If you've been following the blog for a few weeks now, you read this post where I explain the concept of "Do Not Respond - Just Take It." If you haven't been following the blog, I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out anyway.
There's been so much in the pop culture world this past week that I need to rant about.
As always, all credit is due the brilliant Mollie Erickson whose idea I am shamelessly hijacking.
Dear Kanye West,
You must be how God feels about all of us. Just when God thinks it's finally safe to have faith in humanity again, we do something ridiculous and screw it up. You are not Picasso. You are not The Apostle Paul. You are not a genius. I have such unkind things to say about you, but I'll sum it up with PLEASE STOP TALKING. Every time you open your mouth, things get worse. I could cite a million examples, but it would take too long. Also, please, PLEASE stop designing clothes. We all know you're just ripping off the Derelicte campaign from Zoolander. DNR - JTI.
Dear Taylor Swift,
Honey, stop acknowledging Kanye West. Have you heard the parable of the frog and the scorpion? Mmmk, well let me sum it up for you: the frog ends up dead at the bottom of the pond pumped full of scorpion venom. I hope you've stopped giving him chances. The surest way to disappoint him and make him irrelevant is to stop acknowledging him. No one takes him seriously anyway. You're too good for that, girl. Hey, congrats on Album of the Year! DNR - JTI.
Dear Stepdad Gary From "EW!" With Jimmy Fallon,
You are one of my favorite characters ever. You make me laugh every time. But especially in this week's episode. Thanks for being so lame and so funny. Can you teach me that popcorn song? DNR - JTI.
You have nothing to do with pop culture and everything to do with pop culture. Why do you have to be so delicious? Why do you have to be so bad for me? These are the things I contemplate while staring at the Domino's app on my phone, playing "Will I or won't I?" with myself. Every night. Can't you help me out and just disappear? If I have a spirit animal, I've always known it was Pizza Rat. DNR - JTI.
Dear People who Post Photos of Abused Animals Online,
You make me reconsider having a Facebook account. I am too emotionally unstable to deal with seeing that kind of stuff. There should be a separate Facebook called "Disgracebook" where you can post all the inflammatory, upsetting stuff you want. But please - cut me and my very tender heart a break. DNR - JTI.
Dear Leslie Jones,
My husband and I think you are hysterical. This highly inappropriate and highly hilarious speech had us both R O L L I N G on Valentine's Day when we caught up on SNL. Thanks for being the best. See you next week. DNR - JTI.
Dear Mary Catherine,
This is officially your last social media post/tweet about Kanye. I'm cutting you off. He doesn't deserve it and you have better things to do with your time than go down the Google rabbit hole of offensive or insipid things Kanye has said/done this week. Spoiler alert: there are a million. DNR - JTI, girl.