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Yeah, too much. I agree.
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The Myth of Perfection.
This has been ping-ponging around in my head and heart lately.
Jordan and I are working on redecorating our house. This has meant countless hours on Pinterest, looking at lifestyle blogs, shopping discounts and scrolling through West Elm, Ikea, Pottery Barn, etc.
Getting sucked in is so easy.
When our parents were growing up, they had to go buy a magazine if they wanted to get decorating tips from professionals. All we have to do is open Instagram. And, while there's a certain convenience and accessibility to that, it also means we're constantly bombarded with perfection. Everyone's perfect smiles, perfect dog, perfectly decorated houses, perfectly sleeping babies in perfectly styled nurseries. You've probably heard it put this way many times before, but social media tricks us into believing that everyone's highlight reel is also actually their life.
Let me just get real here for a minute.
My Instagram is a carefully curated collection of moments I'd like to share. It's a highlight reel, as they say. It's my favorite moments, my most aesthetically pleasing moments, Tom Hanks' cutest moments, Jordan's funniest moments. That's not to say it's not real - it is, but it leaves out 3/4 of the story of our lives. And, even though these moments are actually happening, how many times have I taken more than one picture to get that "perfect," Instagram-worthy shot? LOTS OF TIMES.
The rest of the story is the cereal for dinner, the little arguments, the perpetually clogged shower drain, the dog peeing in the house because we left him alone too long. It's me forgetting appointments, saying the wrong thing, completing tasks last-minute, eating half a bag of Goldfish, watching too much Netflix. And I'm not saying this in a Jennifer Lawrence-y, relatable, adorable, Brad Paisley song, inscribed-on-an-ironic-tank-top-at-Target kind of way. I'm talkin' about the not cute moments, people. My real, real life.
The Internet is a tricky, mean girl. She'll show you what you should look like, how your house should be decorated, and then give you one, long up-and-down stare before flashing you a tight-lipped, condescending smile and turning away. She's a fake friend.
So as I'm thinking about our home, decorating it, and "keeping up," I'm remembering a few things: I am not perfect. I love the people in my life regardless of their "perfection," and that must mean that the people in my life love me whether or not my house/hair/clothes look like they've been professionally handled. It's hard to believe, but it must be true. That whole "unconditional" thing is real! The reason why it's exhausting to achieve the Social Media Standard of Perfection is that it's not actually a real thing. It's like running after a hologram. And it's way more fun to use social media as a fun highlight catalog, but also live with the knowledge that it's exactly that: best moments. It's not everyday moments. Otherwise we'd have already come up with some hellacious 24-hour live video stream. (Whenever that happens, count me out.)
By the way - if you feel overwhelmed by comparison and falling short, take a break from social media/blogs for a few days. It's amazing how great your life starts to feel once you stop stacking it up against other people's. Comparison is the thief of joy.
In that spirit, here is a photo that is about 1,000% less than perfect. Because I have to believe you love me anyway.
I was eating an ice cream sandwich the other night and Jordan said, "Don't move. Stay right there." Then he took this picture. Here it is, totally unedited, chins and all.
Happy Friday!
DNR - JTI: On Behalf of Women Traveling Alone.
I traveled to and from Alabama last week and spent about 14 hours in the car. Because of that, I encountered lots of less-than-savory male behavior as a solo female traveler, all of which I would like to address right now. This kind of stuff happens to women all the time, PS - not just me. So hear me roar!
As usual, all credit for "DNR - JTI" goes to the fabulous and hilarious Mollie Erickson. Though she is too kind to ever write a nasty post like this one.
Dear Sketchy Looking Ford Pickup Driver,
Why are you flashing your brights at me? Maybe it was an accident. Nope, you just did it again. And now you've pulled up next to me on the interstate. Ugh, I made the mistake of glancing over at you. Stupid. Why are you tailgating me now? Here come the brights again. And...now you're exiting and waving your arm out the window.
I'm sorry WERE YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO EXIT WITH YOU?? Did you think we were going to have some sort of romantic tryst in a gas station bathroom?? Dude, I barely use gas station bathrooms for their intended purpose. Also, you are a disgusting creep. DNR - JTI.
Dear Man Leering at Me While I Fill Up My Car,
I think you think I can't tell that you're staring at me from the other side of the pump. Every time I turn around or lean into my car to grab something to throw away, your little pin-head has appeared from the other side of the gas pump wall. "How ya doin'?" I ask, making unwavering eye contact (and a New Jersey accent, for a reason that is still a mystery to me). I see you. You are not subtle. Get outta here. DNR - JTI.
Dear Teenage Boy at Sonic,
This has nothing to do with behaving inappropriately and everything to do with the fact that you gave me an M&M Blast with STYROFOAM IN IT. Come on, man!! I mean, yes, I picked the first piece out and gave you the benefit of the doubt. But I was a 1/3 of the way into devouring that bad boy and I had to pull a piece of non-biodegradable, half-chewed styrofoam out of my mouth. I know you can do better than this, my friend. DNR - JTI.
Dear Man Driving a Budweiser 18-Wheeler,
I'm in this lane. I'm in this lane. HEY I'M IN THIS LANE. I'M IN THIS LANE. STOP GETTING OVER. I'M IN THIS FREAKIN' LANE. I AM HONKING MANIACALLY. I am mad at you. I am FUMING at you. I get off onto the shoulder of the road to avoid being killed. After it's safe, the car around me know that I'm on a mission and allow me to get back up to you on the interstate so I'm driving parallel to the cab of your truck. I roll down my window and honk like an insane person. "You almost killed me!" I shout at you. You look down at me, shrug, and mime sending a text on your air phone. I'M SORRY DID YOU THINK I WAS TEXTING?? It's an audiobook, my friend. I'm tying to listen to Carrie Fisher tell me about her affair with Harrison Ford on the set of Star Wars. Also are you trying to communicate that you were teaching me a lesson by running me off the road because you thought I was texting?! WOW. WOWWW. Yeah, you better exit. I have half a mind to follow you, you paternalistic piece of -- DNR - JTI.
Dear Men in General,
Listen. Traveling alone as a woman shouldn't be scary but it is. Do you know why? Because of you guys. Not all of you, of course. But the ones of you that go out of their way to make us uncomfortable. The ones of you who think it's fun to antagonize and frighten women, like some sort of weird game -- in the same way you see little kids torture ants with magnifying glasses. It is mean, it is sexist, and more than anything, it's unkind and disrespectful. Does it make you feel strong? Does it make you feel cool? Let me assure you - if you're doing these things, you are neither. I hope it also makes you feel unemployed, because, while we may not be bigger than you, we sure as hell can take a picture of your license plate and call it in to Budweiser. Ants move in colonies and can lift three times their body weight. So, respectfully, suck it.
Do Not Respond. Just Freakin' Take It.
5 Reasons to go see Beauty and the Beast
If you're anything like me, Beauty and the Beast holds a huge and special place in your heart. I remember seeing this movie in theaters at two years old and have been obsessed ever since. Belle is by far my favorite Disney princess. I could sing you every word of every song - just absolutely love this movie.
I was passing through Alabama this week and had the great luck of going to see one of my all-time favorite movies with two of my very best friends. Here are five (of many) reasons you should go see it ASAP:
1. It is perfectly cast.
Emma Watson is a knockout as Belle, of course, but the rest of the case is equally fabulous. Josh Gad as Le Fou will have you LOLing (along with all the children in the theater! And by the way - the big scandal over the "gay" moment?? Still have no idea what that's about even after having seen it. Way to go, #alabama). Ewan McGregor as Lumiere is so charming and truly fabulous. Emma Thompson as Mrs. Potts - I mean, obviously. Audra McDonald and Stanley Tucci are divine. And when the Beast turns into Dan Stevens (hey, Downtown Abbey!) at the end - I don't think my heart has been that warm in weeks.
2. The music.
When I heard the opening bars of the score, my stomach flipped. Music really is such a powerful thing - it can take you back in time. The music in the movie all so great, but the highlights for me were the ensemble numbers. "Gaston," sung mainly by Josh Gad and Chris Evans (who plays a devastatingly evil and also hilarious Gaston) was a show-stopper. and "Be Our Guest" was as much of a treat for the eyes as it was for the ears. People actually clapped in the theater at the end of both these numbers!
3. It remains true to the original movie where it counts.
Yes, they added a little bit of plot. Yes, they added a little bit of music. But the big stuff - the important piece, and, in particular, the important songs, they (wisely) left completely alone. When the first strains of "Beauty and the Beast" started playing and Belle descended the stairs, it took my breath away. The live action scene was every bit as magical as the animated one all those years ago, and so was every other "moment" you remember so well.
4. It kicks everything up a notch.
This movie does a great job of heightening the intensity of a lot of plot elements without taking them to a place of ridiculousness. For example: Belle is revealed to be the only woman who can read in her town, which is why the Beast's library is such an amazing gift for her. Conversely, the Beast has read everything in the library, so literature becomes a huge point of connection for them. Gaston wields a gun, not a knife. We find out what happened to Belle's mom, and why Maurice has kept Belle so close all these years. We get a little more of the Beast's backstory. While some of these things probably could've been done without, it's definitely cool to see others of them and feel a little bit of a fresh take on something that's such a classic.
5. The message still shines through, years later.
I mean OBVIOUSLY I was in tears at the end of the movie. It's just so precious and powerful! The idea that it's possible to see the best in people, even through their worst behavior, is really just the idea of grace dressed up in a Disney movie. The last 15 minutes of this movie are so gut and heart-wrenching that it'll choke you up, with a triumphant, and beautiful ending that, even though you know is coming, still overwhelms you with joy and love.
Obviously, my girls and I loved it. Can't wait to hear what you think!
5 Times "This Is Us" Made Me Cry.
(Obviously there are spoilers below, so don't read if you don't want to know!)
Okay, people. Are you watching This Is Us on NBC? Because I wasn't until a sweet friend of mine said, "Mary Catherine, you really need to be watching this show." And so I did. And then I was hooked.
And then I was sobbing at every episode. This is a picture of me after watching this week's show:
A photo I sent my friend who asked me if I'd finished the episode yet.
Sobbing is an overstatement - "crying" at every episode is more accurate. Sobbing is what I did this most recent episode.
Here are the Top 5 moments that have absolutely mowed me over.
1. Dr. K's speech to Jack after they lose the third baby:
In its first episode, this show delivered not only a completely gut-wrenching storyline, but a flashback overlap that we didn't get to understand until the very end. This speech, though, was the first of many times I'd cry watching this show. Such good acting and great writing.
TBH, Kevin doesn't really make me weepy that often. But this speech about how we're all always here -- before we're born and after we're gone -- twisted my insides up. So precious and really well-delivered.
3. Jack Pledges to Be There
Um, yeah. Touching for so many reasons - because Jack and Rebecca finally realize that Randall needs the influence of the black community and that they can't provide that; because of Jack's commitment to his kids; because of this mistake Rebecca eventually makes in depriving Randall of William. It's a great illustration into how much our parents love us, and, within that love, all the great decisions and wrong turns they can make.
4. Randall Breaks Down
Sterling K. Brown is one of my new favorite actors. This Is Us and The People vs. OJ Simpson have shown such insane range for what this actor can do in the ways of both drama and comedy. This scene where Randall finally breaks down after weeks of carrying his family, his father, and his business is so powerful. (Kevin's fine and all, but Sterling is the star.)
5. William's Death.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!!? SOBBING. SOBBING. Ugly crying. Scared-my-dog crying. I absolutely loved that the show treated this episode as a capsule episode, meaning we didn't check in with the other characters at all and that you didn't have to have any context to watch/understand it. Som SERIOUSLY fine acting, direction, and writing from the folks at NBC. Was expecting to delicately shed a tear. Instead, I was a complete and total mess. AND THEN THE DUCKS WALKED BY.
Did I leave anything out?? What are your favorites?
Fictional Females I Idolized.
Other children were "play outside" people. I was a "watch the same TV shows and movies 100 times until they're seared into my brain" person. And because of that, I had a set of role models that lived in the fictional realm of entertainment, but who also rubbed off on me in very specific ways.
1. Carrie Bradshaw
Sex and the City
I think this one is a bit of a no-brainer if you've met me before. Carrie (and moreso SJP, but since we're talking about fictional people) was a huge cornerstone of high school for me. I wore flower brooches to school, pearls stacked on top of each other, and, in one less fortunate instance, fishnets. (You read that right). I have a horseshoe necklace and a nameplate necklace. I've used photos of her for multiple hair color inspiration pieces. But it wasn't just about the style - it was her general wittiness, willingness to fail, romantic sensibilities, her ability to step outside herself and observe life as a writer. I think maybe more than anything else, it was the importance she placed on her friendships with women, which I did then and continue to do today.
Of course, watching Sex and the City as an adult is a very different experience. Carrie comes off as a little strident, a little immature, and a little promiscuous to my 28-year-old eyes. But her spunk, spirit, and commitment to writing (and her clothes, naturally) have stayed with me.
2. Carol Connelly
As Good As It Gets
Oh my gosh, who doesn't love Helen Hunt as this fabulous woman? I loved Carol for so many reasons, but I think chief among them was how honest she was on all planes of her life. If you haven't seen this movie, you should remedy that ASAP, but to brief you: her son is chronically ill, she lives with her mother, works as a waitress, and is fixated on by a man twenty years her senior who has debilitating OCD. Sounds like a dream life, right?
Something about this woman really got into my bones. I am not a particularly bold person when it comes to saying what I mean right in the moment I mean it, especially if it's unpopular or hard to hear. Carol doesn't care about such things, and that's what makes her so fabulous. She is still an aspirational character for me.
3. Maggie Carpenter
Runaway Bride
The killer combo of "knows how to fix a leaky faucet" and "is Julia Roberts beautiful" is hard to beat. This movie, like many others, taught me a lot about myself. Maggie cares about a fairy-tale ending more than actually being true to her own feelings (something I can identify with strongly as someone who has Kodak Moment Syndrome). Though this is a romantic comedy and isn't necessarily Best Picture-worthy, Maggie's journey to self-discovery in this movie (marked by finally deciding how she likes her eggs cooked) helped me figure out what of my personality was a show, and what was the real deal.
4. Anna Reilly
Keeping the Faith
Maybe a lesser-known character in the canon of fantastic fictional females, this is another movie you should see. Part of my fixation on her springs from the fact that this was a movie I watched on a loop with two of my dearest guy friends in middle school, but a bigger part was that Anna Reilly was a ball-busting career woman who knew exactly what she wanted. In the same way that Carol Connelly is aspirational for me, Anna Reilly pulls no punches and still manages to be beautiful, sexy, smart, and fun. (Go watch this movie if you haven't seen it. It's fantastic.)
Who are yours?? Am I crazy and weird that I love these not real people?? Help me feel better.