Well, here we are again.
About a month ago, I hung up the pump for the second time. Well, actually, I put it in my basement with a triumphant freakin’ YAWP.
This round with this baby was so different and better in a million ways than my experience with Mac, which was really fraught and emotional. But it was still HARD. WORK. I truly labored over which photo to choose to accompany this piece: me pumping in the bathroom floor lot at a hair salon? Me pumping in the car at the drive-thru? Me pumping in the kitchen making biscuits? Me with mastitis in bed? Me with a slice of raw potato pressed to my boob? (Read on for more about that.)
Whether you’ve never breastfed, don’t plan to, don’t want to, or…are a man, I guess…here are 15 things no one told me about breastfeeding. It might get graphic. But I mean, it’s human anatomy, people!
(Actually, especially if you’re a man - someone you know will be doing this at some point, so read on in order to appreciate the lactating people in your life.)
A note as always that this is pertinent to my own experience and that every single person’s is different!
Breastfeeding hurts at first. Like a BITCH. I mean, really, it’s bad. My OB once likened it to putting your feet back into the shoes that gave you blisters, and we all know that feeling. A night of dancing at a wedding reception and you kick off the painful shoes…only to have to put them back on to walk to the car. MISERY. For the first week or so with Mac, I remember having to count to ten out loud after he’d latch so that I could have an end point in mind for the waves of pain. Bonus points for the first few days: breastfeeding tells your body that your baby has been born, which sends signals to your uterus to start shrinking back to a normal size. So for the first little while, every time you breastfeed, you’re also going to have contractions. It would be amazing if it wasn’t so awful.
It takes a lot of time. At the beginning when you’re still getting the hang of it, it takes about 45 minutes a feeding. And newborns eat every three hours (at least), so they basically eat, play for a little while, and go back to sleep. New moms have around 40 minutes at a time, if they’re lucky, to breathe and reboot. And that whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing? Yeah - the only time to get ANYTHING done (shower, clean your pumping parts, watch a TV show, find time to make you feel human again) is done in that 40-ish. minute window for days and weeks on end. To keep my supply really “fluffy” with Rosie, I pumped 9x a day for the first four months, and 8x a day for months 4-7. My pump recently calculated the total amount of time I spent pumping with Rosie, and the answer was 670 hours. I know, that sounds made up. That’s the equivalent 24-hours-a-day for the entire month of February.
There are a million ways to do it. Some women choose to exclusively breastfeed (EBF), some women breastfeed and pump, some women exclusively pump (that was me with Rosie!), some breastfeed and supplement their supply with formula and a bottle, and everything in between. Rosie had a really shallow latch in the hospital, which tore my boobs to shreds and made me start pumping to give my body a break. That led to my decision to exclusively pump with her. Since her latch was so shallow, I had to syringe feed her for the first couple of weeks. With Mac, I EBF’d for the first few months, had a supply drop, and had to start supplementing with formula. I remember feeling like such a failure, which was devastating emotionally on the heels of my hormones also being whackadoo. But this time was so, so much better. Prioritizing my mental health made all the difference.
Breastfeeding acts as its own birth control. Another incredible thing about the female body, in addition to the “shrinking your uterus” fun fact, is that BFing acts as its own birth control - or can, I should say. If you’re breastfeeding often enough, your body stops ovulating. It’s basically a biological insurance policy, where your boobs tell your uterus, “NO VACANCY, we’ve already got as much as we can handle, thanks!” The human - scratch that - female body is a wonder.
Your supply can dip and resurge. As I said up there, breastfeeding is a supply and demand business. But sometimes, there are other factors at play. It’s really easy to forget to eat when you’re a new mom, and a lack of calories (and especially a lack of water) can cause your supply to really take a hit. Dropping a feeding can also cause a dwindling breastmilk supply, whereas adding a feeding can boost it. It’s a very plastic enterprise and can take a little brain power to get just right. I was shocked to learn some of the remedies besides calorie/water intake: dark beer, lactation tea (a real thing), and herbal supplements like Goat’s Rue (again, a real thing) among others. It’s a wild world.
Lactation consultants are there to help, but it’s your show. Did you know there are people whose job it is to talk about breastfeeding? There are! I’ll be honest and say I’ve had varied experiences with lactation consultants. In the hospital with Rosie, my greatest fear was that my breastfeeding experience was going to be emotional and awful all over again, and when the lactation consultant left our room, I broke down sobbing to Jordan. She had given me some tough love when all I needed in the world was kindness and softness. Ultimately I had to lean on my own instincts to make a decision that worked for ME (exclusively pumping), rather than going with her advice (to take a break , but then get back on the BFing horse). I’ve also had great experiences with LC’s who were wonderful, like the one who works for our pediatrician, who helped me several times as I problem-solved! But when I was in my most vulnerable places, having different people give me different advice was the definition of hell
Leaking is a real thing. Some of what’s in movies is a load of bullsh (for example, did you know that <10% of women actually have their water break before they go into labor? It almost never happens as the kickoff - but I had no idea because all movies depict that a dramatic water break episode in a grocery store is the jump ball!), but this one? This is real. Your body operates on supply and demand - the more you feed, the more milk you make. And as it’s regulating its supply, your boobs are just going nuts. Hot showers are one of the things that can trigger a “let down” (the term for your milk dropping from the mammary glands to the milk ducts), and if there’s no baby on the other end, you just…stand there, naked, staring in horror at the reflection of someone who used to be you as she pours breastmilk onto the floor. Just as a hypothetical.
It can be the sweetest and most relaxing part of your day. Even though I fed Rosie using a bottle instead of a boob, I treasure the time I spend rocking her in her quiet nursery, watching her slowly fall asleep, and listening to her sweet little eating sounds. Newborns make this adorable little squeaky, grateful grunting when they eat that really sounds like a piglet. Rocking a full, milk-drunk baby, and knowing you’re providing everything they need right from your own body? It is a heavenly, sacred experience and is truly the best part of each day for me. I know it will only last so long, and I’m so grateful.
It can also be incredibly stressful. I’ve already referenced this, but I had a rough go of it with Mac. I had no idea my supply had dropped until I went to his four month check-up and our pediatrician told me his weight (formerly monstrous and climbing) had plateaued. I was devastated and felt like I’d failed at my ONE job. We went to lunch after and I’ll never forget sitting at Moe’s BBQ literally crying into my fried catfish platter across from a table full of truckers.
For a lot of moms, learning /deciding whether to breastfeed can also be an unbelievably emotional time. Your body is CHOCK FULL of hormones, you’re sleep deprived, your life and your body have just been rendered unrecognizable, and you are learning this new skill along with your baby. It can feel like you are trapped, that life will never get better, and that you are alone in making these pivotal decisions. In this case, breastfeeding might actually take a toll on a new mother’s mental health to the point that it doesn’t make sense to continue. And you know what? MORE POWER TO YOU, girl. You do you. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Jordan was formula-fed right from the beginning and don’t tell him, but he’s really smart and it all worked out great.
Sleep training and breastfeeding sometimes don’t go together. I am a huge believer in sleep training and have sleep trained both kids in their first months of life. HOWEVER. When I started following the Moms On Call protocol with Mac, I had no idea that when I dropped a feeding (in order to let him sleep through it and learn self-soothing), my body would interpret that as weaning the baby. Nowhere in my carefully curated research and reading had I encountered anything about what sleep training can do to your breastmilk supply unless you continue to pump the feeding you’re “dropping” with your baby. Word to the wise: watch your bod and make sure you’re still producing what you think you are.
Clogged ducts. AKA, the damn devil. I got so many clogged ducts this round (what happens when a milk duct doesn’t fully empty and kind of blocks itself off). They cause redness, swelling, and like a palpable bump on the surface of your boob. Left too long, they can develop into mastitis (more below), but treated early, they’re no big deal! The trick is actually TREATING them. I can’t even count the number of times I stood in the shower tying to massage out a clogged duct - and they can happen as a result of something as small as wearing a bra that’s too tight. I am grateful never to have had the experience of expressing the “clog” because honestly, it grosses me out a LOT - but I got a tonnn of clogged ducts this round because pumping causes them to happen more frequently. The most insane remedy I heard (that actually worked) was putting a slice of potato on the skin to draw out the infection. I don’t know what kind of insane witchcraft that is, but I’m into it. I’m not gonna Google it, I don’t want to know why it works. I actually had a bowl of pre-sliced potato in the fridge at all times just in case. Anyway, massaging out clogs is really painful but necessary.
Mastitis, y’all. WOOO, boy. The one and only COVID scare I had in 2020 was in the summer, when I was standing in my den talking to my parents (who were the only other part of our quarantine bubble). Suddenly, I felt a wave of chills. I went to the back to sit on my bed and within minutes felt like I’d been hit by a truck. It came on faster than anything I’ve ever experienced, and I thought, “I don’t know how this has happened, but I must have Covid.” Turned out, I had mastitis - a condition that happens when a milk duct is left clogged, causing the tissue to get inflamed and sometimes infected. It comes at you like a bat out of hell and can vary from treatable with antibiotics (which is what I did) to so bad that the infection actually comes through the top of your breast, which happened to a buddy of mine. The best way to cure it? Feeding through it. Yep. I know.
It’s logistically a challenge when you already have a child. For obvious reasons. No explanation needed.
But the magic of electric pumps that charge and then are portable SAVED MY BACON. I was tethered to a wall with a pump that only worked plugged in with Mac, and it was like a little slice of hell. With Rosie, I bought a pump that charges and then is mobile. I know some friends who got the kind of pumps you place directly into your bra and that’s a whole new level of freedom! Thank God for technology helping moms be able to freely move about and chase the toddler who’s just taken off his clothes and exited the house. Thank you, Spectra C!
Despite all the hardships, it was worth it (for me!). Motherhood has taught me so very many lessons about myself, and chief among them is that I can do hard things. So much harder than I thought. Which means I’m tougher than I thought I was. And I’m betting if you’re a mom reading this, you’ve had this very same revelation. Breastfeeding two babies was a huge challenge in lots of ways, but it made me feel so proud of myself for sticking with it. The second part of this one is that it’s given me oceans of empathy for mothers of all stripes and how they choose to feed their babies. I think there’s a lot of mom judgment bouncing around the internet and it breaks my heart - most of us are just doing the very best we can. So if you’re reading this and in the midst of your own breastfeeding journey, whether easy or a challenge, I’m here for you, sis. You’re awesome. And if breastfeeding wasn’t for you? Good work knowing yourself, mama. And way to put your mental health first. You’re killing it!
The truth is, women all over the world are doing this as we speak. It is tough. It is time-consuming. It’s a major sacrifice because your boobs will absolutely never be the same (sorry, but they won’t). And yet, somehow, these tiny squishy humans we continue to produce trick some of us into doing it all over again.
Hope this has been somewhat educational for all 2 of the straight men out there reading this. Have a beautiful weekend, y’all - it’s supposed to be gorgeous!