Not to mention the two big winners of the night, The Handmaid's Tale (Hulu) and Big Little Lies (HBO) are stories that focus on the lives of women. 

YES, AMERICA. YES! 

Also, if you haven't watched those two series, you need to GET ON IT. Those are two of the best things I've seen on television in a long time, and well worth the time you'll sink into them. 

But kids, we're not here to discuss how far we've come in creating diverse television. We're here to rip some fashion. 

LINE 'EM UP! 

FETCH. 

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Zoe Kravitz

Can someone be deemed "fetch" just because of their bone structure? Because DAMN. Also, I really like this dress (even if the neckline is just a teeny tiny bit too wide for me). 

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Michelle Pfeiffer

I am so over the "sheer overlay/nude shell" look, but Michelle Pfeiffer is serving some chic pre-Halloween witchiness and I'm here for it. It just works. 

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Kids of Stranger Things

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+ Millie Bobby Brown

The children are slaying. I think that dress is perfection on her and the boys are GIVING ME LIFE. Look at those jackets, people!! 

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Yara Shahidi

I don't watch Blackish, so I wasn't sure what show this chick was on, but OMG. I think she might actually win the night for me. This is so ethereal and gorgeous. 

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Leslie Jones

Now listen. I'm not saying this is my favorite dress of all time, because it's certainly not (slits up to here, sheer/non-sheer, sparkles...there's a LOT going on). But when a woman who is an "untraditional size," whatever that means, looks and feels this good on the red carpet? Fetch. All day. Christian Siriano, you have found your calling. She is absolutely glowing. 

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Julia Louis-Dreyfuss

...will always be on the Fetch list. The End. 

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Kate McKinnon

I'm not even gonna pretend like the lower half of this dress isn't problematic, ill-fitting, and unflattering. 'Cause it is. But Kate McKinnon traditionally doesn't have the greatest track record on the red carpet, and she won some Emmys for being a badass, and from the waist up we're calling this a win. Go, Kate!! Take it and run! (BTW - my husband has an absolutely enormous crush on Kate McKinnon. He saw her in this dress and said she looked, and I quote, "So great." Kate, you're wrecking my marriage.) 

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Uzo Aduba

The boobs are a lot. Let's just get that out of the way. But like, the hair. The lines on the dress. The fit of the bodice. I may be in the minority with this pick, but I think she looks fantastic.

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Rashida Jones

I feel like my theme of the day is "Okay but hear me out...". This is another one that I think could have probably been a bit better from a structure standpoint (her boobs kind of look like they're being held for ransom), but this color on her/those earrings/that head styling = a win. 

Blah blah blah they all looked great let's get to the real reason we're all here today. 

Congregants? Please rise for the 

WRETCH. 

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Jessica Biel

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh I know. I went back and forth on this a LOT. Here's what I ultimately decided: Jessica Biel is such a striking siren of a human being with an abnormally beautiful face and body that she's tricking us into liking a garment that is...just pretty tacky, if we're all being honest with ourselves. That train is picking up all kinds of lint and cat hair. I don't even know if she has a cat, but you know there's cat hair in there. I don't mind the top half, but the bottom half is bad. I did have to cover up her head to reach that conclusion, though, because Jessica Biel's face is impossible to resist. 

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Samantha Bee

It is actually impressive that a dress in which the lines on the bodice are designed to make the wearer appear shapely could end up looking like a big, blocky-ass Gumby. That is not a slam about Samantha's bod, that is a slam to whoever designed this thing. It is unflattering in the worst way, and the center split only makes it worse. I wanted to like it, Samantha Bee. I did. But I do not. 

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Jane Fonda

What I am about to say is blasphemous because Jane Fonda is a QUEEN AMONG QUEENS and I will do penance for it later, but....JaneyouaretoooldforthatdressandthathairstyleI'msosorryI'llseemyselfout. 

Reese Witherspoon

Another one that I really debated on. I mean, first we just need to acknowledge that homegirl looks like she hasn't aged a day since Elle Woods. Those legs? That skin? Gimme a break, she looks incredible. I just don't care for the oversized-men's-blazer-as-a-dress look. I even have to give props where they're due, because it's perfectly fitted to her, it's just not my favorite.

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Elisabeth Moss

Ballerina gone wrong. I get the irony of wearing a very twee color/style to an awards show at which you're being honored for playing a feminist resistance leader, but this is just too damn close to her skin tone. It looks like she made a dress out of twin. Also, it doesn't really fit. But congrats on the Emmy! (Also you are a Scientologist and it makes me so sad.) 

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Ellie Kemper 

EXPLOSION AT THE TEXTILE MILL! Brave Ellie Kemper ran back into the mess on a rescue mission, but didn't make it out unscathed. Kemper suffered an electric shock while trying to dismantle the Old Lady Lingerie Machine, resulting in permanent Miss Frizzle Head and scores of cheap blue fabric welding to her own skin. Kemper was forced to wear this look to the 2017 Emmy's and her handlers ask that no one say anything about it. She is a hero. 

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Sofia Vergara

WE'VE SEEN IT. WE'RE BORED. 

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Shannon Purser

Not the night for ladies in emerald green. Great color on her, absolutely terrible everything else. It looks like the dress Cinderella is wearing after the stepsisters come and tear it to pieces on their way to the ball. And girl? Ya got bugs. 

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Mandy Moore

It's not fair, but I just HATE IT. 

A couple more categories...

Bitch Stole My Look! 

And finally,

SLAY. ALL. DAY. 

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Tituss Burgess

5 Things Friday: Roundup!

Let's talk about this week! 

1. "IT" 

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So, an important piece of context here is that neither person in my marriage is a scary movie person. In fact, the last time we tried to watch a scary movie together, it was The Babadook. I was covering my eyes, and then looked over to see that Jordan was covering HIS eyes, and then we turned it off because IT WAS SO SCARY and clearly I had no line of defense if Jordan was also scared.  

But we jumped on the bandwagon last weekend and went to see It. And we LOVED IT. 

I think the reason we enjoyed it so much was that it was particularly well-made. I mean don't get me wrong, it was REAL scary and some of the images still give me the willies - but if you're a person who doesn't normally see scary movies and you're curious about this one, you ought to go. You'll survive. 

If you watched Stranger Things, you'll be a particular fan of this movie, which (I'm told, I haven't seen that series) draws on a lot of the same "awesome, scrappy kid actor" motifs. Jordan and I have been exercising our death rattle of pre-baby independence by seeing almost every movie that's debuted this summer, and It was one of our favorites. 

2. Magnetic Lashes

Okay, so you guys loved these as much as I did. I loved hearing from y'all on this subject. If you missed yesterday's post and have been wondering about eyelash extensions/magnetic lashes, you can check it out here! 

3. I'm sorry, The Bachelor is WHO?! 

Image courtesy of the NYT.

Image courtesy of the NYT.

I mean, I know who he is. That was just for dramatic effect. 

I'm a week late in commenting on this, but my eyes needed time to face forward after rolling so far back in my head that I was looking at my brain stem. 

Is The Bachelor officially dead?? I really think it might be. 

The New York Times wrote a scathing, yet accurate, article last week about how this series is grinding to a pitiful halt by casting a lead from not one, not two, but FIVE. FIVE. seasons ago. Even worse are the reports that Peter turned it down, Dean shot himself in the foot (Bachelor in Paradise was not a good move for that little weasel), and Eric? Not even approached. 

We'll wait while you defend yourselves on that one, ABC. 

(We'll be waiting forever.) 

Anyway, now we're stuck with Arie, Emily Maynard's castoff from 2012 who has been doing exactly ZERO interesting/noteworthy things since he was on the show. 

Are we watching? Are we boycotting? I really...kind of wanna bail. 

4. Third trimester YEAH!!! 

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Today marks the beginning of my 27th week of pregnancy and kicks off my third trimester, which is IN.SANE. It's been an achy and headachy week, but I've also gotten to feel that little person thrashing around in there like it's at a Metallica concert. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE CUT IT OUT (but obviously don't because I love you so much). 

Had my glucose test on Wednesday to determine whether I have gestational diabetes: 

AND PASSED! YEAH! I don't know why I was so worried about it - my mom had huge babies and didn't have it. 

(I was worried about it because I eat like a trucker on the late shift). 

To celebrate not having GD, I bought a giant box of truffles and last night I ate 4!  

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Hold your judgment, okay? They blew my vein out at the doctor taking the blood sample so I'm feeling extra sorry for myself AND THESE CHOCOLATES WERE ON SALE which I realize makes them even grosser...w/e they were delicious and I have no shame. 

--

I hope everyone's weeks have been wonderful and full of good, cool weather. Satan is crawling back into his hole and it's finally feeling like fall in the mountains - life is good! 

 

See ya Monday! 

Magnetic Eyelashes: A Review

"You have to put magnets inside your eyelids?!" 

This is the #1 question I've gotten when mentioning these to people. 

No, folks. I do not and would not stick magnets in my eyelids. 

But these are kind of just as magical. 

A little backstory...

When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, we talked about how, immediately after having the baby, you kinda feel/look like garbage for a little while. The baby's out in the world, but you're still carrying around a little extra weight, not sleeping, and generally adjusting to a brand new chapter of life. 

"Hmmm," thought I, "let's do something in the way of self-care to combat the post-baby scaries! What about eyelash extensions?" 

So I did a little research and LOLOLOLOL they are insanely expensive. The salon here in Asheville charges $250 for the first application and over $100 for every refill. But, TBH, the money wasn't the ultimate deterrent -  the time was. The first application takes four solid hours of sitting in a chair. 

If you're blonde, or someone who gets their hair colored regularly, you know that we already spend 3 1/2 hours in a chair every six weeks. That's enough to make me go crazy all by itself. I couldn't do another cosmetic and unnecessary thing that took that long.   

SO, I began researching other options and came across something that seemed too good to be true: magnetic lashes. 

After looking into various brands, I settled on One Two Lash. They cost $70 and arrived within a week. I was SO EXCITED to try them on. One Two Lash offers three different varieties, but, as a non-false-eyelash wearer, I went with "natural." Felt like that was the safest choice. 

My first impression was that I was really impressed with the packaging. The case the lashes come in is super attractive and very well-made, which is great, because if you take care of these suckers, they can last you a really long time. In fact, there are two sets of them: upper and lower on the left, and upper and lower on the right...x2. 

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As you can see in that photo, each lash strip has a teeny tiny rectangular magnet. The science is basically that you place the "top" lashes so that they rest on your natural top set of lashes. Then, when you have it positioned, you literally click the corresponding "bottom" set underneath your top lashes, and voila! Instant lashes. 

No glue, no muss, no fuss. 

Rather than subject you to me attempting to be a beauty blogger, I'm going to link someone else whose job it is to do this to show you how they work: 

(Small aside - this is not a sponsored post. This is just a product I like that I want to share with y'all.) 

This video is a bit different from the packaging I received - I didn't get a microfiber "catch" cloth - but the rest is the same. 

So. What do they look like on a non-beauty blogger? 

It took me a while to really feel like I got the hang of exactly where they needed to be positioned on my real eyelashes. The pictures below are the first night that I actually got ready/put on a full face of makeup to go out somewhere, and I think I positioned the magnetic lashes too far toward the outside of my own lashes. They look a little "16-year-old at prom" in these photos: 

(PS - you're welcome in advance for the close-ups of what I'm now realizing is my SEVERELY deviated septum. It's no wonder I can't breathe, I mean DAMN!) 

Having not worn false eyelashes before, I was really self-conscious about them, but the group of girls I was with told me that they didn't even notice and wouldn't have guessed they were fake unless I'd mentioned it! And when I got home that night, I popped them off in less than 5 seconds, put them back in their case, and went about my normal nightly skincare routine. They added almost no time to the process of getting ready for bed. 

So I played with them over the next few days and I think I got better at applying them. My process is: 

1. Curl lashes as I normally would. 
2. Apply eyeliner and mascara (or just mascara, as in the photo below) to top lashes.
3. Apply a very light layer of bottom-lash mascara (this was actually Jordan's suggestion to keep the One Two lashes from looking too "fake-y," - his words). 
4. Snap on the One Two lashes, one eye at a time, adjusting as necessary. 

Over the last week, I think I got better at positioning them: 

For context, I'm not wearing any eyeliner in this photo - just mascara and the new lashes.

For context, I'm not wearing any eyeliner in this photo - just mascara and the new lashes.

SO, overall, here's my review: 

Pros: 

  • Even if you aren't a beauty guru, these are not complicated to get the hang of. It certainly took me several tries to get it right, but ANYTHING that's new in beauty takes a few tries to get right. 
  • There is no glue involved. Zero. It's snap, snap, go. 
  • These are considerably less expensive than eyelash extensions, and, if well cared for, longer lasting. More bang for your buck and ultimately the same result. 
  • The case is beautiful and will encourage you to take care of the product. 
  • Removing them is extremely simple. 
  • They stay locked in place for as long as you're wearing them. 
  • Eyelashes for days! 

Cons: 

  • The red dot that denotes the "bottom" set of lashes rubs off very quickly. It was gone within a few application attempts, so it's important to make sure you place them back in the case in the correct section. 
  • They do feel a tiny bit heavy at first, but I think that's probably true with anything fake that you're sticking to your eyes. After a few minutes, I forgot they were there. 

Tips: 

  • As I said, it takes practice. Play with where you put them on your lash line - what looks most natural? Should you scoot them a little further in? Toward the corners? You'll know when you hit the sweet spot. 
  • Don't put any more mascara on after you've applied your lashes. They're plenty on their own, and more makeup is going to damage the product. 
  • In fact, let your lashes be the last thing you put on. Are you applying loose powder? Do that, THEN apply those bad boys. 
  • Never sleep in them or wash your face with them on. It's easy to forget they're there, so I keep my case out on the bathroom counter to remind me to take them off before I start slapping water on my face. 

What do you think?? Is this crazy? At the end of the day, I highly recommend them to anyone who's considering eyelash extensions, but doesn't want to shell out the cash or the time in the chair. These are an amazing alternative, reasonably priced, and achieve the same result. I love mine and am actually excited to go put them on in just a few minutes! Yahoo! 

An Ode to My Husband, The Dad-to-Be.

Yesterday, while the storms were rolling into Asheville and plummeting the temps to 50 degrees (heavenly!!), I sat on the porch and did a journaling exercise from a pregnancy book I intended to use from month one, but...forgot about. Oops. 

Anyway, the exercise was to list all my favorite qualities about my partner, and to think about how those qualities will translate into him being a parent. It also asked what qualities he will balance about ME, so that I can go ahead and start thinking about the things Jordan will be better at than I will/vice versa as a parent.  

So here's the excerpt from my journal yesterday. 

When teaching someone a new skill, he’s very patient. 
He is thorough (almost to a fault) and completes a task to the best of his ability.
He values excellence and craftsmanship over quantity.
He values family and moral uprightness over worldliness and wealth.
He is a dutiful son and sibling, and cares deeply for his family.
He is an incredibly loving and loyal son- and brother-in-law, and has become a part of the McAnnally family in a really special way.
He loves to learn and values information. He is always hungry for more knowledge.
He isn’t idle and loves to do things outside or in the woodshop - project-based.
He cultivates appreciation for new things (like cooking and baking).
He is SUPER intelligent and retains information at a high level.
He is kind and giving to people, animals who are vulnerable and can’t help themselves.
He is fun and silly and doesn’t take himself too seriously.
He is EXTREMELY witty and quick, and is always making people laugh.
He loves to play instruments and learn new songs.
He is proud and private about things that ought to be private.
He is very honorable and is a man of his word - if he promises something, he follows through.
He loves Jesus.

I'm jumping into into that third trimester (what?!) next week! So we're 2/3 of the day through this adventure, and it's impossible to overstate the difference having a supportive, loving partner who also has a great sense of humor (thank God) in the bucket seat has made. 

Yesterday, our crib was delivered. We've been piling furniture, books, and baby clothes we've been gifted into the soon-to-be nursery for months now, but the delivery of the crib was the thing that, for both of us, made this all start to click into focus in a new way. 

There's going to be an actual BABY in there. 

So I stood at the door of the nursery, sneakily snapping out-of-focus photos of my precious husband, taking stock of this empty (for now) crib. 

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And I know this baby doesn't know it yet, but it won the freaking lottery. I did a good job choosing a husband, but this little one just lucked into having a dad who will be...all the things. I tried to list them out just now and just started crying, so insert your own. Any good adjective, just throw it on in there. 

Kid, you've got a hell of a dad. 

(Mary Catherine reserves the right to pen another one of these cheesy posts as the pregnancy progresses. This is just how things are right now, people. Don't come to our house if you don't wanna get covered in gooey feelings, 'cause they're contagious.)