I've been joking with people that I'm finally out of the closet!! YAY!!
It is such a huge sigh of relief to have finally revealed that we're pregnant! Keeping secrets is so hard!
I thought I'd share a few special memories that we've made along the way so far. I want to do a whole separate post on telling our parents, so that'll come later on.
How I found out.
Jordan and I are very careful, Type A planners, so we certainly weren't surprised by this news. ;) One morning in early April, I took a pregnancy test before I jumped in the shower. After I dried off, I checked it out (pretending that I had any sense of cool and FORCING myself to not jump out of the shower mid-shampoo and look), only to find that there were two faint lines. "I let it sit too long," I thought. "I'll take another one."
I'll let my journal do the talking from here:
WELP I’M PREGNANT.
Holy hell. Can you believe it?!?!? I can’t. But really, I can’t. It’s the strangest thing - I know I’m pregnant (I’ve taken 9 tests in the last few days and all have read extremely positive), but nothing else physical has changed. Well - that’s not true, I’m exhausted, etc. (more on that in a minute), but I don’t have a bump. There’s no physical representation of this baby yet. It’s easy to feel crazy.
The baby is the size of one grain of fleur de sel, the salt on top of caramels. On my pregnancy app, it asks you what you’d like the theme to be: baby animals, flowers, or French bakery. Um, easy choice, hello. So I have been getting updates about the size of my baby in relation to French food. Jordan has been calling it, “Little Salt Flake,” which I find totally adorable.
But let’s back up for a minute:
So much to report on. The short version is that 2 days before my period was due, I took a dipstick pregnancy test. While I was in the shower, the test activated and there was a very faint second line. I thought, “Okay, well, I let it sit too long. It’s probably inaccurate.”
I took another one with the same result. Then I took a “real” pregnancy test and it said the same thing.
The next morning, I took a few more with the same result. I was going to the 8:30 Pure Barre class that morning.
After PB, I called my doctor’s office. “So, I’ve taken six positive pregnancy tests,” I said. “Do I need to come in for a blood test or a urine test or something??”
Nurse: *very country accent* “Well, if you’ve taken 6 positive pregnancy tests, I’d say you’re pregnant.”
Nurse: Yep! Congratulations! Let’s go ahead and get you scheduled. When was the date of your last period?
Me: (Told her)
Nurse: So it looks like you're about four weeks along.
Me: FOUR WEEKS ALONG?!?!?! HOW?!?!
Nurse: Well, we track pregnancy from before you were pregnant to now. So you haven't actually been pregnant for four weeks. Probably only about two. But you're still four weeks along.
Me: You're melting my brain.
Nurse: You'll come in at eight weeks.
Me: Okay ma'am, I totally understand what you're saying, but I feel as though there are about a thousand ways for me to screw this up between now and eight weeks. Can I come in sooner??
Nurse: *typing* ...actually, it looks like your doctor put a note in the chart for us to see you at six weeks.
Me: *silently high fiving my awesome doctor who always has my back*
Nurse: Okay - so we'll see you for an ultrasound on ________.
Me: But like, do I tell my husband?!
Nurse: It’s totally up to you, honey.
Me: ...okay. I just have no idea what I’m doing.
Nurse: Mmhmm. No one does.
It was the most surreal (still is) experience of my life.
At first, I wanted to wait until the entirety of my missed period (I know that I've said "period" twice but y'all, we've just got to move past that being unacceptable because it's biology and I'm sorry I said it and that's as graphic as it's gonna get) to tell Jordan just so I could be super super sure it was actually happening. But once two days had passed, I couldn’t stand it. I asked one of my best friends, Katie, if she thought I should tell him and she said to go for it. So I set up my camera as though I was making a video for my blog and pulled up a Google Doc we've been working on called “Before We’re 30;" basically just a list of all the things we hope to have accomplished by the time we both turn 30, since Jord is a year older than I am. I sneakily added, “Have a baby!” to the last line.
I convinced him to read each item on the list out loud so that my blog readers could hear our list, and so as he read each line, I'd say, "Check!" or "Haven't done that one yet." When he got to the last line and read, "Have a baby," I just stared at him grinning like a maniac. He said, "Um...have a child?" As though his wording was the problem. HA! "WE'RE GOING TO," I said." "No...really?? No. Really?? No!! Really?????" was his general reaction. Then there was a lot of maniacal laughter (me), disbelief (him), general panic (me), and hugging/smiling/crying. I'll admit that I got a little bit panicky and started crying at not only the intense sweetness, but also the huge gravity, of the moment. Something about telling Jordan made it real for me and caused me to realize, probably for the first time, that we were going to be SOMEONE'S PARENTS.
(These are screenshots from the video! The brightness had to be edited because we're redecorating our living room so everything, including the lighting, is "in progress" in there. I know, how could I not have had this moment professionally lit?)
How's it all been going?
The first trimester was a dream come true. I was VERY fortunate to avoid the morning sickness bug altogether -- while I definitely experienced nausea and food aversion, I never threw up.
Actually, that's not true - about four days after we found out we were expecting, I was violently sick for 24 hours. Then, three days later, Jordan got it. I felt guilty over how relieved I was that I was totally delighted he had a stomach virus! It meant it wasn't morning sickness after all!
I've had all the normal symptoms - fatigue, having to jump up and use the bathroom every 5 minutes - but nothing that has been horribly unpleasant. No bump to speak of, yet. My OB said that because I teach Pure Barre and am (relatively) in shape (deteriorating by the minute, may I add), that I probably won't show until between weeks 18 and 20, which will be around the end of July. It feels totally cruel not to be able to show right away when you're pregnant, because all you want is some outward and visible sign of what's happening inside your body. I truly feel like a crazy person half the time because I can't see or feel the baby, but I physically experience the symptoms every day.
Quick little survey:
How far along? 13 1/2 weeks, due December 15th! Baby is the size of a little mouse, or, as the French Bakery section described it, a Napoleon.
Are we finding out the gender? Negative. We're going to wait until that sweet little thing makes an appearance in the world! But of course, we'll have two names cooked up and ready to go. :)
Total weight gain: 7 pounds. Hoping to keep it between the lines, but we'll see. You know ya girl loves to eat.
Stretch marks: Nope! And I found out from my doctor that those suckers are actually genetic, not based on anything you personally do/don't do. Thanks, April!
Best moment of first trimester: Oh gosh - so many. Finding out, telling Jordan, telling our friends and families, hearing the heartbeat (!!!) for the first time!
Food cravings: Early on it was all sugar, all the time. And I mean like, the richest things you can think of didn’t phase me a bit. I also was really put off by room temperature liquid (which I used to love and do again now that I’m over the first trimester hump), so I could only drink beverages that were ice cold.
Anything making you sick? Not really! Although Jordan was letting his assistants practice dentistry on a pig skull and brought that home in a brown paper bag the other day and SET IT ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. So yeah. Did not love that. Although I think it’s fair to say that would’ve made most people sick.
I want to keep up with all of these things via the blog while still promising not to turn it into a "mommy blog." At the same time, there are so many things that are sacred and precious that I want to keep to myself, like the actual video of me telling Jordan.
And seeing as I have no bump photo to show you, all I can manage is this picture of me going absolutely HAM on a cheeseburger at my sister-in-law's wedding. Eating with abandon = my favorite freakin' thing.