It's that time again, people. Running down the celebrity styles, because you KNOW they care what we think.
The theme for this year's Met Ball is Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons. Rei Kawakubo is one of (I think) only two designers ever to have been honored in their lifetimes at the Met Gala. As I'm writing this, it's Monday evening and I'm watching the outfits roll in. We should expect, per the theme, to see a lot of architectural and abstract looks. If there's ever a time to get crazy, now is the moment.
A note: We at DHDG do not feature Kardashians or their spouses anymore. We're sick of them and they never wear anything worth noting.
LINE 'EM UP!
Fetch:
Gisele Bundchen
People, this one BARELY made the cut. Not because Gisele isn't a perfect human specimen (she is) or because the dress doesn't knock me out with fit and taste (it does), but because Gisele is one of the hosts of the party this year. And THIS is what she chose to wear on an evening celebrating avant garde designs?? I'm snoring. Next.
Lily Collins
Now THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. You werq that freaky goth Barbie ballerina of your nightmares baby doll wig, Lily! Perfect fit, perfect execution, perfect girl to wear it. 5 stars.
Katie Holmes
Don't worry, I was surprised as you were that THIS name is on the Fetch list. I have had a longstanding, irksome feeling toward Katie Holmes and her stoke mouth-speech, probably precipitated by this bastardization of one of my all-time favorite Broadway tunes. Ugh I just made the mistake of re-watching that and somehow it's even worse than I remember. Anyway this dress is good I can't say any more about her, good job escaping from Scientology, see ya.
Elizabeth Banks
I will never know if I actually like this or if I've just been hypnotized into believing I do. But for now, I'm so all over this checkerboard nonsense. Pretty hair, pretty makeup, pretty dress.
Lena Dunham
Another one that I can't believe I'm including in this category, but it is so rare that Lena gets it even in the BALLPARK of right that we need to celebrate her choices. Even if she does look like a Scottish marm.
Riley Keough
Feel like this would've been better suited for last year's theme, Manus x. Machina, but still. Cool, high-impact, well-fitted, and worn by a freaky girl. Do I know this person? What has she been in?
Emmy Rossum
That bust line could be just a teeeeeny tiny bit higher to balance everything out proportionally, but that big ridiculous bow is the stuff of Southern girls' dreams. Keeping the styling understated was wise.
Katy Perry
Okay this is very stylized, insane, almost difficult to look at, but I have decided that I like it. Katy Perry is also hosting the evening, and as I said, if there's ever a time to get weird, it's now. And Katy Perry is weird all the time. And her third eye is looking at you, so don't say anything mean.
Zendaya
SHUTTING IT DOWN.
J Lo
Yeah, it's boring, but she's still J Lo and she still looks amazing.
Tracee Ellis Ross
YES. WEIRD. FASHION, BABY. Could've gone with a different shoe in my opinion, but I also just think Tracee is SERVING. She's had a great red carpet streak lately and it makes me happy. Although if you look at it just right, it looks like she put her coat on backwards. Or maybe even sideways. But no matter.
Sean Combs
I couldn't care less about that dress over there, so please re-direct your gaze to Diddy, who is literally lounging on the steps in a CAPE.
Rihanna
Don't think about it too hard. Just love it.
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
Shhhhhhhh. No sudden movements. What we have here is a rare sighting of two New York specimens, old women at a young age, scary and fascinating all at once. They are THE ILLUSIVE OLSEN TWINS and they believe the camera steals their soul. (Just the one soul.)
Blake Lively
This is crazy and I love it. Glad she chose something that wasn't too tight. I think this works really well on her and the blue feathers are everything.
Cara Delevingne
Unlike fake British person Dorit Kemsley (you're either laughing at this reference or totally confused), real British person Cara Delevingne's metallic hair is FABULOUS.
Ruby Rose
Am I crazy for loving this?? Dead on the theme and I love that her tattoos are visible. I think it's cool. She looks great.
WRETCH.
Claire Danes
Let's play word association: sexy pirate hooker shirt from Seinfeld missing eyebrows barmaid. ...none of those words go together, girl. Whatcha got on your body??
Priyanka Chopra
I feel like I'm going to be in the minority of people who pan this, but I just...can't. She gets points for drama and impact, but that footwear is just plan wrong and the dress feels like weird cross between flasher and prom dress made by the weird girl at school. And it's a shame because Miss Priyanka usually turns it out.
Rose Byrne
So close, and yet...not. I LOVE me some Rose Byrne, but this is just unflattering and bad in many ways. Although I am really here for that hair. Seriously.
Sophie Turner
Off the rack at David's Bridal.
Hailee Steinfeld
Do you think she looked in the mirror and thought, "YES. Nailed it. Overtly sexy, mildly culturally offensive baby. Exactly what I was going for." 'Cause, you know. that's what she got.
Kerry Washington
That girl in the background is basically mimicking my exact facial expression. Girl, WUT?
Celine Dion
Celine is self conscious so she's wearing a t-shirt over her bathing suit. Or, rather, under.
Solange
Okay I wanted to like this so much. I sat here staring at it, trying to make it work. But I hate it. I just do. The puffer coat train is what did it for me.
Nicki Minaj
NO.
Thandie Newton
CHIQUITA BANANA I LOVE YOUR WORK!