July Q&A — deep hunger, deep gladness.

Yet again, I find myself conflicted about doing these - feels kind of vain and weird. BUT, I’m dying to write and blog, and this is a quick and easy post to write that still allows me to get something up while wrangling two children in a quarantine. Insert crazy face here

Here we go!

Q. Where did you get your kids’ names? I love them both!
A. Thank you!! So kind. Jordan and I have had a lot of fun cooking up both names. We talked for hours and hours about what we’d do with each one on long walks during each pregnancy, and eventually narrowed it down to a few options for first and middle that we combined in different ways. We actually would take a dry erase marker and write the combos on our bathroom mirror, then erase each one as we ruled it out until we settled on the ultimate name.

Both children have family names up and down the board. Mac’s full name is Jones McAnnally Scott. Jones is a family name on both Jordan’s and my side, so that pleased both families! McAnnally is my maiden name, and Jordan always joked that if I’d take his name when we got married, we could name our first child using my surname. “Mac” was my nickname in college and is also what everyone calls my paternal grandfather, so it was a tribute to him.

Rosie’s full name is Rosemary Parker Scott. Her namesake is Jordan’s mom’s grandmother Rosie, whose name was actually just “Rosie,” not Rosemary. We debated for a LONG time about whether to go with Rosie on her birth certificate, but in the end decided that it felt appropriate to use a full name rather than a nickname. Parker is my brother’s first name and is a family name on my dad’s side (my grandmother’s mother’s maiden name), and we loved the flow of them both together. We had another name that we almost used, but I don’t want to share it just in case we go for number three one day.

Q. What made you decide to pump rather than nurse directly? Just curious. No judgment!
Q. Can you share more about your breastfeeding journey and how you’re juggling it with a toddler?
A. No judgment felt! I nursed Mac when he was a baby and around four months, I had a huge drop in my supply when I dropped one of his nighttime feedings. He was crying a lot and taking a lot of (what we thought were) “extra) feedings, and as a first time mom, I didn’t know that the reason he was so fussy was that he was still hungry! I thought I’d been feeding him plenty and that he was just crabby. Cut to his four month appointment when they told me he was actually dropping weight. I felt like such a failure and had really intense feelings of anxiety after that - and getting my supply back up was a HUGE pain in the ass (you can read more about my breastfeeding journey with Mac here).

When Rosie was born, her latch was really shallow from the beginning and she (TMI) tore my breasts up pretty badly in the first few days. I started pumping to give my breasts a break to heal and eventually decided that I wanted to keep pumping in order to both establish my supply AND see how much I was producing/how much she was taking down. It’s definitely a pain some days to pump (I did the math and have pumped almost 900 times since she was born in April), but it alleviates any anxiety about my production and therefore puts me in a much better mental place than I was last time.

As far as juggling it with Mac, I highly recommend getting an electric pump that doesn’t require being plugged into the wall. I can pump in the room with him and it’s no problem. I always make sure to pump 15 minutes ahead of when Rosie actually needs to eat so that I’m not juggling pumping, feeding a baby, AND a toddler (learned that one the hard way). When I need a break, I pump in my bedroom and sit him in front of the TV for a little while.

Q: Do you see yourselves staying in Asheville long term, or will you return to Alabama eventually?
A. If you’d asked me a few years ago, I would’ve said we’re definitely moving back to AL. It’s so funny how things evolve. We initially intended to be in Asheville for 2-3 years and in July we celebrated 5 years here with no end in sight. Jordan’s very happy at the practice where he works, and we’ve made such close friends here. My parents have downsized and bought a small home up here so that they could be closer to grandchildren, and we get to visit with Jordan’s family on the Alabama coast (in non-COVID years) every summer and winter, and short weekends here and there. I have to admit - I miss my friends I grew up with terribly, but we all keep in touch and Asheville is a truly beautiful place to live.

Q. How do you get Rosie to sleep independently?
A. She’s certainly not sleeping through the night yet. At only 14 weeks old, I’m still waking up to feed her at 1 AM every night (and pumping every night at 4 AM). But we followed principles that we used last time from Moms on Call - using a tight swaddle, a dark room, and white noise for every nap from the time she was very little. With Mac, I was so rigid about that - rarely let him nap anywhere but his crib in his own room because I wanted to establish good sleep habits. With the benefit of experience, I know now that consistency is really what creates good sleepers, and no matter when you start the process or if you “cheat” a few times by allowing your baby to nap in a car seat or on someone’s chest on the couch, it’s all gonna work out.

Q. I always wonder about the bears when I see your stories. Have any wandered in when you’re there? I suppose you won’t be able to let your children play unsupervised?
A. That part of living in Asheville has definitely been an adjustment! We almost always are outside with our dog, Tom Hanks, who alerts us to the presence of the bears. Sadly you’re right, we can’t just let our kids out to run around at this point. When they’re older, I’ll feel more comfortable! Mac already knows that if he sees a bear, he needs to slowly back toward the house. We’re working hard to make sure he’s not scared of them, but we want him to respect them and understand that he’s sharing his habitat with them. Thankfully, the bears around here are so used to seeing people that they don’t spook very easily, and the only really dangerous bears are scared bears. (Wilderness PSA: with black bears like we have, if you get in a pinch, you make yourself as big as possible and yell in a deep voice to scare them away. Weirdly, black bears are very unlikely to attack, but if they DO attack, they’re more likely to kill. So if you’re attacked by a black bear, you fight back. With grizzlies, you play dead!)

“My” bear that comes to visit me with her three teeny tiny cubs every week or so.

Q. How do you maintain such a deep and meaningful relationship with your mother?
A. This is such a nice question. My mom (April) and I are extremely close and always have been. We have almost a sisterly banter and report with each other. That said, she IS my mom and has so much to teach me constantly, from principles of service and servant-hearted living to hostessesing to mothering and a lot more. We’re fortunate to have always had an easy relationship I think the thing that keeps us close is that we’re both very honest with each other and careful to tune into each other’s needs. This is more a credit to her than anything, but she has always been very boundary-conscious and never overstays or over-advises. One of the things I’m most grateful for (and will attempt to emulate in my own parenting) is that April is an example, but is never pushy. She will offer her advice, but always says something like, “Whatever you decide, you know the best thing for your family.” We share so many interests and a sense of humor, but the thing that has kept our relationship so strong is that she has believed in me as a person and that’s allowed me to grow, learn from, and lean on her. She is the BEST.

Q. Would love to hear more about your home design/where you shop and take inspiration from!
A. Again, very nice! Someone once said I had the design aesthetic of a Nordic woman. …okay, sure! For a LONG time I tried to emulate what most people do in the South - almost entirely neutral with a very polished, classic aesthetic. It took me a year or two of of striving for that before I realized that just isn’t me. I kept finding ways for color to creep into a room and then it hit me: I am a color person, not a neutrals person. Once I realized that, the gates flew open and I started actually having fun designing rooms. I keep wanting to do a home tour, but am too lazy to get the photos I need to put that post together. So a lot of my design inspiration comes from in my own head - clean, with big blasts of color, and (especially at this stage of life with two young kids and a black dog that sheds like his life depends on it) very livable.

This is a photo right after I finished this area - since then, I’ve organized the bookshelf to be rainbow-coordinated and put a cute basket in the lower left shelf for Mac’s toy cars.

Q. How did you survive the first few weeks with a baby and a toddler?
A. By giving myself a HUGE break and asking for help as much as possible. HAVING TWO KIDS IS HARD. My stubborn personality forces me to take a lot of things on by myself and push myself too hard to return to a sense of normalcy more quickly than I probably should (ex. I wore pants with a waistband home from a C-section like a true moron). This round, I tried to really allow myself to lean on my mom (who quarantined in Asheville in order to be here to help) and Jordan. I accepted the meal train that was offered without a fight. The first few weeks are REALLY tough - you’re exhausted, you’re trying to learn how to balance both kids, and still attempt to care of yourself. The best advice I have about that time (and it was given to me by other moms who’d done it) is that everything is temporary: the good and the bad. Cherish the precious moments and bear through the hard ones, because nothing is forever. At about 9 weeks, things started to get exponentially easier as I figured out a rhythm and it’s been much better since then!

Q. How do you do your hair? Looks glam?
A. I mean…I don’t even know how to respond except thank you very much. Everybody is different, but one of the things that makes me feel like a humans is to “get ready” every day. Even if that doesn’t happen until 10 AM, I still get a shower and put on makeup (and try to do something with my hair) on a daily basis. Otherwise it can feel like my whole day is devoted to other people with no care for myself. I also just like to play with hair - it makes me happy!

I made this video a couple of years ago about how I curl my hair, and then I put together this post about how to make those curls last as long as possible! I also bought a hairdryer/brush combo from Amazon that is amazing and helps smooth my blowouts - along with this magic product called “COLOR WOW Dream Coat” that is supposedly used by the Kardashians for their super shine. (I do not love the Kardashians, but they have great hair.)

Hair courtesy of the styling tips in the video I linked!

Q. How many kids do you and your husband want?
A. Jordan jokes this pregnancy was “his last.” AKA, I was kind of a pain in the ass. Rude.

The real answer is that I don’t know! Jordan comes from a family with three children and so do both my parents, so I’ve always thought three was a fun number. But for now, I’m very happy to have a sweet boy and a girl and am just enjoying the idea of NOT being pregnant for a while.

Q. What made you start tackling big topics like vaccines on your blog?
A. The things I’ve written about in depth (homosexuality and the Bible, vaccines, and purity culture) are things that I felt super curious about and simply wanted to be better informed about myself. In the process of researching them, it occurred to me that there might be other women out there who were also curious. I always try to write those pieces from a place of neutrality and respect for people with views from all sides. It’s really fun for me to imagine that people from different political ilk can feel at home on my blog; that no one feels attacked or singled out is important to me. More than anything, I think access to good, unbiased information is so important for women as we make decisions about what’s important to us. I’m no news outlet, but I pride myself in providing that.

Q. What women in your life helped you to balance the fire (convictions/opinions) and grace?
A. What a cool question. My paternal grandmother (Nonnie) is a great example of that balance - she has deeply held beliefs, but she is so open-hearted that her expressions of those beliefs always feel so nurturing and kind. I think it’s really hard to find people like that. The women in my life (whether I know them personally or not) who I most admire have that kind of spiritual tenacity but graciousness of spirit in common: Michelle Obama, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dolly Parton, my mom, grandmothers, the list goes on. It’s probably the quality I value most in other women.

Nonnie and Baby Mac when he was about a year old!