Billboard Music Awards Red Carpet: Fetch or Wretch?

This event isn't really major - in fact, I had to stop and ask "Who is that?!" like 45 times during the show, but we did stumble upon it on TV last night. So I'm posting about it, because it's Monday and what better to ease us into our week than clothes? 


Britney Spears. 

I'm changing the rules for our girl because her red carpet look was very bad, but THIS is what she looked like during her performance. 



I legit have no idea who this girl is or why she's famous. I *think* that she was a Disney Channel star of some sort? Regardless, I see her on the red carpet every time it's is rolled out, and she almost always knocks it out of the park. Some will say this look is too monochromatic, but I think she nailed it - she knows what works for her. She looks statuesque and fabulous. 

Ke$ha. physically pained me to type that stupid dollar sign. It also pained me to put her in the "best dressed" category - but I would wear every piece of this outfit, down to the shoes. There has certainly been a lot of controversy around this lady lately, and while there's no way I'm going to opine on that, I will say she's definitely succeeded in toning down her look to be taken more seriously. Jordan looked at me last night during her performance and said, "Why is this so solemn? Is she re-branding herself?" After I got over the fact that my husband knows what "re-branding" is, I had to agree - her publicist is doing a great job adjusting Ke$ha's image to reflect that she's got more to offer than glitter vomit and sweaty club remixes.  

As an aside, I had no idea she could actually sing. 

Laverne Cox.

A little grand for the Vegas red carpet at the Billboard Awards, but when someone is slaying in this manner, it doesn't matter. I don't mean to be politically incorrect, but this used to be a man, people. SHE IS SO FIERCE.

...and those four outfits are the only ones I liked. Now, on to the not-so-successful. 



Girl, the 90's called and wants every single bit of this look back, right down to the mom hair. But you CRUSHED your performance and you normally get it right, so we'll give you a pass. 

Ariana Grande.

WAY too much going on with the cutouts, leather, and pattern. Ages her a decade. Too small a person to carry off that much dress. Hate the shoes. 

Nick Jonas. 

Looks like he grabbed four pieces off his bedroom floor and threw them on in the car on the way. Also, in every picture, those pants are doing something weird in the crotchal region. Also, it's too casual. 

Jessica Alba.

...why are you wearing black suede boots in the middle of May?? 

Idina Menzel.

It's almost right, but that dress gives her three boobs. 

Some Person I've Never Heard Of.

Who does she think she is? What the hell is she wearing? How did she move around? Does the skirt detach? Do you think she made the photographers wait until she got her face and hands arranged in that, "Leeeeewk at me I'm a bewwwwwwtifwel fissssh!" pose? Is the top sheer? Was the wig heavy? Does she know there's already a Lady Gaga?  

There were a lot more looks that I really didn't care for, but I genuinely didn't know who they were. Like, had never heard of them or their music.

Is that it's like to get old? 

See you tomorrow for the first episode of Bach-capping.