One of my happiest moments in 2021, as baby sea turtles made their way toward the water on a Nicaraguan beach. Smiling so hard my neck is about to explode.
I used to write a post at the end of each year reflecting. I got away from that for a long time, and I’d love to go back and share a few things (some silly, some not-so-silly) that I learned in the year 2021 and will be taking with me into 2022. Even though, you know, we’re basically halfway through January. This is life in a pandemic, people! Time is an illusion!
Put your car in neutral before you throw on your parking brake. This tip is brought to you by TikTok, which I joined this summer after much hemming and hawing and have enjoyed IMMENSELY since. Anyway, most of us put our car in park, then put on our parking brake. The logic here is that by putting your car in neutral first, you’re allowing the parking brake to do all the work it’s supposed to - next time you do this, try it both ways. When you put it in neutral first, you’ll notice that when you put it in park, the car doesn’t lurch forward at all. That’s because all the weight is in the right place! MIND. BLOWN.
Putting berries in mason jars makes them last longer. It just does. Try it.
Deconstructing your childhood faith makes for a really beautiful new version. I’m still a Christian, don’t get me wrong. But from where I’m sitting, the vast majority of churches seem to have lost the thread (many of them United Methodist, so please don’t hear me casting stones without looking inward). I haven’t given up on church (I am loathe to ever give up on anything, to my sometimes-detriment), but I’ve realized more and more that the true work of being a Christian involves work on yourself - not in an “I’d like to sin less” kind of way, but more of an “I am going to be kind to myself and treat myself with radical compassion and patience in order to do the same to everyone in my life,” way. I know this sounds kind of basic, but the execution of this simple idea is seemingly impossible to teach on a large scale. So often get lost in the dogma that we end up teaching our children more about the proverbial “to do list” of Christianity than we do about how to honor others by improving yourself. In a departure from Bible Belt theology, I think being able to be gentle with myself and not beat myself up about everything allows me to extend the same grace to other people: to not hold a grudge, to be slower to anger, and to be more truly gracious when I feel disappointed. Put another way: if I am unrelenting with myself, raking myself over the coals or holding myself to an impossible standard, how would it be possible for me not to do the same with others? So much of Christianity today is teaching people to look inward and hate what they see (and, therefore, look into the world and hate it, too); the simple idea of God’s unconditional love suggests we’re supposed to look inward and love ourselves. Not because we don’t need improvement or because we haven’t made mistakes, but because we are worthy of love just the way we are. Rather than thinking of that as prideful, beginning to approach it as humble seems like the right move. To accept, to be present, and to detach yourself from judgment – that’s what love looks like, even before the improvements begin. Real, radical love and acceptance feel like they’re right at the heart of the truest Christianity I’ve ever seen practiced.
Hard right turn: If you have even a slightly hooded eye, do your winged eyeliner in only the corner of your eye. Not all the way across the top. BAM.
Saying, “No.” I’m not a “No is a complete sentence,” type of girl, mostly because that seems rude as hell to me, but I know what the sentiment is behind that idea: you don’t need to justify yourself. I don’t know if it’s being in my thirties or what, but I am so much more comfortable saying that I can’t make things happen. Whether it’s a work request or a hangout with friends and family, if it’ll cause me stress to make it happen, I try to find another place for it on my calendar (or just skip it altogether). This extends to finally having the gumption to excuse myself for some alone time on big holiday visits with family (which I never did before lest I seem rude).
If you type “docs.new” into your search bar, Google Docs will open a new Doc for you. Same goes for Sheets. I went baby viral with this tip earlier this year, so I felt like I needed to include it.
Slugging is what cool girls do now, apparently. It’s when you apply a thin layer of Aquaphor or Vaseline to your face after you use moisturizer in order to set the product and create a barrier for it to be absorbed. It’s now the last step in my skincare routine. It makes me feel like a very shiny, luxurious bitch, I’ll tell you what.
When my thoughts start spinning out of control, I have a catchphrase! If I find myself having accidentally swum down a cerebral wormhole of doom, I’ve started to notice, stop myself, and say OUT LOUD, “Wow, look what my brain is doing!” Okay, so for example: if I called a friend and they didn’t call back for a few days. if I caught myself thinking, “Ugh she probably doesn’t want to call and is kind of avoiding calling because it’s a chore to call me back,” I’d say, “Look what my brain is doing!” out loud. This helps with two things: one, it separates me from the thoughts, training myself to remember that I am not my thoughts and that that’s completely baseless anxiety; two, it does that without judgment. It’s so easy to say, “UGH I’m doing it again.” But just noticing it in a neutral way is so much more helpful and kinder for me.
Re-examining routines. In early fall, I took a hard look at my morning routine and decided to make some changes that have significantly improved my day. You can read more about that here.
Gift withholding. Friends of mine hate this for obvious reasons, but I often withhold gifts from my kids. Not quite as harsh as it sounds: this was born from Mac’s birthday being on 12/15, a mere 10 days before Christmas. Our house was filled with gifts for a one-year-old who didn’t even know where his nose was! I started hoarding his gifts in the bottom corner of a closet in order to parcel them out throughout the year. He always gets all his gifts! Just not all at once. Blessedly, during lockdown, it proved to be a saving grace: we had a treasure trove of new toys. Our kids open everything, then we surreptitiously sneak a few into a closet. If they ask about them, the toys come right back out! If they don’t, we keep them back for a while.
Water your houseplants from the bottom. Seasoned gardeners are probably rolling their eyes at this one, but I just learned it and it changed my life. Take your houseplants out of their pretty containers and fill a dish with water, then place the plant in the dish and you can literally watch it drinking. !!!! It’s miraculous! And it keeps your plants from being over-watered or only watering-can-watered at the top, but not throughout.
Romanticize your life. This goes nicely with #9, but I have loved incorporating things that are there simply to make me happy into my life. Every day at 2:30ish, I make myself a fresh cup of hot coffee and enjoy it as my afternoon treat. It gives me a boost for my post-nap/quiet time stretch until bedtime, but also feels like a gift I’m giving myself. I’m trying to find more of those to sprinkle throughout my day. It makes me so much more grateful for every little luxury, no matter how small!
Not taking things so personally. Again, this probably is just a product of getting a little older, but I am really leaning into the idea that people’s reactions and responses almost never have anything to do with me. It’s a lesson that, when it clicks into place, is so freeing and magical. Was that person kind of an ass? Has nothing to do with me. I can love them anyway!
Dressing for women. (Most) men will never appreciate women’s fashion. I have officially stopped giving a shit if any male thinks I look crazy. I think I stopped caring a couple of years ago, but now I’m pouring my energy into putting together outfits that I and other women might think are cool. I saw a Tiktok that was like, “If I walk down the street and a middle school girl says I look cool, that’s the whole point.” Yes. THAT. Thank you, Sammi Jefcoate, for inspiring millions (#iykyk). Am I going to start dressing like a character in a Wes Anderson movie? Maybe. Maybe I will.
Stepping away to think. I am someone who often feels pressure to agree to things if I’m in person or on the phone with someone. I feel equipped to speak my mind or stick to my guns via email or text, but it’s harder for me when I feel I’m disappointing someone and I can hear it in their voice. I learned this lesson with some freelancing work I was being asked to do earlier this year, when a boss of mine was asking for more than I was able to give. I could feel my heart pounding and the urge to just say “Yes,” was bubbling up. So instead of making a decision on the spot, I said, “I really appreciate the question and I’d like to take some time to think about it. Let me get back to you within the hour!” That little getaway car slowed my heart rate, gave me a chance to step away, and allowed me the space to think through how I wanted to respond. When I called back, I was able to politely but firmly decline without worrying I’d accidentally backslide into “Yes” mode.
I know it’s corny and definitely unpopular, but I had a wonderful 2021 in so many ways. It was the year I worked for the first time (like, really WORKED, as in traded services for money) as a writer. I dyed my hair pink and learned to really enjoy something unconventional. I co-hosted one of the most fun Galentine’s parties ever. I got to watch my children grow and change in so many ways. Jordan and I launched a small business. I visited one of my very best friends in the world twice in Nicaragua and got to see so many other dear friends and family members. I had Thanksgiving with my family after missing last year. So much was beautiful, even when it was hard. Feeling very, very humble and grateful.
What about you?? Anything you learned in 2021 that you want to share with the class?