Small Enough

The Lenten season is usually a period of the liturgical calendar that I enjoy. I love spiritual disciplines - I think, if I'm being honest, because it allows me a box to check. "Did I complete my Lenten fast today? Yes? CHECK!" In the world of faith, which can often feel so amorphous, Lent, to me, feels tangible.

(PS - Lent is a period of time in which many Christians fast from something for 40 days to emulate Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness. It begins with Fat Tuesday [the end of Mardi Gras] and continues for the 40 days leading up to Easter, excepting Sundays.) 

This year, for a myriad of reasons, Lent has been different. I have been taught in new ways that, though Lent is usually a time when I feel most in control of my faith, I'm not in control at all. For this control freak, that's certainly been a tough pill to swallow. Sure, I knew that already, in a far-off sort of way, but to be presented with that reality more concretely has been startling. For one of the (embarrassingly) very first times, I've been forced to trust only God (rather than myself) in a way that has made me feel vulnerable and often lonely. 

I don't believe in the whole "everything happens for a reason" theology, mostly because, if you walk that back to its origin, it means that God causes suffering. I do believe that we can find God in every stage, every phase of life, and that God goes before us on our paths.

This song, "Small Enough," is all about crying out to a God who feels so big. We read about God's mighty acts; the sweeping, epic faiths of the folks who've gone before us. And yet (especially true for me this Lenten season), that same "Great God" shrinks down for each of us to fit into our smallest, most private moments; to sit with us in our grief, our fear, our sadness. 

When I sang this at our church here in Asheville, my grandfather was very ill. His prognosis was not good. (He, miraculously, is doing much better.) Singing these words out loud in the midst of that sadness was one of the most powerful experiences I've had - it felt so personal and vulnerable, like much of this season of life has been. So, in case you need the Small God to speak to you in little ways today, I wanted to share it with you. Because, it turns out, God shows up every time.