5 Things You Would Never Expect about Me

Here at 5 Things Friday, we strive to bring you collections of interesting information, facts, lists, and recommendations. Despite the fact that this blog I run this blog, I don't do a lot of talking about just me. It's usually Jordan and me, or The Bachelor and me, or the kitchen and me. Today, though, 5 Things are going be facts about yours truly. 

1. When I was 8, I went to New York and auditioned for a Broadway agent. 

I have always loved to sing, and on a big trip to NYC in 3rd grade, part of the gig was that I got to meet with talent agency. I had no idea what I was doing, so I sang her Gavroche's excerpt from Little People in Les Miserables. 

For you non-theater weirdos, Gavroche is a boy, and that little ditty is about 5 lines long. So...there's that. She was probably like, "Who the hell is this person??" I'm sure most people sang gender-appropriate, full songs. 

She told me my accent was way too strong and that I would probably not do very well unless I hired a dialect coach to get rid of it. So here I am, Broadway contract-less, but Southern accent strong. #rolltide 

2. I am pretty unathletic, except when it comes to disc golf. 

It's very possible that this was an anomaly, but I'm choosing to believe I have a gift. 

This most recent trip to Tulsa (where my parents now live), Jordan convinced everyone to play disc golf. I was REALLY not looking forward to it. I threw my first disc, and...it went the direction I wanted it to go. And it just kept happening. It was freakish, but I wasn't challenging whatever disc golf gods were on my side that day. 

So if you play disc golf with me, watch out. I'm profoundly not terrible and I might just beat you. 

3. Loose hair is #1 on my list of things that gross me out.  

This has actually always been the case. My mom tells me stories of having to make sure there weren't loose strings on any of my clothing or shoes when I was younger because it bothered me so much. 

My freshman year in college, every time I would take a shower, there'd be a fresh clump of someone's hair in the shower drain (this is making me gag to even type). Or, better yet, someone would clean out the shower drain and then slap the hairball ON THE WALL OF THE SHOWER WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT. 

If I or anyone else finds a hair in their food, that's pretty much game over. Hairballs in movies, that scene in The Ring where Naomi Watts chokes on a long string of hair...I actually can't keep typing this because I'm going to throw up. You get the point. 

And the good Lord saw fit to give me a dog that sheds as much as two dogs put together - maybe this is a boot camp for my inevitable long, dark haired future children. I just can't. I don't wanna. Please don't make me. 

4. I once got the worst spray tan anyone has ever gotten. 

I should've known when I walked into the studio and the walls and windows were sticky and dripping wet with old spray tan solution. She had me put duct tape on the bottoms of my feet to avoid getting slimed. It was like a Saw movie. I was half-expecting that weird masked figure to pop up and be like, "YOUR VANITY HAS RUINED YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU MUST DRINK TANNING SOLUTION IN ORDER TO LIVE." 

Anyway, here's what ended up happening. 

Yep. Real. I sat in a bathtub full of baking soda for two hours, to no avail. I ended up having to go to the event like this, and at one point I was standing under a black light by accident. My WHOLE BODY glowed. It was...special. And awful. 

5. I am a little bit claustrophobic because Parker used to sit on my head. 

Here is a picture of my brother and me. See how much taller and bigger he is? 

Mmmkay. Well, when we were little (he was normal-sized then, but I'm using the photo above to make my story sound more dramatic), he used to throw a blanket on my head and sit on me. My arms, legs, everything was trapped, and I couldn't get out. For four to five harrowing seconds, I thought I would die. Then he would move and everything would return to completely fine. 

To this day, I can't sleep with both arms and both legs under the covers. I had to have at least one limb free to move. If I'm under a blanket on the couch, for example, and Jordan comes to sit down sweetly next to me, if he sits on my blanket by mistake and traps my limbs underneath, I am panicked until I can free myself. Only then can I actually enjoy his company. Otherwise, I basically feel like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. In the coffin. MY NIGHTMARE. 

Well, this took a really neurotic turn, didn't it? But I'm committing to it. Hope you enjoy this stroll down Mary Catherine Belongs In The Loony Bin Road. Have a great weekend, friends!