I have decided that I will give each girl a pass fail grade after this episode is over. And by "each girl" I mean the ones with speaking parts, not the nobodys. You understand.
- Here's hoping.
- Let's check in on everyone, shall we?
- Chris Harrison quickly loses control of the conversation as the women turn on Corn.
- Poor Elizabeth. She has clearly been cooking those lines up for months and is bursting at the seams to use them. Too bad, girl. Ya burned 'em early and now you're done.
- ...and then Taylor (who MUST think she looks cool making this face, 'cause she does it for a real long time):
- Hmm. Gonna get feisty.
- Let's go the hotseat. Chris?
- That back tat, you guys. It is ROUGH.
- She keeps holding her mouth in this weird pucker-y shape. That ain't normal.
- ...you're Jade's best friend? Of course you knew what you signed yourself up for. That is some BULLSH.
- What exactly was that whole speech in reference to?
- LIZ: Pass. I guess.
She better show up with a lot of humility OR ELSE.
- ...because you made it about that.
- ...help Corinne with what? Being a fan favorite?
- Corn: out!!
- I mean that stunt was ridiculous but I loved it clearly.
- Then this happens as my eyes roll all the way back in my head:
- NO ONE IS MAD YOU'RE A COUNSELOR, ya dumb drag queen.
- People are mad because you're a stuck up asshat who keeps saying, "Emotional intelligence."
- Taylor: FAIL.
- Don't disappoint us.
- Be genuine and Corny.
- On her sexuality:
- On taking naps:
- Then Taylor, knowing she didn't get the sympathy from the audience that she was after to begin with, turns on the tears again:
- Oh please. Get me outta here.
- On Raquel:
Seriously though, I'm not even going to recap this part of the show because it's too real. Every single thing about her is too good for this show: her story is too powerful, her emotions are too precious, her heart is too good. I'm not lumping her in with cheese pasta and emotional intelligence. She is beautiful and perfect. Bye.
- I'm so bored through this whole portion but here it is.
- On Corinne:
- On Kristina:
- I thought this was great. It was kind, but it also kind of called him out about randomly sending her home. He basically went on to say that the other relationship were further along, blah blah blah, but I loved this.
- On Tits:
NIck: Pass, I guess. Eyeroll.
- Has ANYONE EVER been more beloved than our girl?!?!!?
- Gah this is satisfying to watch her be so universally adored.
- Best moment of the night:
- Then Nick comes out and Harrison fails to ask Rachel any questions about Nick breaking her heart, Nick dumping her out of nowhere, whether she has any resentment toward him, which is VERY un-Harrison and solidifies my theory that Rachel being The Bachelorette was the plan all along.
THREE HOURS, people. That means about 7 hours of blogging. And we're doing it again next week. Deep breath - WE'VE GOT THIS.
Stay tuned to see whether Rick Vile (as I like to call him) finds love or gets broken-hearted yet again. It's guaranteed to be...