May 23rd. That's what we all have to look forward to.
I have to tell you, I'm gonna Bach-cap. Of course. But I'm not gonna like it.
Or at least, I think I'm not gonna like it.
I don't know - something about JoJo being the leading lady has me feeling very blah blah blah about this season of The Bachelorette. I remember being very surprised at how many people in Bachelor Nation were #teamJoJo during Ben Higgins' season. Apparently, the production over at ABC was similarly surprised:
Caila, lots of people's favorite contestant from last season, was originally offered the contract as The Bachelorette. She'd gotten a few episodes into filming when ABC ripped the rug out from under her and told her they were going with JoJo instead. Now poor Caila has a blog, but no show. Although, as I said many times, she's too good for this franchise and should take this as a sign to run away and never look back.
Rumors are already circulating about all the drama that JoJo is causing, although let's be real - ABC probably started those rumors to get people interested in the show. Because if there's one lesson we should've learned from watching The Bachelor together, it's that you can trust ABC about as much as you can trust me alone in a room with an entire pizza. Read: you cannot. You cannot trust them.
What we can look forward to are the following things:
- JoJo's crazy brothers Hulk-ing out on some poor souls
- JoJo's crazy mom chugging champagne from the bottle
- JoJo's crazy dad who may or may not be involved in the mob murdering anyone who wrongs her
- JoJo's crazy ex-boyfriend who will probably pop up and do something weird
- Some straight-forward, no-nonsense conversation (she loves that)
- A lot of tall, dark, and handsome dudes (her type)
- Lots of vocal fry
- Chris Harrison telling us this season will be "The most dramatic yet!"
- Unicorn heads
- At least one guy who drinks too much on the first night
- Spray tans
- Gratuitous shots of JoJo's slammin' bod
- Texas-themed group dates
...okay, now I'm kind of excited. I just worked myself up thinking about it.
More than anything, I'm excited to start spending our Tuesday mornings together again. I've had a nice off-season, but I think I'm going to start doing some drills to get my moves back.
"SHE PICKED HIM?!?!"
"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EAT THEIR DINNER?!"
"CHRIS HARRISON, YOU LYING RAT!"
See you on May 23rd.